Potty Training help!!!

[Luv Bunnies]

At 22 months, your son is likely not physically or intellectually ready to start potty training. When kids are that young, their bodies are not yet sending the cues to their brains that they have to go, and that they need to hold it until they get to a toilet. Especially if he is speech delayed, I would drop any mention of the potty all together. He needs to be focused on acquiring skills that are appropriate for an almost-two year old to be functional. Primary skills include requesting food and water, and communicating if he's in pain. He should also learn how to ask for help and request desired objects (I want the ball, etc.). He also needs to learn important safety routines and be taught to respond to your instructions (stop, sit down, stay there, time for bed, etc.). Personally, I would not teach a 22-month old a sign for potty. There are many other skills he needs to master first, and potty training just adds an extra layer that he (and you) shouldn't need to worry about yet. I have been working with special needs preschoolers for over 15 years. Kids with language delays often do things a bit later. It's great that you have him in speech therapy at this point. My advice is to focus on the things that are appropriate for his age and skill level.

 

[runwad]

My girls were potty trained at 2 1/2, they were easy, wore dresses with no panties, the potty chair was in the family room and they'd plop on it whenever they needed. They also had occasional accidents during the day and at night but now I can't remember for how long (they're 21 & 19).

My son, he didn't want anything to do with the potty. So I just waited for him. Finally a month before his 3rd birthday he started going and that was that. Never an accident, never wet the bed at night. NEVER he is 17 and I can honestly say that kid never wet the bed! Don't worry about it let him go when he's ready and it will be a piece of cake!

Oh and those mom's who are always so cool, ya I knew them too, and you know what I found out years later about them? They were all on Xantex and Zolotf!

 

[PlainJane]

I appreciate everyone's insight and advice!!

I always feel like there's a "mom gene" that I'm missing. Parenting has not come naturally to me at all. I dumped my 10 year career in the insurance industry to stay home with my son and I really just feel awkward and flustered a lot of the time. My son means the whole universe to me. He is an adorable, sweet, loving, easygoing little boy. I think part of me just feels embarrassed when we go to the park or library or children's museum or zoo or wherever and I see these moms gracefully wearing their babies while toting along their 2 or 3 other kids and here I am fumbling around with my one! And I didn't want to be further embarrassed by having the "old kid" in diapers. But I see now that he is far from being too old for diapers.

Thanks again for taking the time to help me out, everyone. I really do appreciate it.

I get caught up in the comparison game too. The first 3 months were hard. My son basically screamed if he was awake because he had multiple protein allergies that were causing ulcers and that didn't get sorted out until then. I many a time felt like if I was a better mother I could have figured out how to keep breastfeeding. I still wince at the memories of people asking us how much we were enjoying being new parents. I love my son, but we were all miserable. It's useless to compare myself to a woman who could be out and about with her one month old while gracefully breastfeeding her baby in a ring sling.

Ever mother and parent faces challenges with their child. Some are more open about it than others, and some frankly have it easier than others. You are being the best mother you can be for your son. I hope you can find friends, or maybe confide in ones you already have, that are willing to share their challenges and also offer their encouragement. All of my mom friends, even the ones who seems to have it the most together, have at one point or another confided in their own way that this is hard and they sometimes feel like they are somehow falling short. You have a wonderful son who loves you, that would not understand why his mom doesn't think she is enough.

As far as your original comment, almost two is really young to be potty training. Some kids are ready by then, but that's like the children who sleep through the night at 3 months old. It happens, but it's not the standard by any means. From watching my friend's kids it seems 3 is much more common. I think you've mentioned your son is on the larger end of the growth chart, so I don't know if him looking older than he is plays a part in the insecurity. Also, my mom was non-verbal until she was 3, and that was back before resources like speech therapy. She graduated from college and had a successful career. It in no way affected her life negatively.

 

[KrazeeK120]

I get caught up in the comparison game too. The first 3 months were hard. My son basically screamed if he was awake because he had multiple protein allergies that were causing ulcers and that didn't get sorted out until then. I many a time felt like if I was a better mother I could have figured out how to keep breastfeeding. I still wince at the memories of people asking us how much we were enjoying being new parents. I love my son, but we were all miserable. It's useless to compare myself to a woman who could be out and about with her one month old while gracefully breastfeeding her baby in a ring sling.

Ever mother and parent faces challenges with their child. Some are more open about it than others, and some frankly have it easier than others. You are being the best mother you can be for your son. I hope you can find friends, or maybe confide in ones you already have, that are willing to share their challenges and also offer their encouragement. All of my mom friends, even the ones who seems to have it the most together, have at one point or another confided in their own way that this is hard and they sometimes feel like they are somehow falling short. You have a wonderful son who loves you, that would not understand why his mom doesn't think she is enough.

