PrincessAuroras Weird and Freaky Trip Report - Final Installment

[CindyBeth]

Love your trip report!!!

 

[1000thhappyhaunt]

PrincessAurora: I LOVE ya, I LOVE ya!!!! You're SO funny my friend!!!

Thanks for such awesomeness... and please MORE!!! Mel.

 

[PrincessAurora]

The “Family” all has Annual Passes for Disneyland. Any Disneyland-based people will have a little problem with this park. It messes with your head. You carry a little map of Disneyland in your brain but once you enter Magic Kingdom, the lands and some rides are off just enough that you get a little lost.

Here in the Magic Kingdom, there is no New Orleans Square, there is Liberty Square. The Haunted Mansion in Magic Kingdom is approx. where Big Thunder is in Disneyland and it looks WAY different. It’s messing with my head just thinking about it.

Now after the whole lobby fiasco I pictured a mad dash to Fantasyland for a gut wrenching hour of Pooh and Dolls From Hell. I didn’t tell Dot about the whole Tink fiasco because Ursula would have thrown parents out of the way in a huge wave of crazy. I’m telling ya, that woman is nuts! She would sacrifice a baby harp seal to get Dot into Yale. I think it would serve her right if Dot decided to run off with some guy with a mullet and be a roller skating waitress at a retro restaurant. Mullet wearing guys, don’t even bother emailing me. Come out of the 80’s, the rest of the World is waiting for you.

As we quickly made our way up Main Street at a trot, I wondered what I had gotten myself into. Bert has now made an unauthorized detour into Tomorrowland. DANGER! DANGER WILL ROBINSON! What is it with people not staying with their native guide? He heard about Alien Encounter and wanted to ride it. Imagine his surprise when he found Stitch Encounter in its place. I heard it was lame but Dot loves Stitch and now that she has seen it, she wants to go. At least it keeps me away from the Dolls From Hell for another 30 minutes.

Now the old Alien Encounter was a VERY mentally scary and intense ride. If you took your child on this ride, you WOULD be paying for therapy for the next 10 years. I am NOT kidding!

So after getting all those therapist bills, Disney decided that while spinning the wheel of bad ideas, putting this psyche damaging attraction in the Magic Kingdom probably wasn’t the best place for it. I always thought that MGM would have been better. I mean they have the real Alien and the Wicked Witch of the West and Sigorney Weaver in that park but done was done.

You just had to admire the man melons it took to fry cute little Skippy in a teleporter “accident” and then have the slightly malevolent robot who fried him trap him in the transporter interface, perhaps permanently. Who thought that little kids would be OK with that? Maybe little Charlie Manson but any other takers?

Well, now we get a pre-Lilo peek at Stitchs life when he was a psycho lab experiment. Great. It is the same circular room where you sit around a giant tube. There is a large shoulder harness that comes down over you. It is used for effects now more than keep people in their seats so they are not running around in terror in the dark and break their neck like in its previous incarnation.

As before, the teleporter is accidentally rerouted and Stitch is transported into the room by accident. He busts out of the tube, total darkness descends and the fun begins. Or not. Nothing in the room moves. You hear Stitch running on the catwalk, breathing hot breath on your neck, licking you, “jumpin” on you and the like. Just not the same as a psycho monster killing people, chewing them up and getting warm “blood” dripped on you from the guy he ate on the catwalk.

Anything intense on this ride? Yup, chilli. Really. You see Stitch eats a particularly bad chilli cheese dog or maybe just a chilli dog with no cheese but why would someone not have cheese unless they were lactose intolerant and then what is the point? Sorry – I didn’t really analyze the stench. Just thinking out loud. You see, Stitch burps this nasty chilli dog on you and its gross on many levels. Dot loudly proclaims “Eewwwwww, Stitch farted.”

That pretty much summed it up. No shrieking, terror filled kids this time but plenty of bored ones, or grossed out ones or ones that are just afraid of lint and paper clips and air. These kids will cry at the drop of a hat. There was one of these but face it, the train would have scared this kid.

Sorry.

Bert wants to now ride Buzz Lightyear. Great. I am paired up with Ursula. Dot rides with her Dad. Ursula doesn’t do guns. I do guns. I do huntin and fishin and shootin low lifes who try to invade my personal space. Guess who has the low score of all four of us? Yup, me. I can never see the red laser so it is really hard to aim. Ursula is just shooting at nothing, at air, just randomly while telling me about the great shoes she found at Target and she beats me by double. I really hate her.

Dot has beaten her Dad into submission but I could have guessed that outcome. WHY do I keep riding this ride? It just makes me depressed. Since I am now feeling woefully inadequate we head over to Fantasyland. I think that perhaps I can steer her towards Peter Pan and away from the Dolls From Hell. No chance. Haven’t Tink & Grumpy gotten here yet?

