question for adhd parents

[brockash]

Hello. My 10 yr old has ADHD. He's medicated and has really come a long way in the last 3 years. His biggest struggles are controlling his emotions and the whole hyper part lol. Like he can't sit still and when hes concentrating he just makes random noises, not even realizing he's doing it. I've been trying to talk to the school about it but his teacher doesn't respond. Apparently this last week he's started losing recess because of it. Like yesterday a teacher said "better safe than sorry" and he said "oh my dad says that all the time" Bam had to walk laps the whole recess. I get that kids have to learn not to disrupt the class, and I would 100% understand if the things he said were mean or disrespectful, but they aren't. Am I wrong to be mad? Like, I'm trying to work with the school but they won't even respond when I ask how he's doing. I only know about this because he had a full on melt down about it last night.

You definitely have every right to be mad about them not responding...that's unprofessional and unacceptable and I'd definitely get the counselor and principal involved to discuss the expectations of responses.

Having said that; I think it's really hard and just not possible to know why a student was required to walk laps during recess...especially if the school hasn't responded to you yet. As a parent of 3 kids; I would never assume that what my kid told me is the full, absolute truth in reality... even with your most honest child; you have to realize perception and what sticks out most to one person (kid or not) has the tendency to be one-sided at best.

Walking laps is nothing horrible...he's still getting out and getting exercise. If this was something happening every day, then I'd have concerns, but every once in a while for a child who you know has a hard time not disrupting I think is totally reasonable. - As a parent, I would use this as more teaching moments. I wouldn't act like it was a huge deal, more of just a natural consequence to blurting out. If you know this is something you all are working on, then use it as such. I certainly wouldn't discipline him at home over it or act like I was mad at him, but I think it's VERY important to make sure you don't act like you're mad at or that your kid has a right to be mad at or blame the teacher for the consequence. Teach him empowerment and just talk with him that you realize it's not fun and disappointing when he has to walk laps and then discuss what he can work on and practice to control that.

Again if it was something happening every day, that's different and sounds like the teacher needs more training, but every now and then...well I think it would be weird if a kid, any kid, didn't have these kind of consequences every now and then. They're kids and learning...the consequences are what help them grow. It's part of life and a VERY important part in their growth. We do such a disservice to our kids when we make them feel they shouldn't have consequences.

As a parent, I knowit can be hard because we always just want our kids to be happy etc., but we stunt their growth if we create a life for them that avoids any disappointment/saddness/frustration/accountability etc.

Sorry, off my soapbox now...and OP I'm not saying this is something you do...it's just something that seems to be so prevalent in our society and it's so hard to watch.

 

[brockash]

I've had many special-needs kids in my circle over the years and every single one of them, after proper diagnosis, had an ISP (individual support plan or whatever it may be called in your jurisdiction). This was agreed upon between the school and the parents with input from clinicians as necessary and everybody worked together to stay informed and get/give one another feedback for the best interest of the kids. It seems very odd something like this isn't in place for your boy - does the school know about his diagnosis?

I mean he has ADHD...lots of people of ADHD (not to get too personal, but myself included) and most do just fine without needing any kind of accommodations or modifications. They are usually very capable, just have some extra challengeat times in certain areas, which are often strengths in others. If anything, a student with more severe ADHD may have a 504 plan. It would need to be extremely limiting and an extreme medical impairment for a child to have an IEP (I believe that's what you meant) for solely ADHD.

 

[brockash]

They do. We've had a long stuggle with this school. Starting in 1st grade. I've always known there was something different for him. Since he was a toddler, I knew. I asked all of his teachers if he needed to be evaluated and was told no. Either he's fine, just bored, or just looking for attention. By day 3 of 1st grade they had him sitting at a table by himself. He spent that whole year with an awful teacher and the school would do nothing until the 3rd qtr where they called a meeting to tell us they thought he was depressed. Well no kidding. That eventually led to his diagnosis, thru a private dr, bc again the school said he was "fine" That year broke him and it took all of 2nd and most of 3rd with great teachers to fix him. He's in 5th now, and the last 2 years he's been fine and very little issues so an IEP wasn't needed. This year he is struggling. The teacher is not very responsive to messages. It took 2 months of asking to get him a wobble seat. Several days of emails to allow fidget things in. I emailed on Monday asking how he was doing. We upped his meds last month but I did not tell the teacher that. No repsonse. Even tho there are apparently issues. Today I emailed his teacher and the prinicpal and it's about to hit the fan bc momma bear is mad, but I don't want to be that mom.

