Punishment for inappropriate computer use?

[Starbrite]

Well, it seems I've caught a virus on my laptop so I had to borrow my son's He's 13 and apparently has been surfing for porn. Now I know boys will be boys, and this is the modern-day equivalent to the old playboy under the mattress. I don't want to be too harsh on him, but this isn't his first offense either....


Almost 2 years ago he made his first search for ****ies. We had a little chat & i signed up for some Nanny Parental Control thing. I took all the precautions, monitored his usage - only in the living room, checked the logs, etc.

We had no issues for about a year. Then last summer, I find porn on grandma's computer. I'm pretty sure it wasn't grandma He admitted it. Again, we had a talk - my house my rules - but that time I took away all computer rights for 3 weeks.

So here we are again. More porn. He's 13 now. He got his own Netbook for Christmas. I check it frequently, he is (was) allowed to take it to his room.


What is an appropriate punishment?
I was thinking I would take away his computer for the rest of the summer. He can have it back when school starts. Is this way too harsh? Am I overreacting? This is his 3rd strike.

As a single mom, I'm having a hard time with these teenage boy issues. I'm hoping DD8 will be easier when the time comes.

 

[cruisnfamily]

As a single mom, I'm having a hard time with these teenage boy issues. I'm hoping DD8 will be easier when the time comes.

No advice on the porn thing. Hopefully some other posters will be more helpful there. I just had to at the part I bolded. I have a DD17 and a DS14.....I'd take 3 more boys over my girl! Boys are waaaayyyy easier!

 

[Pamlur]

I have a close friend whose son (at about that age) got the entire family kicked off AOL because of emails among his friends about the porn sites they had visited. He lost his internet privileges for quite a while, and had to live with us calling him the PornoKid until we finally got tired of it. He's married and a father now.

 

[dejr_8]

Playboy subscription?

 

[Starbrite]

No advice on the porn thing. Hopefully some other posters will be more helpful there. I just had to at the part I bolded. I have a DD17 and a DS14.....I'd take 3 more boys over my girl! Boys are waaaayyyy easier!

OK - It's settled then....she'll go to an All-Girls School in Switzerland

I can't take much more of this. And he's only 13!!!

 

[Jen0504]

Ok, I just want you to know that I completely understand what you are going through! I have 2 teenage boys, and the youngest one was the "porn" surfer! I personally don't think that you are being too harsh. It would be different if this was his first offense, but seeing as it's his 3rd I believe something a little harsher is needed. I am with you that boys will be boys and are curious especially at that age, but boundaries have to be set. I still monitor the boys' computer usage, and what sites they have been on. Know this though.....this soon will pass! I promise! Sounds to me like you are a great mom!!

 

[JerseyJanice]

I've got one going on 14 that I haven't snagged for looking at porn yet. He's pretty crafty on the computer, so I wonder if he's hiding it somehow.

I don't have any advice. I think porn is one of those things where once most males are exposed to it, they'll always want more.

 

[PollyannaMom]

I have a close friend whose son (at about that age) got the entire family kicked off AOL because of emails among his friends about the porn sites they had visited. He lost his internet privileges for quite a while, and had to live with us calling him the PornoKid until we finally got tired of it. He's married and a father now.

Several ideas:

Find a bunch of regulations like in the above story - you know, those wordy user agreements you have to click on to join things - and make him copy them out, in longhand, several times each... before he can have the computer back.

Give him a mom-really-feels-bad speech about how this behavior must mean he has some questions, and wouldn't he like to talk to (Uncle ____, Grandpa ______, Mr. ____ at school, Father _____ at church - whoever's name will bring out the red face the fastest), who'll be calling at x time?

Or the that's-somebody's-little-sister-you're-looking-at speech, and a two-page essay on exactly what he'd do to a guy he ever caught looking at that sort of pictures of his own sister.

Good luck! (and post back if anything works. - I've got less than 4 years until mine's 13.)

 

[luvmy3]

I'd make my ds wear a shirt that said "my mom caught me looking at porn again", but I'm heartless and have a sick sense of humor


Seriously, I don't think you are being too harsh but I don't think his punishment will stop him, it will just make him find ways to hide what he is doing on the computer.

 

[happygirl]

Take away his computer

 

[momof1princess]

OP, i don't have a teenage boy, but i surf the internet daily for my job, and PLEASE, PLEASE, impress upon your son that many of these inappropriate sites contain nasty computer viruses/malware/spyware that could wreak all sorts of havoc on his computer. it's not just the porn sites either-many song lyrics and music download sites also set off my antivirus software. it's not only a matter of the porn being inappropriate, but also what it could do to his computer if he stumbles upon the wrong site. oh, and for the record, i don't think you're being too harsh. 3 strikes, you're out, at least for a while.

