Rainbow Bridge - to tell kids or not?

[jakeandkayleighsmama]

The time is quickly coming to let our 10 year old Casey cross the Rainbow Bridge. It has been a long 18 months fighting her condition. She has DM, which is a degenerative nerve disease that has slowly taken her rear mobility away and has progressed to incontinence. She is fully alert and with it, but can't move around too much. I am not sure I am ready for the next step, but it will happen sooner or later.
My question is about our kids, 6 1/2, 4 and 18 months. The little one will only notice a bunch of crying and not too much else, but the other 2. Do we send them to school one day and let them come home to only one dog (we have 2 right now)? Or do I tell them in advance? If so how do you deal with the question of why did mommy and daddy kill our doggie? Both kids know that Casey is sick and can't move, but they don't think anything of it. That is just how our doggie is. Some people use wheel chairs, our doggie has one - no biggie. They love her unconditionally!! However, they don't know this horrible disease will eventually kill.
Any advice would be appreciated as I have never walked this path before. I always said I would always take care of my puppies - that I didn't just sign up for the good times! She is not a burden - and I will take her as she is as long as she is not in any pain.
Thanks!!

 

[MomlvsGoofy]

So sorry to hear about Casey. My heart goes out to you. We had to have our Misty put to sleep for the same nerve disease in Sept. 2008. It was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. We did tell the kids before hand (since others were told and were coming in and out visiting her and lots of crying by me). They were very happy that they had 3 days to just sit and be with her beforehand. My DD 11 at the time stayed home from school that day but did not come with us and DGS 7 went to school (he didn't want to see us leave with her).
My thoughts and prayers are with you during this difficult time.

 

[EDuke98080]

The time is quickly coming to let our 10 year old Casey cross the Rainbow Bridge. It has been a long 18 months fighting her condition. She has DM, which is a degenerative nerve disease that has slowly taken her rear mobility away and has progressed to incontinence. She is fully alert and with it, but can't move around too much. I am not sure I am ready for the next step, but it will happen sooner or later.
My question is about our kids, 6 1/2, 4 and 18 months. The little one will only notice a bunch of crying and not too much else, but the other 2. Do we send them to school one day and let them come home to only one dog (we have 2 right now)? Or do I tell them in advance? If so how do you deal with the question of why did mommy and daddy kill our doggie? Both kids know that Casey is sick and can't move, but they don't think anything of it. That is just how our doggie is. Some people use wheel chairs, our doggie has one - no biggie. They love her unconditionally!! However, they don't know this horrible disease will eventually kill.
Any advice would be appreciated as I have never walked this path before. I always said I would always take care of my puppies - that I didn't just sign up for the good times! She is not a burden - and I will take her as she is as long as she is not in any pain.
Thanks!!

I can give you two perspectives. When we have had sick animals we were always honest (to the point that they could handle) with our children. We told them what needed to happen and why and gave them the opportunity to say goodbye and told them it's ok to be sad and to cry together. We also starting tralking about it before as the sickness progressed. This being said when my son's hampster got really sick and the vet said he should be put to sleep, my son, then eight, after initially reacting no, came to me a few hours later and said "The vet wouldn't have said to put him to sleep if she could help him. I think he is suffering and we should do it Mom." He made the decision about his little pet. I think it is all part of learning what it entails to having pets.

From another perspective, I learned a few years ago that my Mom & Dad had my dog put to sleep when I was in college and never told me. They told me she died. Even as an adult I was upset that they did that and didn't tell me the truth about her condition.

I am sure you will know your kids and how you want them to learn and what they can handle and will make the right choice for them and your family. The two little ones will probably take the absence in stride while the 6 year old will be the one who needs some preparation and answers. Will be thinking of you at this difficult time.

 

[sayhello]

The time is quickly coming to let our 10 year old Casey cross the Rainbow Bridge. It has been a long 18 months fighting her condition. She has DM, which is a degenerative nerve disease that has slowly taken her rear mobility away and has progressed to incontinence. She is fully alert and with it, but can't move around too much. I am not sure I am ready for the next step, but it will happen sooner or later.
My question is about our kids, 6 1/2, 4 and 18 months. The little one will only notice a bunch of crying and not too much else, but the other 2. Do we send them to school one day and let them come home to only one dog (we have 2 right now)? Or do I tell them in advance? If so how do you deal with the question of why did mommy and daddy kill our doggie? Both kids know that Casey is sick and can't move, but they don't think anything of it. That is just how our doggie is. Some people use wheel chairs, our doggie has one - no biggie. They love her unconditionally!! However, they don't know this horrible disease will eventually kill.
Any advice would be appreciated as I have never walked this path before. I always said I would always take care of my puppies - that I didn't just sign up for the good times! She is not a burden - and I will take her as she is as long as she is not in any pain.
Thanks!!

