Question.

[coolshannie]

How much in rent would you charge your 19 year old son or daughter to continue living under your roof? Maybe I should explain what is going on and ask you what else I could do. My mother and I just got in an argument because she pays all of my tuition for school besides what the state pays because of a program we have here that if you get a certain grade point average the state will pay a certain amount of money. Anyways, I met with an advisor over the summer and had decided I wanted to do the Honors program at the university I am attending. I really do enjoy it, the classes I am in are discussion based, smaller, and more challenging. The problem is my mother and I miscommunicated, she thought I had to take significantly less credits for this program that I actually do. Many of the credits for the honors program do not count for my major which is elementary education. I wanted to do the program because I thought I would be receiving a better education and that to graduate with honors would be wonderful. The problem is that it comes out to 21 extra credits which means that unless I am taking 17 to 18 credits a semester along with some summer courses I can't graduate in 4 years, plus the expense. And at this point I am not even sure it is worth it. I am so confused and my mother was upset with me for not communicating this with her and not realizing it was so much extra. I basically feel like a horrible person. Right now I am taking 15 credits and working 1 day a week. My mother told me she is tired of me being on the computer a million hours a day, only working 1 day a week and not helping out around the house. A work 1 day a week because of school but I guess the first thing I need to do is work more and balance it with school. There are times where I am on the computer talking to friends, or on dis but very much of the time I am typing papers or looking up study material, I guess it doesn't matter so I don't know what I can do there. As far as helping out around the house I thought I was. My room is almost always clean, I help put away laundry, towels, load and unload the dishwasher a few times a day, help take my brother to baseball and get his clothes ready, go to the grocery store when they ask, run errans when they ask. I can do more. I just i dont know what to do. My mother feels that I think money grows on trees, but honestly I didn't realize the honors program would be this much extra and its my fault for not realizing that and not being responsible enough to look through courses and realize it wasn't going to work out, but now I just don't know what to do. Do I start working several days a week and start giving my parents rent and help out with everything I possibly can? Do I get a student loan and start paying for my own education? Do I drop out of the honors program? I just don't know what to do or where to turn. Today is a horrible day and I just need some advice.

 

[FireDancer]

I would suggest you pay the difference between the normal program and the honors program. You can either work more hours (I had a 48 hour per week job in college and took 14 credit hours a semester, so its possible), take out a student loan, or reimburse your parents after graduation. If your parents will foot the bill now and allow you to pay them back once you get a job after graduation you can avoid some interest.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

Hi.

Well--if I was your mom--I wouldn't be charging rent for my child who was attending school locally full-time.

And if I was your mom--I wouldn't pay your full tuition and then expect rent. That makes no sense to me at all.

In this situation--you cannot modify what she is demanding even if you find other people who will think it unreasonable.


When I was a senior in high school--I won a $1000 scholarship. My mother had fetched the mail that day and brought it in and as soon as I opened it she immediately asked to borow it. I foolishly complied. Later that summer, I asked about the money and my step-father cruelly informed me that I had room and board for the summer and I had been paid in full. I was in complete shock!

I find your mother's generosity to be evenly balanced with her stinginess. I'm not sure what you can do as I am sure your tuition is not cheap and it can be difficult to work when you have a full load, but not impossible.


Another anectdote.

My husband was a little too wild his freshman year and lost his scholarship and had to come home and attend a local university. He didn't pay his dad a dime and dad covered his bills. But he was under strict rules. He did get to return to the original school--under very strict financial restrictions as his dad covered all the bills. His dad never expected him to share the bills--b/c he felt his responsibility was good grades.

Every parent is different--and I feel your mother is pulling the rug out from under you.

I would perhaps apply for scholarships.

You can't get financial aid without your mother's tax information and likely she'll reduce her contribution to your tuition if you do that.

If my child were not going to school--$100-$200 is typically a fair amount to contribute.

But I honestly don't feel you should pay a dime. I'm sorry that your parents disagree.

