Prayers needed for mom and me (sorry long, but there is a question at the end)

[Mercy]

Ok, quick summary... back in January my mom was diagnosed with 3 brain tumors that were a result of her breast cancer of 2000 which matastisized (sp?), she also had a tumor in a lymph node on her shoulder.

She was in the hospital a week, from there she went to a nursing home for about 3 weeks for physical therapy. She also started a round of radiation. She did well at the nursing home and was allowed to go home alone, with myself and my brother coming over every day to check on her, empty her potty etc.

She also did well with the radiation and the clinical trial she is on. In April she had another MRI and found that one of the tumors in her brain and the one on her shoulder was gone, and the other 2 in her brain had shrunk considerably.

Ok, so this past week I've noticed her acting a little strange, kind of out of it. And then Wed. she decided to go for a walk outside by herself! She knows that attempting anything like this is totally out of the question since this means going down steps and she is very unsteady on her feet. Well she goes out, and falls, a neighbor finds her and calls an ambulance, gets her back in... I get a call from work, I go to her house and bam! there she is again back outside. So I call her doctor, explain what has happened, and doc says bring her in the hosp. so they can look at her.

Doctors check her out and can't find anything abnormal, CAT scan, blood work, etc. They admit her and do another MRI. This MRI come out better than the last one... now another brian tumor has dissappeared and the largest one in the front has shrunk even more. Good news, her cancer seems to be getting better, but her overall condition seems to be worse.

Anyway, sorry this is so long.... now doc says she will not be able to be left alone at all and will need 24 hr. care. Ok everyone, I actually have a question here... has anyone ever had to get 24 hour care for a parent/grandparent? Which way did you go, have someone come in to the house, put them in a facility? I'm just looking for some suggestions, support and prayers, since I really don't know what I'm doing.

Thanks to anyone who took the time to read this.

 

[Tinkerbelle739]

I can understand where you are coming from. As a family, we had to make this decision in Oct. of 2003.

My grandparents who are both in there 80s are healthy but both were having some physical problems. She was weak from a recent surgery and he fell down the stairs and broke several ribs and his collar bone.

My uncle decided to build an addition and have them move in with him. All things considered that was a good move. My grandmother and grandfather have both had some serious falls and my grandfather was just diagnosed with Pancreatic Cancer.

It was not easy to help them sell the house they had lived in for over 50 years but it was time.

I would suggest you talk with your family and see what they think would be best, including your mom. She may not want to go, but tell her you love her and want to see her safe.

Good luck!

 

[cabmom]

and prayers

 

[helenabear]

First of all to you... I know this has to be hard. We tried to have my grandmother move in with her daughter but that didn't work out well. She doesn't need 24 hr/day care, but we do have some social services set up to watch her. If the time comes, we will probably move her to a facility. Good luck to you all and I will keep you in my prayers.

 

[DMickey28]

My first question would be any long term care insurance or Home health care insurance..... that could help you decide. Many people have either one or the other, some have both, many have none.

I think talking with your family and mother will answer your questions. 24 hr care is often given within the home with a live in Home Heath Aid or CNA. Allows your mom to remain in her comfort zone safely. That is what I would want and what my parents would prefer to do....

My prayers are with you and your family....

 

[zurgswife]

Don't have any experience just wanted to say good luck and prayers.

 

[fluffernutter]

Im sorry you and your family are having to go through this.
and prayers to you!!

 

[tiggersmom2]

So sorry, I don't have any advice just alot of and prayers.

 

[Pam]

Mercy,
I've added you and your Mom to my prayer list. I am so sorry that all of you are going through this.

Unfortunately I do not have any advice as I've never been in the situation you are experiencing. With my late FIL, he came home and my DH and his two brothers worked out times to go up and help my MIL care for him. He spent the last week of his life in the hospital.

Could Hospice help you out?