You cannot look at it that way, and you cannot let your kids see it that way, either. You are not killing their dog, you are helping to put her out of her misery. The first implies something way more heartless than the latter. While "technically" true, it is not the truth. The truth is that you would not have your dog put down unless she was suffering tremendously, and you would be doing it out of love, once you were sure there was no other alternative. Make sure your kids understand that, and the rest should come naturally.

Sayhello

 

[sshaw10060]

Here's my take as a vet. 4 and 2 are too you to be present (although the 2 year old wouldn't know what was going on anyway). The older child you have to make a judgement call. In general I would say no.

Remember that kids are very simplistic and have no fear of death the way that we do. In their minds they and everyone around them is going to live forever. On the same side they are very accepting of change. My three year old did not bat an eye when we told him our bassett hound had left us to go to heaven. He simply accepted it as fact and moved on in his day.

I wouldn't tell them he has gone to live on a farm (as a kid I had a lot of pets living out their senior years on the farm). Be honest, but in a way a chld can understand. There are some childrens books that address this topic which may be appropriate for the older two.

Hope this helps.

Scott

 

[bear_mom]

We are struggling with this too, only our dds are 11 and 8. Our dog is 13 and is still getting around okay most of the time - as long as she lays down on the rugs. When she doesn't lay down on the rug, she can't always get up (hardwoods and tile). We know the time is coming soon, but hopefully not until after the holidays.

The bad part is she has to spend 11 days at the kennel for our 9 day trip coming up.

Dh and I are struggling with what to do, when would be the right time and how/when to tell dds. I know that older dd will really struggle with this.

Emily

 

[bboyneko]

I agree with the people here saying it is best to tell them in advance. There are a lot of lessons here about honor and dignity. That because you have respect for Casey, you will give her the honor of a dignified end. That there are many things worse than death, not just suffering but dying without dignity and not being loved. You have respect for the children, and so honor them by telling them the truth and trusting them to be able to deal with the sadness and loss with you as their support.

Most of us can only hope for a death like that. Having been loved in life and honored with a dignified and painless death, and then of course missed and remembered.

 

[vicki_c]

Our dog (a beautiful and healthy Newfie who was 9) got suddenly ill with bloat in the middle of the night when our kids were 4.5 and 7. Sadly, our trip to the emergency vet clinic did not end well and we had to have her put down. It was really hard to explain to the kids how they went to bed and she seemed fine and when they woke up in the morning - she was gone - absolutely gone. It was hard for my husband and I to comprehend and we were there (and it was so sad and shocking).

So I definitely agree on letting them know in advance when it's time - and explaining that it's because you love her so much that you don't want her to suffer any longer. Kids are more resilient than we give them credit for and I don't think they would ever think "they killed the dog" as long as you don't make it out that way.

 

[Disney Dad Canada]

I guess I'm the only one never to have heard the term "cross the Rainbow Bridge" before. I grew up near Niagara Falls, and to me the Rainbow Bridge is a real thing, the bridge between Niagara Falls NY and Niagara Falls Canada, so you can understand my initial confusion.

That said, I agree honesty is the best policy. While none of our family pets have yet passed, as some of you know my wife passed away from cancer over 4 years ago, when my twin girls were just 3 and my son 7. I was given all sorts of advice, but for what it's worth, I agree with the others. Be as honest as you can, as early as you can. And don't use the euphemisms that adults know, as they may be confusing. Death and dying children understand, crossing a bridge, while it may sound peaceful to you, may be very bewildering to your children.

 

[WorldWacky]

Good luck however you do it. I have to have that same difficult discussion with my children today. We decided not to tell them about their dog having to be put down last night as it was right before bedtime. I know my oldest DD(almost 9) is going to need some serious mourning time. My heart goes out to you and your family I hope all goes well.

 

[kkwis2]

We just had to do this ourselves two weeks ago. We had 3 dogs, Sam, a 15 yr old springer; Lexi, a 4 yr old springer; and Lanie, a 4 yr old yellow lab. Lanie is by far the best dog in the entire world - the sweetest, funniest dog I have ever known.

We have been preparing the kids (9 and 7) for Sam's death as she is getting so old. Sam isn't the friendliest with the kids (we belonged to her long before we belonged to them), so we weren't sure what we would do either when the time came. I wasn't so sure they needed to be there.

Lanie got sick a few weeks ago though, and, to make a long story short, we had to make the extremely difficult decision to put her down. She had stayed at the vet's office overnight, and then we found out the next day that she had kidney failure and that there was nothing they could do for her. Since the kids had not had a chance to say good-bye (we had NO idea that she would never come home), we all went as a family to do it together.

We could tell a huge difference in how our 9 yr old was able to process Lanie's death as compared to how our 7 yr old did. My suggestion is to make the kids aware now that Casey might not be with you much longer so that it won't come as so much of a surprise. I don't think I would take any of the kids with when it's time. Let them say good-bye at home. That also allows you to grieve as you need to when you take her in and not feel the need to temper your emotions in the moment.

Good luck to you with your decision. I know it is a very difficult one to make.

Hugs to you all.