 

[DSNLvR]

How much in rent would you charge your 19 year old son or daughter to continue living under your roof? Maybe I should explain what is going on and ask you what else I could do. My mother and I just got in an argument because she pays all of my tuition for school besides what the state pays because of a program we have here that if you get a certain grade point average the state will pay a certain amount of money. Anyways, I met with an advisor over the summer and had decided I wanted to do the Honors program at the university I am attending. I really do enjoy it, the classes I am in are discussion based, smaller, and more challenging. The problem is my mother and I miscommunicated, she thought I had to take significantly less credits for this program that I actually do. Many of the credits for the honors program do not count for my major which is elementary education. I wanted to do the program because I thought I would be receiving a better education and that to graduate with honors would be wonderful. The problem is that it comes out to 21 extra credits which means that unless I am taking 17 to 18 credits a semester along with some summer courses I can't graduate in 4 years, plus the expense. And at this point I am not even sure it is worth it. I am so confused and my mother was upset with me for not communicating this with her and not realizing it was so much extra. I basically feel like a horrible person. Right now I am taking 15 credits and working 1 day a week. My mother told me she is tired of me being on the computer a million hours a day, only working 1 day a week and not helping out around the house. A work 1 day a week because of school but I guess the first thing I need to do is work more and balance it with school. There are times where I am on the computer talking to friends, or on dis but very much of the time I am typing papers or looking up study material, I guess it doesn't matter so I don't know what I can do there. As far as helping out around the house I thought I was. My room is almost always clean, I help put away laundry, towels, load and unload the dishwasher a few times a day, help take my brother to baseball and get his clothes ready, go to the grocery store when they ask, run errans when they ask. I can do more. I just i dont know what to do. My mother feels that I think money grows on trees, but honestly I didn't realize the honors program would be this much extra and its my fault for not realizing that and not being responsible enough to look through courses and realize it wasn't going to work out, but now I just don't know what to do. Do I start working several days a week and start giving my parents rent and help out with everything I possibly can? Do I get a student loan and start paying for my own education? Do I drop out of the honors program? I just don't know what to do or where to turn. Today is a horrible day and I just need some advice.

First of all, if the money is not there to take the extra courses is it too late to back out? It does sound like you help out quite a bit around the house, I would just be sure it's consistent and ask if there is anything else they need if you have some free time. Sometimes asking if there is anything you can do will get you the response of no, but I dont know a mom that doesn't want to be asked if she needs help.

About the working, I suggest working more than 1 day a week and paying the difference for your college expenses. If your mom is okay with you not paying rent then pay for your schooling.

I worked full time and went to college at the same time and had my own place - so maybe there is more you can do to help the situation.

To answer your original question though my parents charged my step sis $75 a week but she wasn't going to college she is just working full time.

 

[Darcy03231]

I think you and your mom need to sit down and have a calm discussion. As I read your post it sounds like by taking the honors program you've increased your tuition (which your mom pays) without talking to her about it first. It may be that your mom has no idea how she's going to pay this bill. It doesn't sound to me like your mom wants you to pay rent, but to be more aware of of what your choice is costing her.

I would definitely increase my work hours and pay the difference between the regular tuition and the honors program. Whether you earn the money, get a scholarship, take a loan, I would make it my responsibility.

I would also ask your mom what chores around the house she would like you to do so there is a clear understanding of what she expects you to do.

 

[englishteacha]

Let me see if I understand you correctly:
You go to a local college and live at home.
Your mom pays the tuition that's not covered by financial aid/state grant.
You joined the honors program for a better education but the classes don't apply to your major, meaning you will take more classes, costing more money.

If I were you, I would leave the honors program. Taking the occasional unrelated class is fine, but graduating is the ultimate goal. If you're studying Elementary Ed (I studied Secondary Ed), I would focus on taking what you need to graduate with a good GPA in your major. At my college, I graduated with honors even though I wasn't part of the Honors program. I was invited to join the Honors program but I knew I couldn't manage it with my schedule and finances.