 

[Ron from Michigan]

We need more more more reports PrincessAurora. Since you are PrincessAurora how come you don't let others do your work for you that way you will have more time to write reports for us.

 

[PrincessAurora]

I wish. So I am turning my PC off now and just for you Ron, I am getting to work on tomorrows post. I have to do laundry tomorrow. Having faeries or woodland critters do it for me would be nice or not. Don't know if Woodland Critters can operate the machines and might make your clothes nastier than they were initially.

 

[Alysa]

As a child, I always worried about the seven dwarves dishes that were licked clean by the deer.

 

[PrincessAurora]

ROFL, I love this. Must remember this wheel thing, too funny.

On the other hand, did your counters get done?

The weather in California has been nuts. Rain, hail, snow, dogs & cats living together... just insane. We can't take frozen water falling from the sky. It's like the end of the world.

And no... counters aren't done. I could bore you with a talk about levels and ancient original cabinets and a seperate double sink and will it fit and bottom line - I am doing dishes in the bathtub.

Sad. Very sad.

 

[MOMOFMNM]

AWESOME!!!


TOO FUNNY!!!!

I think Dot will give Ursula a run for her money later on...

 

[SoNotAPrincess]

The weather in California has been nuts. Rain, hail, snow, dogs & cats living together... just insane. We can't take frozen water falling from the sky. It's like the end of the world.

And no... counters aren't done. I could bore you with a talk about levels and ancient original cabinets and a seperate double sink and will it fit and bottom line - I am doing dishes in the bathtub.

Sad. Very sad.

You certainly have a magical way of painting pictures with your writing. Your trip report is more fun than a roller coaster...and with just as many ups and downs. Loving the ride! Wheeeeeee!

 

[PrincessAurora]

We make a side approach to Fantasyland so I stop at the wishing well and pretend I am Snow White but with a tenor voice and more brains and pray for a husband that isn’t a low down, lying piece of… O gee, I’m sorry – that was my inside voice just breaking through for a moment.

OK, close my eyes, breath deep, say “I am a pretty Princess, I am a pretty Princess.” Whew. That was a close one.

Dot breaks through my meditative state going 70 miles an hour, all flushed in the face screaming in a gleeful tone “I WAS CHASED BY A TRASHCAN!”

Aroooo? I am so confused at this point. We hear in painstaking detail about how Dot was just puttering along, minding her own business when a trashcan not only chased her but talked to her.

I turned on Bert. “You shouldn’t give her those brownies you hippie! You are soooo going to prison!”

He just gives me this look that says “What?” and just shrugs his shoulders and says “It did.”

Great insanity runs in the family. I see Ursula puffing up to us while babbling a mile a minute “Did she tell you about that talking little can? It was the cutest thing! I tried to get a picture of it but it wouldn’t stay still.”

Of course not. Not for my insane, delusional family. They cross a continent, spend thousands of dollars and get all racked up about a walking, talking garbage can. Next thing, they will be having conversations with the pooper scooper.

Speaking of pooper scoopers, we get to Pooh with little difficulty and little wait.
This was a nice ride (although I still miss Mr. Toad). It was interactive in a Pooh kind of way. Your honey pot would bounce when Tigger was there, you felt like you were floating on water when it was raining, etc. There are a few tiny scary elements in the storm but not anything traumatic. Unless you count Dot singing “Drip drip drop little April Showers” during that part even though that song is from Bambi. It didn’t matter she didn’t know most of the words so the majority was a mush of humming and made up language. Although I will lay odds there is a squirrel somewhere that understands her.

 

[MOMOFMNM]

AURORA...

I hear ya on the ex husband thing and I feel for ya...
but some day your prince will come....you are too cute...and too spirited...it takes a special kind of guy to keep up with that kind of woman but he's out there!!!

 

[PrincessAurora]

Now that she is all keyed up, I spend the next 30 minutes bouncing off the walls of Fantasyland. First it’s the carousel, watching Dot go round and round, screaming “WATCH ME!”, while Ursula films and Bert looks bored. Then it is over to Dumbo where I watch again as she flies around in a 3 ft circle in a giant fiberglass elephant. Whee. I wonder what Tink is doing?

Peter Pan was always one of my favorites from Disneyland. We decided to get a Fast Pass for this and ride it later. This just leaves one ride that she will go near – the Dolls From Hell. The one thing I will say about Disneyland is that the exterior of this ride is WAY cool with the huge white building with all of the dolls coming out and the animated clock and the boats floating past the topiaries. My first trip to Disneyland was on my 8th birthday. I remember one ride more than any other, the ride I just LOVED – yup, you guessed it, the Dolls From Hell – “It’s A Small World”.

