Private vs public

[clarkshel]

Do your research. We had a horrible experience with private school. I literally feel like we bought oldest DS diploma. He did not do the work, failed many classes and the school kept making exceptions and giving him credits for "experience". As parents we were appalled, here we were trying to teach our son that in real life there is no hand holding and your responsibilities are yours, all the while the school is doing the opposite. Turns out they were more concerned about their numbers and stats of grads than of the education they were giving. We pulled the next youngest two and put them in public classes where they were both more challenged. DD graduates this year and will graduate with an AA degree from the community college as a high school senior and then just have two years at her 1st pick college to finish her bachelors, all at no extra cost to us thanks to the accelerated programs the public schools here offer.

There have been reports on some private and charter schools in my city that have done this. They have inflated marks. I have always wondered about this. The parents are paying a lot of money for private schools, so it is in the best interest of the school to give out high marks. Wether the kid deserved it or not. I agree with other posters who have said that it really depends on the school. My oldest is in public school right now and he is getting a really good education, but he loves to learn and loves the challenge. I'm worried about my youngest, who is currently in pre-school. He has a speech impediment, and am not sure how good the public system will be for him. Right now he sees a speech pathologist, but by the time he hits grade 1, the funding for this will be cut off. The public system in my province don't provide much money for special needs in the schools, and they keep cutting it back. So we might have to consider private school for the youngest.

Not sure how it works in the US, but in my province the Government funds 70% for private schools.

 

[SLP958]

What I mean by not so great is the high school has trouble with drugs and fighting. Just last night a sports event had to be ended by the police due to a huge fight.

As for the middle school, I have no specific information other than speaking with a few other moms who are teachers. Most all of them choose to send their children elsewhere.

We do not have charter or magnet schools in our area.

The public high school has a rate of approx. 60% of students continuing to college. The private has a rate of 98% going on to college and 52% earning a scholarship of some type. I also know graduates of both the private and public schools.

We are scheduled to tour the private school after Christmas.
Right now I am leaning towards giving the public school a chance at least for elementary school.

Thank you all for your insightful replies. Outside opinions are always helpful.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I am a frequent lurker here and think you guys always give honest, varied opinions.

We are struggling with the decision to start our kids in private vs. public school. Our zoned elementary school is great but the middle and high schools are not so great.

We can afford private school but it will mean sacrifices.
Our struggle is wondering if instead of paying for private school we could be saving for college.

We have considered starting out in the public school and moving if needed but don't like the idea of the kids leaving and having to make new friends.

Could anyone share similar experiences, thoughts?

So many many things to think through with this. My oldest is 21 so I have plenty of perspective.

We choose public school. We moved to make sure we are in a good HS system.

What is not "great" about the MS/HS? Crime? Low graduation? Really look into that personally.

Is this a religious school? Are you an active member in the church?

I would say that it really depends on many things, one being your child.

If your child has learning issues, public is better. You will get more resources.

What about AP classes, dual enrollment with community college, etc. Public HS's may have that as their options, which for the super gifted is essential for education. Our district has the resources for those block of kids.

Are you looking at a college prep HS for your child? You have to "get in" for that. There is no guarantee there.

Your child might end up going to the "private school" that is not "college prep". In that case a public HS might have been a better choice.

Bottom line for us, I wanted public school not only for finances but my kids ended up being atheists so Catholic school would have not been a good fit.

Good Luck with your decision.

 

[Southernmiss]

What I mean by not so great is the high school has trouble with drugs and fighting. Just last night a sports event had to be ended by the police due to a huge fight. While this would raise some concerns, it doesn't necessarily show what is going on INSIDE the school doors.

As for the middle school, I have no specific information other than speaking with a few other moms who are teachers. Most all of them choose to send their children elsewhere. These are the sorts of rumors I hear, but have never had an issue with our Middle School. Go visit for yourself! And if your kids are not in school yet middle and high are a few years away. Things can change--for the better or worse.R="red"]

We do not have charter or magnet schools in our area.

The public high school has a rate of approx. 60% of students continuing to college. The private has a rate of 98% going on to college and 52% earning a scholarship of some type. I also know graduates of both the private and public schools. Still not a convincing factor. My kid would be in the group going to college. What we do at home also has lots of merit in our kids education and future.

We are scheduled to tour the private school after Christmas.
Right now I am leaning towards giving the public school a chance at least for elementary school. I think this is good. Go at least visit the middle and high school too before you completely exclude them.