I understand your mom's frustration at the additional expense. I paid my own way through school so I was determined to graduate in 4 years or less and got a job teaching right after graduation. The last thing you need as a teacher is a load of debt, because teachers will never make loads of cash! Think about that before you get a student loan.

What would it cost to live on campus? What would it cost to get an apartment? Could you manage to work full time in the summer and during vacations to save up to pay for extra courses if you stay in Honors? If you weren't living at home, what would you be willing to pay for room and board and what type of lodging would you expect to have? This might help you determine if you should be paying room and board at home, or if you should be doing a bit more around the house, etc.

 

[KirstenB]

I hate to say it, but in this economy, the honors program sounds like a luxury. I'd drop it, and either work more hours, and pay rent, or do more chores. As a mom, I can tell you, I'd be happy with either one, no need to do both.

 

[coolshannie]

Thank you for all your responses. I've calmed down a little so let me explain a bit more. My parents do not have any financial hardship in fact I am not even up for financial aid because we have no hardship. I graduated as Valedictorian and missed a major state university scholarship by 1 question on my SAT's. I took the SAT's six times. My mother knows I am in the honors program, but had thought it wasn't as many credits, I had thought so too. When the advisor spoke to me I had thought she said 4 seminar classes were optional and were not required, but as it turns out they are required. along with 4 spanish classes I do not need. A few credits can be subtracted because of AP courses I took, but other than that it is a lot of extra work. I really wanted to do it, but I understand why my mother wants me to drop out of it and I believe I should too. So far I have all A's and a B+ grade point average, I thought the honors program was a good fit for me but the extra classes I will have to take and missing out on a year of teaching if I can not graduate in 4 years is not worth it at all. A few of my friends are in this program who are also becoming teachers, but as I believe they got many scholarships. I applied to many scholarship and still apply when I see one that applies to college freshmen, but besides one scholarship, I was turned down each and every time. So I have been taking that route. I suppose if I am just taking the basic courses I will have more time to work and help out as well. I'm not sure my mother meant everything she said as she was upset with me and I was upset with her, but I'll talk to her about it later this evening and see what exactly it is that she wants me to do. My parents have provided so much for me, a roof over my head, a car, gas money. They told me whatever i made at my job I could spend on what I wanted, it was my money to do with what I wanted. They wanted me to have the job for work experience. They've always told me my job was to get good grades and to work hard and I thought that was exactly what I was doing and what I've been doing throughout my life. I guess It's just time for me to step up a bit more, work more, drop the program, and take the credits I need in order to graduate. Thank you all again.

 

[kidzmom3]

to me, it sounds like your parents have done everything and more to help you. If they are not comfortable paying for another year of undergrad, that is their business. It doesn't even matter if you or anyone thinks they can afford it. I am glad you have calmed down and re-thought your stance on the matter. In my state you must obtain your masters to be a fully licensed teacher, is that the case in your state as well? Who will be paying for that?

 

[Indiana Rose Lee]

I think you and your mom need to sit down and have a calm discussion. As I read your post it sounds like by taking the honors program you've increased your tuition (which your mom pays) without talking to her about it first. It may be that your mom has no idea how she's going to pay this bill. It doesn't sound to me like your mom wants you to pay rent, but to be more aware of of what your choice is costing her.

I would definitely increase my work hours and pay the difference between the regular tuition and the honors program. Whether you earn the money, get a scholarship, take a loan, I would make it my responsibility.

I would also ask your mom what chores around the house she would like you to do so there is a clear understanding of what she expects you to do.

I agree. I'd also say that if you have time to sit and gab on the computer you have time to get another job. You should have looked into this program and discussed it with her. Tuition doesn't grow on trees. Expecting her to carry you through a whim is unfair.

I also agree that you need to talk with her about what chores she needs help with. Maybe the brother could unload dishes and flip laundry and you could help vacume. Whatever.

