Poll: Japanese First Date

[Kathryn Merteuil]

The date has already happened people

Yes but people were still commenting

 

[lizzi6692]

Yes but people were still commenting

People were commenting on the outcome of the date, not the original question, except for one person who admitted to not reading past the first few pages.

 

[SMD]

Has she given her real name?

I can google my name till the cows come home and nothing here ever comes up.

And would he seriously google "I admire your chastity"?

He would have to be searching really hard and that in itself would be weird to me and make me decide not to date him anymore.

I mean I don't go around taking a screen shot of my phone and posting it anywhere but unless its somewhere on the net that he goes frequently (like say Facebook) the chances of him really seeing it are slim.

Yes, she has shared her name, and a link to her online dating profile. Additionally, if they do start a relationship it's reasonable that he would find out she posts here, as she does spend a significant amount of time here. What if he asks to check his email on her computer, and she forgets she has this site open in a window, and he gets curious? Who wants to hide their online life from their friends and family because they've posted too much private information online? It's easier to just not overshare.

And even if the possibility that he would ever find out is so remote as to be almost impossible, it still shows a lack of basic respect for others to share something on the internet that was meant to be private in the first place.

 

[hereyago]

Eat off my plate, get stabbed with the fork



Never do anything or let anyone do something for or to you you don[t want them to do. Boundaries are wonderful things. I have no idea why some women have this need to be meek and not stand up for themselves, that has nothing to do with being polite. I am smart mouthed and the moment he started ordering for me(mind you I have no problem being in a relationship and they know what I want and they ask if they can order for me) I would speak up and say there is nothing wrong with my mouth. I don't want to kiss someone, then don't. Because are you going to have sex with someone if you don't be you feel obligated or guilted or just want to not hear their voice? that is the wrong thing to do and is a disservice to you both.

I once had a date with a guy who's wife died the year before. we were going to a rock concert so I had leather looking pants and a black lace top. He proceeded on the way there talking about his dead wife, I had to say you know I don't think you are ready for dating. He changed the subject to how nice and "another word for trampy I looked, yea we got to the concert and I found my friends and left with them.

 

[lizzi6692]

Eat off my plate, get stabbed with the fork



Never do anything or let anyone do something for or to you you don[t want them to do. Boundaries are wonderful things. I have no idea why some women have this need to be meek and not stand up for themselves, that has nothing to do with being polite. I am smart mouthed and the moment he started ordering for me(mind you I have no problem being in a relationship and they know what I want and they ask if they can order for me) I would speak up and say there is nothing wrong with my mouth. I don't want to kiss someone, then don't. Because are you going to have sex with someone if you don't be you feel obligated or guilted or just want to not hear their voice? that is the wrong thing to do and is a disservice to you both.

I once had a date with a guy who's died the year before. we were going to a rock concert so I had leather looking pants and a black lace top. He proceeded on the way there talking about his dead wife, I had to say you know I don't think you are ready for dating. He changed the subject to how nice and "another word for trampy I looked, yea we got to the concert and I found my friends and left with them.

I think you forgot a word in this sentence, unless you went on a date with a ghost .

 

[Liberty Belle]

I think you forgot a word in this sentence, unless you went on a date with a ghost .

Edgy!

 

[hereyago]

I think you forgot a word in this sentence, unless you went on a date with a ghost .

Oops, need to go add that. thanks.

 

[luvsJack]

Yes, she has shared her name, and a link to her online dating profile. Additionally, if they do start a relationship it's reasonable that he would find out she posts here, as she does spend a significant amount of time here. What if he asks to check his email on her computer, and she forgets she has this site open in a window, and he gets curious? Who wants to hide their online life from their friends and family because they've posted too much private information online? It's easier to just not overshare.

And even if the possibility that he would ever find out is so remote as to be almost impossible, it still shows a lack of basic respect for others to share something on the internet that was meant to be private in the first place.

So, if she would have just repeated what he said, rather than the screen shot it would have been ok? She has already said a couple of things he said and told us what happened on the date. I just don' see the screen shot as something that much worse.

I mean she has pretty much put it all out there at this point. I don't think repeating his text is that big of a deal.

