PrincessAuroras Weird and Freaky Trip Report - Final Installment

[PrincessAurora]

Am I dreaming? Am I psychic?

I thought I had read the part where you lost your pass already somewhere....

I write notes during the trip all day, all night and then go back to refer to the "master book of doom' when I write trip reports. It is possible in another post somewhere I mentioned it in regard to another topic and then used it here as well in the context of the report. I try not to use too many things that I already wrote during a report but sometimes I need to and I am too lazy to re-write the entire passage just so it will sound different but still tell the exact same thing that happened.

Or else, you are psychic.

Either can be a possibility.

 

[PrincessAurora]

It seems in our absence pasta was consumed, Princess hats were purchased and the Dolls From Hell were ridden again. Bert & Grumpy now start having a heart to heart on castles. You see they start obsessing about Cinderella’s Castle and how if it’s a “Castle” it should have knights and a drawbridge and pointy weaponry and not be “Cinderella’s Glittering Villa”. I point out that Sleeping Beauty’s castle in Disneyland has a drawbridge. It has only been raised and lowered twice. Once upon the Grand Opening of Fantasyland and the second time during the re-opening of Fantasyland after the remodel. I don’t know if Cindy’s drawbridge works. Could care less, it’s not my castle.

Ursula points out that the glittering villa is appropriate because women have all the purchasing power as indicated by the plethora of Princess merchandise in the Park. O boy, does this start it. It’s now the Royal Rumble! The men vs. the women or rather Grumpy & Bert vs. Ursula & Dot. Dot really wasn’t making salient points, just backing up her Mom with “yahs” and glares in the appropriate places.

I must say that the guys have a point. There really aren’t enough boy things. Not enough boy characters. Not male characters but human boy characters. There aren’t any “boy” oriented character meals. It really doesn’t seem fair. Do we REALLY want to make our boys all metrosexuals? I know they should embrace their female side but can’t they have a Peter Pan thing or a Buzz Lightyear Lunch or something?!

During this whole altercation I just realized something. Grumpy is being social and Bert is actually talking. Ummmm… wow. OK. It’s a bit eye opening and awe inspiring. Like waking up one morning and realizing that when you are a big girls, you get a pair of THOSE! wow.

Dot ends up breaking up the whole discussion by becoming bored and poking Ursula to go on Aladdin’s Magic Carpets. We all head over and I try to plot a way to score another Dole Whip. Think of this ride as Dumbo but with a spitting camel. This is a really fun ride and great for the whole family. You ride on carpets. There are two compartments. The front seats control the carpet going up and down and the back seats control the carpet tilting forward or back (don’t worry, it doesn’t tip that far). AND when you first take off you have to pass a camel that is spitting at you so get your carpet over his head! Bert didn’t. Poor Bert. Hope he brought a small hand towel at least.

Well after all that fun, we have to ditch (I mean, bid goodbye) to The Family for the day as we have dinner reservations for 5:30. We make plans for Epcot tomorrow. Thank the Gods, I can drink!

We hurry back to our room at the Lodge to change for dinner. We are dining at Citricos and I can’t wait to see Chef Gray. Now remember when I was bagging on Ursula about her ruining her waist to have a kid? OK, I go into the bathroom to put on the same evening dress that I wore two years ago when that low down, lying ex of mine and I went. Well, I am too fat for my dress.

Yup, I look like a stuffed sausage with too much sausage in the casing. I can barely button it up the front. I am throwing a fit. Tink talks me out of the can with her “professional” voice of “It’s not so bad, I hear this all the time, let me see.”

So I step out. Tink looks at me. Its that “you are too fat for that dress” look. She says “Ummm, if we were at the store I would suggest that we try one more size up.” What’s with the “We” Miss Bell? Yup, MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, I know, I know.

I knew I shouldn’t have been eating all those desserts and food and stuff. Damn. I always wear my evening clothes but I guess I will have to make do with my pink cashmire sweater set and black slacks. I do put on black high heels so that can dress it up a bit.

NEXT: No Chef Gray, wishes, goodnight day 5, 2 more days to go.

