poll: would you do it again (have kids)

[disneychic2]

Ooooh, just found this googling...interesting read!

http://www.stats.uwo.ca/faculty/bellhouse/stat353annlanders.pdf

I read the above article and since I am in the age bracket of interest to the young couple, I can say that having children enriched my life in a way nothing else could have. I loved being a mother...not every minute of every daybut most of the time. We all have heartaches and disappointments along the journey, but in the end it is all worth it.

I devoted my life to them when they were very young, but made sure to nurture my marriage too. When the kids went to college, I still had a life. That is key. Your kids will grow up and you won't be as needed any more, but if you have had a life separate from being a mom, empty nesting can be fun.

DH and I go to WDW just the two of us every year and have a ball. We love visiting our 4 children and 3 grandchildren and cherish the time with them, but at the end of the day, we go home and still find lots of fun things to do. together or with other friends.

 

[wdwmom0f3]

Yes, I love my kids with all of my heart and they have brought me more joy than I could have ever imagined. I can honestly say that I have loved every stage of it so far too. I won't say that it has always been easy, because there can be bumps in the road, I am on a bumpy road with one of mine right now, but good times or bad they are still my kids and I love them dearly.

 

[fun4me]

I have 3 boys, 6, 13 and 16 and I would do it all over again and even add another one or two.

 

[Magpie]

YES!

And not just because they do the dishes and the driveway and clean the cat boxes without complaining.

My kids are really fun people to have around, as well. I'm actually starting to feel a bit melancholy when I think about the fact that they'll be leaving in about 4 years (assuming I've done my job right, anyway!). I'll miss watching Dr. Who with them. And Glee. And reading my daughter's poetry. And listening to my son practice his sax in the evening.

My mother, on the other hand, spent most of MY childhood wishing she hadn't had me. She told me so, many times, and not just when she was angry at me! She also considered "Maggie May" by Rod Stewart her song and would stop and sing along every time it came on the radio. Because if you replace "Maggie" with "Baby" it expressed her feelings about me, perfectly. Because of me, she couldn't go back to school. She lost out on job opportunities. She never remarried after her divorce. She loved me, but she really felt her life would have been better without me.

I'm not so sure she feels the same way now, though... Especially not after her last operation. It's amazing how useful adult children can be, when you're getting old.

 

[NeverlandClub23]

Something to keep in mind is that many people would never be able to admit, even to themselves, that they might have been happier without children. Cognitive dissonance is a psychological phenomenon which refers to the discomfort felt at a discrepancy between what you already know or believe, and new information or interpretation.

This very question came up in one of my university psych. classes. Parents feel disloyal or like they are bad parents for even considering the non-existence of their children. They can't go back to the point of making the choice but rather picture the children they know as vanishing. To some parents the reaction is so strong as to make them feel they have harmed their kids by considering them not being there. So asking them to do so and gauge their perceived happiness without them is almost an unfair question.

Also, studies of memory show that it screens out a lot our past for us, allowing us to carry on with our lives and it's biased towards happiness (with the exception of depression). The other process at work involves our memory system treating pleasant emotions differently from unpleasant emotions. It seems that our brains have a fading affect for negative emotions. Pleasant emotions have been found to fade more slowly from our memory than unpleasant emotions. Given this, it is not a stretch to say that parents will remember having and raising children as being a lot more pleasant that is actually was. Throw in some nostalgia for past years, and all of a sudden the trials and upsets are romanticized into the best years of the people's lives.

All that said, I'm very glad that people who chose to have children are glad they did so. I'm just not sure that asking them if they would do it again is a useful question.

I agree with your post.

I am still on the fence with ever wanting children of my own but I know I wouldn't "regret" it either way. I know my life would be completely full and happy with or without children, just happy and full in different ways.

 

[Pakey]

I'm going to be the first to come out and say no (although 5 have said no on the poll).

Our youngest is 30. I think that both my husband and I would say that we would not have children if we could do it again. But I'll only talk about myself here.

I was not/am not a good parent. I'm very selfish. I have always had a demanding career, my choice. If you are going to have children, they should be the top priority. Mine were not, my career has always come first.

The boys deserved better.

 

[tlbwriter]

They actually use that Ann Landers quote in some College Statistics classes. The reason the results were so skewed is because unhappy people are more likely to respond and write in.

This is true.