But I wouldn't give my name or a link to anything that shows who I am irl; so I think if I was this poster, I would be more concerned about that than this screen shot.

 

[LiveYourLife]

So, if she would have just repeated what he said, rather than the screen shot it would have been ok? She has already said a couple of things he said and told us what happened on the date. I just don' see the screen shot as something that much worse.

I mean she has pretty much put it all out there at this point. I don't think repeating his text is that big of a deal.

But I wouldn't give my name or a link to anything that shows who I am irl; so I think if I was this poster, I would be more concerned about that than this screen shot.

luvsJack, if the OP's name were any more closer to you, it would bite you

For me (individual me), if she would have repeated what he said in the text/email/whatever that was instead of posting the screenshot, yes, it's just as immature and disrespectful. It was much more specific than her saying "he texted me and asked when could he see me again". I also feel like some of the details of her date were an over share. I'm in carriemd's camp - you put too much out there on the Internet and it will come back to bite you in the tookas.

 

[mumto3girls]

I've been following this thread with interest and I've seen other posts by you OP. When you initially described the date, I felt really uncomfortable with how he behaved. After reading other people's reactions, though, I'm not sure that my initial thoughts were correct. It bothered me that he was ordering for you, talking about what his wife and children would do and although he asked if he could kiss you, he didn't wait for your response. It seemed very bossy and domineering to me and like he was someone that might really take advantage of you if he had the opportunity--especially since it seems as though you come across very submissive. Then others said he might also be very inexperienced and just acting in a way that he thinks he is supposed to act. That scenario also makes quite a bit of sense to me. In any event, I hope that you'll be very careful if you decide to go out with him again--public place, etc., but if you have common interests and he respects your wanting to take things slow, this could turn out to be a relationship you want to explore a bit.

I am rooting for you OP. While I am quite a bit older than you--44--and am married with 3 children, I identify with you a bit. Like you, I am somewhat introverted and can feel awkward around new people. I think I would really struggle if I were to be in a position to date again. My husband and I started dating very young and neither of us was terribly experienced. Although I don't have anything against sex outside of marriage , I would really want to know someone well before I became intimate with them--probably more like months, not weeks and I suspect there are not a lot of men who would want to wait that long as that doesn't seem to be the norm. I still think you should be firm about wanting to take things slow if that is really what you want and although it is awkward, be upfront about that. I would also encourage you to not be so coy about things. You will have many uncomfortable conversations with anyone you choose to be in a relationship with. You may as well start practicing now. Be up front with what you want and what is important to you. If he (or the next guy) isn't okay with what you want, he's just not the right one for you.

 

[mrzrich]

OP reminds me of Tula at the beginning of Big Fat Greek Wedding, 30 something, still living at home with parents, needing a major wardrobe makeover.

I sincerely hope that someday she breaks out of her shell and finds what she wants

 

[hops&dreams]

OP reminds me of Tula at the beginning of Big Fat Greek Wedding, 30 something, still living at home with parents, needing a major wardrobe makeover.

I sincerely hope that someday she breaks out of her shell and finds what she wants

This!

Sent from my iPhone using DISBoards

 

[pigletgirl]

I would love to hear the date's side of the story of how it went.

 

[HannaBelle]

So, OP are you going to see him again?

 

[tennvalgirl]

From what I gather from your posts OP you had a successful date.

Congratulations!

 

[luvsJack]

luvsJack, if the OP's name were any more closer to you, it would bite you

For me (individual me), if she would have repeated what he said in the text/email/whatever that was instead of posting the screenshot, yes, it's just as immature and disrespectful. It was much more specific than her saying "he texted me and asked when could he see me again". I also feel like some of the details of her date were an over share. I'm in carriemd's camp - you put too much out there on the Internet and it will come back to bite you in the tookas.

Yeah, I can understand that. There have been threads that I have posted in and started to give some details in retelling some experience from my life or someone I know. And I have deleted it because I knew it gave too many details.

 

[sookie]

So, anyway....this was the lovely message I received last night.

