question for adhd parents

[KristaZ]

504, thats what I was thinking of. I don't think he qualifies for an IEP as he has great grades. He struggles with concentrating when trying to block out the other distractions which is I think where his noises come from. I don't even know what accommodations I would ask for and I don't really trust the school who has consistently told me he doesn't need anything to give appropriate suggestions. It also doesn't help that with a July bday, he is the youngest in his class, and there are a couple of kids who are 15 months older than him in the same class. It's unfair to compare the 2 at that age, but it happens.

So, without knowing your son, it would be hard for me to give you a full list of suggestions, but just from what you described, some I might recommend would be: use of noise cancelling headphones, seated at the front of the room and/or flexible seating arrangements, a designated quiet space for independent work and tests, and possibly some sort of reward system to help your son curb the blurting out (I know that one may be the most difficult - but if other teachers have had success with a particular strategy for him in the past, reach out to them and see what worked before).

 

[dez1978]

So, without knowing your son, it would be hard for me to give you a full list of suggestions, but just from what you described, some I might recommend would be: use of noise cancelling headphones, seated at the front of the room and/or flexible seating arrangements, a designated quiet space for independent work and tests, and possibly some sort of reward system to help your son curb the blurting out (I know that one may be the most difficult - but if other teachers have had success with a particular strategy for him in the past, reach out to them and see what worked before).

Thank you. I know the quiet spaces have worked before. I really think this is the first year the blurting things out has been a real issue. I know it's happened, but the teachers mostly must have just not found it to be that big of an issue as long as it was not disrespectful.

 

[Karin1984]

For accommodations of any kind it is: 1. What is the problem, 2. How can it be solved? (think of more than 1 way if you can)
If the issue is concentration, how can we remove distractions, like Krista suggests headphones, quiet place.
If the issue is sitting still, would he benefit from a (silent) fidget toy?

Are there parent support groups in your area you could go to, to look for suggestions?

 

[dez1978]

For accommodations of any kind it is: 1. What is the problem, 2. How can it be solved? (think of more than 1 way if you can)
If the issue is concentration, how can we remove distractions, like Krista suggests headphones, quiet place.
If the issue is sitting still, would he benefit from a (silent) fidget toy?

Are there parent support groups in your area you could go to look for suggestions?

All the parent groups I've found seem to be either super judgy or how dare you suggest any type of dicipline for your ADHD child? Like my parenting just doesn't fit in with any of them yet lol. One of them I'm on every time anyone posts about anything that a teacher does everyone is all offended that the teacher dare talk about a child being a problem. Even when it's something NOT adhd related. They just feel like ADHD is an excuse for their kid to get away with anything. Like I'm well aware that my kid can be a jerk and sometimes that has nothing to do with him having ADHD and he just wants to be a jerk that day, and those things I aboslutely do punish or discipline him for. And I know that one day he's going to have to go out into the world and function and his boss won't care that he has ADHD so he's going to have to learn to cope with things the best he can. So I'm struggling finding a group that is in the middle, ya know?
He does have fidget toys and a wobble seat. Both of which I bought and sent in because the school "couldn't find any"

 

[StarGirl11]

All the parent groups I've found seem to be either super judgy or how dare you suggest any type of dicipline for your ADHD child? Like my parenting just doesn't fit in with any of them yet lol. One of them I'm on every time anyone posts about anything that a teacher does everyone is all offended that the teacher dare talk about a child being a problem. Even when it's something NOT adhd related. They just feel like ADHD is an excuse for their kid to get away with anything. Like I'm well aware that my kid can be a jerk and sometimes that has nothing to do with him having ADHD and he just wants to be a jerk that day, and those things I aboslutely do punish or discipline him for. And I know that one day he's going to have to go out into the world and function and his boss won't care that he has ADHD so he's going to have to learn to cope with things the best he can. So I'm struggling finding a group that is in the middle, ya know?
He does have fidget toys and a wobble seat. Both of which I bought and sent in because the school "couldn't find any"

Okay I just want to jump in for a second. Because the part about the boss not caring. Is fundamentally wrong. They might not want to care but if he has needs they are going to have to.

ADA does cover ND in the work place. They have to provide accomodations for the disability community (which by definition the ND community is part of). Jobs may not always like it. But it is a requirement.

this usually comes up in convos about ASD but it’s applicable for ADHD. Just because we go into the work place doesn’t suddenly change things.

Now if he doesn’t have needs in the workplace that need accomodations that’s another thing. But jobs are legally required to follow the ADA and provide reasonable accomodations if they are needed.

 

[dez1978]

Okay I just want to jump in for a second. Because the part about the boss not caring. Is fundamentally wrong. They might not want to care but if he has needs they are going to have to.

ADA does cover ND in the work place. They have to provide accomodations for the disability community (which by definition the ND community is part of). Jobs may not always like it. But it is a requirement.

this usually comes up in convos about ASD but it’s applicable for ADHD. Just because we go into the work place doesn’t suddenly change things.