I'm sorry to hear you've had bad experiences with the school. I just wanted to let you know though schools do not have the authority or qualifications to diagnosis someone with ADHD. They often help in screeners and evaluations, but the diagnosis has to come from a Dr.

The not responding is what's infuriating. If you've emailed the principal and school counselor and don't get a response today; I would contact the superintendent (only about the communication issue.) Not responding is not acceptable.

 

[daisy2013]

Request a child study team evaluation including a neuropsychological assessment. This is a more in-depth evaluation that covers psychological testing (IQ), educational assessments, and behavioral assessments. When done correctly, it can provide a holistic look at the child and identify areas of concern that may not have previously been identified. Then the school can put together an appropriate IEP that can address any areas that need to be addressed. I would make sure in the IEP it is specifically stated that loss of recess is not an acceptable punishment. There are many accommodations that are easy for a classroom such as preferential seating near the point of instruction and away from distractors (like window or doors), redirection, modifications to the format of a test (fewer questions on a page) testing in an area away from the classroom, movement breaks, executive functioning instruction.

 

[dez1978]

You definitely have every right to be mad about them not responding...that's unprofessional and unacceptable and I'd definitely get the counselor and principal involved to discuss the expectations of responses.

Having said that; I think it's really hard and just not possible to know why a student was required to walk laps during recess...especially if the school hasn't responded to you yet. As a parent of 3 kids; I would never assume that what my kid told me is the full, absolute truth in reality... even with your most honest child; you have to realize perception and what sticks out most to one person (kid or not) has the tendency to be one-sided at best.

Walking laps is nothing horrible...he's still getting out and getting exercise. If this was something happening every day, then I'd have concerns, but every once in a while for a child who you know has a hard time not disrupting I think is totally reasonable. - As a parent, I would use this as more teaching moments. I wouldn't act like it was a huge deal, more of just a natural consequence to blurting out. If you know this is something you all are working on, then use it as such. I certainly wouldn't discipline him at home over it or act like I was mad at him, but I think it's VERY important to make sure you don't act like you're mad at or that your kid has a right to be mad at or blame the teacher for the consequence. Teach him empowerment and just talk with him that you realize it's not fun and disappointing when he has to walk laps and then discuss what he can work on and practice to control that.

Again if it was something happening every day, that's different and sounds like the teacher needs more training, but every now and then...well I think it would be weird if a kid, any kid, didn't have these kind of consequences every now and then. They're kids and learning...the consequences are what help them grow. It's part of life and a VERY important part in their growth. We do such a disservice to our kids when we make them feel they shouldn't have consequences.

As a parent, I knowit can be hard because we always just want our kids to be happy etc., but we stunt their growth if we create a life for them that avoids any disappointment/saddness/frustration/accountability etc.

Sorry, off my soapbox now...and OP I'm not saying this is something you do...it's just something that seems to be so prevalent in our society and it's so hard to watch.

I do know for a fact that there have been 5 times so far that he's had to walk laps the whole recess. 5.... In the last month. There are some things I can verify as my besties kid is in the same class. I got a brief response from the teacher yesterday after I'd emailed including the principal explaining how yes, they do miss the whole recess but it's ok, bc he's still outside getting activity. No... Its not ok for things HE CANNOT CONTROL. As I said, if it were for being disrespectful or rude, sure, go for it. Apparently he will also have to miss the class holdiay party now as well. But I can't get clarification on that because no one has responded to my follow up email or phone call. I WILL throw a fit about that.

As for the rest of it, I do work very hard to present a united front with the school to my kids. Especially until I have confirmed their story. However, generally if I tell him that I am going to ask the teacher, if they are lying they very quickly back up and fix their story lol. What he has told me may not be 100% true right now, granted. But I know him well enough to know that there is something going on there that very bothersome to him. And regardless of how as adults we may see his behavior, if he feels that he is being unfairly treated, (and not just mad for getting in trouble) or singled out, then that's not ok and is something as his mom, I need to help with.

