Purity Balls? Yuck

[luvsJack]

Oh, I "get" that there's "a lot more to it" and THAT is what I find exceptionally inappropriate with the concept. It's the absolute obsession with preventing sex above all other "sins" that is bizarre to me, especially given the "outcomes" that many of us have witnessed from adherents to, and proponents of, this philosophy.

And I still don't get why there aren't vows for other sins if avoiding sin is our goal.

Its not above all sins.

Our church, for instance, has a topic each month for the youth group. One month, it was "Love, Dating and Relationships" or something like that. And during that month they will teach what the Bible says about that topic. During that one topic, a vow of chastity or purity may be discussed. Other months there are other topics, but its not even the only thing discussed during that one month. Just one of many.

Its not really a big thing at our church. If a teen makes that decision it is totally THEIR decision. Other churches its a bigger deal.

I don't agree it with what is happening in the article in the OP. I don't like ceremonies that go with it. Its a personal decision and should be kept that way.

I find the no one ask hard to believe, because most of the purity programs are run by the youth group ministers.

Why would that be hard to believe?

They also don't ask if they have honored their parents or stolen something or what they pray about.

Our youth group is over 500 hundred kids. Don't think our youth minister really has the time to ask those kind of question nor would he if he could. Its a personal decision just like others made in our faith.

 

[A_Princess'_Daddy]

But most Christians I know are not obsessed with this one sin above all others. My church (nor my past churches) does not do purity rings, balls, or vows. But all of those churches do teach abstinence. But trust me, it is most definitely not the only thing taught. I can understand your having issues with the ball, rings, and vows. But to dismiss others values as "inappropriate" because you don't believe them is pretty short-sighted. I try to be accepting of others' viewpoints regardless of if I personally agree with them. All I ask is that others be accepting of mine.

Firstly, I am also a devout Christian and I, too, was raised with values but not the preoccupation on the evils of sex that some have. I disagree with your premise that those to whom I and others are objecting are receiving the same varied focus in their faith development that we did; the balance seems quite skewed to me.

Secondly, I do find certain adult behaviors concerning aspects of this concept to be highly inappropriate and don't see objecting to a daughter pledging her virginity to her father or certain other behaviors as short-sighted at all. In fact, I think failing to protest behavior of that sort would make me a hypocrite but, much more importantly, allows those who profess those beliefs to continue what I perceive as inappropriate behavior believing nobody objects or disagrees. I don't think they'll change their views, but I will not silently endorse behavior that I believe damages the psyches of young women under the aegis of a parent's own personal values.

 

[shortbun]

I would agree that there are valid social, psychological, health and economic reasons that all young people should be taught in regards to sexual relations.

It is the entire idea that the act of sex can make one "impure, dirty, and shameful" that I find objectionable and damaging. And let's face it, these standards are traditionally applied to women much more than men in almost every human society. It's not too often that you hear of a 17 year old boy taken out of town and stoned death for his "impure behavior."

The idea of pretty dresses, jewelry and a party to celebrate sexual chastity might be a lot more palatable than the idea of stoning a girl or setting her on fire because she went "too far" with her boyfriend, but it is all on the spectrum of reward and punishment applied to a natural biological function.

Yes!

 

[lauradis]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XnRIk5bHe58

look i found part of the virgin tales.

 

[luvsJack]

Firstly, I am also a devout Christian and I, too, was raised with values but not the preoccupation on the evils of sex that some have. I disagree with your premise that those to whom I and others are objecting are receiving the same varied focus in their faith development that we did; the balance seems quite skewed to me.

Secondly, I do find certain adult behaviors concerning aspects of this concept to be highly inappropriate and don't see objecting to a daughter pledging her virginity to her father or certain other behaviors as short-sighted at all. In fact, I think failing to protest behavior of that sort would make me a hypocrite but, much more importantly, allows those who profess those beliefs to continue what I perceive as inappropriate behavior believing nobody objects or disagrees. I don't think they'll change their views, but I will not silently endorse behavior that I believe damages the psyches of young women under the aegis of a parent's own personal values.

I do agree with you about "purity balls" and some of the ceremonies or when too much attention is put on the whole thing being possibly damaging to a young women.

This vow really should not be about anyone's beliefs or faith or values other than those of the teen making the vow.

"Your father is your boyfriend" is just not appropriate, imo. Making it into an almost wedding type ceremony is just too much.