Magic Kingdoms Small World is inside a building with just an overhang to stand under and no topiaries and no cool white building with a clock with the toy soldiers that go nuts when the clock chimes the hour, the half and even each 15 minutes. Great. So in we go. I try to tell Dot this is what happens to little kids that don’t behave. Mickey sends Goofy to grab them, glue their feet to the floor and make them sing that song. I have always thought Goofy was kinda creepy so could see him in the role of henchman. Dot isn’t buying it.

“Mickey doesn’t do that!” she said with the conviction of the newly converted and the innocent. Pal Mickey wants to tell her one of his jokes:
“Where would Snow White live if she became President?”
“In the Snow White House.”

Damn, they actually PAY people to write these jokes. I am losing faith in humanity as I sail through a chipper land of smiling, dancing, singing children that all look eerily alike except for skin tone and hair style. Other than that, they are the Borg. You will be assimilated. Dot is merrily singing along in the key of small children and neighborhood dogs. I let her sing. Might as well, singing is beat out of us by the time we are in 6th grade so might as well let her have her fun.

I get a page. Tink wants to meet up at Mickey’s Philharmagic in 30 minutes. Cool! In the meantime it is time for a potty stop. Well, if the Queen of England always takes advantage of a pee break when ever one is provided whether she needs to or not, then I can as well. I am in the stall next to Dot when I hear this over the wall –

“I can’t pee if Mickey is watching me!”

What?!

I look around surreptitiously for a large rodent peering under the stalls. Nothing. I hear Ursula outside the stall.

“He is just a stuffed toy! Just go!”
“HE IS NOT!”

Ahhhh, now I get it. She has my Pal Mickey and took him into the stall with her. I finish up and join the crowd outside the neighboring stall. Ursula is starting to get that weird tone to her voice when she gets all stressed out and the veins on her forehead start to pop.

“Just turn him to the wall.”
“I can’t reach him from the toilet!”
“Well if you can’t pee with Mickey watchin’ then get up, turn him around and then pee.”
“I don’t wanna get up. He’ll see me.”
“Just go!”
“You put him there!”

Can someone please explain little kids to me because I am all confused. I don’t know if I should start with the pokin’ or the stompin’ but I have to do something. I reach over the door, paw around and find Mickey who is lassoed on my drink lanyard hanging on the door. I grab him and pull him over the door to safety. Dot chimes out the exasperated “THANK YOU!” that has that tone of “Why didn’t you just do that 5 minutes ago when I first told you I couldn’t pee with him watching?” I look at the mothers and other females standing around starting and have to run outside before I start laughing. I see what joke Mickey has for this. He says:

“Here is a funny one - What forest creature has really big antlers, a big nose and white gloves? Give up, Mickey Moose! Hehhehehe – no relation.”

I love it when Mickey laughs at his own dumb jokes. Time to head over to Philharmagic and combine our groups.

 

[horsegirl]

I defiantly would go out with Dave. That is another theme of this trip. (A) Celebrate my divorce and (B) Find myself a non lying, funny, smart, decent, hardworking, Disney loving, straight man who is single, emotionally available, doesn’t live with his parents in the basement, has his own car, has a job, has a motivated career path and owns real estate or the means to acquire same. I know it is a long list but a girl has to have her standards. If you know anyone, send them my way. I’ll get you into Club 33.

PA you diva, I am only on your 3rd post and have to say what a hoot do de doo da you are. Even if you did dis Signourneym it was so flippin' funny that I just couldn't be mad at ya. And listen girl, I went to WDW not long after my divorce. I also traveled all over the place and had the some criteria for a man. I FOUND HIM! You will too. You really will. You are adorable, smart, witty and chic. A good man is hard to find, but they are out there. I can't wait to read the rest of your report. It's great.

 

[PrincessAurora]

None of us, except me, had seen Mickey’s Philharmagic before. After introductions all around we go to stand in the lobby to wait for the doors to open. This is prime people watching territory. Dot does an in depth appraisal of any and all people that come into her line of vision. She pokes me. WHAT is with the poking? Only this time it was in the thigh because she can’t reach my arm. I bend down. “Why are those boys wearing girls shirts?” I look. Two boys are wearing salmon colored izods. I weep for their preppy parents. That is sooo 1980’s.

I tell her “They aren’t girl shirts. They are shirts for boys and girls.”
“But they are pink!”
“No, they aren’t, they’re salmon.”

It’s the look again.

