Pros for letting a 12 year old have a cell phone?

[Disney Addicted]

I just don't get it. So many kids have cell phones at an early age, and honestly - I don't recall my generation needing one!

My DD12 keeps asking for a cell phone. All I can thing about are the negatives. She really only has a couple of friends. She doesn't go many places by herself. We (or the other friend's parents) will drive the kids to there & pick them up afterwards. DD did walk to school, but now she is bused both ways right from our doorstep.

When I think how little it will actually be used, I'm having a hard time agreeing to the monthly expense.

My husband & I only have cheap pre-paid card type cell phones (speak-out) as we don't want to get sucked into large monthly data plans.

What am I missing? What are good reasons to get her one?

 

[8gr8mouseketeers]

We got cells for our kids when they were in middle school and did their first sport that requires after school practices and away games/meets. That was 12 for mine. It was just as much for my convenience and peace of mind as for them. We live in a small town and away events can be as much as 2 hours away. I like to keep in touch and know when they will need a ride home.

 

[caitlinsmom]

My DD got her phone for her 10th birthday. She plays competitive softball and soccer and will use the phone to call or text me when practice is ending or if it starts to rain. We also use it to keep in touch on the days when she goes home from school with friends. She is very responsible with it.

 

[Andrea from PA]

Same here -- My oldest got his first cell phone in middle school when doing school sports. I worked over an hour from the school and had 2 little ones. I couldn't afford to sit in a parking lot waiting for a return from an away game. So, his phone was for my convenience.

Fast forward 6 years -- Now DS in 6th grade and DD in 5th grade both want one. So far, I haven't gotten them one. The difference is:
1. I now work 10 mintues from school.
2. So many of their friends have smart phones that I know they would not be satisifed with a call only, pay as you go phone.

I am open with finances. I had my kids pick out what they thought was a reasonable phone and then had them calculate the cost for a year assuming they did not break or lose the phone. I had them figure out how often they would use it. I asked them practice texting on my phone (which is a pain on my phone). I gave them my budget for discretionary spending and told them we would have to eliminate spring break vacation to pay for it. Turns out, they really didn't want it that much. Neither realized the monthly fees and taxes. Even with the pay as go, they did not realize how quick texts could burn through minutes and that they had to pay when a friend sent them a text.

 

[janabananas]

My 13 yr old has his own phone. He has it because he does have to walk to the bus stop ( a pretty long way ) and because he and our youngest go between houses, grandma and grandpa and me and their dad.

However in you and your daughter's case, I am not sure there are any positives, if expense is an issue and there is really no "need" for her to have one.

I would tell my kids to get a job (or do extra chores around the house to earn the money) then we can get you your own phone. Their dad got the phone for them, otherwise they wouldn't have it now. However, like the PP said, if they were in afterschool activities that may require contact, I would re-evaluate my position.

 

[MickeyHereWeCome!]

Dd11 is on a jumprope team that practices 3 times a week, 35 minutes away. I got her a cell phone so she could call if there was a problem, her carpool was late, etc. She went on a trip to Ohio with her team, and it was so nice to hear from her along the ride and after her workshop. Her best friend lives in our neighborhood, but its halfway around the block. We live in a safe and quiet neighborhood, but you can't always trust that! I love that she can walk down and text me when she arrives and then call or text when she's leaving.

Yes, she was the first of her friends to get a cell phone, so it wasn't used much at first. Now, however, more and more of her friends are getting cell phones, so it's nice to not have our home phone ringing constantly! I think by middle school, most kids around here have cell phones. Dd was 9 1/2 when she got her phone, and I don't regret it.

My younger two are getting iTouches for Christmas. That has texting and free calling via Facetime, so I don't see them really needing cell phones for a while!

 

[Pigeon]

The "how little it will be used" comment makes me

You are thinking like an adult. You are correct in that it wouldn't be used for talking very much at all. My 14yo has a plan with 300 minutes/month, and on a chatty month she talks for maybe 20 minutes. It would be used for texting. Constantly. You would have to pry it out of her hands for things like bathing and dinner.

I share your concerns. I held off as long as I could. My dd didn't have any phone until she was 12, and then she had a prepaid tracfone for a year. Last year for Christmas, we got her a VM prepaid $35/month plan for unlimited texting and data.

I hate the texting with a passion and I hate the constant need to be holding the stupid thing. We do restrict use somewhat. But the truth is that it really is how they conduct their social lives these days. They do not call each other. If your kid doesn't have a cell phone, they won't get invited to participate in activities and they will be regarded as some sort of freak. It pains me greatly to admit this, but it is true.