DD came to this decision on her own by what she feels is right for her. Its not about my choices or my faith or my beliefs. And she knows that if she makes a different decision later, that too is her choice and not something I will be a part of or will judge her for.

Birth control is available to her and we have already discussed what happens if she decides to go on the pill. She has the ability to talk freely with her dr. and I will respect any decision they make concerning that.

As for now, she is strong in her convictions and what she believes is right for her. And I also respect the choice she has made and that her current boyfriend has made.

This is one choice about one thing. It does not define her or her relationship with me or dh or with God.

 

[fairestoneofall]

Firstly, I am also a devout Christian and I, too, was raised with values but not the preoccupation on the evils of sex that some have. I disagree with your premise that those to whom I and others are objecting are receiving the same varied focus in their faith development that we did; the balance seems quite skewed to me.

Secondly, I do find certain adult behaviors concerning aspects of this concept to be highly inappropriate and don't see objecting to a daughter pledging her virginity to her father or certain other behaviors as short-sighted at all. In fact, I think failing to protest behavior of that sort would make me a hypocrite but, much more importantly, allows those who profess those beliefs to continue what I perceive as inappropriate behavior believing nobody objects or disagrees. I don't think they'll change their views, but I will not silently endorse behavior that I believe damages the psyches of young women under the aegis of a parent's own personal values.

Maybe I'm misunderstanding you, but you seemed to be lumping ALL teaching of purity/abstinence into those who do the purity balls, etc. Like I said, I've grown up hearing about all different sins and not solely focused on that (in fact, I think rock music was a bigger deal when I was a teenager). I don't think anyone needs to pledge anything publicly, or have a party to celebrate it.

But I don't think that simply teaching abstinence and the Biblical view on premarital sex is inappropriate.

 

[Sacha_L]

I just want to say that I do not find the Christian faith to be gross. It's the extremes as in everything else that bothers me.

 

[Disneychick75]

That certainly wasn't what I was expecting a "purity ball" to be?

Apparently, any excuse to throw a party works?

I was picturing white things hanging off the back of a pick up truck.

The whole daddy as boyfriend is disturbing. A 3 year old might say that her daddy is her boyfriend but a teenaged girl? I see many therapy visits in the future.

What are the statistics on the number of girls who make all of these vows and actually keep them?

 

[redrosesix]

‘This is just a reminder that keeping yourself pure is important. So you keep this on your finger and from this point you are married to the Lord and your father is your boyfriend.’

"Married," with a boyfriend on the side -- Um, isn't that cheating?

Yup -- that's the one that stood out for me too...

"from this point you are married to the Lord and your father is your boyfriend"

Ewwwww.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

What are the statistics on the number of girls who make all of these vows and actually keep them?

Results of this study were published in Pediatrics, the Journal of the American Academy of Pediatrics.

Many Teens Don't Keep Virginity Pledges
Pledgers are also less likely to use birth control, study finds

MONDAY, Dec. 29 (HealthDay News) -- Teens who take virginity pledges are just as likely to have sex as teens who don't make such promises -- and they're less likely to practice safe sex to prevent disease or pregnancy, a new study finds.

Read more: http://health.usnews.com/health-new.../12/29/many-teens-dont-keep-virginity-pledges

 

[Disneychick75]

Results of this study were published in Pediatrics, the Journal of the American Academy of Pediatrics.

Thank-you for the information. It's what I expected.

 

[lauradis]

I was picturing white things hanging off the back of a pick up truck.

The whole daddy as boyfriend is disturbing. A 3 year old might say that her daddy is her boyfriend but a teenaged girl? I see many therapy visits in the future.

What are the statistics on the number of girls who make all of these vows and actually keep them?

very low.

Even thou most churches tote a higher success rate, teen have no outlet to tell parents or christian peers about sexual experiences, with out the guilty of shame for having sex, before marriage.

http://www.emaxhealth.com/1002/22/28061/teen-chastity-vows-don-039-t-work.html

the documentary was very interesting, I would say all fathers need to be closer to their daughters, but not in the creepy way of the documentary.

My question after watching it is wonder how much money they make off the ball and franchising it to others, looks like a nice little yearly money maker.

 

[luvsJack]

Separating the "ball" from the vow:

I think (and this is just my opinion), the problem is not the vow itself. Its when parents assume that when their kid makes this vow "that's the end of it" and they don't have to think about it or talk to their kid or anything.

