question for adhd parents

[dez1978]

Hello. My 10 yr old has ADHD. He's medicated and has really come a long way in the last 3 years. His biggest struggles are controlling his emotions and the whole hyper part lol. Like he can't sit still and when hes concentrating he just makes random noises, not even realizing he's doing it. I've been trying to talk to the school about it but his teacher doesn't respond. Apparently this last week he's started losing recess because of it. Like yesterday a teacher said "better safe than sorry" and he said "oh my dad says that all the time" Bam had to walk laps the whole recess. I get that kids have to learn not to disrupt the class, and I would 100% understand if the things he said were mean or disrespectful, but they aren't. Am I wrong to be mad? Like, I'm trying to work with the school but they won't even respond when I ask how he's doing. I only know about this because he had a full on melt down about it last night.

 

[ronandannette]

Hello. My 10 yr old has ADHD. He's medicated and has really come a long way in the last 3 years. His biggest struggles are controlling his emotions and the whole hyper part lol. Like he can't sit still and when hes concentrating he just makes random noises, not even realizing he's doing it. I've been trying to talk to the school about it but his teacher doesn't respond. Apparently this last week he's started losing recess because of it. Like yesterday a teacher said "better safe than sorry" and he said "oh my dad says that all the time" Bam had to walk laps the whole recess. I get that kids have to learn not to disrupt the class, and I would 100% understand if the things he said were mean or disrespectful, but they aren't. Am I wrong to be mad? Like, I'm trying to work with the school but they won't even respond when I ask how he's doing. I only know about this because he had a full on melt down about it last night.

I've had many special-needs kids in my circle over the years and every single one of them, after proper diagnosis, had an ISP (individual support plan or whatever it may be called in your jurisdiction). This was agreed upon between the school and the parents with input from clinicians as necessary and everybody worked together to stay informed and get/give one another feedback for the best interest of the kids. It seems very odd something like this isn't in place for your boy - does the school know about his diagnosis?

 

[sam_gordon]

From what I can tell, you're only getting one side of the story (from your son). Since the teacher isn't responding to email, I'd reach out to the principal (probably via email) and copy the teacher. Something along the lines of "I've emailed Teacher on (list dates) and have never gotten a response. I am concerned about my son's behavior in class and what he says is happening. Is there a time we can get together among the three of us to discuss plans going forward?" Then give him a day or two. If no response, I'd try calling the principal. If still no response, show up.

Do not get angry (yet).

 

[dez1978]

I've had many special-needs kids in my circle over the years and every single one of them, after proper diagnosis, had an ISP (individual support plan or whatever it may be called in your jurisdiction). This was agreed upon between the school and the parents with input from clinicians as necessary and everybody worked together to stay informed and get/give one another feedback for the best interest of the kids. It seems very odd something like this isn't in place for your boy - does the school know about his diagnosis?

They do. We've had a long stuggle with this school. Starting in 1st grade. I've always known there was something different for him. Since he was a toddler, I knew. I asked all of his teachers if he needed to be evaluated and was told no. Either he's fine, just bored, or just looking for attention. By day 3 of 1st grade they had him sitting at a table by himself. He spent that whole year with an awful teacher and the school would do nothing until the 3rd qtr where they called a meeting to tell us they thought he was depressed. Well no kidding. That eventually led to his diagnosis, thru a private dr, bc again the school said he was "fine" That year broke him and it took all of 2nd and most of 3rd with great teachers to fix him. He's in 5th now, and the last 2 years he's been fine and very little issues so an IEP wasn't needed. This year he is struggling. The teacher is not very responsive to messages. It took 2 months of asking to get him a wobble seat. Several days of emails to allow fidget things in. I emailed on Monday asking how he was doing. We upped his meds last month but I did not tell the teacher that. No repsonse. Even tho there are apparently issues. Today I emailed his teacher and the prinicpal and it's about to hit the fan bc momma bear is mad, but I don't want to be that mom.