Thank you all for your insightful replies. Outside opinions are always helpful.

My replies are in red. I want to add while we can't imagine our 5 year olds going to THAT high school, things change as the kids grow up, mature and get older. The student's own personalities come out and you may find that THAT high school could be a true fit for your child.

It also gives time for change for better or worse at your local schools.

Good luck with it all. We were right where you are, but in the end chose public over private school so that we could save for college. Just take it one step at a time.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

What I mean by not so great is the high school has trouble with drugs and fighting. Just last night a sports event had to be ended by the police due to a huge fight.

As for the middle school, I have no specific information other than speaking with a few other moms who are teachers. Most all of them choose to send their children elsewhere.

We do not have charter or magnet schools in our area.

The public high school has a rate of approx. 60% of students continuing to college. The private has a rate of 98% going on to college and 52% earning a scholarship of some type. I also know graduates of both the private and public schools.

We are scheduled to tour the private school after Christmas.
Right now I am leaning towards giving the public school a chance at least for elementary school.

Thank you all for your insightful replies. Outside opinions are always helpful.

If you are going private start in elementary school. That is where the bonding of friendships for "school life" happens.

 

[Gumbo4x4]

What it comes down to is your individual child. In our area, the difference seems to be control in the schools and discipline. At our high schools, which can have about 3,000 students, it can be utter chaos. If your kids are not in honors or AP classes, you can bet they will be mixed in with all kinds and many of these "all kinds" have no respect for teachers and no respect for other students in the classroom. This is what my DD most noted when she was in public high school. The private schools, in our experience, and we've used three different ones, manage to somehow maintain fairly good discipline in the classroom. Neither of my kids have reported the issues in class in private school that went on in public school at the middle and high school levels. At least in the schools we used, there was zero tolerance for nonsense.

It's definitely a consideration. The public schools pretty much have to take everyone, which can have both a downside & an upside. We didn't have "honors" classes when I was in HS, so some of my classes were a true melting pot. OTOH, because I was strong in math & science, I was taking classes as a freshman that the "bad kids" were never going to take ever. And the deeper I got into HS, the more "insulated" I was from the rough crowd.

But our "rough crowd" really wasn't that rough, so it wasn't ever a safety issue.

 

[snarlingcoyote]

Do your research. We had a horrible experience with private school. I literally feel like we bought oldest DS diploma. He did not do the work, failed many classes and the school kept making exceptions and giving him credits for "experience". As parents we were appalled, here we were trying to teach our son that in real life there is no hand holding and your responsibilities are yours, all the while the school is doing the opposite. Turns out they were more concerned about their numbers and stats of grads than of the education they were giving. We pulled the next youngest two and put them in public classes where they were both more challenged. DD graduates this year and will graduate with an AA degree from the community college as a high school senior and then just have two years at her 1st pick college to finish her bachelors, all at no extra cost to us thanks to the accelerated programs the public schools here offer.

The metro area just south of where I live is mostly private schools and a lot of what JessB320 mentions apparently happens in many of those schools. The kids who come out of those schools. . .well. They've got a lot of bad personality traits. There are some really good private schools that are nothing like that, of course. And then, since the kids are in a private school they have never bumped shoulders with truly poor people, which, well. The most callous things I've ever personally heard said by one human about another human were all said by people in that metro area who graduated from a certain one of the private, Christian, more-influential schools in metro area.

Which isn't to say that all Christian, expensive schools are that way - some of the other Christian schools in that metroplex offer a lot of scholarships and insist their students do real volunteer work (not just hanging out somewhere after their parents made a donation to a group) for many, many hours every year and try very hard to teach their kids compassion and empathy - more so than do many public schools.

So, it's a quandry, I suppose, that can only be answered based on the public and the private schools available.

 

[wilderness01]

Private schooling has worked for us and the children of our friends. There was never a thought of them going to a public school. The difference of schooling has become very apparent in college.

This has been our experience as well. Good luck with your decision.

 

[tvguy]

On the flip side, the opposite was true for my friends who attended parochial school. They were a full 2 years behind the rest of us in math & science and that didn't bode well for them in an engineering program. All public schools are not created equal - ditto for all private schools.

We did parochial school for high school only. Catholic. (and we are not Catholic).

Pre-K through 8th was private, for profit schools where if they they didn't offer an advantage that they could demonstrate, they would be out of business.

