Quarantine and chill and kindness chatty clubhouse: Jump in and join the conversation! All is welcome!

[lynxstch]

@easyas123--Sorry about your FIL's heart attack. But if he went right back to smoking that isn't good. He's an EMT and he knows better. Glad your husband is giving him one more chance at help, and I hope they accept it. Will send a few prayers his way, and your husband's, that things go okay. I understand the 'guilt feelings' looming, but sometimes you just can't get it through people's heads that you care and you are trying to help them. I had that issue with both of my parents.. (divorced when I was 5), but who were both alcoholics, and both smokers. No matter how many times someone helped them, they insisted that they were fine and needed no help. I finally had to give up and just accept the fact. They both died a few years apart, when I was in my early and mid 30's.

 

[easyas123]

I finally had to give up and just accept the fact.

Thanks. And I think he is just about there. I think he thought his dad would keel over from a heart attack one day and then they'd have to deal with getting Mom all set...I don't think he thought about his dad having & surviving a heart attack, as odd as that seems (heart disease runs in family and two other uncles have had heart attacks already), so it's made him rethink the next 0-20 years in terms of a semi ill father with potential ongoing issues. Pretty much he's thinking that now this initial heart attack is likely the beginning of the issues since his father will not give up bad eating, diet soda and of course, no one is telling him he can't smoke.

 

[Breezy_Carol]

@lynxstch, yay for a good doctor visit.

@easyas123, boo for aging parent issues. DH and I have been through all 4 parents aging and passing. Luckily no issues like you and DH have but still a rough time. We have learned things to make it easier on our kids and hope we remember how it is.

 

[dazedx3]

lynxstch--- So nice to hear of your wonderful report! Keep up the good work!!

easyas123-- So sorry to hear about your in laws, and yes that is very irresponsible of your FIL. It is surprising since he has some experience with the medical field. I hope your DH can talk some logic into them, but, unfortunately, I doubt it.

My knee has really been acting up. It is really swollen and painful. They are talking about releasing me from physical therapy and now this. I have been elevating and icing, hoping this will get better soon.

Have a nice day, everyone!

 

[flyingdumbo127]

Waving good morning!

Internet was down until now which is why I'm "late." This will be a quick post since dad will be coming home shortly from laundry, etc. and I want to be ready to help him. I will check back this afternoon Know always, each of you, remain in my heart and daily prayers!

Lynn! Praise God! I am so thankful, my friend. Keep it up indeed and I like your doctor, too. LOL, I am not a "joke" as in practical joke or prank person at all, ever. I do LOVE your snowman joke, so funny! Thank you for the extra morning smile.


Easyas, aging family members care is so hard indeed. Keeping you in extra prayer, my friend.

The sun is out a bit here already. This week is supposed to be warmer Hooray!

Have a happy Monday friends!

 

[Pea-n-Me]

My niece is waiting to hear back from Univ. of MD as I type, as well as VA Tech (both my brother & his wife graduated from Tech) but has been accepted to U of DE and Washington College - BUT MD is where she wants to go and it would appear to probably be the best bang for the buck and where her parents are comfortable financially sending her, so we are hopeful she gets in.

Busy few weeks ahead for me. Appts. after work both today & Wednesday. Meetings out of office on both Tuesday & Friday afternoon. Possible trip up to Lynn's neck of the woods/far western MD at end of week but that is up in the air, and most likely will just be my husband. Next week I'm only in for Monday & Tuesday and then head to Las Vegas and Denver before heading home the following weekend.

