? re: etiquette

[Deesknee]

DH and I are really really trying to do a VR for our upcoming 25th anniv. dispite dh loosing his job.

So, that in mind, we have a pretty good idea what the etiquette books say about what the "bride and groom" are responisble for paying for. Our question is what would most people be offended by us not paying for.
If we pull this off it will be only close family and friends coming to witness our Intimate VR. We will inform them ahead of time what we can pay for. (hopefully be able to throw in a surprise or two).

So, would you be offended if we didn't pay for your:

1. lodging

2. park passes (hoping for SBP and Yachtsman for dinner)

3. airfare

4. transportation to and from the wedding/dinner

?????

Thanks. My God has a way of teaching me humility on a regular basis.

 

[sarahknowles]

No! You're not supposed to pay for all that stuff. That is the guests' responsibility.

 

[NeverlandClub23]

No! You're not supposed to pay for all that stuff. That is the guests' responsibility.

I agree. And if I was a guest I wouldn't be offended at all by having to pay for any of that.

 

[StephSFL]

I agree, no one should be upset by you all not paying for any of these things. Now if you charged admission to your VR, that would different.
Don't feel bad! This is for the two of you!

 

[dmslush]

Nope, they are to pay for their own lodging, park passes, and all of that stuff. That is one main reason why df and I are not inviting anyone to our wedding. We know that our family members and friends cannot afford to go to disney. We feel very fortunate that we are able to go and don't want to 'rub' it in to them by inviting them to something that we know that won't be able to attend. Many of them would have to take time off without pay because they don't get actual vacation time at work... and I just can't ask any of them to do that. So, we are just going to have a big reception when we come home.

 

[ead79]

Those items are the guests' responsibility, not the bride and groom's. Enjoy your planning!

 

[disprincessatheart]

The only thing out of that I'd consider doing ( and we our for our wedding) is transportation to and from the ceremony and reception. I wouldn't always say it was necessary, but knowing that not everyone will have a car, and disney public transportation isn't ideal for a wedding guest, it makes sense. Not required though by any means.

 

[Ember]

The only thing out of that I'd consider doing ( and we our for our wedding) is transportation to and from the ceremony and reception. I wouldn't always say it was necessary, but knowing that not everyone will have a car, and disney public transportation isn't ideal for a wedding guest, it makes sense. Not required though by any means.

I agree. Transportation would be the only thing I would be a little worried about. From hotel to hotel is not the most convenient... But if it's a small group you could use town cars rather than a bus and some some money that way.

 

[Cinderella Fan]

We also had a small Intimate - we didn't pay for any of those things for our guests. They only thing we did do was use the 4 hours of our Limo service to bring our guests to the WP from their hotels. They loved that we did that for them - I know I wouldn't want to travel on the Disney tranportation in a fancy dress....

My mother was staying at the CBR, so the Concierge at the GF sent a Disney car over many times to pick her up. That helped us with the resort to resort traveling....

 

[cryssi]

I agree with the others about the transportation...

You definitely don't have to pay for all that other stuff! Your guests will probably treat it as a vacation, and plan accordingly (ours did!)

 

[disneybride2007]

I don't think anyone should be offended by paying for those items, themselves. Actually, my guests are responsible for paying for these items on their own. We are paying for the Welcome Dinner, so they don't have to use any of their credits from the meal plan, but that's it. We would have paid for the Illuminations viewing fee, but they are all purchasing park hoppers and will be using their tickets, that day, anyway so there is no problem with them using their tickets to enter EPCOT

As for transportation, we are paying for the motor coach and the limo on the day of the ceremony only. We are not paying for transportation to Disney.

 

[smoof]

I don't think you need to pay for transportation. Enough people will have cars, and if you really feel bad about not providing transportation, you can hook the people with cars up with the people without cars! Most everyone at my wedding had a car. Those that didn't were staying near someone that did. No biggie!

 

[Belle1981]

I agree with the ladies. The transportation is a hard one to decide though. For my parents VR more people came than we anticipated so we did not have time to book two limos. We only had one but everyone was so relaxed they did not mind at all! Afterall they knew they weren't paying so that alone made them happy. (that an alcohol ) Honestly if you paying for the transportation will be a problem let them know that its their responsibility. You can coordinate it and let them know the cost. Remember this is YOUR event run it anyway you want! ( Wow can you tell I am an only child LOL) Remember HAVE FUN this is your special day.

 

[Deesknee]

Thanks everyone! I feel alot more relieved. I still don't know if we will be able to pull it off, but I feel it is at least a possibility now. I'm going to show your opinions to my dh tomorrow. He feels as though we should do what the etiquette books say, (not that either of us have read one in 24 years or so), or not invite anyone else. We've been in weddings where either the bride or groom have lived out of state and they have put up the guests from out of town up in a hotel while in town for the wedding. Of course in these situations it was not a VR and money truly was not a concern. (not our wedding believe me)

Thanks again to everyone. You are all so helpful.

 

[Gazebo]

I agree that traditional etiquette says that people should pay for their out of town guests' hotel costs (too bad none of my friends read those etiquette books when I traveled out of town for their weddings ).

But "destination weddings" have an etiquette all their own. I went to destinationweddings.com and found this:

Guests' Destination Wedding Duties
The guests at a destination wedding are responsible for the same things that they would be at any other wedding. Even if they are paying additional money to travel to and stay at a destination, guests are still expected to bring gifts for the couple. They are also expected to pay for their own amusements, food, and anything else that they need during their stay. Guests should not expect the couple to pay for anything beyond the wedding ceremony and reception, and they should not expect to be entertained by the couple throughout the trip. They should also give the couple “alone time” after the wedding, after all, this is their honeymoon!

and another article at Love Tripper said this:

Do guests usually pay for their own travel and hotel expenses at a destination wedding?

Traditionally wedding guests are responsible for paying for their accommodations and transportation themselves. The key is to give your guest’s plenty of notice and time for them to plan their vacation around your wedding.

Good luck with your planning during these trying circumstances. I hope your husband finds a job soon so that you can plan without worry!

By the way, happy upcoming 25th anniversary!!

 

[Summer-Caitlin]

Yeah, I agree, the transportation seems to be the only thing I would consider organising, but as for the rest, it is the guests responsibility to pay for those things themselves. My mum is coming to the Wedding now and she is paying her own accommodation, air fare and park tickets, however I am paying for transfers from the airport and her transport to the wedding. She is on the DDP so we don't need to worry about meals. We are also paying for her meal at Victoria and Alberts on our Wedding night and for the Illuminations cruise (if we can get it ) as a thank you for coming. She is on her own so these little things won't cost us that much extra, but if we had loads of people to do this for, I'm afraid they would have to pay their own way.
Weddings and Vow Renewals cost a bomb as it is, so don't worry about it, they will likely expect to pay for these things.

 

[JonetteA]

We had a custom wedding. I did not pay for anyones food (except for wedding events), lodging, airfare, transportation (except for the wedding event, we needed to have buses b/c of the park wedding). There was one or two exceptions. Leif's dad helped his brother and his brother's family come from Canada. We helped with their room. I also payed one night in room for my step-brother and his family b/c my stepbrother officiated our ceremony. I hope that this helps!!

 

[The Charmed One]

I agree with the other ladies, you are not the one to pay for any of those things, they should be happy to be invited and they will want to pay for themselves, I'd be honoured to be invited to it.

 

[Deesknee]

Thanks to everyone.

Gazebo - Thanks for the quote. I am going to copy it and print it to show my dh. Thanks also for the well wishes. Until things start looking up, I will keep watching these boards for a pick me up!