Poll: Japanese First Date

[tina.tina]

Dear OP: I have not read all of this thread or your prior threads, but it seems like you feel you are sheltered and stunted in your growth- yet you are still living at home with your parents and you are over 30. Aren't they the people who sheltered you? How are things different now? The most important advice anyone can give you is to move out on your own. If you don't make enough money, go to your local housing authority and see if they can help you.

This is advice I have given to my parents' foster daughters in real life. They are young girls who are trying to get over their parents' actions. You could have moved out when you were 18 if you were in a bad situation. Maybe you didn't have the gumption to do it then, but what about now? Opportunity will not come to you but it is out there. Nothing is stopping you- except you.

Honestly, you are not getting any younger. To quote my dad, you are fast approaching the point in your life where it will be half over. Don't you want to live a fulfilling life? To do this, you need to quit looking for a boyfriend to complete you. You need to be a complete person on your own and take responsibility for the direction of your life.

 

[cabanafrau]

stupid internet...double post. sorry folks. see below.

I believe she's referring to seeing a counselor or therapist since October.

 

[goofyintoronto]

I believe she's referring to seeing a counselor or therapist since October.

You caught my comment!? LOL! I figured that out AFTER I submitted my post. Glad I was able to delete my post in time thou! Man I feel like a dope.

 

[Liberty Belle]

In real life, if we don't like a person, we avoid them. We decide to not be friends with them. In real life, a bully might mock that person, sometimes publicly. But I think we can agree that usually we stay away from people we don't like.

Not sure why, but online, the rules are different. When someone comes along we don't like, instead of avoiding any threads they post on, we are drawn to those threads. Drawn to it to the point that we look to make that poster out to be a fool.

I personally try to behave the same way offline and online. I am shocked by the number of people who are trying to ridicule the OP. Do you do that to people in real life? Why not leave her alone if her posts bother you? I know, we are all free to do as we choose and I can avoid YOUR posts if they bother me.

Just making an observation.

I do like Mmackeymouse. I think we're seeing somewhat of a false sense of her (but then that's probably true of most people online), but I like her. If I didn't I wouldn't have tried to help.

And, she did put these things out there and asked for advice.

 

[Liberty Belle]

Holy moly.

You miss a couple of days, you miss a mile.

I once again would like to ask what you guys want me to do to "prove" that this whole thing isn't a sham. I would be happy to. The fact that there are people on here that think this story is somehow fabricated blows my mind.

Can someone, anyone, please point out a post from THIS thread where I have been ignoring advice or said someone is wrong. Any post where I've said, "You know, thanks for the advice, but no thanks." Any at all? I think I have this reputation, but it is kind of hard to break out of a reputation when people are always assuming that you will be a certain way. Any post that I've blatantly said, "Sorry, I'm not taking your advice"...am I wrong here?

Isn't a date a part of the process of maturing? Of getting that experience? Your complaint is that I am somehow backwards (I'd agree) and stunted in my experience, and yet here I am, TRYING to get life experience. How is the answer to "How do I get more life experience?" "You have to get more life experience!"?

Yes, I wore the ring. I currently wear the ring on my right hand, and have ever since that thread in 2008 or whenever it was. I took your guys' advice on the hibachi chicken. I took your guys' advice on the shoes, and switched them out for a nicer pair of boots. I took your guys' advice on a cool new outfit (currently wearing a pair of dark denim jeans with the striped cardigan, a cream top, and the robot necklace) All the other advice was on stuff AFTER the fact. You should have done this...you should have said that...you should have had this conversation with him. Now, I know for future reference. And, all that advice was wonderful. But...like I said...it was after the fact.

The one piece of advice you SHOULD have given me: Don't let him borrow your favorite Mary Poppins DVD.

Yay! I bet it looks great on you!

 

[Jamby001]

No 30's something male is watching Mary Poppins without kids involved and even then, reluctantly.

 

[mrzrich]

Perhaps he borrowed the movie as an excuse to see you again.

 

[minnie mum]

Wait a minute! WAIT ONE MINUTE!!

The OP loaned her date her Mary Poppins DVD?

1. Why would you loan anything that you might want back to someone you've only dated once?

2. What kind of man wants to watch Mary Poppins by himself.?? That just creeped me out as I wrote it .

 

[CaliBear]

No, posts have not been erased. Just going off prior threads where bringing up a notorious poster's past threads have resulted in another poster jumping to their defense and calling the detective a stalker or a bully.

