PMS in a Handbasket--Don't be afraid, just bring us food...

[luvmydogs]

$55 to frame a screw!!!

Just reading back through the posts, and this made me LOL.

 

[bigmerle1966]

Hello all, looks to be a nice day again. Went to see Ice Age The Meltdown yesterday, cute movie, that poor squirrel. Today we are going to play putt-putt golf and Friday we are going to the zoo again. Not going anywhere tomorrow because it's supposed to rain. Saturday I might take the kids and go to the Air and Space out at Dulles airport, my sister took my cousin there and said it is great and she is not an Air and Space type person.

Glad to see you back Luvy, we missed you.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

Just reading back through the posts, and this made me LOL.

Of course some guys would think it was a bargain--$55 to frame a screw.

Merle, sounds like you're going to have some fun! Tomorrow it's supposed to rain? Guess I need to check the weather. Today we're hanging out, but I need to plan some stuff for later this week, at least for Jake. My older kids are stick in the muds, but Jake is receptive to whatever I want to plan at least. Not that he doesn't like to hang with the big kids. There's a new indoor county pool that has opened up recently--maybe I'll bring him there on Friday.

 

[luvmydogs]

Of course some guys would think it was a bargain--$55 to frame a screw.

Shakespeare should've titled his play "The Taming of the SCREW" instead. Would've made high school English Lit. a lot more popular!

 

[imsorry]

what should I frame today?

 

[bigmerle1966]

Of course some guys would think it was a bargain--$55 to frame a screw.

Merle, sounds like you're going to have some fun! Tomorrow it's supposed to rain? Guess I need to check the weather. Today we're hanging out, but I need to plan some stuff for later this week, at least for Jake. My older kids are stick in the muds, but Jake is receptive to whatever I want to plan at least. Not that he doesn't like to hang with the big kids. There's a new indoor county pool that has opened up recently--maybe I'll bring him there on Friday.

Yeah I was looking at the local weather net thing on Comcast and it has thunderstorms.

 

[Stitchfans]

Morning all.

Bigmerle: I have been wanting to see that movie, Ice Age Melt Down. My family says it looks silly except for Allison. Maybe just the two of us will go see it.

Speaking of Allison, I really feel bad. I recently made one of those parent comments that I am deeply regretting. She has been havng problems lately in school about handing in her assignments. She has been so unorganized this year. I told her next year when she reaches middle school it will be even harder and she has to be organized since she will have a different teacher for each subject.


Well she got into trouble a while back about missing assignments. Her grades went down a bit. I got mad and told her if this ever happens again no computer for 2 months thinking she would buckle down since she loves the computer time so much. Well report card came yesterday. She did well in eveything except social studies. She went from a B to a D. Her teacher did tell me at the last conference that the material would be getting harder. But on the report card it stated low test scores (ok, I understand it was hard) but it also said a missing assignment. I had a fit.

She tried reasoning with me saying it was only one and she didn't do it on purpose she just forgot about it, so on. But I feel since I made that comment I should stick to my guns and take away the computer for 2 months. Yet I feel SO BAD!! When am I going to learn not to make comments like that. thanks for listening you guys, I know this was rather long

 

[Briarmom]

Wake up!!!

How is everyone today? Boss asked me to come in early, then had nothing for me to do

Let's have some coffee!

OK! I am putting this in mine....

One shot or two?

 

[Briarmom]

Stitchfans.

 

[Miss Jasmine]

Stitchfans, I think tough love is harder on the parents than on the kid(s). She does have to learn about not missing assignments though. You said it, now stick to your guns.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

Stitchfans, I'll take this one since I feel like I'm an expert in this department! I wish I wasn't an expert, but my 15yo is the king of missed assignments. He's in 10th grade and has to be the most disorganized person out there. He did TERRIBLE the 2nd marking period this year and almost failed Algebra2. At the beginning of the year he'd been put in honors Algebra2, but insisted that he drop to a regular non-honors class since he's struggled in Algebra (did great in Geometry, which is why they put him in honors for Alg2). He blamed his poor Alg2 grade on the teacher, and I think that's partially true since for this 3rd marking period, with a different teacher, he now says he'll have an A on his report card.