So my FIL has a heart attack a week ago, which caused a fair bit of stress for my husband as you can imagine. FIL drove himself to hospital suspecting he had/was having a heart attack. He was. They say it was 'mild' but we aren't sure he is telling the truth. So he was in there 24 hours, had 2 stents put in and left or was discharged - we do not know which - and picked up by a friend who then dropped him off at his truck. So he could drive it home & smoke. You are correct - he wasn't supposed to be driving, and don't get me started on the smoking. So he goes home to my MIL - who had tested positive the day he had the attack for Covid. She's actively sick, he goes into the home to stay. No surprises, he then gets it although he refused to take a test for it because he doesn't want to be on record as having had it. He's a volunteer EMT & ambulance driver, and still works. He should know better, in his early 70's and honestly we have been expecting something like this for some time. What really is so wrong is he didn't care about himself or the direct danger he was putting OTHERS in while driving while having a heart attack or driving home after having fentanyl and other heavy duty drugs coursing thru his system and being told not to drive.... His diet consists of a lot of salty foods, he drinks diet soda like it's going out of style and smokes like a madman, and has since he was a teenager. So three things we know will kill you. He went right back to smoking, that we know. Husband is not close with his folks, they have conversations every once in a while - just niceties on the phone kinda thing - and he sees them on average about once per year even though they only live about 3 1/2 hours away. In fact husband goes out of his way to avoid them more than once per year so sometimes if they come to see his brother we are "out of town". Anyway, now he has to go up there and attempt to have The Conversation - what are your plans (MIL doesn't drive and they live 45 minutes from main town), what provisions have you made for the future, funeral planning - that sort of thing. The thing is we already know they've made no provisions for their retirement and older years, and have given no thought to possibly moving closer to civilization. And we know that they have no savings, and no equity in a home, which just ticks off my husband that they knew enough to make some provisions yet actively decided not to. But mostly there is no plan if my FIL checks out tomorrow as to what my MIL is going to do. She doesn't drive, she revels in the perception of being seen as a martyr, and is very difficult to deal with. Telling her she's going to have to go to a subsidized senior situation will be fun. Add to that they are major hoarders, and they won't get rid of anything. So it will be up to us to the be the horrible, terrible, mean people who make her throw away all of her 'stuff' and move her into some place she doesn't want to be. Husband has adopted the position of 'I'll try to help them one more time, if they tell me no or to not worry about it, and they do nothing I'm done'. We will see how he makes out with that, guilt is looming shadow.

You have just described a significant portion of the patient population! A heart attack can indeed be mild and likely was if they discharged him the day or two after he had his stents placed. That may do him for a good amount of time. Hopefully he takes his meds and continues with follow up. It would certainly help if he stops smoking and improves his diet, but many people don’t, or do for just a while. People should also always call 911 if they think they’re having a heart attack because 1) they have oxygen and nitro on board, can verify with an ECG, etc., so can get treatment started, and b) if they pass out at the wheel they’re in trouble, as are the people around them. Absolutely frustrating from a child’s perspective - there’s not always a lot they can do. But it sounds like they’re going to live their lives their way, and that’s just the way it’s going to be. Some direction would be good if they’ll do it, otherwise you just pick up the pieces when things go south, sadly enough. (BTDT. )

 

[easyas123]

People should also always call 911 if they think they’re having a heart attack because 1) they have oxygen and nitro on board, can verify with an ECG, etc., so can get treatment started, and b) if they pass out at the wheel they’re in trouble, as are the people around them. Absolutely frustrating from a child’s perspective - there’s not always a lot they can do. But it sounds like they’re going to live their lives their way, and that’s just the way it’s going to be. Some direction would be good if they’ll do it, otherwise you just pick up the pieces when things go south, sadly enough. (BTDT. )

Well, exactly. And our issue is he's the one who shows up if someone else calls 911! It was 100% about him not wanting to seem weak or ill to his other buddies at the fire dept., and not wanting to take a Covid test so he's not technically positive and therefore doesn't have to not go to work/firehouse or wherever. So instead he endangers others by his actions. He's a fool and it really pisses me off that he would put others at risk for his ego. I keep a friendly/respectful distance from them and prefer it that way. No need to engage in the drama. But as you say, adult children have to pick up the pieces eventually and I want to be helpful to my husband in this, no pile on with BS about his folks that he's already aware of. So...I unloaded it a bit here! Apologies and thanks for letting me ***** & complain here

 

[Pea-n-Me]

Well, exactly. And our issue is he's the one who shows up if someone else calls 911! It was 100% about him not wanting to seem weak or ill to his other buddies at the fire dept., and not wanting to take a Covid test so he's not technically positive and therefore doesn't have to not go to work/firehouse or wherever. So instead he endangers others by his actions. He's a fool and it really pisses me off that he would put others at risk for his ego. I keep a friendly/respectful distance from them and prefer it that way. No need to engage in the drama. But as you say, adult children have to pick up the pieces eventually and I want to be helpful to my husband in this, no pile on with BS about his folks that he's already aware of. So...I unloaded it a bit here! Apologies and thanks for letting me ***** & complain here

I get it! I’m just saying that there are a lot of people out there just like this! We see them all! You wouldn’t believe half the stories! (I am sorry you’re having to deal with it!)

 

[PollyannaMom]

Apologies and thanks for letting me ***** & complain here

No apology needed. - I would be just as frustrated!

 

[Snowysmom]

But was that the one you didn't really like anyway because there was nowhere to walk? - If so, just one more reason not to settle

Yes it was the one that did not have good walking areas. I do like the woods around it with birds and squirrels. I do need to have birds and other small critters around me so that will be on my list of what I need to be happy. My younger DS told me again not to settle, that he would worry about me and wants me to be happy where I live.