My kid also stays after school for activities frequently, and it is useful to be able to contact her.

 

[luvmy3]

My dd has had one since she was 9, she has been doing some kind of activity where she was without me and I wanted her to have a way to get in touch with me immediately of needed.
Now that she is older (13) it is the only way she keeps in touch with her friends. Technically she doesn't need it, but in today's world, a cell phone is the primary way for kids to socialize when not with eachother. I have no problem providing that for my teen.
My 11 year old ds doesn't have one, hasn't even asked for one. He is happy using the home phone to talk to his friends. Most of the time they are hanging out outside or playing Xbox together, they don't chat on the phone too much.

 

[MickeyManiac]

The "how little it will be used" comment makes me

You are thinking like an adult. You are correct in that it wouldn't be used for talking very much at all. My 14yo has a plan with 300 minutes/month, and on a chatty month she talks for maybe 20 minutes. It would be used for texting. Constantly. You would have to pry it out of her hands for things like bathing and dinner.

I share your concerns. I held off as long as I could. My dd didn't have any phone until she was 12, and then she had a prepaid tracfone for a year. Last year for Christmas, we got her a VM prepaid $35/month plan for unlimited texting and data.

I hate the texting with a passion and I hate the constant need to be holding the stupid thing. We do restrict use somewhat. But the truth is that it really is how they conduct their social lives these days. They do not call each other. If your kid doesn't have a cell phone, they won't get invited to participate in activities and they will be regarded as some sort of freak. It pains me greatly to admit this, but it is true.My kid also stays after school for activities frequently, and it is useful to be able to contact her.

This is exactly what I was going to say. The kids just don't call to invite each other places. They only text. I had a friend who spend several miserable months in middle school with no friends. Once he got his phone he was a different kid and was in the "loop" and social again.

Our kids are growing up in a completely different time.

 

[Jayana]

Piping up from a younger perspective, my parents got me my first cell phone when I was 11, in middle school, and starting to have after school activities that were less predictable, like play practices.

I think it was mostly for my mother's piece of mind, so that I could let her know if I was going to be late, or if we got out early, I could let her know I had someone to stay with until she showed up. It was a VM prepaid phone, and I could text, but my parents only bought a $20 card once every other month or so. Once I started using it more, my parents let me add the $5/300 texts a month. I tended to use the texts to let my mom know quickly what was up, so they might have even spent less than when I was using minutes to call.

As I started to use my phone more for social stuff and less for contacting my parents, I started to assume more of the costs. It was my first bill, and I feel like both the phone use itself and the costs taught me a lot. I've been paying for the whole thing for about 2 and a half years (I'm 19 now) and I can't help but laugh at my peers who wind up spending 3x what I do on it!

Basically, I think this is the perfect time to introduce a cell phone. Just make sure that you, your husband, and your daughter all understand exactly how the phone is meant to be used, and have a plan for when that changes. If you teach her how to be responsible with a phone early on, she won't feel the need to go nuts with it when you finally cave.

And I need to second the opinion about needing it to be totally included in her peer group. It's horrible, but true. I noticed it when I was in middle school, and cell phones are even more commonplace now, so I can only assume it has gotten worse.

 

[angierae]

The "how little it will be used" comment makes me

You are thinking like an adult. You are correct in that it wouldn't be used for talking very much at all. My 14yo has a plan with 300 minutes/month, and on a chatty month she talks for maybe 20 minutes. It would be used for texting. Constantly. You would have to pry it out of her hands for things like bathing and dinner.

I hate the texting with a passion and I hate the constant need to be holding the stupid thing. We do restrict use somewhat. But the truth is that it really is how they conduct their social lives these days. They do not call each other. If your kid doesn't have a cell phone, they won't get invited to participate in activities and they will be regarded as some sort of freak. It pains me greatly to admit this, but it is true.

My kid also stays after school for activities frequently, and it is useful to be able to contact her.

My dd has had one since she was 9, she has been doing some kind of activity where she was without me and I wanted her to have a way to get in touch with me immediately of needed.
Now that she is older (13) it is the only way she keeps in touch with her friends. Technically she doesn't need it, but in today's world, a cell phone is the primary way for kids to socialize when not with eachother. I have no problem providing that for my teen.
My 11 year old ds doesn't have one, hasn't even asked for one. He is happy using the home phone to talk to his friends. Most of the time they are hanging out outside or playing Xbox together, they don't chat on the phone too much.

