Redneck weddings (inspired by Bridesmaid Horror Stories)

[Tink's Pixieduster]

Trash or redneck; not much difference no matter how you look at it in this case. I went with the brother of the bride. No matter how much I liked my DBF at the time, I should have known better than to go to this wedding.

The event: second wedding for both bride and groom

The location: grassy area outside an Elks lodge

The groom: dressed in a camel-colored polyester suit left over from the 70’s (retro was not done on purpose as a fashion statement), a clean shirt (thank God for small favors), beat-up black biker boots with chains

The bride: decent but nothing special off-the-rack floor length lavender dress with empire waist to accommodate a 6-month pregnancy

The minister: biker dude with 3 days growth of beard (which was apparently clean shaven for him), wearing black jeans, more beat-up biker boots with chains, black t-shirt with some band’s name on it and a black leather biker's vest with heavy silver chains (I think these were his “dress” chains, and yeah, this guy was licensed to perform weddings in our state), oh, and a mullet.

Parents of the groom: more bikers (black t-shirts with logos, black jeans, yada, yada – both mom and dad)

Parents of the bride: absent

Family of the groom: more bikers, mullets gone wild

The reception: inside the Elk’s lodge, some food picked up from local grocery store and still in its wrappers or plastic container (acceptable considering everything else) and some prepared by the groom’s family (didn’t know what some of it was so it was not touched considering the apparent lifestyle of the groom’s family).

Single event that nailed the “red-neck” label if nothing else did: The groom popped a set of plastic crooked buck teeth into his mouth to repeat his vows. The bride was not amused, but she did nothing to stop it (such as running for the hills before she said “I do”).

ETA: The DBF I went to the wedding with and I parted ways not long after this oh-so-special wedding.

 

[Ariel Wanna-be]

...and a black leather biker's vest with heavy silver chains (I think these were his “dress” chains...

 

[Daxx]

mullets gone wild

 

[BellePrincessBelle]

OK, y'all knew someone was bound to post this picture:

Where'd you find my wedding picture???

 

[Stacerita]

Parents of the bride: absent

Sounds like they were smart enough to know not to attend that wedding.

 

[Ariel Wanna-be]

Where'd you find my wedding picture???

You left your wedding album out on the coffee table, and I snuck a peek while you were disciplining your kids with the fly swatter.

Here you are again:

You made a beautiful bride. Especially when you were doing the keg stand.

 

[ducklite]

Interesting thread. If a Yankee critiques the South, then the wagons circle and the offender is blasted.

I dunno. The redneck wedding I described earlier in thie thread took place in Northern New England. Rednecks are everywhere.

Anne

 

[mirthmaiden]

You left your wedding album out on the coffee table, and I snuck a peek while you were disciplining your kids with the fly swatter.

Here you are again:

You made a beautiful bride. Especially when you were doing the keg stand.

Hey... I think I was at that wedding. It all looks very familiar.

 

[Boston Tea Party]

YAY I got a scrapple tag now!

 

[kaytieeldr]

Went to a wedding where there was a telephone in the back of the church and yes it did ring during the ceremony

That's impossible. My cousin's wedding was in Massachusetts, not North Carolina! And, yeah, one of the guests answered it. Wrong number.

 

[Barqs]

Not a redneck wedding, but a cajun one!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=duW21TrOGKs&mode=related&search=

 

[wendy46001]

Have to add a pic.... a classy redneck wedding
(no its not a wedding i went to)
while the dresses are horrid...look closely...those are little john deer logos and tractors on that lovely yellow fabric

 

[Heidict]

My DH and I cater. So we did one last year on the 4th of July. We never met with the Bride or Groom once during all the planning. They didn't want to bother to meet with the caters!!! So, we can tell how this wedding is going to go.

Not only is it on the 4th of July, but they decided they wanted a BBQ wedding. So it consisted of BBQ chicken legs and thighs, Hamburgers, Hotdogs, Coleslaw, Beans, potato salad, macaronni salad and green salad.

The bride and groom decided that they didn't want to spend much money on appetizers. Fine with me, I can understand being on a tight budget and needing to cut corners so they only had us do a couple.

However, as we are getting them arranged and set up on the trays to look pretty on the tables in walks some of the friends of the bride. When them are grocery bags full of groceries. Boxes of crackers and blocks of cheese, chips and dips, cake mix and frosting.

They actually asked us to take care of it. Needless to say, I said no. We had enough to do and we weren't hired to prepare what ever they felt like grabbing at the grocery store on the way over. So, I give them a knife and directed them to an area where they could go to work.

So they put the cheese and crackers on paper plate and actually put out the chips still in the bag with the dip still in the store bought containers. OH NO THEY DIDN"T!!!!!!!!

I may not have prepared that stuff, but it was sitting next to stuff that I did prepare and I'll be darned if it is going to look that ghetto and have people associate it with me. Thankfully we had extra trays and bowls, so before everyone got their I moved everything onto the nice trays so it would look better.

They actually wanted to come into the kitchen and use the stoves to make cupcakes. That didn't happen either. All the ovens were busy being used to keep food warm for the meal. Thankfully they didn't have the bright idea to have anyone make food for the meal, because trust me, it may not have made it onto the serving table.

So, no wedding cake, because the groom didn't like cakey things. Apparently he could give a rats behind about the 129 other people at the wedding. Instead they had Rice Krispie Treats. And only about 40 of those, for 130 people. Oh and warm watermelon. It was warm because I wouldn't let them put it in the fridge. I wasn't doing it to be mean I just thought that the mayonnaise based salads and dressing needed to be in there a bit more then the watermelon!!!!!