Anyway, we did restrict the computer. But I never restrict the comptuter as a punitive measure even though that's how he views it. First of all, I restrict it on M-Th, what he have always called "homework days". Of course when they get older they have homework on the weekends, too. But when they are younger it makes sense and the kids are never allowed video games on "homework days", so we continue to use the term.

The way I explained it to Ben was that he didn't have his act together and he needed to concentrate on his studies. The computer takes away from his studying and his homework time. Also, he's not the type of kid who can do it for a period of time and then break away. If he gets on the computer he gets totally wrapped up in it and 2 hours can pass even if he's just taking a short break. That's him and his personality and I shutter to think of what he will be like in college.

I don't think that in your case there is anything wrong if you tell Allison that you regret saying 2 months. How about a shorter period of time, until she brings the grade up? Does she get progress reports?

 

[Tigger&Belle]

Oh, one other thing. After Ben was off of the computer most M-Th (only allowed on in very limited doses after his grades had been raised, for short periods of time) he thanked me for making the rule and asked me to continue if for the rest of the year. The report card isn't out yet, but according to him he will get one C (which he may be able to pull to a B), 2 B's and 4 A--MUCH better than last marking period. Of course now that he's thought about it he now expects to go on the computer M-Th, but at the first sign of slipping grades will be back off of it.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

My 6yo is so funny, not to mention smart. He was talking about steroids and how sports people take them to be stronger. I explained to him how dangerous they are and that they are illegal. So Jake mentioned Raphael Palmeiro (sp) and how he used steroids. I explained that if it's found that a player used steroids that they are not allowed to play anymore and Jake piped up, "Well no, what about Barry Bonds?" I had to call my 12yo in to explain that one--Zach explained that they hadn't proved it yet. I hate it when Jake is smarter than I am (doesn't take much some days).


Jake just wrote out all the pro basketball teams, ranking them from his most favorite to his least. I'm glad that he's keeping busy this spring vacation.

I need to take a shower since Jake wants to go jump on our pogo sticks.

 

[Stitchfans]

I don't believe this. I just got a phone call from Allison's teacher. She called as I was reading your responses. She had more than one missing assignments. She had 3 from last week and was suppose to stay for a detention which she never showed me the slip. She has one missing assignment for this week.

Tomorrow she is serving her detention. I HAVE to stick to my guns now about the computer and have to come up with another punishment for not showing me the detention slip. I don't understand this!!! She has always been such an excellent student on up until now. she has never given me any trouble. She has always been such a good girl. I wish I knew what was going on!

 

[Tigger&Belle]

Tomorrow she is serving her detention. I HAVE to stick to my guns now about the computer and have to come up with another punishment for not showing me the detention slip. I don't understand this!!! She has always been such an excellent student on up until now. she has never given me any trouble. She has always been such a good girl. I wish I knew what was going on!

Well, let me tell you. She's 11yo, right? Zachary, my 12yo went from being a "perfect angel" (that's what his older siblings called him) to being more of a normal preteen at 11yo. He's never had the school issues, but his attitude sure did change. Not trying to excuse anything and we cracked down with Zach, but it's not abnormal, either. And with girls you have the hormones making them wacky, too. Is she still hanging with the same group of friends?

And yes, I agree about sticking to your guns about the computer. The lying would concern me more than anything.

 

[Stitchfans]

Yes she is 11 won't be 12 until July. I know why she lied her teacher even said why. She was/is afraid of losing computer time. Well she already has that taken away from her because of the missing assignment mentioned on the report card. Now I have to come up with another punishment. I am a screamer. She hates being screamed at. No doubt she was trying to avoid me geting angry and screaming at her.

As I told her be thankful I am not one for hitting. Screaming doesn't hurt. Some kids are abused and hurt. I do not believe in that. I am appalled by that. My theory has always been that you should never spank your child when you are mad cause you could get carried away and really hurt them.

I'd be a lier if I said I never smacked one of my DDs but never spanked. My first reaction after I hung up the phone was wait until I see her. Man is she going to get a smack. But no I won't do that. I will calmly tell her the added punishment and leave it at that.

I just don't know what else to do. Not much more I can take from her. She isn't much for tv. She spends a lot of time on the computer.

