question for mother and DD scrappers

[nealymouse]

My 10 Yr old DD has been scrapbooking with me for over 2 years. My little girl is so creative and is the 1st one I ask an opion of when doing a page. Scrapbooking has become "our thing"

My 9 yr old DD is a special needs child. She is very demanding, has many doctor appointments, aids in our home ect ect.

Well today 9 yr old DD and I spend the day together in the city because of another appointment and we of course end up at one ok ok all 3 craft stores and I buy her a special little scrap book type book called "its all about ME" really cute and has some pages she can scrap.

Get home and my 10 yr old DD was heart broke. Pulled me off to have a private talk and was all upset that I wanted to involve her younger sister into "Our Thing"

At 1st I was a bit upset because she was being selfish but the more she talked the more I realized scrapbooking to her was so special because it was something just she and I did and enjoys our time alone. She does not want to share that time with her sister because he sister really does take MOST of my time.

NOW what do I do ? I really feel bad for my 10 yr old DD

 

[FantasticDisFamily]

Tough spot to be in nealymouse. It sounds like your 10 yo DD is pretty smart though. And my DD (14 now) tends to react and then calm down. Maybe give her a day to process on her own and then talk with her about it.

Sounds like this isn't going to be something the younger DD is going to be able (?) to get into to the same extent as your older daughter. And continue to make the scrapping as you have been just your time together. Perhaps explain that this was just a little something for the younger sister to do, to try on her own....

This is coming through the way I'm trying to say it. I know my DS & I and my DD & I have things that are activities for "just us" and sometimes that puts their nose out of joint when occasionally the opposite child is marginally involved. Mine are now 14 and nearly 17 and have figured out that occasional involvement is not the same as "our thing". But it took a LOT of coversations and pointed one on one involvement to keep/get it that way.

Good luck!
Deb

 

[Maple]

I saw your post last night and just wasn't sure what to say. I still am not to sure. I feel for your 10 yr old. I think what Deb said was right on the money. The only thing I can think of if you don't do the scrapbooking all together so older DD feels she still has this time with you. Big hugs to you.

 

[WDWMom]

nealymouse,

I am not sure what to tell you. I have only one DD and we scrap together all the time and shop LSS's all over together. I can't imagine how she would feel if I started with one of her brothers. (not that they would ever do such a thing LOL)

The best advice I can give is to make sure you still have one on one time with DD10. Let her know this is still her thing and follow through. You could also get her to help her younger sister. Maybe this will be a great bonding thing for them. You would not have to be involved and then it becomes something for the two of them and then there would still be m/d time with older DD. I hope this all makes sense???

Good luck.

 

[KaitlinsMom]

I , like some of the other posters, read this last night and just didn't know what to say - And I still don't -

Tough situation - Just make sure you spend alone time with both (which I am sure you are doing already)

Maybe the younger daughter could do only small scrapbooks? But you did say it was an "all about me" book - I think that is wonderful -

If your younger one takes to it and seems to be good at it, I would hate for you to take that away from her -

So bottom line - I still don't know what to tell you
I just wanted you to know I was thinking about you and hoping that it all works out!

Karen

 

[AMaloy314]

Ok. I know that I will probably get flamed all over the place for this, but here goes....

I'm going to take your 10yr-old's side on this one. It has obviously been something special between you for 2 years. You should be thrilled that you guys have such a connection. In just a couple more years, she'll be reaching that age when it isn't as cool to hang out with Mom. If you two can keep this as your special bond, it will open doors of communication that you wouldn't believe.

There is nothing that says that siblings need to do the same things to get equal attention. You may need to work on finding something to do with your 9yr old, but I wouldn't overly encourage the scrapping. I'm not sure what 'special needs' she has, but perhaps you could explain that this is a special activity that you do with 10 yr old instead of ________ that you do especially with her. Kids generally know when you are being fair and as long as you have special time with her, she should be ok.

Just my opinion...

 

[WDWMom]

After reading over my original post and reading AMaloy's, I would have to agree with her. This is something the two of you do alone and since I have a 13 yo who still likes to hang out me and scrap.

I also just shared with my DD your situation. She said she would be jealous (honest) and scared that I might spend less time with me. She said to spend equal time with the girls. Maybe finish the book you bought her and then tell her that this is older daughter's time with you and do something else with younger DD.

Hope this helps. It is hard to keep peace and harmony in any home.

 

[Disneylovers]

As the mother of two DD's (16 and almost 11) I understand your situation. DD 11 is also special needs (Downs syndrome). Since she was aware of her big sister, she wanted to do what her big sis does. Big sis and I share a love for scrapping also, and have for the past five years. Little sis likes to see what we're doing, and we'll give her a special page to play with. On our past trip last month, little DD brought her own digital camera, and bought her own photo album with her money to put her pictures in. Once summer vacation comes, we'll all sit down and "do" our books. Of course, we all know little DD's book will be just a photo album, but she'll be "one of the girls" with us. It won't dimish my time with older DD tho'.
Maybe if you present it to your older DD that the younger one wants to be like her, because she thinks she's so "cool", it may make your older DD feel a little better. I've gone through this a couple of times when my younger one wanted to do what her big sis did. At first there was a little bit of "this is my thing", but then she thought it was cool that her little sis wanted to be like her. Hugs to you.
Pat

 

[nealymouse]

Thank you all for you advice.

I am going to keep our scrapbooking time special with my 10 yr old. It was just way to important for her to let the little sister in right now.

Little sister is ok with it. We will find something else that will become OUR THING.

Again thank you all very much.