Pretentious or just clueless?

[punkin]

HELLO! Didn't you see that the OP noted she is a Southern Girl. So she is more polite than the SIL from NYC She was raised with manners and the NYC SIL is an ignorant Jewish girl that was not raised in the South. I mean, rude NYC girl dared to list the European size.

...and of course the NY Jew only cares about what things cost.

She seems to be all about how much something costs, and where it comes from

 

[Disney Doll]

What does being Catholic have to do with having showers before or after a baby is born? I think that is more regional then anything. I am Catholic and most people have baby showers before the baby is born around here. If you have a shower before the baby is born you get strollers, high chairs, car seats, etc. If you have one after the baby is born you get clothing-or at least that is pretty much how it works around here.

Because someone had posted something that indiated they thought that was a Jewish tradition.

 

[PrincessKsMom]

OP here. My real point, and I guess I put it poorly, is that I am made more aware every day of how narrow my own experience has been. Things I have always taken for granted as being done a certain way, are not necessarily done that way in other places or by other people.

And I completely understand. However, when you name a post "pretentious or just clueless" it doesn't come across as you trying to learn about others and their background, but rather passing judgment on someone because they must be one or the other. Unless of course you were saying either your SIL is pretentious or you're clueless? My assumption from the title was that you were calling your SIL pretentious or clueless.

 

[2binak]

Anytime I've shopped for DD's shoes, especially online, both US & European sizes are provided on the drop-down menus in the same way your SIL provided her DD's size to you. Usually it looks something like this "7 US/23 Euro". So, I don't see your SIL as being pretenious. I see her as being an educated mom/consumer who was giving you additional information that you might need depending on how the boots are labeled.

 

[luvsJack]

Oh, for heaven sakes.

The OP didn't know whether her sil was being a snob or being sincere. She had absolutely no way of knowing why she would need to know a Euro size for buying shoes in Target in the south. She did NOT say that she and sil will never speak again because she is a snob or that any such family fued will be started. So she asked a question and you all are slaming her.

I hate to break it to all of you but there are big differences in the deep south and Long Island. There just are. One is not good and the other bad--just different. If neither side was to ever ask, how the heck would any of us understand why someone from the othe area did things the way they do?? And, while I have nothing against anyone of any relegion, there are differences in the way people are rasied if they are of some relegions. AGAIN, not wrong just different.

From reading all of this it sounds to me like a few of you are the ones who are intolerent. Actually there are a couple posting who tend to slam southerners on a regular basis--a bit of the pot calling the kettle black, wouldn't you say? JEEZE, people!




(thanks OP, I will be heading to Target to find some of those boots for dgd for Christmas, she LOVES wearing boots all the time and these are just too, too cute)

 

[DawnCt1]

I vote "not a big enough deal to get upset about or even really think about".

That would be true if it were an isolated incident, but often these things that seem petty and inconsequential are one of a zillion things. Sort of like being pecked to death by chickens.

 

[luvmy3jewels]

Oh, for heaven sakes.

The OP didn't know whether her sil was being a snob or being sincere. She had absolutely no way of knowing why she would need to know a Euro size for buying shoes in Target in the south. She did NOT say that she and sil will never speak again because she is a snob or that any such family fued will be started. So she asked a question and you all are slaming her.

I hate to break it to all of you but there are big differences in the deep south and Long Island. There just are. One is not good and the other bad--just different. If neither side was to ever ask, how the heck would any of us understand why someone from the othe area did things the way they do?? And, while I have nothing against anyone of any relegion, there are differences in the way people are rasied if they are of some relegions. AGAIN, not wrong just different.

From reading all of this it sounds to me like a few of you are the ones who are intolerent. Actually there are a couple posting who tend to slam southerners on a regular basis--a bit of the pot calling the kettle black, wouldn't you say? JEEZE, people!




(thanks OP, I will be heading to Target to find some of those boots for dgd for Christmas, she LOVES wearing boots all the time and these are just too, too cute)

Totally agree! (Only I would add that there are a couple of posters who tend to slam anyone else on a regular basis. Not eating meat must make people grumpy).

 

[The Mystery Machine]

OP here. My real point, and I guess I put it poorly, is that I am made more aware every day of how narrow my own experience has been. Things I have always taken for granted as being done a certain way, are not necessarily done that way in other places or by other people.

Then you need to broaden your horizons! Travel to other countries and states.

I love cultural differences. It is what makes my life interesting.

As a side note I am not from the south or the east coast but the dreaded midwest.

On top of that I would hate to be receiving gifts from you like you are describing. My dd's were not "girly-girls" and I would never wear smocks, and my girls would not wear pink shoes or anything else like that.

So count your blessings OP.

 

[kristilew]

My problem was two fold: (1) You used "code words" to tell everyone she was Jewish and (2) her religion had NOTHING to do with the rest of the story. Other than you appear to use it to explain to yourself why she acts the way she does.

I can see your point here. I went back and read my original post with this in mind.

I didn't feel her religion itself had anything to do with her text, so I was just saying that we are from different religions to mean that this is one way in which we view the world differently. I didn't say what religion that was because it didn't matter.

I have no idea where the 5 Towns area of Long Island is, or that someone would think this was code for being Jewish. SIL has told me that this is where she grew up and that people there are very cosmopolitan and sophisticated. Disers have told me that her being from there would explain why she cares about certain brand names and why she would look down on some of the traditions that are commonplace in the south. So I guess I was using it as a code for "big city person."

 

[DawnCt1]

My problem was two fold: (1) You used "code words" to tell everyone she was Jewish and (2) her religion had NOTHING to do with the rest of the story. Other than you appear to use it to explain to yourself why she acts the way she does.