Oh as far as her group of friends. She lately hangs with some boys. the girls are getting too snarky. I've even noticed that. One minute they like each other than a minute later they hate each other.

DH just called. I guess the punishment will be no phone for a month and no going outside for two weeks. man being a parent can sure stink. I hate handing out punishments.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

With my kids grounding them has different meaning, depending on the severity, the age, and the child. Sometimes it's a matter of not going out with friends (to the movies, sleepovers, etc, etc). Then it gets more severe with computer, tv, video games taken away. I tend to take things away one day at a time, but I'm speaking more for mouthiness, disrespect, etc. In other words, it's pretty easy for them to get a day of comptuter (and video games) taken away, but if they settle their mouth, they can keep it at a day or two, but if they keep going it keeps building. My DD had a real problem pushing the envelope and she was always the one getting the long grounding. Even now when she's home on vacation she pushes it and I am NOT looking forward to summer.

I've always let my children go outside to play, at least with their friends at our house. I wouldn't let them go off our property because I wouldn't know if they were playing video games, etc somewhere else, but I wanted them moving around and being active, but that's just me.

Of course you situation is different. She's not just in trouble with you, but with the school. The good old double whammy. Isn't parenting fun? Remember, "this, too, shall pass!". Sounds like she's a good kid in general. I would look into the friend angle. She might be trying to impress someone with some not so great behavior. That really starts to kick in at about that age and will be in high gear in about a year or two. Middle school girls can be nasty!

 

[Briarmom]

I don't understand this!!! She has always been such an excellent student on up until now. she has never given me any trouble. She has always been such a good girl. I wish I knew what was going on!

Hormones.
Seriously, this was my worst age. I was a good kid, and a relatively good teenager, but 12ish was bad.
It will get better.

 

[luvmydogs]

Hi Susan

Rest assured that you are doing the best thing for your daughter in the long run. It hurts both of you now (and is also infuriating!), but you are teaching your daughter that there are always consequences to her actions, and you are making her accountable for her behavior--good for you! You know, it would be very easy and less stressful for you to make excuses for her and dismiss her behavior (many parents would!), but because you want her to be an honest, responsible, trustworthy *adult,* you are making sure she learns her lessons now. All this is compounded by your concern for a child who has always been a good kid and never given you a moment's real trouble. I think it's very difficult to see your child lapse in judgement and make big mistakes--you wonder if this is just a normal "kid thing" (most likely!) or the beginning of her life of Juvenile Deliquency! You are taking steps right now to make sure that this is just one of those 'kid things' and I commend you for it.

I'm going to link you to a thread of mine from a little over a year ago. We had an issue of ds10 taking money from dh's wallet and then lying consistently when confronted about it. We took both the lying and stealing *very* seriously and pulled him from his basketball team for the rest of the season because of it. It was a difficult decision, but one we don't ever regret (his coach was great, too--backed us up 200%). It was time to pull out the Big Guns, so to speak, and I can tell you that we haven't had any serious issues with him since then--he knows we mean business when we tell him something. Now, he is faaaaaarrrrr from the perfect child--in the last few months he has given us a big dose of attitude on several occasions (we call it pre-teen-o-pause around here), but no serious trouble. I swear I cried everyday for a month after he pulled that stunt with us, worring if dh and I would be spending the next 30 years of our lives getting "bail me out of jail" calls from ds, but that hasn't materialized. Here's the link: http://www.disboards.com/showthread.php?t=723573 It's a long thread, and my initial post isn't very coherent, as I was so angry and hurt when I wrote it. I got all kinds of responses, but a year later, I am glad that we stuck to our guns and gave him a sizeable punishment. The situation's different than yours, but hopefully you'll get a little comfort knowing that all children have issues from time to time, but that you're doing the right thing--as difficult as it may be.

Well, it looks like I've made up for my absence with this post! Sorry so wordy!

Hugs, Susan. You're doing the right thing.

 

[bigmerle1966]

Susan

Both of my friends older sons started having problems like Allison's right about the time they started puberty. Her middle son, who is 10, has been having a lot of problems this year and his older brother was the same starting around the age of 10. They both started early, just like their dad, according to Grandma.

Why don't you ask her what her punishment should be for the things you just found out about, kids do tend to be harder on themselves.