Question about men and gift giving....

[FreshTressa]

Talking to my girlfriends about Valentine's Day, the majority of men/husbands are really bad at giving gifts.

They either forget or choose odd things.

Why?

Is the reason that it is not worth going through the effort to think about what someone else might like? Is it too hard?

I don't understand how someone can give a presentation at work, write books, manage teams of people and be brought to their knees by the choosing of a simple gift.

Help me understand!!!

(BTW, my husband did okay this year, but it seems like a problem for so many couples)

 

[FreshTressa]

Hehe, I guess no one else understands either!

 

[declansdad]

And what did you give your husband?

 

[FreshTressa]

I made homemade baklava in heart shapes and bought tickets to the Sonics game.

 

[FreshTressa]

Oh..and a massage

 

[madalynns mom]

I know what you mean. My DH use to be really bad ( parts for the computer, parts for the car ) but he figured it out after awhile

 

[declansdad]

Oh..and a massage

very nice.

 

[golfgal]

What, men are supposed to give gifts?????? WOW!!!

Ok, only kidding. My DH rarely buys me anything. He likes to use the excuse that he doesn't like to shop. I think he is just lazy, I mean, he could buy me all kinds of wonderful things off the internet!

It would be nice if he would think of me once in a while and not HIS dislike of shopping.

 

[FreshTressa]

What, men are supposed to give gifts?????? WOW!!!

Ok, only kidding. My DH rarely buys me anything. He likes to use the excuse that he doesn't like to shop. I think he is just lazy, I mean, he could buy me all kinds of wonderful things off the internet!

It would be nice if he would think of me once in a while and not HIS dislike of shopping.

Exactly..that is the part I don't understand.

I finally have DH 'trained', but it makes me feel bad that I even had to train him in the first place!

 

[Rafiki Rafiki Rafiki]

I'm horrible at picking out something for my husband. He doesn't particularly like clothing, and every tool he wants costs over $200. I feel guilty purchasing this stuff not knowing whether or not he would even like it.

 

[FreshTressa]

My husband does not like material things much either....

So I do things like wash his car/get it detailed, buy tickets to guy things like comedians and sports, buy him books, bake him things, make him a CD etc.

 

[kpm76]

I don't really know the answer....I hate generalizing so I'm not sure I can come up with a reason why some men are bad with gift giving events. I'm very fortunate. My DH is extremely thoughtful and puts a lot of time and effort into picking out gifts (and cards too). Not to point the finger in another direction, but I sometimes wonder if the men that are deemed poor in the gift giving department are that way because their wives/girlfriends/SOs don't give them enough credit and encouragement, therefore, they figure why bother? It's something I've thought about because my friends and family members who say they have husbands that can't remember birthdays etc. are the same women who never say a positive word about their husbands....I mean, there had to be a reason you chose to marry and/or stay with the person, right? DH really is a great guy all around and it's awkward sometimes when friends sit around and complain about their husbands because I refuse to get involved in the bashing event. Sure there are times when I am frustrated or upset but we work it out between us. One very important thing I learned from my parents is to never ever speak ill of my spouse in public. Somehow people forget the positive but never forget the negative. Sorry, went a little OT but it's just something to think about.....(obviously I recognize that there are men (and women) who are just plain self absorbed and/or thoughtless but it can't be the majority, right?).

 

[golfgal]

I don't really know the answer....I hate generalizing so I'm not sure I can come up with a reason why some men are bad with gift giving events. I'm very fortunate. My DH is extremely thoughtful and puts a lot of time and effort into picking out gifts (and cards too). Not to point the finger in another direction, but I sometimes wonder if the men that are deemed poor in the gift giving department are that way because their wives/girlfriends/SOs don't give them enough credit and encouragement, therefore, they figure why bother? It's something I've thought about because my friends and family members who say they have husbands that can't remember birthdays etc. are the same women who never say a positive word about their husbands....I mean, there had to be a reason you chose to marry and/or stay with the person, right? DH really is a great guy all around and it's awkward sometimes when friends sit around and complain about their husbands because I refuse to get involved in the bashing event. Sure there are times when I am frustrated or upset but we work it out between us. One very important thing I learned from my parents is to never ever speak ill of my spouse in public. Somehow people forget the positive but never forget the negative. Sorry, went a little OT but it's just something to think about.....(obviously I recognize that there are men (and women) who are just plain self absorbed and/or thoughtless but it can't be the majority, right?).

Or the reverse could be true that the wives complain because during the course of their marriage the husbands have become more selfish. My DH was much better about gift giving when we were first married, now he just doesn't think it is necessary. He doesn't like getting gifts so he thinks everyone should not like it, back to being selfish again I guess.

 

[PrincessKitty1]

My DH is an incredibly thoughtful and caring person. He is SO worried that he will not get me the PERFECT gift.

My mom was always mad at my dad for whatever gifts he got her, for not being "right" or "thoughtful." Consequently he often "forgot" special occasions, which made her even angrier. I decided I would never let this kind of thing go on in my own relationships. It's really trivial!

Dh and I TELL EACH OTHER what we would like. It's so simple, so thoughful, and so caring. Yes, we occasionally buy each other surprise gifts, but we don't ever let gift choices get in the way of the recognition of what a wonderful relationship we are gifted with.

 

[Sylvester McBean]

my wife and I don't take things like valentine's day seriously. we'll go out and get a hotel for NYE and anniversaries and have a nice dinner. at xmas it's all about our daughter. if we see something at WDW or at a mall we'll buy it and say it's our birthday present. my wife really isn't to jewelry besides a ring, watch, and necklace. so aside from occasional flowers, I don't give gifts. I've dated girls that wanted surprises and gifts on a frequent basis. that's not me.

 

[Aidensmom]

I am not big into material gifts, I like when my husband goes out of the way to do something for me, but he does that throughout the year, not just special occasions. We just get token gifts for things like Valentine's Day, and I usually tell him what I want if I want something, and that is what he gets. I'm listening to my Valentine's present right now, a CD I told him I wanted.

 

[Sylvester McBean]

I'll leave a note for my wife out on the kitchen counter sometimes. her idea of a nice present is renewing our park AP's. we're both 36 and have been married for 13 years. so I guess we have something in common.

 

[tmt martins]

I could tell you what I gave DW 1st thing this morning but I might get banned o
It was all about her today thats for sure

We don't give gifts anymore a card here or there.It's all about DD now and if we want something we just go get it.So it's the little things now .

I got a box of butterscotch kripets and a big bag of Kissables from DD so I was in heaven all day long.