I don't expect him to never get in trouble for his behavior, but this system, as I understand it, has set kid like him up to fail. From what I understand they get a punch card. the first 10 punches, they lose 5 min each. After that it's the whole recess. After they've lost 10, they can't participate in the party. He likely lost all 10 in the 1st week of this, and they had to know he would before it started. I know self control is something he's got to work on, and I'm 100% with out on most of what you said asbout kids learing to face disappointment and such. But when it's something beyond his control, thats not the same thing.

 

[mjkacmom]

I do know for a fact that there have been 5 times so far that he's had to walk laps the whole recess. 5.... In the last month. There are some things I can verify as my besties kid is in the same class. I got a brief response from the teacher yesterday after I'd emailed including the principal explaining how yes, they do miss the whole recess but it's ok, bc he's still outside getting activity. No... Its not ok for things HE CANNOT CONTROL. As I said, if it were for being disrespectful or rude, sure, go for it. Apparently he will also have to miss the class holdiay party now as well. But I can't get clarification on that because no one has responded to my follow up email or phone call. I WILL throw a fit about that.

As for the rest of it, I do work very hard to present a united front with the school to my kids. Especially until I have confirmed their story. However, generally if I tell him that I am going to ask the teacher, if they are lying they very quickly back up and fix their story lol. What he has told me may not be 100% true right now, granted. But I know him well enough to know that there is something going on there that very bothersome to him. And regardless of how as adults we may see his behavior, if he feels that he is being unfairly treated, (and not just mad for getting in trouble) or singled out, then that's not ok and is something as his mom, I need to help with.

I don't expect him to never get in trouble for his behavior, but this system, as I understand it, has set kid like him up to fail. From what I understand they get a punch card. the first 10 punches, they lose 5 min each. After that it's the whole recess. After they've lost 10, they can't participate in the party. He likely lost all 10 in the 1st week of this, and they had to know he would before it started. I know self control is something he's got to work on, and I'm 100% with out on most of what you said asbout kids learing to face disappointment and such. But when it's something beyond his control, thats not the same thing.

I think this is why you should get him assessed through the school. I don’t think they can excuse behavior issues because mom says it’s not his fault, that’s where 504’s/IEP’s come in. If there is a punch card system my kids didn’t have them after kindergarten), the teacher can’t just excuse his behavior, it wouldn’t be fair to the other students.

 

[dez1978]

I think this is why you should get him assessed through the school. I don’t think they can excuse behavior issues because mom says it’s not his fault, that’s where 504’s/IEP’s come in. If there is a punch card system my kids didn’t have them after kindergarten), the teacher can’t just excuse his behavior, it wouldn’t be fair to the other students.

They have a full report from his dr, who specializes in adhd that says it's not his fault. It's not like I just walked in one day and said he's got adhd, take my word for it lol. But I do think we are on our way to asking for a 504. Had they taken me seriously years ago when I was trying to get help from them, they'd have one from their people but they didn't and I spent thousands of dollars getting my own testing done. I paid to have an educational consultant go with me to the school to argue with them about things (these things aren't free in our state) so that we understood our rights and knew what he had the right to have. Unfortunately she's moved out of state and I haven't found another one yet. And I totally get what you are saying about the fairness to others, I do. But is it fair to him to exclude him for behaviors he can't help (when they know he can't help it)? His teachers are well aware of it. We had coversations about it before class even started. The paperwork is in his file if they wanted to verify it.

 

[FigmentSpark]

Definitely get the IEP/504 done If you can. It will empower the teachers to make accommodations for your child that they can’t make without one. That might be as little as being allowed to take a test in a quiet area, but might also be having assistance in the classroom. Teachers generally will work with you when you have one in place.

 

[Lilsia]

I do know for a fact that there have been 5 times so far that he's had to walk laps the whole recess. 5.... In the last month. There are some things I can verify as my besties kid is in the same class. I got a brief response from the teacher yesterday after I'd emailed including the principal explaining how yes, they do miss the whole recess but it's ok, bc he's still outside getting activity. No... Its not ok for things HE CANNOT CONTROL. As I said, if it were for being disrespectful or rude, sure, go for it. Apparently he will also have to miss the class holdiay party now as well. But I can't get clarification on that because no one has responded to my follow up email or phone call. I WILL throw a fit about that.