Now if he doesn’t have needs in the workplace that need accomodations that’s another thing. But jobs are legally required to follow the ADA and provide reasonable accomodations if they are needed.

I promise my workplace does not care that I hyperfocus on one thing so much that I forget to do something else because I have ADHD. They care that the 2nd thing didn't get done. I get what you are saying absolutely. And certianly there are some of his ADHD traits, that may fall under the ADA accomodations one day. But as an adult w/ ADHD myself, most of the things I struggle with are things I have to manage on my own. There isn't an accomodation that I would ask for that would help me stay on task or better organize my desk. Its coping mechanisms I've had to learn over the years to be semi successful, or at least not such a screw up that I get fired lol. Those were the kinds of things I'm talking about. And for the most part, at least where we live, we aren't to the point where most people would feel comfortable asking for any type of accomodations for ADHD as an adult. Heck, we can barely get them for our kids lol.

 

[DLgal]

Your son needs a 504 plan so that he can get legal accommodations. Separate testing/independent work area when needed, breaks when needed, extra time on tests/quizzes, reduced workload when he can show mastery of skills, preferential seating, a behavior plan for managing disruptive behavior, etc. Without a 504 plan, the teacher doesn't have to do anything and can continue to unfairly punish your son. He doesn't deserve that. Ask for a full evaluation in writing. By law, the school has 2 months to comply. Only then will anything change.

 

[OKW8297]

I think it's about 50% of the people with ADHD also have another condition like depression, anxiety, ocd, tics etc.
I agree with above, let him get tested if there might be something else.

Agree

 

[jen7233]

We have a 504 plan. It has helped somewhat as in now the focus is more about assisting instead of everything that's wrong so in many aspects switched from always negative to finding positives which I think helps, not to mention helps the psyche. But, still have to work on some things that be improved.

 

[PollyannaMom]

I’m wondering if the teacher is creating their own misery. Recess is a good way to get all of that out.

Absolutely!

I really think this is the first year the blurting things out has been a real issue. I know it's happened, but the teachers mostly must have just not found it to be that big of an issue as long as it was not disrespectful.

This could be related to the transition back from on-line learning. Either:

1) The teacher got used to being able to mute them all with a button, and forgot how normal a few innocent comments like "my dad says that too" are at the that age, or

2) A lot of the kids are struggling with the transition back to a shared space and being quiet again, and the teacher has had to be stricter than normal to curb it in order to get through lessons. Kids that age are very sensitive to fairness, and it puts her in a tough spot if she's expected to crack down on everybody except one kid for the same offense.

(Of course, that still doesn't excuse her for not getting back to you or not helping your DS find ways to check his own behavior before he blurts out.

So, without knowing your son, it would be hard for me to give you a full list of suggestions, but just from what you described, some I might recommend would be: use of noise cancelling headphones, seated at the front of the room and/or flexible seating arrangements, a designated quiet space for independent work and tests...

If he likes writing (I know many kids with ADHD don't) you might try a note pad as well. He can keep it on his desk and jot down comments he wants to make, to share at a more appropriate (pre-arranged) time. It doesn't always work, but for a few kids, it's just the thing.

 

[kymom99]

I have absolutely zero knowledge of raising children or educating them. But my first thought is: No, that's not okay, because recess is not just to move around and recharge, it's also to interact with your classmates and be social. If that wasn't one of the benefits of going to school, then we should switch to online schooling again.

Especially if he can see his classmates play, this sounds cruel, to punish someone over a medical condition.

It’s very common. There are so few consequences we teachers can use. This is one that is generally accepted.

 

[kymom99]

504, thats what I was thinking of. I don't think he qualifies for an IEP as he has great grades. He struggles with concentrating when trying to block out the other distractions which is I think where his noises come from. I don't even know what accomodations I would ask for and I don't really trust the school who has consistently told me he doesn't need anything to give appropriate suggestions. It also doesn't help that with a July bday, he is the youngest in his class, and there are a couple of kids who are 15 months older than him in the same class. It's unfair to compare the 2 at that age, but it happens.

Has anyone suggested a sensory room? Does his school have one?

 

[DisneyOma]

clarification... I emailed the teacher monday (and several times before with no response). Today after his meltdown last night, I emailed and included the principal. About 20 min after that I got a response from the teacher saying his issues are his noises/blurting things out. And that yes, he misses his whole recess, but he gets to walk laps the whole time so it's ok.

We've been guided in our school district to make sure a child is not being punished for a behavior that is a reflection of that child's disability. From what you've posted here, the blurting/noises are part of his ADHD, and isolating him during recess is not appropriate. Feel free to use some of this info in an email to the teacher and principal, and see what happens?