“It’s pink.”
“Look Dot, boys can wear pink. We call them metrosexuals or new G.I. Joe.” I am sorry but G.I. Joe just isn’t the same since he shrunk and lost the Kung Fu grip. The 80’s emasculated our men and G.I. Joe. “sigh”

Fortunately the doors open and we get to enjoy the wonder that is Mickey’s Philhamagic. Everyone enjoyed themselves and I swear I saw Grumpy trying to cope a feel off of Ariel. After that 3-D excitement we were hungry. Dot wanted cardboard pizza so we drifted into the Pinocchio place. It is wall-to-wall kids. Grumpy doesn't do crowds of kids so Dot and The Family stay there while we hunt out more adult fare. We will hook up later. That is what cell phones are for.

Tink and I decided that we would go to the Asian Noodle place over in Tomorrowland since it sounded like good, healthy food. On our way, I have to get a Dole Whip. As soon as the stand opened I was over there faster than a jackrabbit on a date. I got the pineapple/vanilla swirl and broke records eating it. MMmmm. Dole Whip $2.65 Yummy Feeling – Priceless. We shlep over to the Noodle place and its closed. Great.

Grumpy wants corn dogs but there are none to be found. OK, next idea. I suggest Columbia House. It is right close by, I had been there before and knew it wasn't too bad.

So we get into line, I go for my resort pass and... it's gone. GONE. It was in my cell phone holder. I took a call on my phone after I got my dole whip and I used it when we got a FP for Peter Pan. It is now gone. However it is also linked to my CREDIT CARD. Great. So we decided to get lunch and then I will go to a gift store, get a cast member to call WL and turn off my card. I will get a replacement when we return that afternoon.

So while I am in line, all traumatized, picturing slimy people charging 50 million Stitch plushes on my card, the worst shrew of a woman on planet Earth was yelling at her poor husband about everything. She was. She was a Bee atch if ever there was one to shamble through the gates of the Magic Kingdom. She had a New Jersey accent (I'm sorry New Jersey citizens. You can probably ship her off to an island somewhere). She wants soda, she wants a different soda, why did her husband get her THAT? Then they get their food (THANK GOD) and we order. Oh no, she's back to yell at the CM. Her kid got the mac & cheese. It is a mickey head shaped dish. There are carrots in one ear, something else in the other ear and the mac & cheese in the main face. Well it wasn't ENOUGH food for her 3 YEAR OLD! She wants some more! The husband returns to try and deal with her. The CM gives them some cake as a way to placate her or shove it down her throat to choke her, which is what I would have done. She doesn't WANT cake. God, let's just get our food and run. RUN, RUN.

After lunch I ducked into a shop. They dialed up the desk of Wilderness Lodge so I could have them deactivate my card. No plushies were purchased without my authorization. Happiness reined supreme. That was until “The Family” returned.

NEXT: Adventure in Adventureland

 

[MOMOFMNM]

'nother good one~

 

[javamom]

So while I am in line, all traumatized, picturing slimy people charging 50 million Stitch plushes on my card, the worst shrew of a woman on planet Earth was yelling at her poor husband about everything. She was. She was a Bee atch if ever there was one to shamble through the gates of the Magic Kingdom. She had a New Jersey accent (I'm sorry New Jersey citizens. You can probably ship her off to an island somewhere). She wants soda, she wants a different soda, why did her husband get her THAT? Then they get their food (THANK GOD) and we order. Oh no, she's back to yell at the CM. Her kid got the mac & cheese. It is a mickey head shaped dish. There are carrots in one ear, something else in the other ear and the mac & cheese in the main face. Well it wasn't ENOUGH food for her 3 YEAR OLD! She wants some more! The husband returns to try and deal with her. The CM gives them some cake as a way to placate her or shove it down her throat to choke her, which is what I would have done. She doesn't WANT cake. God, let's just get our food and run. RUN, RUN.

For some reason, I am hearing her voice like Fran Drescher (sp?) in the Nanny. Which is technically a Newark accent, isn't it? Not sure? Sorry to any Nanny fans, but her voice is like a nail being shoved through my skull.

 

[mickeymousemom]

For some reason, I am hearing her voice like Fran Drescher (sp?) in the Nanny. Which is technically a Newark accent, isn't it? Not sure? Sorry to any Nanny fans, but her voice is like a nail being shoved through my skull.

OMG, I was hearing the SAME thing. I think I would have had to place an order of mac and cheese just to dump it on Nannywoman's head.

 

[Sleeping Jedi Beauty]

Entertaining as always. Inspired by you and others, I've started my own Disneyland trip report.

 

[SandraVB79]

Am I dreaming? Am I psychic?

I thought I had read the part where you lost your pass already somewhere....

 

[SoNotAPrincess]

PrincessA, you are Da Woman!