If you are referring to me, I only commented on people, maybe it was you (?), wanting to call someone's place of employment and tell them what was revealed in a thread here. I think that's beyond inappropriate. I never commented on looking up past posts or used the word "bully".

 

[disney4us2002]

In real life, if we don't like a person, we avoid them. We decide to not be friends with them. In real life, a bully might mock that person, sometimes publicly. But I think we can agree that usually we stay away from people we don't like.

Not sure why, but online, the rules are different. When someone comes along we don't like, instead of avoiding any threads they post on, we are drawn to those threads. Drawn to it to the point that we look to make that poster out to be a fool.

I personally try to behave the same way offline and online. I am shocked by the number of people who are trying to ridicule the OP. Do you do that to people in real life? Why not leave her alone if her posts bother you? I know, we are all free to do as we choose and I can avoid YOUR posts if they bother me.

Just making an observation.

This is why about every month or so there is a thread about why the CB has become so mean. The only thing I like about these types of threads is that it says so much about the posters replying rather than the OP.

To the OP: good luck! Good luck with dating, therapy, buying a new wardrobe and dealing with internet bullies.

 

[mmackeymouse]

Now for the hard bits -- I do wish you'd deeply explore several things you've shared here, and your responses to people giving you well intentioned advice with your counselor. Your first response today is a perfect example of something I'm talking about. That Mary Poppins line was definitely thrown in to get a reaction, on many levels. No fooling, that inclination to put that out here can probably lead to some seriously good insights into why you're struggling with some things and why you may have some difficulties socially, including as it pertains to dating situations.

I promise you, sincerely, it wasn't.

It was me just being bitterly cheeky.

One of those under-the-breath mumbles type of situation.

No 30's something male is watching Mary Poppins without kids involved and even then, reluctantly.

What kind of man wants to watch Mary Poppins by himself.?? That just creeped me out as I wrote it .

Well, this gentleman happens to be very into Disney movies and music...which hey, I can totally appreciate. And really added to our GeekSpeak conversations.

He was actually very involved in music and theater groups growing up, so he is a bit of a movie nerd. So, yeah, Disney movies came up in our conversations. He is the kind of guy that yes, enjoys the movies, but is also very technical about them too. He'll know exactly why certain songs were put into a movie in a certain order, the deeper meaning by a seemingly minor character, why a shot was positioned a specific way, etc.

 

[CaliBear]

mackey, mumbling under your breath comes across as baity and creepy. Don't do it.

 

[Hrhpd]

I promise you, sincerely, it wasn't.

It was me just being bitterly cheeky.

One of those under-the-breath mumbles type of situation.








Well, this gentleman happens to be very into Disney movies and music...which hey, I can totally appreciate. And really added to our GeekSpeak conversations.

He was actually very involved in music and theater groups growing up, so he is a bit of a movie nerd. So, yeah, Disney movies came up in our conversations. He is the kind of guy that yes, enjoys the movies, but is also very technical about them too. He'll know exactly why certain songs were put into a movie in a certain order, the deeper meaning by a seemingly minor character, why a shot was positioned a specific way, etc.

So, he is really into Disney movies, but had to borrow your copy of one of the most classic, revered Disney movies?

You still have not explained why you put that line into your post.

Care to clarify?

 

[luvsJack]

Oh, my word, people. She made a remark. It was obviously a joke or sarcasm. Jeesh, do you all over analyze everything?

As for no 30 something male watching Mary Poppins. Well, you are wrong. Guys that come up in the dance, music and theater world do like movies like MP.

Why doesn't he already have it? Maybe he just hasn't bought it yet. Maybe his copy got messed up. Maybe someone stole his. Maybe he is cheap and won't buy it. Maybe he doesn't really like it but wanted to impress her by acting like he does. What difference does it make?

She comes back and lets you know she is taking advice and you all still pick her apart.

 

[NHdisneylover]

She comes back and lets you know she is taking advice and you all still pick her apart.

If she had come back and said something like "hey thanks for all the advice, I went jeans shopping and put together that outfit with the cardigan and robot necklace and it does look good, thanks!" no one would have done anything other than say they are happy for her.

But, the tone of her posts is much more of a "you are all wrong about me, I did take advice SO THERE!" kind of attitude--with an oddball slightly passive aggressive comment thrown in at the end.