This is exactly what I was going to say. The kids just don't call to invite each other places. They only text. I had a friend who spend several miserable months in middle school with no friends. Once he got his phone he was a different kid and was in the "loop" and social again.

Our kids are growing up in a completely different time.

What everyone has said. It is key for socializing - these kids do NOT call each other on the phone (and to be honest, me and my geeky friends do not use the telephone, either. My husband and i jokingly say "Did you know our texty-boxes can also make phone calls?!)

It's going to hold your kids back socially as time goes on if they don't have a phone. DD16's band teacher texts them to remind them about practices, or has their section leaders text them. They pass along information from kid to kid to kid via texting.

(My family of 3 plus my MIL all share 700 minutes, and we've never gotten close to it. Heh.)

 

[donalduck]

She doesn't need one. What did kids do before there was even cell phones. It's all because the parents can't tell there kids no. You can always come up with an excuse to get anything.

 

[Mom2apirate&princess]

We bought our ds a cell phone when he was 12 1/2. But we did it because we decided to get rid of our home phone and we needed to have a phone in the house when dh and I are both gone. Honestly, it's worked out really well. He's had the same phone for almost 2 years now and has been really responsible with it. It's nice to be able to get in touch with him right after school if plans change or whatever the case.

Dd is 9 and is "dying" for a cell phone. Not gonna happen for a few more years. There simply is no need for her to have one in my opinion. She does get to use her brothers phone to call me if she needs to when I'm not home or her grandparents... She does have several friends with cell phones in her class and finds it very unfair that she can't have one

 

[angierae]

She doesn't need one. What did kids do before there was even cell phones. It's all because the parents can't tell there kids no. You can always come up with an excuse to get anything.

Before there were cell phones, no one had one, so it wasn't an issue. Now they are here, and LOTS of people have them, and the culture around them is changing. A kid without a cell phone after 12 or 13 is going to be held back socially. It's awful, and weird, but it's true.

 

[skysmom99]

What a sad comment on our society if a child needs a cell phone in order to be NOT considered a freak.

I'm a holdout because I refuse to get dd 12 a cell phone. She can text on her iPod that she bought with Christmas/birthday/earned money. She can make any calls from the house phone. She plays 4 sports plus being in choir & orchestra, has a ton of friends, and was voted Homecoming Representative by her classmates, so I guess not having a phone isn't hurting her all that much.

To each his own, though.

 

[dbmarie]

What did kids do before there was even cell phones. It's all because the parents can't tell there kids no.

Actually it is because our world is changing. Not so long ago it was no one needs a tv, then a computer. I actually was on the fence for a while but honestly my daughter needs one.

She can make any calls from the house phone.

Most people don't have a home phone anymore. I actually can only think of a few people in our area that do. So when my youngest daughter talks to her friends it is on my phone.

 

[luvmy3]

She doesn't need one. What did kids do before there was even cell phones. It's all because the parents can't tell there kids no. You can always come up with an excuse to get anything.

I chose not to say "no" to a cell phone, but rest assured I am perfectly capable of it, just ask my kids

 

[skysmom99]

Most people don't have a home phone anymore. I actually can only think of a few people in our area that do. So when my youngest daughter talks to her friends it is on my phone.

This would be different, but in my area, most people seem to still have landlines. If/When we decide to get rid of that, we would re-think what we do, but it would most likely be adding a cell to have at home rather than one for each kid to carry.

 

[pyrxtc]

My ex bought my 14 yr old a cell phone. She now has limited use of it, M-W-F and weekends she is at her Dad's house. She has had it since May and I am sick of it. She feels the need to have it on her constantly and says that she must reply to a text immediately or else she is rude. She would use it while watching movies together, while we were talking in the car or shopping together. I would prefer her not have one. She did use it after sports to call if I needed to get her but she could have used a school phone too. She doesn't get many texts outside of her father and step-sister's.

 

[disneyhand]

My kids are grown now, 25 and 26. Cell phones were around in their teens, but not like now.

We bought our daughter a cell phone after she started to drive alone, around age 16. She'd had a frightening experience getting lost in a bad part of town and it made sense to us. Loved the peace of mind and she had rules for usage.

There was a shooting and lock down at their high school shortly after that and we heard from her right away, knew she was ok. It was almost 2 hours before hearing that our son was safe too! We bought him a phone the very next day.