Prayers, Pixie Dust, Whatever You Can Spare

[EdiePA]

Just a little background, my husband walked out after 21 years of marriage, leaving me as the primary caregiver for our 2 sons, 18 and 20 y.o. I was so looking forward to having them home for the few days at Thanksgiving -- now I can't wait for them to go back and I'm truly dreading Christmas.

Wednesday night they spent with their Dad, Thursday morning, too. Thanksgiving dinner was with my family at my sister's home, but the minute we got home, DS#2 took off for his Dad's. DS#1 and his fiance were having problems and she ended up screaming at him and throwing a remote control. Now, I've never felt more uncomfortable in my own home. Friday and Saturday DS#2 was again with his "Disney Dad" at the Simon and Garfunkle concert. He was supposed to have dinner with me, but took off with a friend. DS#1 and fiance went to be with his Dad.
I just feel like all I'm good for is a bed with clean sheets, a place to do free laundry, and cookies to take back to school.

I feel invisible. So, now I'm looking at Christmas and all I want to do is go away and pretend that the day is just any other day. Pretty bad attitude for a Christian, I know.

Plus, I've been hanging on to this huge home thinking that it would be something of their "family" that the boys could hang on to, come home to. Now all I want to do is sell it and get out.

Oh, please pray for me and my sons. I just don't know which way to turn.

Edie

 

[KathyFP]

What a difficult situation!!

I don't know if it would help, but maybe before Christmas you could figure out "Mom time" and work that out with them.

I think it is the age and identify with the adult male.

Pray for direction! I will keep you in my prayers!

 

[TigerBear]

Oh Edie, I don't even know what to say. (((BIG HUGS))) coming your way. Take care of yourself.

 

[KathyTX]

Edie,

I think it really is the age the boys are at right now. They're becoming men, and mom will always wish they could still be her little boys sometimes...

Know this: they LOVE you. They will ALWAYS love you.

But, at least for now, their way of showing love might not be what a sentimental mom's heart is secretly hoping for.

Trying to put myself in your place (and imagining my son in just a few years), I'm thinking I would fantasize about late night heart to heart talks over hot chocolate and the boys working alongside me in the kitchen and spontaneous hugs when they pass by from time to time... but men and teenagers just don't seem to be wired that way.

Let them do their running around. You're their anchor- they are comforted by knowing that you ARE their home. They just don't know how to show it, and they don't know how you need to hear it.

And one day in the not-so-distant future, your boys will become dads. And you will become grandma, and they will learn from their children how to tell you how much they love you and how much you mean to them.

Here are some hugs to help you through this difficult time.

 

[Blondie]

coming your way.

 

[NHAnn]

Hugs for you Edie. You and your boys are still adjusting to major emotional trauma, and the holidays are stressful even for a lot of people who haven't had the major life changes your family has.
Do plan some time for you, and I don't think you should have to feel uncomfortable in your own home. As far as the fiance screaming and throwing a remote ...SHE obviously feels TOO comfortable in your home I think that is totally out of line behavior and would be very upset by that going on in my house. Just sounds like a whole lot of turmoil and I can understand your feelings.
It's tough to be the one who is supposed to be the rock for everyone else when your own heart is hurting. I think the running around with Dad and friends is pretty typical, as is their being oblivious to your feelings. Give yourself some time to think (and pray as others have suggested) and maybe talk or write to your sons about Christmas, set up some specific expectations as to time you want to be together (they should have this talk with their dad too, and the fiance's family). I'm not suggesting that they "schedule" thier Christmas breaks rigidly, but if the major activities/events (extended family gatherings, meals, church, etc) are organized in advance - - you know if and when you can expect their company, and the rest you can play by ear and not be disappointed if they take off with their Dad or friends....you should have something planned for yourself too.....an after Christmas shopping-for-yourself day , lunch or movie with a friend, or something with a friend !

take care and keep us posted!!

 

[Serena]

{{{{{hugs}}}}}

 

[Pooh93]

I just wanted to offer you a big {{{HUG}}}. You have received some great suggestions here. Hang in there.

 

[luvmarypoppins]

Edie, sending lots of prayers your way. My 3 ds are only teens so I dont know what kind of young men they will grow up to be.
My words for you Proverbs 3:5-6. Have you read any of Barbara Johnson's books. She has been through so much also and has a humorous perspective on things. I think you should also do something for yourself/others as the other posters said. If the holidays do not turn out as you invision them, then you will still have joy in your heart from helping others, how about angel tree, samaritans purse etc. I know you have alot of love in your heart for your boys and they will always know that. Take comfort in that and by knowing who is #1 in YOUR life.

 

[wuv tigger]

to you

my nephews are the same way. I think it's their age.

Judy

 

[Boots]

Keeping you in my prayers and HUGS to you.

 

[danny1649]

For you,hoping this dark time will soon pass.I wish I had a magic word that would lift your spirits,I don't but know that I will keep you in my prayers.If I've learned anything in my life prayers work.

 

[Pin Wizard]

Hugs, prayers, and PD for you!!

 

[holycow]

Edie...(((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))) to you ....

I agree with all of the advice said here....I think it might be their age too, but they don't know how you are feeling and I think that they should...maybe you should talk to them or write them that letter suggested above...they are young and the focus of the world is themselves...you could wake them up so they can realize mom has feelings too....I wouldn't expect miracles but at least you will be telling them.

Take care of yourself! It sounds like you need some pampering!

 

[Pop Daddy]

why do we love or kids there all monsters

 

[browneyes]

 

[SandraM]

So sorry to hear you're having such a bad time, and I really hope things pick up for you very soon.
Please, give yourself a break, where does it say that a good Christian has to celebrate Christmas in a way where everything is wonderful? Let's be honest, you don't feel everything is wonderful at the moment, and I imagine your eldest son is finding if difficult if his future wife can feel free to throw things at him in what is not even their home.
Life is obviously a bit rough on more than one member of your family at the moment and take time for yourself to deal with all that is going on. Christmas comes around every year; hopefully your family problems won't, take the time you need to deal with your personal issues and don't worry about this particular Christmas.
I truly wish you well. My advice in a nutshell: sometimes you have to look after number one.
All the best.