As far as your original comment, almost two is really young to be potty training. Some kids are ready by then, but that's like the children who sleep through the night at 3 months old. It happens, but it's not the standard by any means. From watching my friend's kids it seems 3 is much more common. I think you've mentioned your son is on the larger end of the growth chart, so I don't know if him looking older than he is plays a part in the insecurity. Also, my mom was non-verbal until she was 3, and that was back before resources like speech therapy. She graduated from college and had a successful career. It in no way affected her life negatively.

You pretty much hit the nail right on the head. At 18 months, my son was in the 78% for height and 98% for weight. I always cringe a little when people try to talk to him in public, because I'm sure they expect he can speak in short sentences. Even back then, I was frequently asked if he was 2. I definitely have some added insecurity about having a child who looks older than he is, yet functions lower than he's supposed to.

Also, he's in a size 7 diaper, which I order from Amazon. I can't even find this size in the store. When I put him in the 7 a few months ago, I started to worry about what I would do if he outgrew it before becoming potty trained. He isn't growing as fast these days, so hopefully we will make it. But it's a contributing factor in me considering earlier training.

I'm fortunate that I do have other moms to talk to, namely my sister and sister-in-law (brother's wife) who are both also SAHMs, and we all live in the same city. We have 6 kids between us, 5 of whom are 3 and under. I know they have their challenges, and I know exactly what their challenges are because we talk all the time. I always just feel like they handle things so amazingly! But they are so supportive of me and it means a lot.

I think what I've decided to do for now is just put the potty out, tell my son what it's for, and pursue potty training if he indicates he'd like to use it.

 

[DisneyElite4]

Take it from another SAHM (mostly) with three small children - DO NOT let yourself get wrapped up in the comparison and judgement game. It will eat away your soul and steal your joy. Steal the joy of being a parent, of having a wonderful, healthy child, of being able to stay home with your child. Don't. Do. It.

I speak from experience, and this is something I still struggle with. There will always be another mom out there who has it more together (or appears to) and there will always be a gaggle of kiddos more advanced in every way than your own. You cannot do anything about other people's children. Only yours. And you are doing all the right things (all three of my kids currently are or have been in speech therapy.) Focus on your own wonderful child when you are out. All the things that make him fantastic and unique and "better" than anyone else. Get in the car and tell yourself after every outing - "I am a great mother. My kid is amazing and is doing so awesome." Then glance back at him in the rearview and see how precious he is and drive on to the next thing with no doubts or fear.

On the potty training - I tried to potty train my oldest at 2.5 We struggled with accidents aplenty for the next year. He just wasn't ready until he was 3.5. My twins will be 3 in a few months and I'm waiting with them. They are both delayed in several areas and adding potty training to the mix is not a good idea for them or me. We have a small potty in the bathroom that they both sit on every night before their bath - it's a habit now and has been for a few months. My DD will pee in it every couple of weeks, but my son literally puts his butt on it for half a second before jumping in the bath. That's about all the introduction they are going to have until they show more interest. Don't worry about others noticing he is in a diaper and judging you or him. Plenty of kids stay in diapers close to 4 now. There was a boy in my son's preschool class last year who didn't train until the end of the school year at 4.5. (This was a church preschool so they were okay with it.) This little dude was a normal, healthy, typically developing kiddo. He just wasn't ready until 4.5. There was certainly no judgement from any of the teachers or parents in that room.

 

[jormom1030]

All three of mine were around 3. I tried earlier and it was just frustrating for everyone.

 

[leebee]

He's too young. Give it another year (around age 3) and then try.

 

[EveDallas]

My son is 22 months old and I am having major anxiety about potty training him.

I've read so many conflicting pieces of information regarding when and how to do this activity.

I got a seat that goes on top of the regular toilet and he hates it. I can see why, his feet don't reach the step stool I put under it and it's probably hard to balance. I ordered a toddler potty just a bit ago, it should be here in a couple of days.

I tend to be rather anxious anyway, and I've dreaded potty training before I ever even got pregnant.

One thing to note about my son is that he is all but non-verbal. He says 2 words. So there's an added barrier. He does follow directions well and is very good at imitating, so that's helpful.

Can anyone offer me advice or at least help ease my fears? I'm sure I'm blowing this way out of proportion, as I tend to do. I just don't want to miss some "window of opportunity" (if that even exists) and end up with an 8 year old in diapers...