Also, keep in mind that if this survey was done 25 years ago, it means those parents had their children before it became (somewhat more) socially acceptable to decide not to have children. Parents who felt they were "forced" to have children may have been more likely to want to warn others not to do it. And if you did that survey today, more people who didn't want to be parents would have felt free to follow that preference, so the number of unhappy parents would be lower. That's my theory, anyway.

I feel like having a child added a lot to my life. But many people feel having a child would take something from their lives, and who am I to tell them they're wrong?

 

[disykat]

I agree with your post.

I am still on the fence with ever wanting children of my own but I know I wouldn't "regret" it either way. I know my life would be completely full and happy with or without children, just happy and full in different ways.

I disagree with Ember's post. I also don't think that saying you would do it again in ANY way implies that you couldn't be happy and fulfilled without kids.

I always knew I wanted kids. I still know I would have wanted kids, even different kids. However, I also know I could have been happy without kids.

I'm guessing that if you asked a bunch of people without kids if they regretted not having kids, they would also look back, realize they had a pretty good life and say they had no big regrets.

I think most (not saying all) people manage to carve out the life they want for themselves and find satisfaction within it.

 

[luvmy3jewels]

I have three kids (the first two planned and the third was a suprise) and I would have all three of them over again in a second!! They give so much to dh and I in the form of entertainment and joy. I can't imagine not having exprienced the love that I feel for them. Of course there are rough moments when I think how easy life was before I had them. But I've never regretted it even during those brief times.

 

[phorsenuf]

Absolutely! the only thing I would have done different was have more.

 

[ols386]

I would definite have kids again. At my age now, I wouldn't, but going back to my 20s, I certainly would.

 

[KristaTX]

On the other side of the coin. . . I am 40 years old and married for 20 years. We chose not to have kids. I'd make the same choice again .

 

[luvsJack]

I had my sons at a very young age and in a marriage that ended when I was 23. I would do it all again in a heartbeat even being that young. My sons have been a huge blessing in my life.

When they were 16 and 14, dh and I were beginning to think about what we would do when they were both out of the house, and then I got pregnant with dd (she was quite the surprise). I have enjoyed every second of having a daughter and I wouldn't hesitate about doing it again the same way.

 

[PixiePop]

Absolutely without a doubt!!!

 

[Mrs. Charming]

You bet I would. Granted my kids are young, but I love being a mom. Even though I think 2 is a good fit for our family, I'm starting to have "the itch" for #3. (Please, talk me out of that one, ok?)

 

[FINFAN]

In a heartbeat if I knew I was getting the same 2 back! Don't know how I got such good ones, and I willingly admit that I could not handle 3/4th of the kids other people I have.
On the flip-side, I wonder if my kids would choose to have us as parents again......

 

[Arielle22]

I would have children again. DH and I waited until we were married 8 years (married at 19 and 21) before we were financially ready to have children. At that point our families figured we were not having children.

My daughters are 15 and 17. DH and I discuss what the house will be like when they go on to college and move out. One part of me is sad and the other is very excited!

I have nephews who are 2 and 5. When I want to see the innocence of youth I go visit them.

 

[cybrkitn]

Absolutely yes! We only have DS8 right now and I'm hitting 40 scared this summer. DH and I want another child. DS has been talking about wanting another sibling since he was 2 or 3 and in daycare. "Her can have my blanket," "Her can have my crayons" are the two he used to say alot Gotta them!

 

[Family Fun Mom]

Being a mother is much harder than I ever imagined it would be but the rewards are much greater than I ever could have imagined. My kids are the best people I know. They make me laugh daily, they give complete, unconditional love, and they've made me grow as a person. Without a doubt, I'd do it all over again. Without a doubt.

 

[mommaU4]

You bet I would. Granted my kids are young, but I love being a mom. Even though I think 2 is a good fit for our family, I'm starting to have "the itch" for #3. (Please, talk me out of that one, ok?)

We had a boy and a girl, and then we got "the itch" for a 3rd. We decided to scratch that itch and got twin girls!! Did that help?



We have four kids, ages 16, 14, 10 and 10, and I love being a parent. Sometimes I do wonder what life would've been like for me and my husband without kids (more money? more traveling?) but that's usually only on the days they are really bickering. lol And in the end the answer is always the same, I'd do it all over again in a heartbeat. I love my kids, and fear life for me would be very boring and meaningless without them.