As for the rest of it, I do work very hard to present a united front with the school to my kids. Especially until I have confirmed their story. However, generally if I tell him that I am going to ask the teacher, if they are lying they very quickly back up and fix their story lol. What he has told me may not be 100% true right now, granted. But I know him well enough to know that there is something going on there that very bothersome to him. And regardless of how as adults we may see his behavior, if he feels that he is being unfairly treated, (and not just mad for getting in trouble) or singled out, then that's not ok and is something as his mom, I need to help with.

I don't expect him to never get in trouble for his behavior, but this system, as I understand it, has set kid like him up to fail. From what I understand they get a punch card. the first 10 punches, they lose 5 min each. After that it's the whole recess. After they've lost 10, they can't participate in the party. He likely lost all 10 in the 1st week of this, and they had to know he would before it started. I know self control is something he's got to work on, and I'm 100% with out on most of what you said asbout kids learing to face disappointment and such. But when it's something beyond his control, thats not the same thing.

You are absolutely doing the right thing by your child. Reading this brings back so many bad memories of my childhood of how some teachers will just take an instant dislike to you because they don't understand. And that trickles down because then your classmates see that there's something wrong with you and you miss that time bonding with them. It is unconscionable for him to miss out on the holiday party because of minor things like this. They're treating him as if he's disruptive and violent for some reason. Frankly I would advocate for a different teacher at this point. Keep up advocating for him because my parents never did and I had a miserable childhood and grew up hating my parents for all kinds of reasons mostly because they treated me the same way that some of the teachers did and I could not understand why I couldn't " control myself" and just sit still in quiet.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

The last school year when things like this happened, he eventually decided "well if I'm going to lose every thing for 1 minor thing, it's not worth it to struggle all day to be good" and went all in on the bad behavior.

Like I'm well aware that my kid can be a jerk and sometimes that has nothing to do with him having ADHD and he just wants to be a jerk that day, and those things I aboslutely do punish or discipline him for.

As I said, if it were for being disrespectful or rude, sure, go for it. Apparently he will also have to miss the class holdiay party now as well.

But when he is constantly getting in trouble for things beyond his control, then those other things arise.

Apparently this last week he's started losing recess because of it. Like yesterday a teacher said "better safe than sorry" and he said "oh my dad says that all the time" Bam had to walk laps the whole recess

So reading all these comments there could be a combination of sometimes he's got a sarcastic or a jerk-ish way to his outbursts. It's possible that some of these punishments are due to the way he said his outbursts not necessarily the outburst itself. It could be just an interpretation on the teacher's behalf but sometimes kids are just kids in a sense that buttons were pushed knowingly. I'm sure there are times when your son absolutely has nothing to his tone or body language or his words that could be interpreted as disrespectful though.

No... Its not ok for things HE CANNOT CONTROL

They have a full report from his dr, who specializes in adhd that says it's not his fault.

I know you've said a lot that this isn't his fault but you've also said you're trying to prepare him for the world that doesn't necessarily accommodate him and that you discipline him when you see fit. There are tools that people with disabilities (to an extent of the disability) learn to do which you know about as you've disclosed you had adult ADHD. His outburst may not be his fault, but there are people who do learn to control things. It could be a simple channeling of what energy would have been used for that outburst into something else. It could even be that while he may not be able to always control something that comes out verbally that the school and your son agree that if he needs to get up and leave the room for a moment he does that so that his outbursts, or at least some of them, occur outside the classroom.

But also you say a lot of this is on the school punishing your son for things out of his control and not his fault but without the 504, IEP just knowing a diagnosis of ADHD does not mean they can just treat him differently. Maybe in the past teachers approached it differently but maybe in the past your son was also different in the classroom too.

I don't expect him to never get in trouble for his behavior, but this system, as I understand it, has set kid like him up to fail.

I don't think they've set him up to fail. I think they are using what tools they can for what they can. On a human level knowing someone has ADHD may make you approach a situation differently but then again like has been said by other posters and by you you also learn to roll with the punches and not every person with ADHD has the same issues, triggers, things that calm them down, etc.

I think the 504, IEP allows the school to pivot how they treat him.