There has to be some reality there. The kids that make a vow to not have sex or not do drugs or sign a sobriety agreement for prom are all faced with the same temptations as they ones that don't. Its a constant battle (for lack of a better word) for them to face those temptations and know what to do and to continue to make the right choices. Too many parents and youth ministers, etc sometimes act as though those temptations are just going to go away or the reminder (ring or whatever) is going to be all they need to get through it and I, personally, don't think that.

One of the things I love about our youth minister is that he is realistic. He knows the temptations are there and he talks about that (not just for this one thing but many temptations for teens) He talks about the situations they may get in that will make the temptations worse and how to avoid them or get out of them. He, along with; hopefully, the parents, give them the tools they need to get through it all.

I would be happy for dd if she does wait for marriage. OTOH, I don't want her to get married very young so the likelihood of both of those happening isn't strong. So, just knowing that she intends wait until she is old enough to make the right decision for herself and for the right reasons is enough.

 

[Colleen27]

Do they have an "Impure Soiree" or something for those who have prematurely ruined themselves?

I'll bet that party would be a lot more fun!

So the message to these girls is pretty much that their worth is tied to their virginity. I was raised this way, it's really sad and didn't work out well for me.

I don't understand why the most religiously devout are completely obsessed with sex.

That's exactly what I find so disturbing about it. Not just the extremes of the incestuous imagery and huge celebration of a child's sexual status, but the echoes of a past where virginity, rather than accomplishment or ability, was the most important measure of a woman's worth.

If you don't broadcast the orgy, don't you run a pretty big risk of having low participation?

 

[MichelleVW]

There is a documentary my husband and I watched on Netflix, that followed a number of families whose daughters were undergoing this purity pledge.
It was creepy, disturbing, and at times sad.
I think it was called Virgin Tales. I could be wrong, because we watch a lot of documentaries.
The one I am thinking of, a family of daughters is talking and the older daughter reveals that she did not, in fact, save herself for marriage. And goes on to talk about how she felt she let down her family. It was quite sad that her self worth was tied up in remaining pure.

I watched that documentary with my then 20 year old daughter...we were really creeped out by it. Not something my girls would have wanted to do with their father....creepy.

 

[Planogirl]

I'm trying to picture how my father would have reacted to this type of thing. He was traditional and thought that people should wait until marriage but it's hard to guess who would have been running away faster, me or him!

 

[Pea-n-Me]

Thank-you for the information. It's what I expected.

I was going to try to paraphrase this one, but I think I'll just post the link.

http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/releases/21606.php

 

[POPCITY]

I watched a documentary about this not long ago. I don't remember the name of it, but the father was one of the founders of the purity ball, and the documentary followed just the one family. There were several daughters, one or two were already married, the rest younger. There was also a son they had a manhood ceremony for. As an atheist, with views that are the antithesis of theirs, I expected to be disgusted by the whole thing. There was quite a bit that I found creepy, but by the end I surprisingly found myself having respect for them. I don't agree with them about sex, or the role of women, and I found the father to be very arrogant, but they had a very strong family. They obviously loved each other deeply, and made it a point to show how they felt about each other. I could never ever live in such a family, but it works for them.

 

[Tinker'n'Fun]

First I have to say I do not like the concept of the Purity Ball and any part of the ceremony but....

My son has a purity ring. He got it as a freshman in High School. He went to an all boys school and a group of the boys decided to make the decision of purity and wear them and support each other.

On the flip side of the coin his girlfriend did not wear onw but never pushed him.

The summer before he went to college he sat down with my husband and I and told us that the ring was a tool that helped him throughout high school and that he was proud that he did not go against what he believed at that time.

He then gave me the ring. He said while he was not planning on immediately sleeping with his girlfriend but he had thought about it more often and did not feel he could keep that promise to himself anymoree

His is now sexually active but so far with only one girl and he shows to us that he is respectful to her and faithful.

So purity doesn't have to be a all the way to marriage thing. It helped my son through high school when he was not prepared mentally to have relationships.

I have to give him credit for his convictions, I was younger and didn't have the control he did.

So it doesn't always have to be a horrible thing. He keeps his ring in a nice box with a letter that he wrote himself.

Just thought I would give another perspective on how it can work.

 

[Disney Doll]

Anything to an extreme is a problem IMHO. This kind of thing is extreme. Not the part of the child wanting to choose to wait until marriage to have sex...

But the celebration surrounding it. The vow to Daddy. Eww.

I've never understood why people's' sexual choices in any direction (purity, **** vs. heterosexual, other sexual preferences) have to be publicized.