Your son needs a 504 plan so that he can get legal accommodations. Separate testing/independent work area when needed, breaks when needed, extra time on tests/quizzes, reduced workload when he can show mastery of skills, preferential seating, a behavior plan for managing disruptive behavior, etc. Without a 504 plan, the teacher doesn't have to do anything and can continue to unfairly punish your son. He doesn't deserve that. Ask for a full evaluation in writing. By law, the school has 2 months to comply. Only then will anything change.

It can be either a 504 or an IEP - an IEP will set goals, which might give the child more services to help gain strategies (I call them tools) to help alleviate issues they may experience. We are so blessed in our local high school, as one of our special ed teachers also has ADHD, and she is very open about it, and really helps find strategies that the students can try in class. A student on a 504 would not be placed in this teacher's classroom, as there would be no specialized instructions that are offered with a 504, only accommodations.

 

[dez1978]

Absolutely!




This could be related to the transition back from on-line learning. Either:

1) The teacher got used to being able to mute them all with a button, and forgot how normal a few innocent comments like "my dad says that too" are at the that age, or

2) A lot of the kids are struggling with the transition back to a shared space and being quiet again, and the teacher has had to be stricter than normal to curb it in order to get through lessons. Kids that age are very sensitive to fairness, and it puts her in a tough spot if she's expected to crack down on everybody except one kid for the same offense.

(Of course, that still doesn't excuse her for not getting back to you or not helping your DS find ways to check his own behavior before he blurts out.




If he likes writing (I know many kids with ADHD don't) you might try a note pad as well. He can keep it on his desk and jot down comments he wants to make, to share at a more appropriate (pre-arranged) time. It doesn't always work, but for a few kids, it's just the thing.

We only had online school for the end of the year when Covid 1st hit. They’ve been back in seat full time since the beginning of last school year here. Very little changed in our district other than those last couple of months. I’ll talk to him about the note pad tho

 

[dez1978]

It’s very common. There are so few consequences we teachers can use. This is one that is generally accepted.

I’d be on board with this is my kid was being mean or disrespectful in any way. But he isn’t. He’s making noises he can’t control or saying harmless things like my dad says that too. Would it be ok to make an autistic child walk the whole recess for making noises they can’t control?

 

[kymom99]

I’d be on board with this is my kid was being mean or disrespectful in any way. But he isn’t. He’s making noises he can’t control or saying harmless things like my dad says that too. Would it be ok to make an autistic child walk the whole recess for making noises they can’t control?

I wouldn’t have any child walk the whole time.
My reply was aimed more at the posters who say the practice in general is wrong.

 

[DLgal]

I wouldn’t have any child walk the whole time.
My reply was aimed more at the posters who say the practice in general is wrong.

It is wrong and it is not permitted in our district.

 

[FigmentSpark]

If the principal won't help, maybe it's time to get the school board involved? Laps at recess will NOT help your son. It will only make him feel worse about himself.

My son had a teacher like that who was "going to make an example of him" in grade 4. She had everyone in groups except my son who had a desk next to hers and wasn't even allowed to put his hands in the desk. Every time he got up during free time to talk to another student (because they were all in groups) he was further punished until he "learned to behave". It was the modern equivalent of the dunce cap in the corner. My husband found out and paid the principal a visit. He made it very clear that his son was not going to be treated as the class dummy. The next day, he was moved back in to a group and the teacher never said another word about it.

Your son is being singled out in much the same way, but having a diagnosis in his file makes it all the more, well, shocking that the teacher is allowed to get away with that. I get that people don't know how to deal with some ADHD behaviors, and your son will struggle with their responses to him, but at least here, in school, he should not be punished for trying to be amenable (as opposed to oppositional).

 

[Lilsia]

I've come to realize as an older adult that I have ADHD. After seeing a few videos of children who have it and seeing that that was exactly what I was like it really struck a nerve. It finally makes sense about how I think and how I interact with things and so I can absolutely relate with your son blurting sounds out. It's like you can't control it and you just have to let it out otherwise it eats at you. Now of course I grew up in the '70s and we didn't get diagnosis, we just got in trouble and had to learn to somehow control it. But you never really control it 100%, you just can't. I think the best thing for me would have been for the teacher to take what I said in context and ignore the innocent stuff but if it was really disruptive then to say something. I agree with you that the teacher went overboard about his comment because I remember making comments like that and getting in trouble and not understanding what I did wrong. I hope that you can have that meeting with the teacher and principal and explain to the teacher why that punishment is out of line for what your son does. And how it does more harm to him than good.

 

[FigmentSpark]

One teacher sent me a link to a magazine for ADHD that often has podcasts (for free). You might want to check the site out and see if you can find anything that helps you. (hope it's okay to post this). You can get on their mailing list (yeah, they'll send a lot of stuff) and get offered the podcasts as they come up.

https://www.additudemag.com/

This podcast might help:

https://www.additudemag.com/webinar/school-behavior-problems-solutions-podcast-379/