poll: would you do it again (have kids)

[libraryfreak]

I remember about 25+ years ago Ann Landers did a survey asking, would you do it again (have kids), and much to everyones surprise, IIRC, about 80% said no! Now that I have kids, one in HS one in College, I can safely answer - absolutely YES! I would do it again in a heartbeat. And I think I can honestly say, I don't think any of my friends regret it either. So I started wondering, would parents today answer differently?

I remember for years dreading the upcoming teenage years, but I have to tell you so far the teens I know are warm, caring, creative, active and focused. Maybe my family lives in a bubble, I know there are bad kids out there but to me they seem to be the exception not the norm.

So, all of you disboard parents - can you answer my poll? Thank you!

 

[NHdisneylover]

Yes. Absolutely. I love my kids so very much and they have added so much to my life.

 

[indimom]

Yes. Mine are 10 & 13, so we haven't really hit the teen years yet either, maybe that makes a difference.
But I genuinely like kids, they're fun.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Yes 110%. I feel like I won the jackpot.

 

[wildernesslodgelover]

80% said "no???" Are you sure?

 

[Mouse House Mama]

80% said "no???" Are you sure?

Well in their defense I am sure if you asked my parents at certain times of my life they would have said no too.

 

[eliza61]

I really don't think this is a fair question. Once you have kids, they irrevesibly change your life.
I knew this women who attended our church, her son was in jail for murder, for some reason I thought she must hate her son and regret having him but she did not. She hates what he did, but she has an unending love for him and does not regret having him. she swears he has brung her more joy than imaginable. Which is very hard for me to imagine.


Now I've had days where my kids tap danced on my last nerve, so if you had asked me that question on one of those days, the answer may have been dramatically different. lol.

Each stage of parenthood has brought joys and pains but I can't imagine not having my kids.

Now if you ask me would I have been happy if I not been able to have kids, I would answer yes also.

 

[wildernesslodgelover]

Well in their defense I am sure if you asked my parents at certain times of my life they would have said no too.

lol, yes, that's a good point!

 

[wildernesslodgelover]

Ooooh, just found this googling...interesting read!

http://www.stats.uwo.ca/faculty/bellhouse/stat353annlanders.pdf

 

[snarlingcoyote]

Somewhere or other I read a survey (can't take credit for this one!) that asked "You have it to do all over again. You can have kids, but they won't be your kids (you'll make a new set - not the ones you have right now). Do you have kids?"

That totally changed the survey results, as I recall. Maybe that's where the 80% no number came from. I don't remember who conducted that survey, but's always been a fascinating question to me.

 

[MerMom60_94]

I put off having a child because I was so afraid I wouldn't be happy as a mother. All I can say, after 16 years, is I wish I had started sooner and had more babies. Being a mother has been the high point of my life. Even as a teenager, my daughter is a delight. I'm not saying she doesn't have her days with her teenage 'tude, but overall she is a pleasure and having her is the best choice I ever made.

 

[sunnyday123]

Absolutely. I cannot imagine life without my DD.



However, my Dad did tell me if he had known my brother would be as difficult as he was/is, without knowing him, he would have chosen to not have him.

 

[HM]

I think having kids makes your life full. They push you to be better and provide more than what you might just want for yourself.

 

[TheIncredibles!]

I am a better person because of my kids so of course I would do this again.

 

[nmmom95]

I wasn't sure if I wanted kids when I got married, but they are amazing and they make my life better.

 

[RadioFanatic]

It took me ten years to have my son. And if someone told me it would take ten more years to have him again, I would say yes. He makes life worth living.

 

[Conservative Hippie]

Absolutely! Although my daughter is only 3 and I'm already wishing I had done some things differently :-/ I guess that's what a second child is for!

 

[Pigeon]

I would, but I know plenty of people who would not. We adopted and had to jump through a ton of hoops, so lots of soul searching was done along the way. We were very fortunate to get happy, healthy, well-adjusted kids.

My sister and her husband had three, and she has told me on many occasions that she wishes they had been childless.

 

[A4Disney]

I remember about 25+ years ago Ann Landers did a survey asking, would you do it again (have kids), and much to everyones surprise, IIRC, about 80% said no! Now that I have kids, one in HS one in College, I can safely answer - absolutely YES! I would do it again in a heartbeat. And I think I can honestly say, I don't think any of my friends regret it either. So I started wondering, would parents today answer differently?

I remember for years dreading the upcoming teenage years, but I have to tell you so far the teens I know are warm, caring, creative, active and focused. Maybe my family lives in a bubble, I know there are bad kids out there but to me they seem to be the exception not the norm.

So, all of you disboard parents - can you answer my poll? Thank you!

They actually use that Ann Landers quote in some College Statistics classes. The reason the results were so skewed is because unhappy people are more likely to respond and write in.

And I would definitely do it again. Very happy with our family.

 

[Ember]

Something to keep in mind is that many people would never be able to admit, even to themselves, that they might have been happier without children. Cognitive dissonance is a psychological phenomenon which refers to the discomfort felt at a discrepancy between what you already know or believe, and new information or interpretation.

This very question came up in one of my university psych. classes. Parents feel disloyal or like they are bad parents for even considering the non-existence of their children. They can't go back to the point of making the choice but rather picture the children they know as vanishing. To some parents the reaction is so strong as to make them feel they have harmed their kids by considering them not being there. So asking them to do so and gauge their perceived happiness without them is almost an unfair question.

Also, studies of memory show that it screens out a lot our past for us, allowing us to carry on with our lives and it's biased towards happiness (with the exception of depression). The other process at work involves our memory system treating pleasant emotions differently from unpleasant emotions. It seems that our brains have a fading affect for negative emotions. Pleasant emotions have been found to fade more slowly from our memory than unpleasant emotions. Given this, it is not a stretch to say that parents will remember having and raising children as being a lot more pleasant that is actually was. Throw in some nostalgia for past years, and all of a sudden the trials and upsets are romanticized into the best years of the people's lives.

All that said, I'm very glad that people who chose to have children are glad they did so. I'm just not sure that asking them if they would do it again is a useful question.