But I can't get clarification on that because no one has responded to my follow up email or phone call.

This by far is the biggest issue to me because without communication on both ends your son is in the middle and he's the one who ends up being the most affected.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

This could be related to the transition back from on-line learning.

I know the OP posted here and in the past regarding covid protocols being quite different than some areas of the U.S. but there's a layer missing there IMO. Bouncing off your comment while they may not have had online school or hybrid as much as other districts in the nation they still went through a pandemic that is still going on. There are districts (including ones in my metro) who have taken an approach in recent months of "rest days" basically where for the well-being of their staff they have no school days. This goes for the students as well that they are trying to give both students and teachers days to simply decompress. Unheard of in the past years unless a devastating event occurred in one's community. I feel like this is very telling where we all are starting to or have been recognizing the toll this pandemic has had.

Everyone has the opportunity to just be under a different layer of stress than before. It's possible both the student and the current teacher have shortened fuses (probably more the teacher honestly). The teacher may have been dealing with parents in a different way than they had to in the past, any things that may have been going on in their community and just more. Not really an excuse per se but could help explain why this teacher this year is a different situation than years past.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

I’m wondering if the teacher is creating their own misery. Recess is a good way to get all of that out.

If I had to guess it's more or less the standard punishment for certain actions. I don't think the teacher is reasonably able to separate out, at this time, the OP's son's issue with others so they are likely applying the normal "act out get privileges taken away" in this case recess being the privilege.

Depending on the situation consequences may still be warranted but ones that are more tailored because if walking by yourself ends up making you feel more alone and still full of compulsory energy it's just going to be a cycle.

 

[dez1978]

This by far is the biggest issue to me because without communication on both ends your son is in the middle and he's the one who ends up being the most affected.

You are correct. This is the biggest issue. Becasue if they'd communicate with me, I'd know if he was in fact being a jerk, or if it was something where he's just making statements or noises. But I'm stuck relying on his version of things, which I know may either be downright wrong, or just his side of it. This is the 1st year where I have not had great communication with his teachers. Usually I get responses in a couple of hours. In the past (with the exception of 1st grade) his teachers have always been great about trying different things with him. Letting him sit at the back of the room during testing if he wants, letting him use headphones, or just being aware that he sometimes just makes some noises, and thats ok. So something formal was never needed, because the teachers just did it, or would ask my opinion or if I had suggestions. So they absolutely CAN do those things without it being in writing formally. This year, they are apparently choosing not to, so I'll work on getting a formal plan to force them to help him, instead. That is also what's irritating me. He's not a different child than he was 6 months ago in 4th grade. The teachers are different

I don't think they've set him up to fail. I think they are using what tools they can for what they can. On a human level knowing someone has ADHD may make you approach a situation differently but then again like has been said by other posters and by you you also learn to roll with the punches and not every person with ADHD has the same issues, triggers, things that calm them down, etc.

When they started the punch card system in November, his teacher had had him in class long enough at that point to know he would not be successful at this. It's not like they started it at the start of the year before they knew anything about the students.

And I know, I'm being completely mama bear about this. And totally "in my feelings" about it. I get it. What you are saying makes perfect sense, especially coming from an outsider who (since I haven't posted it all here) doesn't know all the the emails and messages that have been sent (and ignored) or every little detail that have added up to get to this point. Nor do you know me or my son. Or how we parent or anything else that all goes into this big pile that lands us here. But I do know my kid, and I know that how he is acting now at home, is because he is struggling at school with something. Which is different that how he acts when he's done something wrong and is in trouble and is just mad because he's in trouble. And as his mom, it's my job to figure that out and advocate for him. Yes, he's going to have to learn coping mechanisms, we all do, but he's also a 10 year old little boy who shouldn't have to walk around the edge of the playground for 30 min while his friends play, or miss out on the holiday party as a punishment while hes struggling to learn those coping mechanisms. If a kid with dyslexia was struggling with a reading assignment, they wouldn't have to walk laps until they figured out how do work around that.