Lynn Great news from the doctor. You must be so happy. Whatever you are doing, keep it up.

@easyas123 Your FIL really needs to be taking care of himself now. He won't think that the worst will happen to him but it can very easily and will unless he makes lifestyle changes. I do wonder why alot of men think they are invincible or at least that nothing will happen to them. even with serious health problems. I still wonder why Chris would not go to the doctor when he was having symptoms of heart issues. The kids and I talk about it alot.

It is warming up here so I hope the rest of the ice will go away so I can walk safely.

 

[easyas123]

I get it! I’m just saying that there are a lot of people out there just like this! We see them all! You wouldn’t believe half the stories! (I am sorry you’re having to deal with it!)

Your going to laugh at this...my SIL & cousin are both nurses. My husbands favorite thing when we get together is to quiz them on the craziest thing(s) they have dealt with/seen/experienced since he saw them last!

No apology needed. - I would be just as frustrated!

Thanks - I've spent the afternoon looking up resources and info and whatnot - keeping it all on a word doc that husband can just share with his brother & sister, and when the time is right, with his folks. One of the first things I put on there was the cost of emptying a 30 yard sled dumpster several times, which will be needed to clear the hoards & clutter.

The kids and I talk about it alot.

We've been talking about this possibility for years. Just thought it would happen a different way, but it's one thing to talk about it (as the adult children when nothing is wrong) and another to implement a "plan of action/attack" to the parents whom aren't receptive. Heart disease runs in his family - thankfully my husband is neither a smoker or soda pop drinker, although his diet could be a bit better. I asked him to see a cardiologist just to establish a baseline and have a relationship with the Dr. should he ever need it. He agreed, so I'm going to let it sit with him for a week or two before nagging him about finding one. Many of your posts have helped me see the wisdom in urging him to do so, so thank you very much for that push I needed to discuss it with him.

Quick trim and lip wax after work. Being female is so glamourous! I saw a lady with hair similar to mine while in FL, and she was full on salt & pepper and I bet she was younger than me - she looked younger. I have colored my hair since I started going white several years ago and now I wonder what the heck it looks like. I might talk to my hair gal this evening and see how we go about letting it grown out neatly in terms of the color she puts on it now. Luckily I have short hair that blonds up in the summer so that might be the time to do it. Home for a relaxing evening, soup & salad w/ cibatta for dinner with youngest. And a glass of wine by the fire. Maybe some nonsense TV.

 

[Breezy_Carol]

Done the grocery shopping. Today's odd thing they were out of. Carrots.

I want to be helpful to my husband in this, no pile on with BS about his folks that he's already aware of. So...I unloaded it a bit here!

Feel free to unload here. We can take it.

Being female is so glamourous!

The things we do for beauty.

 

[Snowysmom]

@dazedx3 Have you been overdoing it with your knee? It sounds like you are doing what you can to help. Maybe the PT has some ideas too. I was fortunate that I did not have alot of issues with recovery but I did overdo it a couple of times and had to ice and elevate. Actually I iced and elevated my knees once or twice every day for the first year. Probably a bit much but it felt so good.

 

[easyas123]

Done the grocery shopping. Today's odd thing they were out of. Carrots.

Feel free to unload here. We can take it.

The things we do for beauty.

thanks!

discussed how to graduate out of the color, so we now have a game plan. And if I don’t like it I’ll go back to color.

 

[dazedx3]

Snowysmom-- I have not been doing too much at home, but my last therapy appt. we really worked hard. so maybe?? i just didn't have much swelling before now, maybe some in the days right after surgery. I admit to being a little paranoid about blood clots. The only other thing I can think of doing was when we were playing games at my sisters house, I was sitting in a straight chair and that kind of hit me behind the knee.

I contacted the nurse, and she said unless its red and warm to the touch, just to see what the therapist says on Wed. I must admit this is the first surgery,( and I have had some major ones) that has really got me down.

 

[flyingdumbo127]

We're indeed here for you, Easyas! Always. My grandma was a smoker most of her younger life (before I really knew her). I remember as a young child telling her I didn't want her to die and to please quit. By the Grace of God she did! She chose to be healthier that way. It truly is, like anything especially health-related, often a choice of each person which of, course, can be so frustrating for those of us who love them watching poor choices being made. extra to you.

extra to you as well, Dazed, thinking of you!

I feel badly to say this because I know most of you are sadly ☃ I LOVE the weather today. Such a blessing to be warm and not cold. I will enjoy this warmth ahead as long as it lasts

Dad has said again how prices keep going up as supply goes down. Reminder to get something when you see it either in store or online in general and/or at a better price because neither may last

Wishing all of you a good evening with love.