 

[Ron from Michigan]

You had me laughing so hard after reading about the boatride from Hell and Pal Mickey in the bathroom . You are such a great writer, please keep the posts comming I need more laughs.

 

[javamom]

Aurora,
I think I have just had a Bartender Moe experience. I just got back from a little local Mexican restaurant that is a few blocks from my house. I ordered a Sauza Margarita on the rocks, as a celebration-new-job-drink. Ok, I have never ordered alcohol from this place. Let's just say that I have just discovered that I actually type better with a buzz on (who'da thunk it?)... from one lousy (ok, actually it was really good) maragarita. I am such a light weight. Either that or they just really put a lot of ta-kill-ya in that drink.

LYMI!

 

[1000thhappyhaunt]

PrincessA, you are Da Woman!

Yes you are!

Da Woman! In da big horns. And da big blond braids.

Come back! Come back! Can't wait till Monday.

 

[Linzybrooke]

Aurora,
I think I have just had a Bartender Moe experience. I just got back from a little local Mexican restaurant that is a few blocks from my house. I ordered a Sauza Margarita on the rocks, as a celebration-new-job-drink. Ok, I have never ordered alcohol from this place. Let's just say that I have just discovered that I actually type better with a buzz on (who'da thunk it?)... from one lousy (ok, actually it was really good) maragarita. I am such a light weight. Either that or they just really put a lot of ta-kill-ya in that drink.

LYMI!

Congrats!!! Wasn't your trip on the backburner? So now its back on!? (Hope this is you I am thinking of). Either way, congrats on the new job!!!!

 

[javamom]

Congrats!!! Wasn't your trip on the backburner? So now its back on!? (Hope this is you I am thinking of). Either way, congrats on the new job!!!!

It's full ON Baby! Yes, it was way up in the air (despite the bucks I already spent on airfare, before that happened) for a time. But it is all systems go. Waiting patiently for my MVMCP tickets to become available.

Thanks for asking. We now return you to your previously scheduled trip report!

 

[PrincessAurora]

We head out via boat back to the Magic Kingdom so we can take the boat to the Grand Floridian. Tink is overjoyed. She wanted to ride the boat across the lake. I have flashbacks of a previous boyfriend who tried to drown me by practically tipping over a sailboat in the Seven Seas Lagoon with me in it. “shudder”.

It doesn’t matter, we are at one of my favourite places, CITRICOS!!! After a short stroll around the lobby we were seated promtly and our server Danny greeted us, got our drinks and gave us menus.

Now things started to take a bad turn. My fav items were gone. No Fois Gras Raviolli, no Duck Breast and no Rack of Lamb. I asked Danny about the items. He gave a good dance about keeping things fresh and animal rights activists and the price of lamb and stuff. Sorry but PETA people can kiss my fur covered patootie. I told him to see if Chef Gray could make the Raviollis for me anyway since I knew they had Fois Gras at V&A and they share a kitchen.

Then the bomb hit.. Chef Gray was gone! My face froze in abject shock and horror. It seems that he is going to Narcooses in two weeks and the Narcooses chef is now at Citricos!!!!!!!

OK, I am thinking - the reason I have not gone to Narcooses before was the total lack of food enthusiasm by foodies that I trust on this board. And now their Chef is at my Fav place??!!!!!!

God this can't be happening. I went on and on to Danny about how Chef Gray is a God (which he agreed with) and got the distinct feeling that some of the menu changes were due to new chef issues.

We ordered. The Manager came over to try to talk me out of going to Narcooses on my next trip. I told him that I am following Chef Gray. No offense but he turned this place around and I am following the food. He said to give them a try. Ok, here is for trying.

At this point, Chef Anthony came by to try to convert me to his fan club. I am sure he is a nice person. Younger, tall, dark hair, I'm sure he is talented but had the tude of "I know this chick really wants Chef Gray cooking so I'm going to try to be nice but not try that hard." Try away. The winning is in the cooking so get back in the kitchen and cook! Cook like the wind. I am so not being moved. Chef Gray is nice and tells stories and ...damn. No wonder I couldn’t fit into my dress. It was a sign. I had no one to “dress to impress” for. Those dogs suck.

