Pretentious or just clueless?

[Mimi1965]

OP-I was about to agree with you-about your SIL being pretentious

I live in the South and just discovered a brand of shoes in Dillards i love-and they have that crazy European sizing!

 

[Wishing on a star]

Okay, I am going to say that, while I (as a fellow Southerner) would never bash the OP, I do think that there are factors here on both sides.....

Yes, I do think that the SiL very probably is very 'pretentious', as the OP is suggesting. It is okay for her to be different... But, what is 'pretentious' is feeling and demanding that everyone should understand and go by YOUR 'differences'. And, yes, it would seem that the SIL has been pretentious.

I do also have to say though, that while I understand the OP's feelings... I do think that she is being oversensitive, and I think she might be letting her personal views and judgments cause more issues than she should.

I am from a small town in the South, and I have to say that while I don't generally buy expensive imported European name-brand shoes, I am well aware of European sizing, and the fact that many products are tagged with both.

OP, you will never be able to change your SILS attitudes and behaviors... But, you can make slight adjustments to your own!!!

(in other words, yes, as a fellow southerner, I can understand how you could sometimes feel that this type of person is a pretentious northern snob.... But, I wouldn't be so eager to judge your brother's wife so harshly without true and valid cause... and NOTE: you might want to be a bit more careful about how you word these things on a national/international message board )

 

[LiberalPrincess]

Unless I missed a few posts, I still am baffled as to why using European sizes would have anything to do with being Jewish, and why her religion was relevant at all. However, the only remark I found actually offensive was saying that the OP has realized that certain "attitudes" can be attributed to being Jewish, or even from Long Island, for that matter. I don't think using European sizes or not believing in gifts pre-baby has anything to do at ALL with "attitudes". There are many cultures and religions that don't believe in the baby gift thing, but I certainly wouldn't call it an attitude. And ascribing one attitude to an entire religion or geographic area does seem very odd to me. If your sister-in-law is a snot, that is one thing, blaming it on Judaism or location crosses the line, in my opinion.

 

[robinb]

I can see your point here. I went back and read my original post with this in mind.

I didn't feel her religion itself had anything to do with her text, so I was just saying that we are from different religions to mean that this is one way in which we view the world differently. I didn't say what religion that was because it didn't matter.

I have no idea where the 5 Towns area of Long Island is, or that someone would think this was code for being Jewish. SIL has told me that this is where she grew up and that people there are very cosmopolitan and sophisticated. Disers have told me that her being from there would explain why she cares about certain brand names and why she would look down on some of the traditions that are commonplace in the south. So I guess I was using it as a code for "big city person."

Thank you for explaining it better. As for different traditions ... I just read in a Trick or Treating thread that Wednesday nights are off-limits for activities in the south because everyone attends church. It was a surprise to me because up in Wisconsin Wednesday is just "Hump Day" .

 

[SaraJayne]

Thank you for explaining it better. As for different traditions ... I just read in a Trick or Treating thread that Wednesday nights are off-limits for activities in the south because everyone attends church. It was a surprise to me because up in Wisconsin Wednesday is just "Hump Day" .

Actually, Wednesday night is also church night in most parts of the state. That is why no athletic games are allowed to be scheduled on Wed.

 

[SaraJayne]

Oh, and being Jewish isn't only about religion...Jewish is also an ethnicity.

 

[robinb]

Actually, Wednesday night is also church night in most parts of the state. That is why no athletic games are allowed to be scheduled on Wed.

I guess I should have specified "Madison, Home of the Freedom from Religion Foundation", LOL. Today is just another day for me here ... except swim team starts 1 hour later that the rest of the week because of pool time.

 

[Cinderella94]

Oh my goodness! I don't think I would've found the European sizing thing to be a big deal, but you guys are really ripping into the OP. Chill.

 

[kristilew]

and NOTE: you might want to be a bit more careful about how you word these things on a national/international message board )

Aint it the truth Will only be posting questions about the best resorts from now on....

 

[Scurvy]

I was just reading an article the other day that suggested everyone should make a point to know their European shoe size, because many American shoes show both American and European sizes but most other shoes only show the European size. (Also it said something about European sizes being easier to convert, but I can't remember the specifics about that part.) OP, maybe she is ordinarily pretentious but I wouldn't assume that from this particular text. I wouldn't think anything of it if I got a text like that . . . and yes, I'm Southern.

 

[mjkacmom]

Oh, for heaven sakes.

The OP didn't know whether her sil was being a snob or being sincere.
)

I think the OP's intent would've been better received if she replaced "clueless" with "informative." And I know better than to buy my sister's kids clothes, as does my mother. And my family is brutally honest if we don't like something, especially my mom. My sister bought my girls Lands End bathing suits, and they just didn't wear them, so my mom gathered up the ones she had at her house, and gave them back to my sister for her dd to wear. We're practical.

 

[Wishing on a star]

I kind of see what mjkacmom is saying.

This is now going off-topic....

I know people might really enjoy to buy things for kids like nieces and nephews, grandchildren.... But, sometimes, when things just arent 'right', (even if it is just because of the parents viewpoint) they just aren't right.

Unless one is completely SURE, then I don't think that they should be offended if every gift is not proudly worn and used.

Here is an example:
We are thinking about going on an Alaskan Cruise one day.
MIL knows that my son has always been crazy about different kinds of equipment and John Deere stuff. If she bought him a bright green John Deere Jacket and expected to see it in all of our vacation photos, she might be disappointed. I might want to be shopping for some really nice 'alaskan' outdoorsy looking parkas for the three of us...

I waited and prayed for years to be blessed with our son.
I had all kinds of dreams about what his nursery might look like...
Buying him his first bike and seeing his excitement when he sees it on Christmas morning... Things like that. (yes, MIL just had to buy DS his first bike and give it to him at her house on Christmas......)

Sometimes, especially when it is the parents 'first' and/or 'only'.... Their visions and viewpoints and preferences might be more important than one might think.

It is so fun and nice to buy for kids!!!!

But, it is always good to be respectful of whose kids they are.