So, yes, if you are so irritable with people who have tried to help you, they will probably be irritable back. And if you admit to having social issues, yet think throwing "mumbled under the breath" comments in is acceptable in writing or speaking, well, yes perhaps you need to know that such is NOT helping you get along and make friends; because it is socially unacceptable and rude behaviour.

ie--the OP pretty much brought the responses on herself and no one should be surprised to see them, or mad at those who have some backbone call her on her rudeness and tone. Quite honestly, up until this thread, I have always liked and felt really sorry for the OP, even when I was super frustrated. She seems genuinely lost and unable to see who her actions were hurting herself. Her tone is much more antagonistic in this thread--like she has begun to see the issues but prefers to blame everyone else and lash out instead of accept the help she is asking for. It is a bit off putting to me, and probably to others as well.

 

[1001 Ghosts]

Because someone needs to say it out loud;

I think the OP should show her therapist (assuming there actually is one) this thread as well as the older threads by the OP cited earlier.

In reading through this thread I've been often reminded of the old adage that "one should never ask a question that one isn't prepared to deal with the answer to".

 

[NHdisneylover]

Because someone needs to say it out loud;

I think the OP should show her therapist (assuming there actually is one) this thread as well as the older threads by the OP cited earlier.

In reading through this thread I've been often reminded of the old adage that "one should never ask a question that one isn't prepared to deal with the answer to".

I bet it would be very helpful for the therapist to read these threads; you are correct

 

[luvsJack]

If she had come back and said something like "hey thanks for all the advice, I went jeans shopping and put together that outfit with the cardigan and robot necklace and it does look good, thanks!" no one would have done anything other than say they are happy for her.

But, the tone of her posts is much more of a "you are all wrong about me, I did take advice SO THERE!" kind of attitude--with an oddball slightly passive aggressive comment thrown in at the end.

So, yes, if you are so irritable with people who have tried to help you, they will probably be irritable back. And if you admit to having social issues, yet think throwing "mumbled under the breath" comments in is acceptable in writing or speaking, well, yes perhaps you need to know that such is NOT helping you get along and make friends; because it is socially unacceptable and rude behaviour.

ie--the OP pretty much brought the responses on herself and no one should be surprised to see them, or mad at those who have some backbone call her on her rudeness and tone. Quite honestly, up until this thread, I have always liked and felt really sorry for the OP, even when I was super frustrated. She seems genuinely lost and unable to see who her actions were hurting herself. Her tone is much more antagonistic in this thread--like she has begun to see the issues but prefers to blame everyone else and lash out instead of accept the help she is asking for. It is a bit off putting to me, and probably to others as well.

I didn't know it was possible to post "under your breath".

It was a joke. Goodness. Just a joke. I don't see how she was being antagonistic at all. Was she supposed to beg for your understanding? She said she is seeing a therapist. But, oh, that's not good enough. She didn't say it in the right way? She stated ways that she did take advise, but she is right, that some of the advise would have required a re-do and that isn't possible until another date. She moved the ring, she took the food advise (which is what she came here asking), she changed her clothes, she even bought some clothes that you suggested. Sounds like she is taking what people say to heart.

I think the OP does need some counseling maybe. I think she has been very sheltered in her life and needs to know how to relate to people. And I think she needs to find a way to meet people with the same beliefs and convictions. But I don't think she is so very different than other women her age that have been raised in the same way. There are certain stages a person goes through and if you aren't allowed to go through them at 15, well you will go through them at 25 or 30. And I sincerely believe that is what is happening with the OP.

But, over analyzing the reason he borrowed a movie is just silly.

And I'm sorry, but I don't see joining 5 other people that pile on someone and accuse them of lying and whatever else as requiring a back bone at all.

 

[NaLisa]

That's just ridiculous to call people who've invested a lot of time trying to help OP "internet bullies." They've answered her questions honestly and openly , and though their advice might not be what she wants to hear, it's what she NEEDS to hear. Nor is it bullying to point out similar threads she's started in the past.

And she has been passive aggressive in asking for advice what to wear, ignoring the advice and then posting the text he sent. "I know you told me what NOT to wear but I wore it anyway and he liked it. Ha!"

But I must be missing something re the Mary Poppins DVD comment. I thought it was kind of funny and didn't see it as having deeper meaning (except maybe some inside joke I wasn't privy to). I just viewed it as a way to end a heavy conversation in a light way, and in no way did I think the OP was seriously trying to chide people for not offering her advice in advance on loaning out her DVDs on first dates.

 

[mrzrich]

Ehh. I was raised similarly to OP. My mother parents told me nothing about sex. The day I got my period my mother put a box of Kotex on my bed and walked out. I was expected to figure it out myself I guess.

OP also has said in past threads that she went away to college. That is actually the time that most of us that were sheltered in HS learn the ways of the world.