And, realize this may have something to do with something you know nothing about. Maybe things are difficult financially. They are for a lot of people who never had problems before. Stocks you could count on for dividends suck now. That kind of thing.

 

[coolshannie]

Thanks for the replies. I have never expected my parents to pay anything. It has what has been offered to me my entire life. If I wanted to stay in state they were going to pay for my tuition as long as I did everything I could to get scholarships. I did and have been doing that. I realize I am entitled to nothing in this world, that the only way you can get a dime is to work your butt off. By the time I am getting my master's degree I will be teaching. In our state you can get your masters after you graduate and are in the classroom.

 

[bumbershoot]

It sounds like your parents have been really generous. So this seems to be a switch. Therefore, I wonder what happened. When my MIL changes tack like that, it's because she's been talking to her friends, and her friends have told her some story about what their kids are doing. So she gets all weird because in her mind she diminishes the accomplishments of her own children (she's so strange).

Do you think your mom has been talking to someone who took a really hard line with their kids, and that's what prompted the change? Could she be having a rotten day/week/month etc, and it was just a little tantrum that she might be over soon?

I would definitely talk to her.

The Honors program at my school was amazing, and I wish I'd had the guts to apply for it. It really rounded out a nice education, no matter what your major. Tons of the people in it were English majors, so they were likely going to become teachers of some sort anyway, and they all felt it would do nothing but help them. From what I noticed of the education program at my school (they have a MAT program, masters in teaching that is), most of those classes teach you to teach. It's the *other* education you get that makes you an educated person, and of the very very FEW educated teachers I had, you could tell. Their teaching style was so much better, they truly knew about the world, not just "how to teach multiplication" and so on. So I don't care that your plan is to be a teacher, I would stay in that Honors program no matter what you have to do.


I too had things messed up by an advisor! Found out later she had her foot out the door, waiting for the papers to arrive so she could move on to another university. So she wasn't paying attention in my advising session one semester, and thought that I knew about all these half credit/unit classes (while many colleges have class hour credit/units, a normal semester class for us was 1 credit/unit (I can't remember what the word for it was)), and that they had to be taken in order, and that not all the classes were offered every semester. So I ended up on the 4.5 year program...my last semester was spent with my Thesis class and Pottery. Nice semester, and I loved the graduation party the college president's wife threw for us at their campus home, but it would have been nicer if the advisor had made *sure* that I knew what I was doing.

I had a work-study job (4 years) while rowing Crew (3 of the 4.5 years), getting a BS in Exercise Science and a minor in Math. Things can be juggled so you can do it all!


I wonder if your mom was just stressy about the computer thing. Many parents have a "my house my rules" thing (and I support that), so maybe working out some strict rules would help? Have a certain number of hours per week that it's totally OK for you to "play" on the computer, and let her know when you're doing that. The rest of the time, make SURE she knows that you're working. If she can't see your computer screen, move the screen or your laptop so she can see that you're working. I was in college as computers were starting to make their way more into personal lives, so some of my friends had their own desktops, while I did most things on paper (all my drafts were done on paper), then I spent time at the computer labs to put it onto the word processors. So maybe your mom thinks you're not working, when you are, because she doesn't see pen and paper.


Can you take any of the basic courses (I assume you're a Freshman?) over the summer? If you can do that, and have a job at the same time over the summer, it would help out the total time you're in school. And, honestly, I felt that I learned SO much more the summer I took courses, instead of the semester long classes. It was so intense, with much less fussy nonsense, and I did so much better in those courses (Physics and Organic Chemistry) than I would have done during the normal semester.

Have your AP classes/tests gotten you out of any basic courses? My brother entered Duke as nearly a Sophomore because of the AP tests. He still did have to take all the other required courses, but to not have to take English, lower level Maths, and whatever else he covered with the AP tests, pushed him ahead.