Without questions the worst wedding I ever catered. No input or participation on the part of the bride and groom. The total attitude of indifference from the groom was amazing. We told them exactly how many bags of charcoal we needed and what brand to buy. No exceptions. The idiot went and bought the wrong stuff. He ended up having to take it back the day before the wedding. We offered to buy it ourselves but they wanted to save money and do it themselves.

They had no table set up for the DJ and all the vendors kept bugging us for everything. Then the DJ ends up forgetting some important and vital piece. He leave before anyone gets there but since it's a major holiday he gets stuck in traffic. Needless to say, he showed up 2 hours later. People kept bugging us for ice and would not stop. Sorry if the soda's are warm but we had nothing to do with drinks and had no ice to spare. So finally one of the guests went out and bought some. The keg of beer. They could not find it and kept asking us if we had seen it. Trust me, if we had it would of been tapped and half drunk by they time they got there!!


So, that made me sound like a beatch didn't it?

 

[Ariel Wanna-be]

Have to add a pic.... a classy redneck wedding
(no its not a wedding i went to)
while the dresses are horrid...look closely...those are little john deer logos and tractors on that lovely yellow fabric

I love all things John Deere!

 

[LadyShiva]

Have to add a pic.... a classy redneck wedding
(no its not a wedding i went to)
while the dresses are horrid...look closely...those are little john deer logos and tractors on that lovely yellow fabric

I keep getting hung up on the uneven hemlines when I know there's sooooo much more wrong with that picture! My eyes just refuse to see anything else!

Brandie

 

[Heidict]

I keep getting hung up on the uneven hemlines when I know there's sooooo much more wrong with that picture! My eyes just refuse to see anything else!

Brandie

Like the boots. OMG the BOOTS!! Please tell me they did not walk down the aisle in the boots.

 

[ducklite]

Have to add a pic.... a classy redneck wedding
(no its not a wedding i went to)
while the dresses are horrid...look closely...those are little john deer logos and tractors on that lovely yellow fabric

The fabric would be really cute--for some purposes. Bridesmaids dresses don't seem to be one of them!

And what's up with the black boots?

Anne

 

[ducklite]

My DH and I cater. So we did one last year on the 4th of July. We never met with the Bride or Groom once during all the planning. They didn't want to bother to meet with the caters!!! So, we can tell how this wedding is going to go. <snip>
So, that made me sound like a beatch didn't it?

Not at all! You were more patient than I would have been!

We had a groom's cake that was brought in by an outside vendor--a friends mom who specializes in hysterically outrageous grooms cakes--but it was approved months in advance by the place that did our reception, and they had no problem providing the plates and forks, as well as a table in the corner for it--in fact the manager of the hall thought it was very clever and asked for the cake makers number to give to other couples. (She ONLY does grooms cakes, not regular wedding cakes.)

Otherwise I can't imagine showing up the day of the wedding and expecting the caterer to provide a lot more than they contracted for. And why on earth didn't the bridesmaids make the cupcakes at home the day before?

Anne

 

[Stucas]

Hopefully nobody here was at this wedding

and I found this.

OP 10 SIGNS YOU'RE AT A REDNECK WEDDING

10. Rehearsal dinner held at Hooters

9. Instead of "Friends of the bride or friends of the groom?" ushers ask "Ford Or Chevy?"

8. Bridesmaids: Pink Tube Tops
Groomsmen: Travis Tritt T-Shirts

7. Phrase "I Do" replaced by "I Heard That"

6. Tender rendition of "The Wedding Song" performed by Pinkard & Bowden

5. When the minister asks "Who giveth this woman to be married"... some guy in the back stands up and hollers "Earnhardt!"

4. Reception conversation includes the phrase, "So what have you been doing since Hee Haw, Mr. Lindsay?"

3. Snack trays at reception: Vienna sausages and Nacho Cheese Doritos

2. Plans for the honeymoon evening include tickets to the monster truck rally

....And The Number One Way To Tell If You're At A Redneck Wedding...

Sign in front of the church: No Shirt... No Shoes... No Problem!



-Lauren (wishing there was a mullet smiley right now)

 

[WeirdEyes]

Ok, check my location, so I'm in the mecca of all things redneck. Here ya go:
-all the bridesmaids wore antebellum dresses, groom and groomsmen wore wranglers, tails, boots(some had manure on them), and cowboy hats, bride (300lbs atleast) wore a HUGE antebellum dress, hooker makeup complete with drawn on beauty mark, RED thigh high stockings , RED spike heels, and her rebel flag tattoo on her **** showing. The bride walked down the isle with her dad (who had the same getup as the g and gm) to the battle hymn of the republic. The 'alter' had rebel flags and a portrait of Nathan Bedford Forrest (racist, civil war era). The 'food' was KFC and the cake was a homemade cake decorated like....a rebel flag. The 'drinks' were u liters, sams choice colas, and 3 kegs, all of which floated very fast. This was a girl I worked with, we had no idea she was such a skank. The kicker was that I went to the wedding with another coworker, a black girl. I could tell she was embarrased and uncomfortable. I could not believe how skanky the wedding was. The friend I went with said she kept looking around for the KKK. We got the heck out of there and avoided the girl the next week when she got back from her honeymoon from- where else- Camping on the alabama river!

I think you win the prize! I'm originally from Selma and I can only imagine! Thank goodness none of the weddings I've been to there were like that. I haven't been back to Selma in years though.