We were lucky on the parochial school side, very aggressive school, REQUIRED summer school....English one session, Math, the other, and Science the other year. So agressive in fact, that the private for profit schools decided against offering high school and instead decided to set themselves up as feeder schools.

 

[Kitzka]

I would suggest going to visit the schools and speaking to the administrators. Or attend some of the board meetings they may have.

My daughter just started the public high school in my town. The 'reputation' in town is that it is just okay and they had to cancel one of the first football games of the season because of a violence threat. Honestly, we were very very nervous. We went to a lot of meetings, spoke to the administrators and spoke to students and parents who were in the school. DD has been in the school for 1 marking period and is doing great. The work is very challenging and is harder than the 2 private schools we would have struggled to afford.

Good luck. The best thing I can say is that any choice you make isn't forever. I know you worried about switching schools but my dd still sees her middle school friends and has made some wonderful friends at HS as well.

 

[emma'smom]

Interesting discussion. We send our children to a private school for elementary with plans to send them to public for middle/high school. Our belief is that we wanted to build a firm foundation in "habits of the mind" that the private school offers---independent learning, critical thinking, problem solving, ability of collaborate, agility in learning, etc.

I've really enjoyed watching our children develop these skills in elementary---and know that they will be somewhat squashed in public (for dd10 it will be next year). However, other families who have taken this approach have noted that once these "habits" take route....they are always there. They can see that their children think and approach ideas differently as compared to their friends once they get to the publics.

 

[bunny]

I would actually recommend the opposite of the previous poster. It is more important to send you child to a private high school than a private elementary school. In public high school, children are exposed to alcohol, drugs, cliques, bullying, sex, etc. Also as the classes get more difficult, it is better for them to have smaller class sizes.

My son attended private school until the end of 6th grade and then switched to a public school. That was one of the worst decision I have ever made. The difference in the caliber of education and of the student bodies was huge. The only advantage of a public high school is sports.

 

[Gumbo4x4]

I would actually recommend the opposite of the previous poster. It is more important to send you child to a private high school than a private elementary school. In public high school, children are exposed to alcohol, drugs, cliques, bullying, sex, etc. Also as the classes get more difficult, it is better for them to have smaller class sizes.

My son attended private school until the end of 6th grade and then switched to a public school. That was one of the worst decision I have ever made. The difference in the caliber of education and of the student bodies was huge. The only advantage of a public high school is sports.

None of the above is necessarily exclusive to public schools. In fact, one friend of mine specifically said he wished he would not have sent his daughter to the parochial school because of the cliques there (and his daughter was in the "in" crowd). When his son got old enough, he sent him to the public school. Our Catholic HS has also always had a higher incidence of teen pregnancy than the public school, pretty much as long as I can remember despite being a much smaller school. OTOH, their sports programs are exceptional & they offer "scholarships" to kids from outside the district to come play for them. They have multiple state championships in several sports.

Bottom line, every situation is different. And the public school is never "automatically" better at some things & worse at others.

 

[surfgirl]

I would actually recommend the opposite of the previous poster. It is more important to send you child to a private high school than a private elementary school. In public high school, children are exposed to alcohol, drugs, cliques, bullying, sex, etc. Also as the classes get more difficult, it is better for them to have smaller class sizes.

My son attended private school until the end of 6th grade and then switched to a public school. That was one of the worst decision I have ever made. The difference in the caliber of education and of the student bodies was huge. The only advantage of a public high school is sports.

I disagree with the first paragraph. My experience (first hand and through friends and neighbors) is that the private high schools are where much more drugs are prevalent. There is more disposable money in the private school's families for this.

While I think this may be a generalization, my friend who had a daughter at an exclusive private school (think in the $25k+ tuition) felt there was less involvement on parents' parts for private schools. So more of the partying... drugs... unsupervised weekends... (Of course, she also had a kid in public school, so she may be qualified to relate the two).


It is so hard for anyone on a posting board to relate the two - you have to look at your specific situation.

 

[joviroxx]

I disagree with the first paragraph. My experience (first hand and through friends and neighbors) is that the private high schools are where much more drugs are prevalent. There is more disposable money in the private school's families for this.

While I think this may be a generalization, my friend who had a daughter at an exclusive private school (think in the $25k+ tuition) felt there was less involvement on parents' parts for private schools. So more of the partying... drugs... unsupervised weekends... (Of course, she also had a kid in public school, so she may be qualified to relate the two).