 

[sparklynails23]

Ignore it. It's natural. Just don't give him enough alone time to let it rule his life.

 

[Mary•Poppins]

I have three boys and my oldest was caught at the age of 12 ... googling "naked girls age 12". He was being curious about girls his own age. However, my husband and I flipped out! We were more upset (and explained to my child) what child porn was. (This was not a conversation we wanted to have with him, but we also had to explain what he had seen and why this was so bad.) We explained that government agencies could be linked to these sites to catch pedophiles and what would happen if they thought his dad was googling these titles.

That really shook him up and we have never caught him doing this again. We also bought a book directed at puberty that explained what was happening to him and girls his age. It was age appropriate ... and he read it from cover to cover We then parental blocked our computer ... to only web sites we approve. He also was not allowed to use the computer for a month. Now our computer is located directly in our livingroom so that we have a better chance of monitoring all our children's computer use.

If this was my child, I would take his computer away and he would not get it back until he was 18. I am sorry you are going through this. I think I would be more upset that he has been caught more than once breaking this home rule. Good luck and I hope you find something that works.

 

[Gigi22]

Can you set up your entire computer network at home so that DS's access on the network is limited to 'safe' sites? This may involve deleting some of his email accounts. Plus you need to ensure your virus protection, firewall and identity protection is well maintained.
Since your DS has been busted 3 times for looking at porn, do you feel that you should have the, "Now son, there's pornography and then there are illegal sites" discussion? Please understand I am not saying he does frequent them, but for his own safety he has to be told that there are degrees of inappropriateness that will get him in trouble outside your home.

 

[java]

We had lots of dinner time talks about degrading women and do you think real girls act that way? How disappointed I was. Do you think Grandma would want to know that? and basically made it very unsexy. I am hoping I ruined porn for my son.

 

[AristocatFan]

As the mother of two boys thankfully we have never had this issue, but I know if we had all access to the computer would have been gone permanently!

 

[C.Ann]

Ignore it. It's natural. Just don't give him enough alone time to let it rule his life.

Too late for that now.. He has already been told by his parents that it's unacceptable behavior and each time he is caught, there will be a punishment.. If parents aren't consistent in what they say - and they don't follow through with it - then there's no reason to follow "any" of their rules..

Consistency is key when it comes to parenting..

 

[minkydog]

Then last summer, I find porn on grandma's computer. I'm pretty sure it wasn't grandma He admitted it. Again, we had a talk - my house my rules - but that time I took away all computer rights for 3 weeks.

So here we are again. More porn. He's 13 now. He got his own Netbook for Christmas. I check it frequently, he is (was) allowed to take it to his room.

What is an appropriate punishment?
I was thinking I would take away his computer for the rest of the summer. He can have it back when school starts. Is this way too harsh? Am I overreacting? This is his 3rd strike.

As a single mom, I'm having a hard time with these teenage boy issues. I'm hoping DD8 will be easier when the time comes.

He downloaded porn to his Grandma's computer? That would have been the end of his computer usage right there. NO WAY would he be taking his Netbook into his room!

We went through similar stuff with DS23 when he was about 12-13. None of my kids had computers in their rooms, we had one main desktop in the kitchen so whatever they did they had to do with people walking by. DS waited until we were all out for the evening and then he did several searches for certain (mispelled ) words. Well, he immediately lost his privileges for 6 months. He had a few school projects due and one of us sat nearby while he worked on them. THey have computers and filters at school, so he had ample plenty opportunities to get the work done. DH changed the password every few days and DS was never able to figure them out.

Everything settled down for awhile. Then one day we came home to find a sex show on our screen saver. Thankfully, I caught it before his little sister did. He was about 16-17 at the time and we cut him off. No more using our computer for ANYTHING. Once again, changing the passwords. He eventually bought his own laptop when he was 18 and I'm sure it's just loaded up.

I do not buy the "boys will be boys" argument. It's not just about the content. He is being disrespectful to you. He is not honoring your rules. Time to lay the hammer down, IMO

 

[bdoyledimou]

I'd make my ds wear a shirt that said "my mom caught me looking at porn again", but I'm heartless and have a sick sense of humor

If you do get around to make one of these, I would love to buy one.. that would be a cool shirt!

To the OP.. it's a 13 year old boy thing.. caught my own son with the same issue. I fixed it by setting up the router to not allow a bunch of common words through it. he will just get a page not found error if he tries.

 

[shortbun]

Take away his computer

Do this.