 

[Bianca and Bernard]

@dazedx3 Hope things get better.

We are almost completely moved in, after 4 days, lol. I have one load left to pick up at the apartment, mostly cleaners and cleaning tools; which are staying until I get done cleaning. DS and I are taking DH to work tomorrow, and going to clean. Also have to stop at UPS to drop off the ATT equipment (we received new upgraded equipment, but have to ship the old stuff back), and to return some orders to Amazon. I'm hoping to stop in at Trader Joe's right before I have to pick DH up, so I can get some things for the week. We have to get as much cleaning done tomorrow as we can, at least for the stuff I need DS to do (like clean his walls and doors, get the lower cabinets and baseboards) because he is flying to CA on Friday, to go stay with DD#2 for a little while. Anyways, if we don't get done tomorrow, DH and I will go back this weekend to finish up. The only thing we don't have to do is clean the carpets, because the complex charges $65 to clean them, which is much much cheaper than any carpet cleaning company (and yes, they have to be done by a professional, sadly; otherwise, I'd do them myself).

The new place has some hits and misses. We discovered, when we arrived on the 3rd, that there is an ant infestation under the house. Big red-and-black carpenter type ants. So, we asked the LL company to pay for pest control, because the ants moved in before we did. Also, the outlets on the kitchen island are not working (but all the other ones do); it seems the rehab contractor put in the gfi outlets incorrectly at all the houses they did, which caused the outlets to not work. Those should be fixed Wednesday because the repair guys are busy today and tomorrow. And the worst of all....whoever installed the brand new heating and a/c system did a very very very very very bad job. They didn't do some welding, so all the freon just went bye bye out a hole; and they broke some installation pipe, so I have no a/c and no heat (had to shut it all off, just in case, so it doesn't get damaged any further). We had someone come look at it Friday, when we had no a/c on Thursday/Friday, which is when they discovered all the problems, but they have to get the parts to fix it and get the ok for the extra costs from the LL. I have to call on that tomorrow, because it was HOT on Thurs/Fri, but COLD Sat/Sun/Today... Other than the stove not being plugged in, and the fridge needing a new water filter, and the fact DH snapped the sliding glass door handle in two, the house is ok. It's much bigger, and it's quieter, so woohoo.

Just waiting on Doordash to deliver tonight's dinner (Buffalo Wild Wings), making this the 5th night in a row that we've eaten out, because my pans are still packed. I can't figure out which box I put them in, LOL...I thought I labeled them all, with all the contents, but I guess not. So, it's been Panda Express, Marco's Pizza (new to us, was...ok), El Agave Azul (we love their food truck, and are so happy we can order from the restaurant now), First Watch for breakfast Sunday (oooooooooooo Lemon ricotta pancakes) and Five Guys. It's such a hardship, not being able to cook this week, hahahah.

Y'all have a good evening!

 

[flyingdumbo127]

Yikes to the ants, B&B! That is not a good welcome to your new home at all! I sure pray that gets resolved asap! Yuck. Enjoy your dinner and get some rest this evening. Prayers for your DH for safe upcoming travels. I wish we weren't in a pandemic (of course in general, always) but that you were coming with him out here so we could meet One day. Take care!

 

[Pea-n-Me]

Snowysmom-- I have not been doing too much at home, but my last therapy appt. we really worked hard. so maybe?? i just didn't have much swelling before now, maybe some in the days right after surgery. I admit to being a little paranoid about blood clots. The only other thing I can think of doing was when we were playing games at my sisters house, I was sitting in a straight chair and that kind of hit me behind the knee.

I contacted the nurse, and she said unless its red and warm to the touch, just to see what the therapist says on Wed. I must admit this is the first surgery,( and I have had some major ones) that has really got me down.

Ice and elevation are never a bad thing, right? And anti-inflammatories like ibuprofen if you take that. Because of the recent surgery that area and tissue are sensitive, so something like working out extra hard or sitting in an uncomfortable chair can irritate it again, so it’s a little setback that you start sort of back at the beginning again, until it’s better. This type of thing can go on for a while post-operatively. For some it may resolve sooner, and for others, it may last longer, or always let you know it’s there. But hopefully it will straighten itself out for you within a fair amount of time. I usually tell my patients that it can often take a good six months after a major surgery to be feeling back to their old selves again, and the months in between can be up and down. Not for everyone, of course, but for some. And I’d say this isn’t too, too bad, but a natural irritation on healing tissue. Blood clots don’t usually present that way, if that helps. I hope you feel better soon!

 

[flyingdumbo127]

One last evening bump.

dear Pea as always for your kind words of advice and care!