Well during dinner Grumpy was putting down more water than a camel after a month in the desert. If water drinking was an Olympic sport, he would win a gold medal. As we were leaving to go back to the Magic Kingdom to watch Wishes, our waiter brought Grumpy a full sized glass bottle of Evian and 3 paper Mickey cups, no charge. Whether this was as a parting gift or in acknowledgment of his water drinking prowess remains to be seen.

Not wanting to miss the fireworks we hightail it over to the Magic Kingdom via the monorail figuring it was the fastest way. We wander down Main Street looking for a place to stand. I am now having a problem. You see, fireworks were not on my schedule. It’s not that I don’t like Wishes, I do but I didn’t plan for it, meaning that I didn’t wear comfortable shoes. Walking on hard streets is starting to kill my feet. I rarely wear high heels and this is starting to be very painful. I think I am going to be permanently disabled if I keep standing in these shoes. Don’t even suggest taking them off because that would mean putting my feet down on all that icky street goo. I have a thing about feet. Don’t like wet feet, sticky feet, dirty feet, muddy feet. You get the picture.

Wishes was great though I think I like the show with the snow the best. This was still pretty great. Now that it is over, the street is a sea of humanity and my feet are still killing. Grumpy and Tink want to go the Pleasure Island and I just want to go home. My feet are hurting too bad. My feeling on the Adventurers Club is luke warm this trip. Usually I couldn’t hang out there enough. Now I just want to hang out at the Lodge in the evening and read or write. It is nice to soak up the atmosphere and relax. On past trips I never really got to do that. I also don’t need the pushing for me to drink. That is tiring and just not fun. I want them to drink, hang and have fun. I get to go to the Lodge, relax and have fun. Everyone wins this way.

As we are leaving the Magic Kingdom, we walk under the train tressle and are one our way to the gates when I hear something. I turn around and MICKEY is up on the train platform with a remote microphone, talking to the guests as they are leaving. It is SOOOOOO COOOL! That was a really special moment. As Tink and Grumpy head off to find transport to Pleasure Island, I get the bus back to the Lodge.

I pack ¾ of my stuff now to get it out of the way, take a shower and watch Disney TV featuring DisneyWorlds Top 10 Attractions. I can watch these commercials all the time. How sad is that?

As I am drifting off to sleep, South Park is on. They are showing the metrosexual episode where the Queer Eye guys were really crab people. Hmmmmm, this is starting to make some odd sense.

NEXT: Day 6 of 7, Back to Epcot, I get to be a star, move drinking, more drunk writing, why small girls shouldn't go to Germany, drunk at Raglan Road, Norway boy returns (sort of) and more - all coming up on Day 6

 

[Wideout]

Special shout out to all the geeks out there - especially Star Trek, Star Wars, Buffy, Firefly and Battlestar geeks (I love the new Starbuck, she kicks ***. In fact she might even kick Khans *** and that is some major ***. Damn, I can't say ***. Let's say donkey. Alright she can kick some major donkey or Donkay).

One month late in posting this...

Firefly = #1
I give Battlestar an 85 - 90% on a Firefly scale. Agreed, the new Starbuck is pretty cool. I'm only halfway through the first season though.

Fantastic Reports. Thanks.

 

[PrincessAurora]

Woke up after 7am. Running late today. Got ready and popped downstairs. The crew is still asleep so I have about an hour or so. Ensemble: Black cat pants with the giant eyes on my butt, Jessica Rabbit boy beater, glasses and jacket.

Spent the morning in the lobby people watching and pausing to reflect on room service. Miss Jenny’s is the room service de jour for Wilderness Lodge but their menu is limited and nearly twice the regular price for items. Pancakes are $10.50 and that includes an 18% gratuity AND a $3.00 charge to bring it up to your room. This is really too rich for my blood.

I watch various people taking their luggage to the concierge desk. I try not to think that tomorrow we will be the people taking our luggage there to store it. There is a whole range of interesting types in the lobby.