I would definitely have a nice talk with your mom. Maybe make her dinner, sit down, have a chat. Apologize for the miscommunication. Only say one time that you didn't realize it either, mention that the problem came about in your advising session, and leave that at that (otherwise it will sound defensive). Just apologize for it, and promise that you will be more careful about things that involve money in the future.

Hope that helps!

 

[Christine]

coolshannie,

Just my own experience here. My DD is attending college. We have no "hardship" either, so we get NOTHING towards college education. I am paying $1200 per month for my DD to attend college. I am lucky that I am able to pay for this and still do what I need to do.

However, if my daughter told me she joined an honors program, at first I'd be really happy and proud, but if she told me that it was going to run me several hundred dollars more per year and she did it without consulting me, I'd be really peeved at her. Honestly, I don't know how I'd handle it because I feel like I'm spending all I can, yet then you have your kid trying to do all the best things. I'm sure your mom is just perplexed. But I would be irritated that you (or my daughter) made that decision and then just expected me to foot the extra $$$$$$.

 

[minkydog]

In my house the rule is if you're going to school full time and you're passing, you don't owe rent. You have to pay for your own gas and insurance, but not rent or food. If you're not going to school, then you have to pay $200 every 2 weeks. Or $100/2weeks + house & yard work(like cleaning out gutters, dethatching the yard, planting the garden, tearing out carpet).

I too would suggest you reevaluate the Honors program. If you can't make enough money to pay for the extra hours yourself, then I'd suggest you put it on hold until you can.

Maybe later ya'll can sit down together and hash this out. Find out what she's really upset about. If you can manage to pick up some more hours AND maintain your grades, I'd suggest you do that. maybe she doesn't really mean the things she said earlier. maybe sh'es just frustrated with all the money going out.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Do you want to do this honors program? Bottom line you need to figure out how to pay for it.
Take more than 15hrs/per semester & do summer, get a job that has more hours, and take out loans.

In other words if this is important to you find a way to make it work.

I also have a freshman dd in college and this is what I would tell her.

 

[a1tinkfans]

OP:

Sounds like the Honors Classes may not be worth it for your area of expertise....if you feel that you Should stay in it, then I think you need to come up with the money to pay for it.

As far as rent goes.....IF I ever took rent from my child, it would be placed in an account to be given back at a later date (without him knowing that of course) I am just Old School I guess, renting to my child, not for me/us!

SATS 7 times, geeze, that must have been very stressful and see, despite ALL that....you are doing quite well where you are, so be PROUD of yourself...KEEP Plugging Away...meantime....perhaps you can add a few more hours in for work to cover some of those "extra's" and if not PREPARE for the summer and know that you'll need to make that money while you are NOT in school, to get thru the following semester.......
Again, is HONORS Necessary for your Success?????
Need Versus Want!

Best of Luck to you....just sounds like your mom is Overwhelmed...sounds like a good frank talk is needed to work this out,

 

[coolshannie]

Thank you all for your replies. I talked it over a little with my mom last night, and although we have not discussed everything we really talked. I'm going to continue the honors college for the next semester as the credits I am taking would be the same honors or not. I'm going to talk to the advisor after registration when I can actually get an appointment to see her and state my concerns and go from there. Most likely I will be dropping the program because I think it will be best. Thanks again!

 

[aprilgail2]

I would not charge my child who was going to college any rent....period.

 

[chloelovesdisney]

It sounds like it will take one more semester for you to graduate from the honors program. I would stay in the program and take out a student loan to cover the cost of that one extra semester.

 

[DMickey28]

I think if you want to stay in the honors program and it's benificial to you then I'd get a small student loan to pay for the difference. You don't have any bills, no car payment to worry about or anything ... I am not one of those people that is against going into small debt for an education. It pays for itself as long as you are smart about it.

It's when college students need to live in their own apartment, get a newer car and rack up credit card debt that I am against college debt. A small student loan to make REASONABLE ends meet including tuition is fine in my book.

Good Luck.