poll: would you do it again (have kids)

[Mrs. Charming]

We had a boy and a girl, and then we got "the itch" for a 3rd. We decided to scratch that itch and got twin girls!! Did that help?



We have four kids, ages 16, 14, 10 and 10, and I love being a parent. Sometimes I do wonder what life would've been like for me and my husband without kids (more money? more traveling?) but that's usually only on the days they are really bickering. lol And in the end the answer is always the same, I'd do it all over again in a heartbeat. I love my kids, and fear life for me would be very boring and meaningless without them.

LOL yes, that does help! That's a little more than I'm bargaining for at this time.

And yep, I totally agree. Except on the days I'm ready to sell DD to the circus.

 

[kirbydog48]

In all honesty.....this is a very tough question. I had a child at age 41, my only. He is a great quirky wonderful kid, with many learning, social and behavioral challenges. That aspect has been very tough and at some times painful. I adore him and can't imagine him not being in my life. It would have made things much less complicated regarding my marriage. If we didn't have a child, I wouldn't be so torn trying to decide what to do. Do I stay in the marriage and be miserable most of the time but keep the family intact for my son? Lots to ponder...

 

[Colleen27]

In a heartbeat if I knew I was getting the same 2 back! Don't know how I got such good ones, and I willingly admit that I could not handle 3/4th of the kids other people I have.

This, exactly. I'm really not very good with kids in general and so many of my friends have children with issues I can't imagine myself coping with well at all... If I hadn't been the first of my circle to have kids, if I'd thought more about all the "what ifs", I probably wouldn't have had children. But if I could go back and decide all over again whether to have the specific kids I have, I would without hesitation.

 

[Big Cuddly Bear]

Weird answer...

Why? Because I probably wouldn't get married again. But if I did, I would have kids.

 

[MIGrandma]

I voted yes, but I would have them after being married about 5 years instead of immediately after. It would have been nice to have some time to ourselves before the kids came along. But that's our own fault. But knowing what I know now, it would have been better all around to wait a few years but we definitely would still have wanted them.

 

[sunnyday123]

Weird answer...

Why? Because I probably wouldn't get married again. But if I did, I would have kids.

Ok, I've heard a lot of married people say this. Why? I've been divorced for about 5 years, and while I'm not rushing out desperately looking for another husband, I never shut the door on marriage.

I don't understand ( and I don't mean this in a snarky way ) why many married people say this. I get why divorced people say it, lol. But to me, what you're saying is I'm not happy enough in my marriage to do this again, ever. And if it was my husband saying it, I'd be hurt.

 

[Big Cuddly Bear]

Ok, I've heard a lot of married people say this. Why? I've been divorced for about 5 years, and while I'm not rushing out desperately looking for another husband, I never shut the door on marriage.

I don't understand ( and I don't mean this in a snarky way ) why many married people say this. I get why divorced people say it, lol. But to me, what you're saying is I'm not happy enough in my marriage to do this again, ever. And if it was my husband saying it, I'd be hurt.

I'm happy. My wife is happy. But I doubt she would do it again either. Not that I believe in soul mates, but if they exist, I don't think my wife and I are that for each other.

 

[Luv'sTink]

YES, I would. I would want more.

 

[minkydog]

I vote yes, I would have kids all over again. The same kids I have now, even though my row has been tough to hoe. Before I had children, I had no idea how much i could love someone, how much that love would cost me, and how resilient I could be in the face of crisis. I guess my only regret is that I didn't have more. I got a late start in life due to infertility, so the fact that I have three children is something of a miracle in itself.

 

[hsmamato2]

most definitely yes I wish I had the good sense to have a couple more...back when I could have had more! Nothing in this world compares to parenthood

 

[Ember]

I disagree with Ember's post. I also don't think that saying you would do it again in ANY way implies that you couldn't be happy and fulfilled without kids.

I made no implication either way about being fulfilled. I'm just saying that asking people if they would make the same choice again isn't a useful question, and gave the reasons why I thought so. Both points I made (about cognitive dissonance and memory) are backed up by numerous studies.

It's a harmless question in this context, but I still think it's important to note the blatant and obvious bias inherent here. The statistically flawed Ann Landers article aside, the majority of people will tell you they would have kids all over again simply because not doing so is so foreign as to cause them distress and because they remember the good things more prominently than the bad ones. The scale is automatically shifted drastically to one side.