There is the man in his 40‘s walking though the lobby, talking on his cell phone saying “Yeah, I’m at Disneyworld. I swear to God!”

There is the older couple in their 60’s sitting on the leather sofa reading the paper and drinking coffee out of paper Mickey cups.

There is a dad with three kids in tow. One of the little boys, about 5 years old, is running ahead of the group too excited to listen.

A little curly blond haired boy about 3 is sitting in the rocking chair by the fireplace while Dad reads the paper.

Mom is pushing a double stroller while the 2 kids skip behind. Skip. That won’t be happening at the end of the day.

30 something Mom is holding a little 2 year old girl up and pointing out the animals on the totem pole to her.

Why is the little kid jumping up and down and yelling “Mohitos!” over and over again? Did something happen last night that we don’t know about? Do we want to?

I really wish Bartender Dave would change bars to another park since MGM is such a waste of time. Evil Bartender Moe can stay if he wants. When I return with Catwoman I would want her to meet Bartender Dave but since we will be on a briefer vacation, we will have to cut out more stuff.

Grumpy and Tink are downstairs and ready to go. Grumpy has a headache and is grumpy. How is this different? It is one of the divine secrets of the Universe. If you can figure it out, I have free pez for you.

We take the bus to Epcot for a day of hangin and drinkin and all kinds of interesting things. Hopefully. The Family is sleeping in and I don’t know if we should hook up with them or ditch them for the day. I guess it will depend on how much I drink between now and then.

After a snack, some morning coffee for Grumpy and some bathroom stops we are ready for Soarin’ You see, we have Soarin’ in Disneyland so we weren’t manic to ride this. Not that it isn’t worth it because it is. It’s a magical, religious experience. And you can see my house in the first shot over the Golden Gate. I wanted to see if there was anything different from the ride in Disneyland.

The ride itself is the same but the que is different. Ours is better. The one in Florida is a bit bland. But then they had to put it into an existing structure. The one in CA is in an “airplane hanger” style building.

The one thing that was really sweet was the little boy that was seated next to me. I think his Mom and Grandma were from Squirrel Butt or Beaver Rapids or some place in the backwoods with no plumbing and no “concrete ponds” to use as swimming holes. They didn’t belt him in right and I didn’t want him to fall out so we got a cast member to release his seat belt so they could re-do it.

He was a little scared. He asked me if it was scary and if things jumped out at you. I told him no, nothing jumped out at you and it will be fun. His Granny was just amazed at the ‘lectric lights and stuff. OK, maybe that was a little stretch but not by much! If Jethro showed up I wouldn’t be surprised. I wasn’t mean to them or anything because they could be millionaires.

Well the show started, we go up, the clouds appear, I hear the intake of breath as the little boy is trying to deal with this and then the clouds part.

“I SEE MY HOUSE!”

I look at the kid and he is just enthralled. We go sweeping down over the City and he shouts “This is cool! I’m flying!”

My job is done.

Next we go on Circle of Life because it is there and we can’t figure out how to work the stair maze to get out. There was a large crowd of people for a show that I suspect sucks and they used Lion King characters to lure in the unsuspecting. I really hate it when people will not move down the row. They just will not move. So I step on their feet and Tink steps on their feet and Grumpy steps on their feet and those are some large feet of his. Choads.

So we watch this movie, which was, as I suspected, an environmental propaganda film. Great. We are all about loving the Planet and separating our paper and stuff but this was really over the top. Like we were all going to die in the next 5 minutes. Grumpy and I agreed that those dogs sucked. He said it best with “I guess it’s OK if you want kids to recycle.” I figure I can teach them better reasons to recycle than scaring the living stuffing out of them.

OK, after all that, we need to Drink and Shop and in that order.

 

[Sleeping Jedi Beauty]

Grumpy and Tink are downstairs and ready to go. Grumpy has a headache and is grumpy. How is this different? It is one of the divine secrets of the Universe. If you can figure it out, I have free pez for you.

Applauding with two fingers and a Death Star pez dispenser between them. I don't have Tweety Bird, so the Death Star will have to do.