It is so hard for anyone on a posting board to relate the two - you have to look at your specific situation.

Admittedly, I haven't read this entire thread. But 1) not all private schools are $25,000+. My kids go to parochial school and the tuition is more in the $9000 range. 2) Drug abuse and use is NOT exclusive to people with money. That kind of thinking is just ridiculous.

I grew up in private schools and have friends that went to different ones. Money doesn't create problems, bad parenting and environment does. And that happens at any economic level.

My kids go to private parochial school, as I did. MY experience is that I have been surrounded by a much more involved parent population. I am much more aware of the classmates and their families than I see my friend's whose kids go to public school. The college placement program is second to none at my son's high school. When a parent is paying for an education, at least in this area of parochial schools, they are much more invested and it creates a bigger sense of family.

But every are is different, cities are different, people are different. I know other states/cities where the public schools are better than the private ones.

 

[sunshinehighway]

I would actually recommend the opposite of the previous poster. It is more important to send you child to a private high school than a private elementary school. In public high school, children are exposed to alcohol, drugs, cliques, bullying, sex, etc. Also as the classes get more difficult, it is better for them to have smaller class sizes.

My son attended private school until the end of 6th grade and then switched to a public school. That was one of the worst decision I have ever made. The difference in the caliber of education and of the student bodies was huge. The only advantage of a public high school is sports.

 

[tasha99]

Not going to bother to quote the poster that the previous poster quoted but . . .
There are plenty of drugs in private high schools. My ex husband went to a private creme de la creme boarding school, with the kids of celebrities, and there were drugs because the kids were rich. I knew lots of kids who went to the local parochial private high school. Also lots of drugs because the kids were comfortably upper middle class. The biggest difference in drugs between private and public, is going to be the quality, not the amount.

 

[lovin'fl]

I also have not read entire thread, but I'd say go private. My DS (with ADD and 504 plan, who is also bright and was in AIG classes in elementary school in NC) really didn't do well in public middle school (once we moved to MD)...began as an honor roll student and went out with a high C average (not horrible but did get some Ds and stopped doing/turning in HW and went unnoticed...slipped through the cracks). I realized he needed smaller class sizes and a overcrowded public school that was very focused on making AYP (getting more kids to pass state test scores, so focus on lower level classes) was not a great fit for my DS. I had him accepted (mid 7th grade) into a very very good private school (that was k-8) with very small class sizes (like 8-10 kids /teacher) and regret not putting him in there. Instead, he stayed in the public MS and then went to our public HS...a very overcrowded school with a drug problem. His 9th grade year was horrible beyond belief. Things went so far south, that when we tried to transfer him to private high school for this coming Jan (2nd semester of 10th grade for him), he did not get accepted. It's too late now and we have only 2 choices....the public school that has failed him or home school (online school which we have been doing since Sept...1st semester of 10th grade). The home school (online school) is not a great fit either as he has no live teacher in front of him and instruction is all reading (he has to take initiative to ask questions when he needs help...he can ask us or e-mail online teacher who then would e-mail back...and he doesn't ask for help and is not very motivated to get stuff done with an open ended due date).

So, I say go private while you can. And I also agree that private school is more important for middle and high school. What kids learn in ES can be learned fairly easily and with decent help from parents (once they are taking Geometry and Chemistry and the such...not much help most parents can provide there) and most ESs are pretty solid and can manage kids at that age and stage of development.

 

[lovin'fl]

Not going to bother to quote the poster that the previous poster quoted but . . .
There are plenty of drugs in private high schools. My ex husband went to a private creme de la creme boarding school, with the kids of celebrities, and there were drugs because the kids were rich. I knew lots of kids who went to the local parochial private high school. Also lots of drugs because the kids were comfortably upper middle class. The biggest difference in drugs between private and public, is going to be the quality, not the amount.

Yes, true..but private school kids that bring/sell/do drugs AT school will be kicked out, no excuses. What the kids do on the weekends/evenings/breaks is up to the parents to control, but I want my kids in a school during the weekdays where other kids are not buying/selling/doing drugs right there under the admin's noses.

 

[sunshinehighway]

Yes, true..but private school kids that bring/sell/do drugs AT school will be kicked out, no excuses. What the kids do on the weekends/evenings/breaks is up to the parents to control, but I want my kids in a school during the weekdays where other kids are not buying/selling/doing drugs right there under the admin's noses.

Excellent point. There is no drug dealing happening at private schools, only on weekends.