One word - relax. If you're stressed, he'll pick up on it and it will become hell. Please don't push him - when he's ready it will happen.

 

[paisleys]

I wish I could love some of the posts above (especially disneyelite4's) and wish I could have read them a few years back. If there is anything I would go back and change, it would be the enormous amount of stress I placed on myself and my twin girls with potty training. I had everyone breathing down my back and wish I had ignored them! I started mine when they were around 2.5 and not ready and it was so frustrating that we all gave up (after a lot of anguish) for months and months (and months). I didn't have the courage to try until they were around 3.5 and it literally took hours because they were ready. One would occasionally have a night time accident but that was that. My prized possession back then was a portable potty! Enjoy these precious, amazing days and don't listen to the people coming down on you! I'm here from the future to tell you it will get done.

 

[PlainJane]

You pretty much hit the nail right on the head. At 18 months, my son was in the 78% for height and 98% for weight. I always cringe a little when people try to talk to him in public, because I'm sure they expect he can speak in short sentences. Even back then, I was frequently asked if he was 2. I definitely have some added insecurity about having a child who looks older than he is, yet functions lower than he's supposed to.

Also, he's in a size 7 diaper, which I order from Amazon. I can't even find this size in the store. When I put him in the 7 a few months ago, I started to worry about what I would do if he outgrew it before becoming potty trained. He isn't growing as fast these days, so hopefully we will make it. But it's a contributing factor in me considering earlier training.

I'm fortunate that I do have other moms to talk to, namely my sister and sister-in-law (brother's wife) who are both also SAHMs, and we all live in the same city. We have 6 kids between us, 5 of whom are 3 and under. I know they have their challenges, and I know exactly what their challenges are because we talk all the time. I always just feel like they handle things so amazingly! But they are so supportive of me and it means a lot.

I think what I've decided to do for now is just put the potty out, tell my son what it's for, and pursue potty training if he indicates he'd like to use it.

It's hard when people put their expectations on you and on your child. Hopefully, he's not catching onto the stranger's expectations. I wonder if other parents have developed strategies for when people talk to their children that are working through speech delays? Either way, him being encouraged and praised by you and his dad for his accomplishments and new skills (which I'm sure you do) is going to be most important to him, even if he has uncomfortable run-ins with strangers.

I have had my concerns about my guy sizing out of diapers too. Right now we're in a 5 and he's 10 months. I know my mom had to put my brother in pull-ups, way back when, when he sized out of diapers. I'm not sure if they still have a wider range of sizes or not.

I'm glad you have a support system!

I hope your potty training efforts go well. Sounds like a nice low-key approach.

 

[usnuzuloose]

You may not be able to do the full potty training, but it may help in the long run to get them used to just to sit on one. As they get older they will be used to sitting on it and it may go quicker. Nothing ever hurts.

 

[PollyannaMom]

I have had my concerns about my guy sizing out of diapers too. Right now we're in a 5 and he's 10 months. I know my mom had to put my brother in pull-ups, way back when, when he sized out of diapers. I'm not sure if they still have a wider range of sizes or not.

I've been out of that loop for a while now, but there was a brand called Goodnights that was designed for older kids who wet the bed. Those went bigger.

 

[marcyleecorgan]

Don't worry! He will get there when he is meant to.

I like the idea of getting the potty chair, or the cover, and taking the time to create a routine. Sit him down after naps, after baths, before baths, any time you are in the bathroom, just get him used to the idea. No action is required other than sitting. When eventually there is action, you can celebrate like it's 1999! But wait for him to communicate with you about wanting to use the potty, otherwise keep it to the casual routine of "this is what we do in a bathroom." If he's non-verbal there are just too many other ideas trying to mush through his brain at once. Let his mind sift it all out and get back to you.

I've been out of that loop for a while now, but there was a brand called Goodnights that was designed for older kids who wet the bed. Those went bigger.

Yes, they do. They also make an awesome product that are more or less giant disposable absorbent mattress pads. Great if you have kids way too big than standard sizes, also if you are lining car seats, play areas, multiple child sleepovers (loved sleeping over at friends, HATED when her little sister wet the bed and we all had to stand against the wall at 2am while her mom found new sheets) and also great for after surgeries especially if there could be vomiting involved!

 

[Forevermarypoppins]

My Grandson( lives in my home) is 2yrs8months and could really care less about the whole PT thing. He tries when he tries and we encourage but don't push it.
He's in daycare 3 days and we hoping that he won't be held back from going to his next "room" because of this.