 

[PrincessAurora]

Now I want to revive a favorite section of mine, “Stupid Human Tricks”. After many trips to The World, I overhead all kinds of stupid insanity. However what is the point of all this stupidity in the world if I don’t share it so you can learn by their bad example. Here are some interesting bits I overheard at Epcot.

Heard in Italy:
Dude #1 to friend with glass of wine: “Is that vino?”
Dude #2: “No, it’s red.”

Heard in Mexico:
16 year old American male: “Hola, como estas? That’s French isn’t it?”
16 year old American female: “No! You know, that’s like Hawaiian!”

I fear for our future. No wonder the world mocks us.

Now I must warn you that I am entering the page in my trip journal that looks like it was written by a drunk squirrel on qualuudes. I will try to interprete as best I can. At least I can remember England!

We head to England as soon as it opens and I get a Guinness, the chewy breakfast beer. I love Guinness and I also love Irish Car Bombs. I don’t know if they make them at Rose & Crown. Maybe I will see on my next trip. OK, what they are is a shot of Irish Martini and Guinness. There is some action involved here.

Let me draw a diagram. OK, I'm starting over. Irish Martini.. this is half Jamesons Irish Whiskey and half Bailys Irish Cream. You put this in a large shot glass. Then you fill a pint half way with Guinness. Now drop the shotglass into the Guinness. Now, CHUG. really. CHUG CHUG CHUG - Wasn't that fun? In 5 minutes the bomb will hit you.

I take my regular Guinness and do some shopping. I look at tea cups, buy some candy – mmmmm, Lion Bars! And then I see the sunglasses. They are really chic. Like something Audrey Hepburn would wear during Roman Holiday. They are made be Lulu Guinness. She married into the Guinness family – lucky girl! I remembered that the glasses I was wearing were given to me by my lyin’, cheatin’ ex so I needed new ones. I needed FABULOUS ones! So these are the ones I got -
http://www.ashford.com/product/index.asp?sn=467134238&md_id=365&pf_id=43368&dept_id=1005

And no they were NOT on sale. Wish they were but they weren’t. However they are fabulous and you have to have a Diva air to pull off these big frames. I have that air. They sooo work. I was looking for Tinks advice but she disappeared. I polled the customers in the shop and snatched them up on the advice of strangers. I should say that the shop did NOT give me the case for the glasses, which I thought (after I was sober) was very cheap of them. Else their shopgirl was just dumb which is a possibility.

I walked outside and into some street theatre. It seems Tink was there watching 3 guys doing a version of King Arthur and using people from the audience. I’m drinking, I have diva glasses, I can watch this. It is really kind of cute. They pick some guy out of the audience to play Arthur. It’s always so fun when the guy is embarrassed and goofy at the same time. Now they are looking for someone to play the evil wizard Pelum. Yup, they picked me. They have no idea what they just did.

First while I am not a ringer, I am an actor so this is gonna be fun. I ask if I can bring my drink with me. I look sexy, I bend over and hypnotize King Arthur with the giant cat eyes on my rear end, I shriek so loud that people in Morocco can hear me and all of this between sips of beer. It was a really fun show. They gave me a button that proclaims me an Honorary World Showcase Player. This is really cool.

I now have fans. No really. I get people walking up to me throughout the day, saying “hey aren’t you that crazy chick from the show in England?” Yup, that is me. The sexy, crazy insane wizard chick with the cats eyes on my patootie.

NEXT: How food tastes when you are really drunk and can I read my own notes?

 

[javamom]

Ok I would have paid to have see this. I think I mean that too!

LYMI!

 

[5disneyfreaks]

I can picture all of this happening. I would have loved to see this all happen. I'm sure all those people are talking about you still. I can't wait to see what else happened!

 

[2minnies]

Did you get the black or pink glasses? They rock!!

 

[Grammyof2]

Could we please have pics of those cat eye pants? Could you please let me know where you got them. My DD would die for them. Literally, die, for real.

 

[PrincessAurora]

Did you get the black or pink glasses? They rock!!

I got the chic black. That was all they had or I might have gone for the pink. I love pink but black was so very Roman Holiday. Now that I know where I can get pink (AND A CASE!) for half price, I am soooo goin there!