 

[Dan Murphy]

Hi Mercy. Are there others in the family to help at all? No ideas from me, but sure wish the best, tough situation it sounds like. Seems well but really is not. She and you will be in prayer, hope things improve. Please let us know how things progress. Again, 's

 

[luvmarypoppins]

Prayers on the way. I didnt have exactly the same situation but my mom dropped dead and I "inherited" my 90 year old grandma since her daughter in law and other grand daughter in the same state refused to help me in any way shape or form. She needed care 24/7 so we had to move her out of state to our home, make room for her plus I had to take care of our own 3 ds who were 7 and under. Can the social worker at the hospital give you any resources. It also depends on what services are in your community. We have alot of adult day care type places, a new assisted living place (VERY) expensive, etc. You would also have to consider your finances. Is it just your moms money you have to budget, do you have siblings to help with the care or cost of care. I only had myself. How about a local church. Do you live in a metro area with more options or a small area which may have limited choices, also. I dont think the neighbors should be responsible for your moms care. But I am sure they are noticing her health issues. Maybe a trusted one can talk to her. I really also didnt want anyone else taking care of my grandma because I didnt know who would be trustworthy. After about 15 months I eventually had to put my grandma in a nursing home because she couldnt walk anymore and physcially I just could not pick her up etc. I went to visit her every day just to make sure she was taken care of. I also ran into some issues at the nursing home, but I always took care of everything and made sure the problems were addressed. This was one grand daughter they knew not to mess with. I felt bad since alot of the people there didnt have visitors too often. Let us know how things turn out. In the summer now, you might be able to get a nursing student. Do you have a local university etc. That could be a source. Maybe a college student looking to earn extra income. I would definetely check out a church first if you are not going the liscensed care provider/agency route. Good luck.

 

[chell]

and prayers. The social worker at the hospital should be able to provide you with some information.

 

[snoopy]

Oh, I am so sorry Mercy. I wish I had some advice. This must be so hard for you. I'll pray for you and your Mom.

 

[Boots]

Prayers for you and her, {{{{HUGS}}}}, and all the support I can give. Wish I had some suggestions, but I don't! Please let us know what you decide.

 

[avdeane]

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your mother.

 

[BWVDenise]

Oh, my gosh! I wish I could give you some advice, but I only have my best wishes to offer you!

 

[ScarlettO]

Ok everyone, I actually have a question here... has anyone ever had to get 24 hour care for a parent/grandparent? Which way did you go, have someone come in to the house, put them in a facility? I'm just looking for some suggestions, support and prayers, since I really don't know what I'm doing.

Thanks to anyone who took the time to read this. [/B]

Prayers for you.
My SIL arranged in house sitters 24/7 for her Mother through an agency for the last several years of her life. It is quite costly, like $12 a hour, but they are insured. You can privately find sitters thru the Hospital or rehab for $7 an hour(we have one on the weekends for my Mom, to give stepdad a break), but they are not willing to dispense meds, etc.Good luck with your decision.

 

[Mercy]

I've been gone all day, and came home to check the DIS and found all your prayers and well wishes... Thank you all so much! You guys are the best! Just reading your comments and suggestions helps to make a difficult day easier.

Today we have moved her to a nursing home. Doc recommended some physical therapy which will help her and also give us some time to decide how to care for her long term. She does not have that long term health care insurance. She does have quite a bit of money saved, which should help. I'm trying to ease her into the idea that she can no longer be on her own and that I want her to be involved in the decision making process for her care. Social workers at the hospital have been helpful with resources. Anyway please keep us in your prayers mainly that we make wise decisions. Thanks again!

I'm going to bed now, I'm wiped out.

 

[Hopefully]

Mercy my thoughts and most importantly, prayers are with you as you make decisions. I was faced with a similiar situation with my Dad. Luckily he had financial resources and so we (my 2 DS and I) were able to arranged to have "aides" with him 24/7 at his home. The "aides" were really "angels". In 14 months he was never left alone, They covered for each other on days off, vacations, illnesses etc. It was expensive (don't know exactly) but worth every cent - it was after all his money- and we all wanted to spend it to keep him home as long as we could, rather than think of it is our "inheritance'. Each of us also invested a lot of time and energy going to see him. Near the end, one of us was there every day, althoug we each had families and jobs.
What I would tell you, without question even with the sacrifices and challenges, is -- I am so glad we did this for him! Each situation is different, try to gather all the info you can in advance then make the decision that is right for you. Good Luck!

 

[AuroraluvsPhillip]

Prayers for you and your mom, Mercy. Luvmarypoppins gave some great suggestions. You could also ask at your local Council on Aging for suggestions. I know there are support groups for caregivers of elders out there too. Just some ideas. Hope your situation turns out for the best.