Question About Funeral Expenses Etc

[4cruisin]

I hate to sound like Debbie Downer but I have a question and I don't know who else to ask except the folks here. Maybe someone else has been in the same situation?

DH has a step sister that is not in good health. She never worked a day in her life, now collects ssi I think and is on welfare too. She doesn't have any savings etc. She has adult children that have perpetuated the same cycle, no work, no money, live off the system etc.

If she dies, what happens if no one can pay for the burial expenses?
I know I sound awful but I don't feel that it is our responsibility to fund her funeral etc. We are still in the hole for dfil funeral expenses (he passed away last month) and probably won't get all that money back. Dh is not close to her but they do speak from time to time.

Does the state provide a burial if she is collecting welfare?

 

[legalsea]

The only thing I can think of, since I have no idea what state you are in, is to 'google' something like '(my state) pauper funerals'.

I believe that most states have a provision for a pauper's funeral. The state, or county, will pay for the costs (preparation, simple casket, etc).

Do not allow yourself to be pressured into signing off for the expense.

 

[Tink & Goofy]

I worked in a funeral home/cemetery for three years. If you'd like, PM me and I'll give you some tips and pointers.

 

[Chicago526]

I'm pretty sure that most counties will take care of things for the poor, of course it is very, very basic. Google your county, I'm sure they have something online.

If your family doesn't like the services the county provides, and it's not against anyone's wishes, cremation can be an inexpensive alternative.

 

[HelenePA]

Well, have you thought of donating her body to science? My dad requested this and I did.. there is a minimal cost invovled (less than 200$) and they cremate them and send you the ashes back via US Mail (I thought this was funny oh and I paid for this by paypal.. yes my dad would have gotten a kick out of that also) I got my dad's ashes back less than 45 days later.

 

[4cruisin]

The only thing I can think of, since I have no idea what state you are in, is to 'google' something like '(my state) pauper funerals'.

I believe that most states have a provision for a pauper's funeral. The state, or county, will pay for the costs (preparation, simple casket, etc).

Do not allow yourself to be pressured into signing off for the expense.

Thanks for the idea. It looks like there is some $$ through the welfare system. I know it sounds terrible but I don't think we should be responsible to pay for her expenses. I was curious what would happen if her kids don't pay. They don't work either and it's one generation after another.

I don't think her adult children would ask us to pay but if we are ever put in that position, I'd like to have a response for them. The idea of her in a pauper's grave isn't too great but dh and I can't afford to pay for every indigent family member. I like the idea of donating her body to science but of course it would be up to her kids, not us.

 

[HelenePA]

If your family doesn't like the services the county provides, and it's not against anyone's wishes, cremation can be an inexpensive alternative.

Cremation isn't all that inexpensive... I called around when I wasn't sure the body snatchers (body science people) weren't sure if they could accept my dad's body.. the lowest I found was just under 1000$ that did not include anything but transportation of the body and cremation..

 

[Disney Doll]

I don't believe anyone is legally responsible to pay for someone else's funeral...not siblings or children at least.

I think if no one steps forward to plan and pay for the funeral, the state does it and buries the person inexpensively.

Call a funeral director...they could probably help you.

 

[Tink & Goofy]

Here's the way it worked when I worked in the funeral home:

Here in WA they don't pay unless you are truly indigent. The funeral home has to prove that you don't have any relatives by running a newspaper ad. If no one answers the death notice than you contact the medical examiner. The medical examiner signs off on a cremation (providing there's a signed death certificate) and the county pays for the cremation.
Getting them to allow to bury someone is time consuming and more expensive and they generally don't want to.

Most of the time when donating a body you don't have to pay for it.

Call around to different direct cremation places. Everyone has a different price. Make sure the following are included:
Body pickup/vehicle expenses
Plastic or cardboard "urn"
Cremation tray
Cremation itself

Unless you sign a contract you are not legally obligated to pay for a funeral.

 

[NotUrsula]

My brother disappeared for many years. When he was terminally ill in a VA hospital, a social worker went through his things and found my sister's phone number; she has had the same number for the past 40 years. They called her and told her where he was. At the time, our mother was elderly and quite ill, and we didn't know whether we should tell her about his situation. We knew that he didn't know about hers, so we thought that the best thing to do would be to notify him first and let him decide. I called the social worker whose number my sister had, to ask her to convey a letter, but it was too late; he had already died that morning.

However, at that point they asked if I wanted his effects, and thinking that there wouldn't be much there (there wasn't; it all fit in a regular manila envelope), I gave her the address and asked her to send them on. She then told me that since I had just made myself known as next of kin, that the disposition of his remains was now my responsibility. I could either arrange for it myself, or the VA would do it and send me a bill. He was half way across the country, so I called around to the various places there and found one that would do a cremation with no services or casket and send the cremains to me for about $400. That's what I did. (His last wish, according to the social worker, was to have his ashes scattered in the Rockies. As DH has family in Colorado that we visit fairly regularly, I agreed to do it so that no one would have to make a special trip.)