We are all a sum of our own experiences, cultural and religious background. To suggest that she is using a code word and that being "Jewish" is a problem is simply wrong.

 

[bumbershoot]

My problem was two fold: (1) You used "code words" to tell everyone she was Jewish and (2) her religion had NOTHING to do with the rest of the story. Other than you appear to use it to explain to yourself why she acts the way she does.

She was giving the back-story on their relationship.

how many times is a post made, and it's really skimpy on the details? People ask for details, then people miss the replies with the details, and it turns into nonsense b/c people aren't reading, and when they do read an exlanation post they say the OP is being defensive, etc etc etc.

In this case, she tried to give it all up front. Past experiences, past problems, reasons she's learned are the cause of the problems/misunderstandings, etc.

And now she's being told she gave too much information.

I hate to break it to all of you but there are big differences in the deep south and Long Island. There just are.

Most definitely!

Being a westerner (though born to Eastern and MidWestern (well, Coloradan, which I don't see as the west but others do) parents), when I moved to the south and was around tons of people from NY and NJ...I saw those differences big-time! CONSTANT misunderstandings and problems. Just the very way some NorthEasterners *speak* can hurt a Southerner's feelings (for me it sounded like my mom's brash friends, like home). Let alone when the things being talked about can be so different.

Then you need to broaden your horizons! Travel to other countries and states.

I think book-learning is often best, in this sort of case, before heading on out.

Sure wish some of the people I was around in SC could have understood the differences before spreading their horizons and going to other states...some of the NE people nearly had heart attacks b/c they were so stressed about the relaxed, slow atmosphere so common in the South!

 

[mster425]

Just wanted to say the boots are really cute!

I bet eventually the two of you will laugh about how much you grated on each other when you were young. . .I think it's good you're trying to understand where she's coming from (I am glad you explained why you included her religion in the OP, I thought it was kind of offensive at first too)

As a pregnant Jew (not from LI), it's absolutely a Jewish tradition (not exclusively Jewish, but Jewish among other groups of people) not to buy anything for the baby until after it's born...I don't know why you're being given a hard time about that now; you're right.

ETA: I mean I will not buy things for the baby- if my well-meaning SIL bought things unknowingly, I would be gracious, say thank you, and explain why we weren't having a shower.

 

[MooGooGai]

I have no idea where the 5 Towns area of Long Island is, or that someone would think this was code for being Jewish. SIL has told me that this is where she grew up and that people there are very cosmopolitan and sophisticated. Disers have told me that her being from there would explain why she cares about certain brand names and why she would look down on some of the traditions that are commonplace in the south. So I guess I was using it as a code for "big city person."

You know she is Jewish. You once stated something very disturbing and quite intolerant of her Judaism.

We're deeply Christian, with a capital South.

It would seem so cold not to give her gifts when all of us are celebrating. And of course, God gave the first Christmas gift to the Jews, now didn't He?

You like to complain about your SIL. And you like to mention she is a Jew.

 

[DawnCt1]

You know she is Jewish. You once stated something very disturbing and quite intolerant of her Judaism.








You like to complain about your SIL. And you like to mention she is a Jew.

It doesn't mean that she is intolerant. It means that it is something that sets her SIL apart from the rest of the family, along with behavior that seems to the OP as arrogant and pretentious. One may or may not have anything to do with the other, but it does contribute to a gap, particularly around traditional holidays.

 

[kristilew]

Just wanted to say the boots are really cute!

I bet eventually the two of you will laugh about how much you grated on each other when you were young. . .I think it's good you're trying to understand where she's coming from (I am glad you explained why you included her religion in the OP, I thought it was kind of offensive at first too)

As a pregnant Jew (not from LI), it's absolutely a Jewish tradition (not exclusively Jewish, but Jewish among other groups of people) not to buy anything for the baby until after it's born...I don't know why you're being given a hard time about that now; you're right.

I am hopeful this is the case. Actually, SIL is the only one who is young...which is probably as much of our disconnect as region and culture.

I have been through this on the other end - when I joined DH's family 20some years ago, I definitely drove his sister nuts. She was very patient with me, I mellowed, and we are now very very close and do laugh about the past. It is one of the reasons I am seeking to understand my SIL, rather than just write her off and not have a relationship with her.

 

[kristilew]

You know she is Jewish. You once stated something very disturbing and quite intolerant of her Judaism.








You like to complain about your SIL. And you like to mention she is a Jew.

Um, take things out of context much?

 

[Evil Genius]

So you are ticked if she doesn't let you get anything for your niece, and then you are ticked that she gives you information to buy something you want to get for your niece. I'm not sure that your SIL could ever make you happy. Yes there is a big difference between living up north and in the deep south. I have been the northern girl in a southern family and it can be brutal.

Maybe trying to find the positives of your SIL would be easier than constantly seeing everything she says and does as a negative

 

[debg]

Lived in the midwest for 52 of my 54 years and have been aware of and buying shoes in European sizing for at least 15-18 years - my intro to that sizing was when I bought my first pair of Birkenstocks. Lots of brands are sized that way and have been for a very long time.

debg

 

[DawnCt1]

So you are ticked if she doesn't let you get anything for your niece, and then you are ticked that she gives you information to buy something you want to get for your niece. I'm not sure that your SIL could ever make you happy. Yes there is a big difference between living up north and in the deep south. I have been the northern girl in a southern family and it can be brutal.

Maybe trying to find the positives of your SIL would be easier than constantly seeing everything she says and does as a negative

I think that she is ticked because her SIL seems condescending.

 

[Wishing on a star]

often these things that seem petty and inconsequential are one of a zillion things. Sort of like being pecked to death by chickens.

I have actually never heard it phrased that way....
'pecked to death by chickens'.
I'm gonna remember this!!!