 

[dez1978]

From what I can tell, you're only getting one side of the story (from your son). Since the teacher isn't responding to email, I'd reach out to the principal (probably via email) and copy the teacher. Something along the lines of "I've emailed Teacher on (list dates) and have never gotten a response. I am concerned about my son's behavior in class and what he says is happening. Is there a time we can get together among the three of us to discuss plans going forward?" Then give him a day or two. If no response, I'd try calling the principal. If still no response, show up.

Do not get angry (yet).

After emailing the prinicpal earlier the teacher did respond and the issues are just his noises and saying things like my dad says that all the time. Confirming my kids story. And according to him, it's okay to make him walk laps his entire recess bc they still get fresh air and activity.

 

[dez1978]

clarification... I emailed the teacher monday (and several times before with no response). Today after his meltdown last night, I emailed and included the principal. About 20 min after that I got a response from the teacher saying his issues are his noises/blurting things out. And that yes, he misses his whole recess, but he gets to walk laps the whole time so it's ok.

 

[mjkacmom]

Is this a public or private school?

 

[dez1978]

Is this a public or private school?

public

 

[barkley]

just want to put out a suggestion from the mom of a now adult son who when i read your description of your son, sounds almost identical. consider having a current evaluation on him. i know you had one done when he was in first grade-but that was a few years ago and things can change or symptoms become more apparent to change/enhance a diagnosis.

my son was diagnosed with adhd quite young, the meds and accommodations made a big difference for him BUT we had him reevaluated when he got a bit older (was making sounds, speaking out of turn in class, behaving in some immature ways for his age that he couldn't seem to self control). we learned he did have adhd but he also is on the autism spectrum. with that diagnosis, proper therapy for him (and us as parents) and some adjustments to his iep school became much better for him. we learned through our experience that many boys who don't show the 'traditional' symptoms such as loss of speech aren't diagnosed until 3rd grade or later b/c some of their symptoms are thought to be normal for younger kids or voluntarily behavioral (in which case they lose recesses, get into timeout...which are not effective w/involuntary behaviors).

it may not be the case for your son but i would encourage you to look into it b/c either way you will have a fresh evaluation w/fresh recommendations you can use to substantiate adjustments and appropriate accommodations to his iep.

 

[mjkacmom]

just want to put out a suggestion from the mom of a now adult son who when i read your description of your son, sounds almost identical. consider having a current evaluation on him. i know you had one done when he was in first grade-but that was a few years ago and things can change or symptoms become more apparent to change/enhance a diagnosis.

my son was diagnosed with adhd quite young, the meds and accommodations made a big difference for him BUT we had him reevaluated when he got a bit older (was making sounds, speaking out of turn in class, behaving in some immature ways for his age that he couldn't seem to self control). we learned he did have adhd but he also is on the autism spectrum. with that diagnosis, proper therapy for him (and us as parents) and some adjustments to his iep school became much better for him. we learned through our experience that many boys who don't show the 'traditional' symptoms such as loss of speech aren't diagnosed until 3rd grade or later b/c some of their symptoms are thought to be normal for younger kids or voluntarily behavioral (in which case they lose recesses, get into timeout...which are not effective w/involuntary behaviors).

it may not be the case for your son but i would encourage you to look into it b/c either way you will have a fresh evaluation w/fresh recommendations you can use to substantiate adjustments and appropriate accommodations to his iep.

I think this is a great idea, and even if it’s determined it’s just ADHD definitely get a 504 in place. ETA an in person meeting with the teacher is overdue, I’m surprised she hadn’t suggested it (one of my boys struggled with impulse control during the early years, no ADHD but the teacher and I worked as a team to handle it.

 

[Karin1984]

I think it's about 50% of the people with ADHD also have another condition like depression, anxiety, ocd, tics etc.
I agree with above, let him get tested if there might be something else.