 

[DLgal]

OP, trust your gut on this. Don't listen to all the people on this thread trying to justify this teacher's behavior. It's not okay what is happening to your son and I am in NO WAY one of those parents who coddle their kids and think they can do no wrong. My kids are both autistic, one also has ADHD. Since they were identified early on (before turning 3), they have ALWAYS had an IEP in place in school and they have never been subjected to asinine systems of punishments due to behaviors that result from their conditions.

Unfortunately, the school district CANNOT, by federal law, use medical records/diagnoses alone to provide ANY accommodations for students. The school BY LAW, must do their own educational evaluation to determine IF there is a condition that is causing impairment to learning in a typical classroom environment, and if so, in what way. The educational impact is ALL that matters and medical records or outside evaluations can be considered, but only as additional evidence as part of a full evaluation. So, make an official request for a full evaluation for special education eligibility and go from there. ADHD questionnaires (among others) are provided by the school psychologist for you to fill out. The teacher will also fill one out based on her observations and they will use both results to determine the likelihood that ADHD (or some other condition) may be causing your sons behavior at school that is then impacting his ability to be successful within the classroom. This is really the only way you will get any answers. Do not let them bully you into NOT doing this evaluation. They are required to by federal law upon a parent's request. Know your rights and fight for them.

 

[PollyannaMom]

Yes, he's going to have to learn coping mechanisms, we all do, but he's also a 10 year old little boy who shouldn't have to walk around the edge of the playground for 30 min while his friends play, or miss out on the holiday party as a punishment while he's struggling to learn those coping mechanisms.

I agree! Back when I was subbing, I was never told to take away a full recess (and in fact, I even used to fudge the time on losing part of recess - as in, send them off to play after 3 minutes when they thought it had been 5.) They need to recharge!

And losing a holiday party for talking out is definitely a case of the punishment not fitting the crime.

I agree with whoever said above that it might be time to consider a teacher change. I generally advocate for figuring out how to work with all types of people and I certainly don't think it should be the first thing parents jump to, but there are occasionally times when there's just a huge mis-match between teacher and student, and this may be one of them.

Do not let them bully you into NOT doing this evaluation. They are required to by federal law upon a parent's request.

This!! Put the request in writing, and cc people higher up.

 

[brockash]

They have a full report from his dr, who specializes in adhd that says it's not his fault. It's not like I just walked in one day and said he's got adhd, take my word for it lol. But I do think we are on our way to asking for a 504. Had they taken me seriously years ago when I was trying to get help from them, they'd have one from their people but they didn't and I spent thousands of dollars getting my own testing done. I paid to have an educational consultant go with me to the school to argue with them about things (these things aren't free in our state) so that we understood our rights and knew what he had the right to have. Unfortunately she's moved out of state and I haven't found another one yet. And I totally get what you are saying about the fairness to others, I do. But is it fair to him to exclude him for behaviors he can't help (when they know he can't help it)? His teachers are well aware of it. We had coversations about it before class even started. The paperwork is in his file if they wanted to verify it.

You shouldn't need anyone to go with you, let alone pay for someone to. In my experience at various schools throughout the US it is pretty easy to get a 504 plan...especially with a diagnosis. Having said that, as someone with ADHD myself, itis important to teach our kids how to adapt and work through any challenges we can. I would not be ready to throw in the towel and accept that my 10 year old is not going to be able to learn to control outbursts and disruptions... and fair or not...having consequence is really the fastest and often most effective way to motivate someone to remind themselves, and work on that self- control.

Obviously none of us know what all is going on with your child or your school, but I would be totally fine with my child needing to walk laps (maybe you could discuss a max. time so it's not automatically the full recess) in a case of him/her being disruptive. Also, while I suppose there's a chance your child just happens to be in a horrible school with a horrible teacher; it's much more likely that the consequence came after a warning.

 

[dez1978]

You shouldn't need anyone to go with you, let alone pay for someone to. In my experience at various schools throughout the US it is pretty easy to get a 504 plan...especially with a diagnosis. Having said that, as someone with ADHD myself, itis important to teach our kids how to adapt and work through any challenges we can. I would not be ready to throw in the towel and accept that my 10 year old is not going to be able to learn to control outbursts and disruptions... and fair or not...having consequence is really the fastest and often most effective way to motivate someone to remind themselves, and work on that self- control.

