Ok I'm going to attempt a shout out. (please don't flame me if I forget you just pm me to add you!)
Sher, Lou, Grammy, MarkyMark, Rhonda, La2, Shelby, KPK, YAK, NAB, Sid, Ed, Zzub (you're lurking we know), Java, MommyP, Haley, GACat, Darryl (Darryl and Larry (sorry I just flashed back to Newhart for a second ) MasterG, JW, Chappie,.....(Dear Lord my head hurts).... Tink, Horsey, AND EVERYONE ELSE.
Funny story to start everyones' weekend. You've probably seen it but I still laugh everytime.
April, 1998
Hi Sue,
Just another note from your bottom dwelling brother. Last week I had a bad day at the office. Before I can tell you what happened to me, I first must bore you with a few technicalities of my job. As you know my office lies at the bottom of the sea. I wear a suit to the office. It's a wetsuit. This time of year the water is quite cool. So what we do to keep warm is this:
We have a diesel powered industrial water heater. This $20,000 piece of **** sucks the water out of the sea. It heats it to a delightful temp. It then pumps it down to the diver through a garden hose which is taped to the air hose. Now this sounds like a damn good plan, and I've used it several times with no complaints. What I do, when I get to the bottom and start working, is I take the hose and stuff it down the back of my neck. This floods my whole suit with warm water. It's like working in a jacuzzi.
Everything was going well until all of a sudden, my *** started to itch. So, of course, I scratched it. This only made things worse. Within a few seconds my *** started to burn. I pulled the hose out from my back, but the damage was done. In agony I realized what had happened to me. The hot water machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into my suit.
This is even worse than the poison ivy I once had under a cast. Now I had that hose down my back. I don't have any hair on my back, so the jellyfish couldn't get stuck to my back. My *** crack was not as fortunate. When I scratched what I thought was an itch, I was actually grinding the jellyfish into my ***. I informed the dive supervisor of my dilemma over the comms. His instructions were unclear due to the fact that he along with 5 other divers were laughing hysterically. Needless to say I aborted the dive. I was instructed to make 3 agonizing water stops totaling 35 minutes before I could come to the surface.
I got to the surface wearing nothing but my brass helmet. My suit and gear were tied to the bell. When I got on board the medic, with tears of laughter running down his face, handed me a tube of cream and told me to shove it up my *** when I get in the chamber. The cream put the fire out, but I couldn't **** for two days because my ******* was swollen shut. I later found out that this could easily have been prevented if the suction hose was placed on the leeward side of the ship.
Anyway, the next time you have a bad day at the office, think of me. Think about how much worse your day would be if you were to shove a jellyfish up your ***. I hope you have no bad days at the office. But if you do, I hope that thought will make it a little more tolerable. Take care, and I hope to hear from you soon.
Love,
Brian
I mean, geez. 