I wanted to share it especially due to the last line. It actually made me laugh, because of our "What to wear" conversation a couple of days ago, and I went with the least stylish option. Also, in normal life, I don't think anyone would accuse me of dressing well...I am a pretty quirky dresser...so it just amused me that he put "dresses well" It's probably the first and last time someone will ever say that about me.

This doesn't even seem real. Do real men even say those things?

Did you notice that the top and bottom of your screen is two different colors? Have you dropped your phone? Is the phone screen split? The last line you point out is actually a different color. You pointed it out and made me notice it.

Maybe it is just my phone but it looks like that.

 

[mmackeymouse]

I've complained my DH or a dear girlfriend about how I've perceived one thing or another. I can't say I enjoy being proved wrong but they have made me see many times how I jumped to a wrong conclusion or that events weren't at all how I pervcieved them to be!

You are absolutely right on this. Now some things are not a matter of perception...rubbing my neck for example. That happened. Period. Buuuuttt, I can totally agree with you in the sense that...I don't know what was going on inside his head, what signals I may have unknowingly put out there that he may have interpreted, either correctly or in some cases, very incorrectly. So, I fully agree with the premise that two different people could have two very different viewpoints of the same date.

Yes, she has shared her name, and a link to her online dating profile. Additionally, if they do start a relationship it's reasonable that he would find out she posts here, as she does spend a significant amount of time here. What if he asks to check his email on her computer, and she forgets she has this site open in a window, and he gets curious? Who wants to hide their online life from their friends and family because they've posted too much private information online? It's easier to just not overshare.

Have I really? I really don't remember doing this? I remember being asked for a link to a dating profile so that someone could review it, but I don't remember actually giving it to them. I very well may have, but I don't remember doing that. But, my full name? I honestly don't believe I would have ever listed my full name on a public website. Now, I am sure I have shared my first name, at some point. And, maybe you could connect dots or whatever. But, I don't think I shared my full name in a fashion that if someone googled my name, it would direct them to this site.

Besides that, I really, really don't think someone is going to be doing Google searches of this kind of stuff. Honestly, if I found out he was on some forum talking about our date, or asking advice about me, 1) It really wouldn't bother me. 2) I would never know about it, because I cannot imagine ever searching for that kind of stuff.

I would love to hear the date's side of the story of how it went.

You and me both, sister. That would be very interesting to hear.

So, OP are you going to see him again?

Well, that is the $64,000 question, now isn't it? Um, I planned on it...not necessarily because I am dying to see him again...but I believe in first date kinks, so I tend to want to give people the benefit of the doubt. And, I don't think it would hurt anything to see how things go a second time around.

Am I? I don't know. I think I may have blown it. I mean, he checked in within an hour to let me know he had a good time, and he checked in within a day to tell me he'd like to see me again. Plus, we've been talking on and off since then. So, to me, that's a good sign. BUT...according to a friend of mine (yes, I let ONE real life friend into the inner sanctum of my love life) I probably put him off.

You see, he asked when he could see me again. I threw out a date in March, because I was going to be in his city for a meeting. This isn't a particularly long distance thing, we live about 45 minutes apart, which I know to some people is nothing...for me, considering my commute to work is 4 minutes, it is a longish drive. Anyway, I threw out that date....he said, fine, keep me posted, and well...he has been a little distant ever since. According to my friend, the fact that I picked a date that is 3 weeks away may have been off-putting? So, I texted him an apology, said I would like to see him sooner if we can work something out. Honestly, that date just popped into my mind so I put it out there. Didn't mean to offend anyone. I haven't heard back from him, so...we'll see.

 

[iheartnmr's]

Swiss cheese has less holes than this story.

 

[Laura66]

How far was the Japanese restaurant he took you to? Is a 45 minute drive really a deal breaker for you? If you went on a date with anyone - is that a problem? If you find someone - not just this date - are you always going to expect them to come to your side of town? Did I see you work 4 minutes from home? Surely you know most people commutes are more than this. My 12 year old daughter walks 10 minutes to her bus stop! (When I don't drive her because of bad weather)
And you pick a date a month out?
If this is all real - are you really interested in a relationship? You know, a real one - a mature one? Those are give and take - makng accomodations on both sides. It seems as though you find an excuse for everything and actually enjoy being the victim/martyr - using that role to define you.