 

[dez1978]

just want to put out a suggestion from the mom of a now adult son who when i read your description of your son, sounds almost identical. consider having a current evaluation on him. i know you had one done when he was in first grade-but that was a few years ago and things can change or symptoms become more apparent to change/enhance a diagnosis.

my son was diagnosed with adhd quite young, the meds and accommodations made a big difference for him BUT we had him reevaluated when he got a bit older (was making sounds, speaking out of turn in class, behaving in some immature ways for his age that he couldn't seem to self control). we learned he did have adhd but he also is on the autism spectrum. with that diagnosis, proper therapy for him (and us as parents) and some adjustments to his iep school became much better for him. we learned through our experience that many boys who don't show the 'traditional' symptoms such as loss of speech aren't diagnosed until 3rd grade or later b/c some of their symptoms are thought to be normal for younger kids or voluntarily behavioral (in which case they lose recesses, get into timeout...which are not effective w/involuntary behaviors).

it may not be the case for your son but i would encourage you to look into it b/c either way you will have a fresh evaluation w/fresh recommendations you can use to substantiate adjustments and appropriate accommodations to his iep.

I'll ask he dr about it. We do still see the psychologist who did his initial testing and diagnosis every couple of months so he's current on whats going on, and we have an appt next week to talk about how he's been since we upped his meds. We see a child psychologist who then works with our ped on meds and such.

 

[Karin1984]

And that yes, he misses his whole recess, but he gets to walk laps the whole time so it's ok.

I have absolutely zero knowledge of raising children or educating them. But my first thought is: No, that's not okay, because recess is not just to move around and recharge, it's also to interact with your classmates and be social. If that wasn't one of the benefits of going to school, then we should switch to online schooling again.

Especially if he can see his classmates play, this sounds cruel, to punish someone over a medical condition.

 

[Lumpy1106]

ADHD DS college FROSH here. We found middle school was BY FAR the toughest. We ended up moving him to a small private school with a small, single cohort class. That worked wonders. All the public school teachers would do is send us e-mails when he would act up. And I'm supposed to...do what exactly with this information? Totally worthless, most public school teachers are not allowed to do much of anything and wouldn't know what to do if the could. Your "walking laps" experience is a perfect example.

Stay strong - my DS did succeed and is quite happily attending the Collège of his choice now. It all worked out, but "work" is the operative word.

 

[StarGirl11]

not a parent but a student with ADHD

It wouldn’t be bad to get reevaluated. Echolalia (which is what it sounds like to me but could be wrongly) can mean a lot of things and at the very least maybe a doctor can help get you to update the IEP/504 to help with them. Since it’s obvious the school wants to punish something that (at least in my exp with stims) is not as easy to control as neuro typical people keep thinking.

Even if it is just ADHD just speaking from my own experience. Surpressing stims just tends to make it worse. For me it’s like a soda can. If it’s let out slowly my stims aren’t bad. But if I have to surpressing them too much it will bubbble out.
Maybe find another way to get the excess energy out?

I’m wondering if the teacher is creating their own misery. Recess is a good way to get all of that out. And at least with me. My energy outbursts arnt smooth. There (for the lack of a better word) like zoomies

 

[dez1978]

I think this is a great idea, and even if it’s determined it’s just ADHD definitely get a 504 in place. ETA an in person meeting with the teacher is overdue, I’m surprised she hadn’t suggested it (one of my boys struggled with impulse control during the early years, no ADHD but the teacher and I worked as a team to handle it.

In the past years his teachers have always been very responsive. This is the 1st year we've had any issues with this, and they are very resistant to letting parents in the building for in person meetings. Even P/T confrences are via email or phone right now. I'm waiting for a call from the principa tho so we'll see.

I think it's about 50% of peope with ADHD also have another condition like depression, anxiety, ocd, tics etc.
I agree with above, let him get tested if there might be something else.

He likely has some anxiety/depression, but it is mostly well enough controlled without meds. We've talked about it w his dr before. Really as long as school is going well, everything else in his life goes well. But when he is constantly getting in trouble for things beyond his control, then those other things arise.