 

[Disnut25]

Princess, Luv your new shades, you’re such a Diva! I too am an Honorary World Showcase Player. I’ll show you my button if you show me yours. BTW, excellent report, great sarcasm keep it up.

 

[PrincessAurora]

Well we make a trip to France and who do we see in the wine area but the nice lady from the perfume store a few days back. Tink and I get glasses of champagne and toddle off. I am in a nice fuzzy place now but I know that I want food.

At this point Tink goes to watch the belly dancers, I have no idea where Grumpy is so I go to get lunch at Tangerine Café since I have never tried it. I got the lamb platter with an ice tea and baclava. They don't let you pick your dessert and the lamb scared me. Don’t get me wrong, I love lamb but there were these big cylindrical things that were turning around and people were cutting slices off them. It reminded me of Soylent Green (points if you saw that show when it first came out!) only it was in strip form and not cracker form.

I ADORE lamb - this was a spam like lamb product. I'm sure it was lamb or mostly lamb but had the look and pressed consistency of spam so I am now scared. It came with hummus (the ONLY way i will EVER eat garbanzo beans, usually I just flick them at people), tabuli and something else - like I said I was drinking and I can't read most of my notes. There was a yogurt sauce on the lamb.

Word to the wise, do NOT do what this weenie in front of me did. Walk in to Morocco, look at the food and order a HOT DOG! Why not? Because you are in Morocco and if you want nitrate infused beef/pork parts go to AMERICA! It's NEXT DOOR! It's like ordering a hot dog in Akershus. Why? It's a waste to eat at a place when you don't like the food.

I wrote “guy said he liked me”. I have no idea what the context of this is. Maybe it was a crazed fan. Maybe he was being nice. Maybe he was a stalked. My writing is getting longer and more stringy. Well, ummm, thanks nice guy!

I then start on some red wine I can not pronounce that (once again) tasted like ummmm, donkey. Why donkey? Because I can't say ***. How do I know it tasted like donkey? Because if I was to guess what a donkey would taste like, I would point to this wine. AND it set me back $6.23 a glass. The whole French pavilion needs a trip to Napa to see what they are missing.

Between Morocco and France for lunch with kids – hmmm, that is tough. "Tommy, do you want yogurt covered mashed veggies, a hot dog or snails for lunch?" I think I can guess where little Tommy is eating!

Next we toddle over to Japan for some sake, mmmmmm hot sake. Now this is a good buzz. Just don't pair it with Kaki Gori as the flavors don't mix. Kaki Gori is a japanese snowcone. The rainbow is the best with stripes of strawberry, melon and tangerine. YUMMY. So very refreshing. Just no sake with it. Have the saki later. It can be confusing because they are sold out of the same cart and if you get the saki first and start pounding saki's you can be in a lot of trouble. I mean Cast Members pulling your donkey out of the lake trouble as you try to swim home. I forgot my “If you find me swimming in the lake, please haul me out and point me to the Wilderness Lodge bus” shirt.

Things are starting to meld into a rainbow of colors and textures and me just plain forgetting stuff now that time has gone by and my writing is so bad. I do have some cool pictures that I took of Italy while Tink was emptying the Bellini cart.

Now by popular demand, here is a picture of the cats eye behind pants that I wore. So here is a shout out to grammyof2 - You can get these at Hot Topic. They sell pseudo goth clothes at the mall.

NEXT: The rest of my drinken rant - yeah I'm into the JD tonight, it's been a tough day - and why little girls aren't allowed into Germany. I am gone over the weekend to dress in funny clothes so I am back on Monday with more wacky Epcot fun!

 

[Chapter 11]

It came with hummus (the ONLY way i will EVER eat garbanzo beans, usually I just flick them at people)

I always thought hummus was made from chickpeas, so I googled it and discovered that chickpeas and garbanzo beans are the same thing. Who knew? Well, I guess you did, and probably everyone else BUT me. But I think garbanzo is a much funner word to say. You so rarely get to use garbanzo in a sentence.