The point of that story is to warn you to be careful about admitting to being next of kin. The Federal gov't. will make a veteran's remains your responsibility if you own up to the relationship, so I imagine that some state and local jurisdictions probably have the same rule.

Luckily in my brother's case I could afford it, and it made my older sister happy that I honored his dying wish. Personally, I could have sent him to the nearest VA cemetary with a clear conscience; I had not laid eyes on him or heard from him in 15 years, we were never close in any way, and he was over 20 years my senior.

RE: the cost of cremation. DON'T call a mortuary for this. Mortuaries add major markups to services, and they very seldom do cremations themselves; they contract it out. Call the crematoria directly. If you cannot find their phone numbers in the phone book, then call the local business license office; they have to be licensed. Social workers who deal with the indigent normally have lists of the most reasonable providers of these services, but be aware that they almost always split the list along racial/ethnic lines, which can reduce your ability to price-shop. Funerals are one of the last bastions of segregation, and in most communities mortuaries tend to specialize in serving a particular ethnic group. The social workers usually will only give you the names/numbers of those that "fit" the deceased unless you insist on getting them all.

 

[hentob]

I know it sounds terrible but I don't think we should be responsible to pay for her expenses.

I don't think that sounds terrible at all

 

[4cruisin]

My brother disappeared for many years. When he was terminally ill in a VA hospital, a social worker went through his things and found my sister's phone number; she has had the same number for the past 40 years. They called her and told her where he was. At the time, our mother was elderly and quite ill, and we didn't know whether we should tell her about his situation. We knew that he didn't know about hers, so we thought that the best thing to do would be to notify him first and let him decide. I called the social worker whose number my sister had, to ask her to convey a letter, but it was too late; he had already died that morning.

However, at that point they asked if I wanted his effects, and thinking that there wouldn't be much there (there wasn't; it all fit in a regular manila envelope), I gave her the address and asked her to send them on. She then told me that since I had just made myself known as next of kin, that the disposition of his remains was now my responsibility. I could either arrange for it myself, or the VA would do it and send me a bill. He was half way across the country, so I called around to the various places there and found one that would do a cremation with no services or casket and send the cremains to me for about $400. That's what I did. (His last wish, according to the social worker, was to have his ashes scattered in the Rockies. As DH has family in Colorado that we visit fairly regularly, I agreed to do it so that no one would have to make a special trip.)

The point of that story is to warn you to be careful about admitting to being next of kin. The Federal gov't. will make a veteran's remains your responsibility if you own up to the relationship, so I imagine that some state and local jurisdictions probably have the same rule.

Luckily in my brother's case I could afford it, and it made my older sister happy that I honored his dying wish. Personally, I could have sent him to the nearest VA cemetary with a clear conscience; I had not laid eyes on him or heard from him in 15 years, we were never close in any way, and he was over 20 years my senior.

I think what you did was very kind. The social worker was pretty crass and underhanded for doing what she did....basically tricking you into being named next of kin.

 

[4cruisin]

I don't think that sounds terrible at all

Thanks. I'm already feeling a little guilty and she is still alive....think I have issues?

 

[Tink & Goofy]

RE: the cost of cremation. DON'T call a mortuary for this. Mortuaries add major markups to services, and they very seldom do cremations themselves; they contract it out. Call the crematoria directly. If you cannot find their phone numbers in the phone book, then call the local business license office; they have to be licensed. Social workers who deal with the indigent normally have lists of the most reasonable providers of these services, but be aware that they almost always split the list along racial/ethnic lines, which can reduce your ability to price-shop. Funerals are one of the last bastions of segregation, and in most communities mortuaries tend to specialize in serving a particular ethnic group. The social workers usually will only give you the names/numbers of those that "fit" the deceased unless you insist on getting them all.

Yes. I forgot to mention that. The Neptune Society does them relatively inexpensive.
But make sure everything's included.

She should consider prepaying her own funeral. There are those who do inexpensive cremations and when you've pre-paid they can't raise the price on you.

 

[Chicago526]

Cremation isn't all that inexpensive... I called around when I wasn't sure the body snatchers (body science people) weren't sure if they could accept my dad's body.. the lowest I found was just under 1000$ that did not include anything but transportation of the body and cremation..

I'm pretty sure it was less for my mom, but maybe it depends on the area. Even at $1000, it's still much cheaper than the traditional burial. For those that don't qualify for the county to handle it, but can't afford a traditional funeral with burial, it's a reasonable alternative.