Obviously none of us know what all is going on with your child or your school, but I would be totally fine with my child needing to walk laps (maybe you could discuss a max. time so it's not automatically the full recess) in a case of him/her being disruptive. Also, while I suppose there's a chance your child just happens to be in a horrible school with a horrible teacher; it's much more likely that the consequence came after a warning.

You are right I should not need to pay someone. When I asked multiple times in 1st grade about getting an evaluation, they should have told me I needed to put it in writing and they'd do it. But instead they told me he was just looking for attention. They should have told me what I needed to do to make that happen. But I had no idea they had to do one, or what our rights were.
Never not once did I say he would not be able to control them ever. What I said was it's unfair to punish him for being unable to control them if they are not giving him the resources to learn to do so. And perhaps consequences work for you, I'm sure in one of your posts earlier you mentioned how each child is different and all have different triggers etc. Same applies here. What works for you doesn't work for everyone. I'm glad you'd be ok with your kid doing this. I'm not.

 

[MrsCobraBubbles]

when you say that he makes random noises, is it possible he is having vocal tics? What med is he on? My son took Concerta for 3 years and it caused tics, and my friend's daughter was on Concerta for 5 years and then started having seizures, in addition to tics. I've heard plenty of stories about side effects from Concerta. Concerta works great, it was like a miracle drug for my son, but there is a history of it causing neurological issues. Thankfully most of my son's tics faded away within a year or two of stopping the medicine. My son is diagnosed with ADHD inattentive as well as autism.

I think I read that your son doesn't have an IEP? He needs an IEP ASAP! If you are in Pennsylvania I can help you find a free education advocate, otherwise maybe call 211 or see if you can find a local Facebook group regarding special education/ADHD in your state. Once you "lawyer up" and bring an education advocate for a meeting with the school, you will find that they will be much more helpful and attentive to both you and your son. IEP is best but even a 504 will help. It's much easier to get an IEP with an education advocate and I highly recommend reaching out for that help.

As for the punishment, I personally think that punishment for a kid who is dx with impulsive type ADHD is borderline abuse when the behaviors they are being punished for are related to their diagnosis. Not saying you can't correct the behavior, of course it should be corrected!, but teachers shouldn't be punitive about something that is out of that child's control they should be trying to teach them how to control those impulses and punishment is shown to be ineffective for that. And you didn't say for sure that your son is dx with it but it sure sounds to me like he struggles with impulsivity. My son has inattentive type ADHD, without hyperactivity, and my daughter has the more classic type of ADHD, with hyperactivity and impulsivity, and that kind of sounds like what your son has too.

 

[lanejudy]

The communication issue is a problem. At 10 yrs old I'm guessing 4th or 5th grade, and you are probably starting to hit the level where there is less communication with the parents. It's still not acceptable to ignore or not respond at all. But communication decreases at that point, and continues to be less and less as they age. Also, choose your battles wisely.

Around that age they are also shifting out of the early elementary "comfy style" classrooms and teaching, getting ready for middle school. Less leniency, more structure as "school" -- if you've been to visit his classroom you probably notice much less space for gathering (circle time) or play or even booknooks replaced with more structured work space/desks.

But what I find most disheartening is that in 3(?) years, not a single person has suggested a 504 or IEP evaluation. Not his pediatrician, with the diagnosis or when he wrote a note excusing behavior. Not the education consultant you paid. Not one of the prior teachers who worked well with him. There is some kind of disconnect going on. Request the evaluation. NOW. Not tomorrow, not next week, not after the holidays. In writing. Be sure to copy the special education or 504 director at his school as well as at the district level. Depending on the size of your school and district, those may be one and the same or different people, they may have different titles but still hold that responsibility; you should be able to find out from the website or a simple call to the district office.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

I agree with whoever said above that it might be time to consider a teacher change. I generally advocate for figuring out how to work with all types of people and I certainly don't think it should be the first thing parents jump to, but there are occasionally times when there's just a huge mis-match between teacher and student, and this may be one of them.

That might depend on how many teachers are even available. Staffing shortages are big right now. But even before then in my elementary school there were 2 teachers per grade and actually some teachers taught split grades. When I was in 2nd grade I was in a split 2nd/3rd grade, when I was in 3rd grade I was in a split 3rd/4th grade class.

It's totally an option to request but choice of teachers could be a luxury