Question?????????????

[bandboy101]

Hey yall i have a major question. The question is when u were in High School did u come out? I know its a very weird question, but im in high school and i only came out to ppl that r my friends, but not even all my friends know. Should i just tell ppl that i am or have them ask me and i tell them in private? I would really appreciate all the answers that i can get. Thanx . ~bandboy101~

 

[MrVisible]

This probably isn't the answer you're looking for, but in my opinion: it depends.

It depends on your personal situation, the attitude among your friends and parents, the environment at school, and the prevailing political climate in your area. But mostly, it depends on how comfortable you are with coming out.

This is a decision that has to be reached individually, each time someone is faced with these issues. My situation was different than yours, and yours is different than that of another gay person coming to terms with their sexuality in your very same high school. The key, in my opinion, is to try and not pay attention to the pressure from either side of the issue, either the pressure to come out or the pressure to stay under the radar. It's your decision, and only you can decide when the time is right.

The other thing I want to point out is that there is never any end to the coming-out process. Every time you find yourself in a new situation, a new job or a new school or a new group of friends, you'll be faced with this exact same question. Who should know? How much should they know? How do I tell them? So basically, there'll be no shortage of coming-out opportunities in your lifetime.

It seems to me that you're handling it well so far. I did the same thing in high school, telling only a few select people, and it worked out pretty well for me. I do wish I'd told my mom earlier, but I'm not sure it would've worked out any better. The end result, that I'm alive and healthy and I have a wonderful boyfriend with whom I'm very much in love, couldn't be any better, so I'd say I did pretty well.

If you don't feel safe doing so, don't come out. On the flip side, if you feel that keeping your secret is harming your relationship with someone, that's a major factor to consider when deciding. One serious rule is: if you think your parents will kick you out of the house, don't come out. It's estimated that half or more of the homeless teens in the U.S. are gay, and you really don't want to join that demographic.

The inevitable informative links follow:

The GLSEN on coming out:
http://www.glsen.org/cgi-bin/iowa/all/library/record/1290.html

PFLAG on coming out:
http://www.pflag.org/For_GLBT_Persons.comingout_glbt.0.html

Believe it or not, Wikipedia on coming out:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Coming_out

I hope you find this helpful. There are a lot of great resources out there, including these boards. Keep asking questions, we love this sort of thing.

 

[bandboy101]

I wanna thank u sooo much. U did answer my question if i feel that i am ready to come all the way out i should. Wow u r a really nice guy thank u so much. I actually told my mom, my mom is happy for me she had a feeling that i was, now if my dad were still around then yea i would be on the streets somewere, or i would be 6 feet under. My dad was a nasty person im so happy that we r not w/ him anymore. Now me and my mom go as she likes to call it "guy shopping". lol Again Thanx for the help. ~bandboy101~

 

[wallyb]

I so agree with Mr. V

I was out but only to a few select friends (my freind were the arty group) and family in a small town in Maine.
not the most gay friendly environment but being out with that small group made me feel at least a bit liberated.

All through high school I had a secret boyfriend that even less knew about. He was the star football player and was not out to anyone. It was really sad that he did not feel he could admit anything of his gay life to anyone and consequently - no one though they real knew him. He was a completely different person around me privately - and at school, in the halls, at social events - he acknowledged me, was friendly - but we really didn’t travel in the same circles. I kept his secret - our secret - all those years and to this day.

So you see same high school - but because our situations were different.
I could be partially out. And my boyfriend could not.

I'd Hate to see you come all the way out and put yourself in danger of verbal or physical bashing.

 

[ChrizJen]

Just want to give you a great big HUG...
I know that coming out is NEVER easy for anyone.
I think that MrVisible made very valid points. It's always dependent on the person's individual situation.
Just follow your heart, and you'll be able to read the people around you. The key is that you should feel completely safe before you should come out to anyone. There are many wonderful, supportive people in this world, but there are also very hateful people, so just be careful.

I wish you love and happiness!!
-Christal

 

[bandboy101]

Thank u both u r all really nice. i love the dis. ppl. Everyone is so nice and i can actually talk about myself and be okay w/ it. I wanna thank all of u for the support. I also wanna tell this one kid that is gay at school that i like him and its hard cause i dont think he likes me though. and he is also moving away. waaaaaaaaaaa. should i tell him i like him?

 

[MrVisible]

I'm glad you're finding yourself at home here on the boards. It really is a great place, full of helpful, witty, and wise people. And now you're one of them.

As to the guy you like... I'm a big fan of dating. As in old-fashioned, go out for a burger and maybe a movie kind of dating. It's a great way for two people to get to know each other, and to find out if they're really compatible. Instead of telling this guy you like him, why don't you ask him out? "I've got tickets to ________ on Friday night, would you like to go?" tends to work out pretty well. Or if you want to keep things even a little more casual, ask him to join you for lunch sometime.

The key to asking someone out is to be specific. Give them a day, a time, and an event. If they say no, don't worry, they may have just had something else to do then. Just say, "Maybe some other time," and then follow up by asking again a couple of days later.

If you go up to someone and tell them you like them, it's kind of a conversational dead end. It's awkward. What would you do if someone told you that they liked you? It's pretty baffling. But if you're polite about it, nobody objects to being asked out.