 

[sdoll]

You are brining out the momma bear in me too! I have a son with ADHD and Dyslexia and I found working with the school to be the single most frustrating thing I have ever dealt with! EVER!! I believe I read that they don't think it is necessary for him to be on an IEP. I heard the same thing "they can handle it with classroom management" Which varies from year to year, teacher to teacher. I don't know if your son is changing classes yet but he will be very soon. Every teacher has a different approach the one thing he needs is consistency. He shouldn't be forced to walk laps, he should be allowed to burn off some energy. Making him sit out or walk laps labels him with his peers. I am not saying he should get off scott free but there needs to be a clearly defined step process for his behavior. My issues with my school and my son had more to do with his dyslexia than ADHD but I learned so much through the process, the most important thing I learned is that you are your child's advocate. I went from agreeing to "give it more time" or "lets try this" to a much more direct conversation of what my expectations were of my son and of the school. At the end of the day I lost faith in our school and knew that my relationship with them would never recover and eventually we transitioned to a private all boys school where my son has absolutely thrived. Side note: It was a battle to get our son on an IEP and eventually our public school took him off his IEP. When he took his PACT he bombed it because he ran out of time (squirrel). Within a day of his private schools contacted me and asked why he wasn't on an IEP any longer and encouraged me to work with our public school to get him back on it. Which they did without batting an eye. Left me so frustrated after a 3 year battle to get him on one. So perhaps he doesn't need it now but he has a lot of learning ahead of him. I might sound dramatic when I say this time in our life was hell. My once happy boy became very unhappy, he hated being different and hated having attention drawn to him. I am a huge supporter of public schools but moving him to private was the absolute best decision we have ever made!!

 

[dez1978]

I’m wondering if the teacher is creating their own misery. Recess is a good way to get all of that out. And at least with me. My energy outbursts arnt smooth. There (for the lack of a better word) like zoomies

Yes. They def are. They are creating misery for all of us. The last school year when things like this happened, he eventually decided "well if I'm going to lose every thing for 1 minor thing, it's not worth it to struggle all day to be good" and went all in on the bad behavior.

 

[KristaZ]

I'm not a parent of a child with ADHD, but I am a 5th grade Special Education Teacher (I provide resource room and services in gen-ed classrooms). I'm sorry the teacher and the school aren't responding to you. That would 100% be unacceptable where I am. While the school may not feel your child needs an IEP (and he may not - IEPs are only supposed to be written for students whose diagnosis impedes their academic abilities), you are legally able to request an IEP evaluation from the district. A parent request would trump any recommendations from teachers and whether the district wants to or not, they're legally required to perform the evaluation once you put in that request in writing. Even if your son doesn't qualify for an IEP, as long as he has a diagnosis, he is absolutely entitled to a 504 plan, which would make accommodations for him in the classroom environment and can even include a behavior plan of some sort that would need to be consistently followed from teacher to teacher and one year to the next.

 

[dez1978]

I'm not a parent of a child with ADHD, but I am a 5th grade Special Education Teacher (I provide resource room and services in gen-ed classrooms). I'm sorry the teacher and the school aren't responding to you. That would 100% be unacceptable where I am. While the school may not feel your child needs an IEP (and he may not - IEPs are only supposed to be written for students whose diagnosis impedes their academic abilities), you are legally able to request an IEP evaluation from the district. A parent request would trump any recommendations from teachers and whether the district wants to or not, they're legally required to perform the evaluation once you put in that request in writing. Even if your son doesn't qualify for an IEP, as long as he has a diagnosis, he is absolutely entitled to a 504 plan, which would make accommodations for him in the classroom environment and can even include a behavior plan of some sort that would need to be consistently followed from teacher to teacher and one year to the next.

504, thats what I was thinking of. I don't think he qualifies for an IEP as he has great grades. He struggles with concentrating when trying to block out the other distractions which is I think where his noises come from. I don't even know what accomodations I would ask for and I don't really trust the school who has consistently told me he doesn't need anything to give appropriate suggestions. It also doesn't help that with a July bday, he is the youngest in his class, and there are a couple of kids who are 15 months older than him in the same class. It's unfair to compare the 2 at that age, but it happens.