 

[themilesfamily]

My child is the absolute joy of my life. I thank God for her every day.

The first couple of years were really challenging because I was working a full-time overnight job and watching her full-time during the day. I was tired 24/7. But once I quit to become a full-time stay-at-home mom, everything just became WONDERFUL. I love being a parent so much!!!

 

[SpecialK]

Ok, I've heard a lot of married people say this. Why? I've been divorced for about 5 years, and while I'm not rushing out desperately looking for another husband, I never shut the door on marriage.

I don't understand ( and I don't mean this in a snarky way ) why many married people say this. I get why divorced people say it, lol. But to me, what you're saying is I'm not happy enough in my marriage to do this again, ever. And if it was my husband saying it, I'd be hurt.

It has nothing to do with level of happiness or your feelings toward your spouse. I think it's more of a reaction to the responsibilities of marriage. Sometimes I miss only being responsible to and for myself.

Same with having children. I could never say I wouldn't have my children again. If I could make the decision about having children not knowing my children, but knowing all that goes into parenting, would I still have children That's the question.

 

[njmom47]

Yes but I would have started when I was younger.
We have had QUITE a few rocky patches with oldest dd so as other pps have mentioned if you'd have asked me then, I might have said no.
But I always wanted to be a mom.

 

[Ciao Mickey]

The only thing I regret is not having one or two more...

 

[bdcp]

We have two boys and raised them to be the two most wonderful young men who are totally independent, responsible and on their own now. We also regret not having a couple more. DH and I love our empty nest time together, but we also really loved having kids around and I would have had 4 or 5 if we had know then what we know now, which is money doesn't really matter, you do what you can and raising happy healthy kids is more important than what you give them or where you take them. It makes me sad when I see posts from people saying they can't "afford" number 2 because they think they have to have so much cash and give them so much material crap. They're really missing the point.

 

[Handbag Lady]

I don't have kids so I can't answer.




I can say that I wish I thought more about it over the years.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

We have two boys and raised them to be the two most wonderful young men who are totally independent, responsible and on their own now. We also regret not having a couple more. DH and I love our empty nest time together, but we also really loved having kids around and I would have had 4 or 5 if we had know then what we know now, which is money doesn't really matter, you do what you can and raising happy healthy kids is more important than what you give them or where you take them. It makes me sad when I see posts from people saying they can't "afford" number 2 because they think they have to have so much cash and give them so much material crap. They're really missing the point.

What a beautiful post.

 

[minkydog]

Ok, I've heard a lot of married people say this. Why? I've been divorced for about 5 years, and while I'm not rushing out desperately looking for another husband, I never shut the door on marriage.

I don't understand ( and I don't mean this in a snarky way ) why many married people say this. I get why divorced people say it, lol. But to me, what you're saying is I'm not happy enough in my marriage to do this again, ever. And if it was my husband saying it, I'd be hurt.

It has nothing to do with level of happiness or your feelings toward your spouse. I think it's more of a reaction to the responsibilities of marriage. Sometimes I miss only being responsible to and for myself.

That is EXACTLY it. As much as I do love my husband--and we've been married 30 years--I think this will be my first and only marriage. i've been a caregiver for the last 15 years and frankly, i would like to lay down that load for awhile. My DH is a wonderful man and it would be very hard to find another guy like him. I'd rather live alone than compromise.

 

[minkydog]

We have two boys and raised them to be the two most wonderful young men who are totally independent, responsible and on their own now. We also regret not having a couple more. DH and I love our empty nest time together, but we also really loved having kids around and I would have had 4 or 5 if we had know then what we know now, which is money doesn't really matter, you do what you can and raising happy healthy kids is more important than what you give them or where you take them. It makes me sad when I see posts from people saying they can't "afford" number 2 because they think they have to have so much cash and give them so much material crap. They're really missing the point.

I totally agree. Our three kids grew up in a comfortable, not wealthy home without video games, little TV, and lots of craft materials, musical instruments and books. We didn't have a ton of money, but i knew how to make the most of what we had. And my kids have mostly good memories, as far as I can tell. Sometimes they think we were poor, but we weren't. We just knew how to budget and spent our money on experiences rather than things. If I could have done it differently, i would have had more children.