I'm curious, though... why do you think he doesn't like you?

 

[bandboy101]

I'm glad you're finding yourself at home here on the boards. It really is a great place, full of helpful, witty, and wise people. And now you're one of them.

As to the guy you like... I'm a big fan of dating. As in old-fashioned, go out for a burger and maybe a movie kind of dating. It's a great way for two people to get to know each other, and to find out if they're really compatible. Instead of telling this guy you like him, why don't you ask him out? "I've got tickets to ________ on Friday night, would you like to go?" tends to work out pretty well. Or if you want to keep things even a little more casual, ask him to join you for lunch sometime.

The key to asking someone out is to be specific. Give them a day, a time, and an event. If they say no, don't worry, they may have just had something else to do then. Just say, "Maybe some other time," and then follow up by asking again a couple of days later.

If you go up to someone and tell them you like them, it's kind of a conversational dead end. It's awkward. What would you do if someone told you that they liked you? It's pretty baffling. But if you're polite about it, nobody objects to being asked out.

I'm curious, though... why do you think he doesn't like you?

idk he just never would stick around to let me talk to him i have tried talking to him but he walks away to talk to someone else.

 

[MrVisible]

idk he just never would stick around to let me talk to him i have tried talking to him but he walks away to talk to someone else.

You know, he might be a bit shy. But you'll never know until you ask him out.

 

[bandboy101]

Okay i will thanx. Wow ur an expert at this stuff arent you? lol Thanx. ~bandboy101~

 

[DVC~OKW~96]

Hey bandboy101! Here's another hug! You've got a wicked cool Mom, eh? That's a big plus in this world.

Be careful who you share with. Even though your Mom is behind you, there are still seriously nasty people out there.

As for asking the person out? Well, yeah. You won't know until you do ask him, but don't disregard the body signals he seems to be sending.

Always and forever, first guard yourself. Be safe. {{{{hugs}}}}

 

[bandboy101]

Hey bandboy101! Here's another hug! You've got a wicked cool Mom, eh? That's a big plus in this world.

Be careful who you share with. Even though your Mom is behind you, there are still seriously nasty people out there.

As for asking the person out? Well, yeah. You won't know until you do ask him, but don't disregard the body signals he seems to be sending.

Always and forever, first guard yourself. Be safe. {{{{hugs}}}}

Thanx i will try my best to be careful thank u for the concernment. I will try to ask him out before he finds someone else. Again thanx for the support. ~bandboy101~ {hugs}

 

[MrVisible]

Okay i will thanx. Wow ur an expert at this stuff arent you? lol Thanx. ~bandboy101~

Me? Uh... no. But I do remember high school from the perspective of someone who survived it.

As to asking this guy out before he finds someone else, didn't you say he was moving away anyway? Maybe it's not worth the heartache for something that won't last.

Remember, you've got plenty of time ahead of you. No need to hurry.

 

[bandboy101]

Me? Uh... no. But I do remember high school from the perspective of someone who survived it.

As to asking this guy out before he finds someone else, didn't you say he was moving away anyway? Maybe it's not worth the heartache for something that won't last.

Remember, you've got plenty of time ahead of you. No need to hurry.

U know u r right i should just try to look for someone else or wait for them to come to me. lol I love everyone on here. I wanna Thank everyone who opened this window to read my question, and answer them. Thanx u r all true friends. i really wanna thank u though MrVisible u have really helped me the mos. Thanx ~bandboy101~

 

[OrlandoMike]

If he's moving away I wouldnt tell him you like him. But you could be friends till he does move. Hang out, go to movies, stuff like that. With the Internet and cell phones you will keep in touch when he leaves, and why not start a friendship now.

 

[bandboy101]

If he's moving away I wouldnt tell him you like him. But you could be friends till he does move. Hang out, go to movies, stuff like that. With the Internet and cell phones you will keep in touch when he leaves, and why not start a friendship now.

Yea i will ill ask him if he would like to hang out for a while before he leaves. That would be fun. Thank You ~bandboy101~

 

[CrazyChik]

hey brenden about this person little one word reminder for you MATT did he take you out for a meal after band practise on thrsday like he said he would?????? thatswhat we where discussin while you where gone

 

[bubie2.5]

If he's moving away I wouldnt tell him you like him. But you could be friends till he does move. Hang out, go to movies, stuff like that. With the Internet and cell phones you will keep in touch when he leaves, and why not start a friendship now.

Great advise.

 

[bandboy101]

hey brenden about this person little one word reminder for you MATT did he take you out for a meal after band practise on thrsday like he said he would?????? thatswhat we where discussin while you where gone

Yes he did and im so happy right now. He is the nicest guy alive. lol He even asked me when we r both older if i would marry him. and i said yes. lol Then we went to go see Pirates together, that was the best movie ever!!!!! lol

 

[vascubaguy]

Just wanted to say hello, from a fellow "former" marching band geek (drum line, drum major, and brass)...

Oh, and I ditto most all the comments mentioned above...

I was one of those that didn't come out to anyone until I was in college. My hometown was not a place to be "out"... Actually, 2 guys I knew bought houses in the same neighborhood so they could be close, but they wouldn't move in together for fear of being suspected. They even orchestrated weddings and divorces... (one of the bad parts about living in small towns)...

Anyway, best of luck...