Shugardrawers
<font color=teal><b>Ovarian Cancer Survivor!<br><f
- Joined
- Aug 12, 2003
- Messages
- 9,309
Gee, I'd love to join in the fun but I'm a lousy excuse for a haikuist (is that a word?)
Jas--Dh is one of those "if I ignore it it'll go away kind of people. So when major things come up they get dropped in my lap or they don't get dealt with at all. Add to that the fact that I grew up in a step family in which my dad had equal status with my mom. There was no leaving things to my mother and my bio father. He raised us as his own and expected to be treated with respect. We were not "her children" and "his children" we were "their children". I know this doesn't work for all families but it worked for ours. In light of that, it doesn't seem out of place to me to be involved in any issue regarding DSD. Especially when it involves the finances of my household. Dh's ignoring the elephant in the room attitude extends to money as well. That's why I control every dime that goes out of this place. He makes it, I manage it. He doesn't spend more than $10 at a time without asking. He hasn't got the vaguest idea what the checking balance is or how much we owe to whom and whether they've been paid this month. And he likes it that way. Anytime DSD calls to ask about getting money he hands the phone to me because he doesn't even know if we have it. So, she knows good and well that she'll wind up talking to me and she resents it. Before we were married, Dh would promise her the moon and then starve or skip a car payment to give it to her. Then I came along and suddenly I'm having to say no because I know the real state of our finances and I'm not willing to cash out the 401k to give her a spring break trip to Mexico. I'm stuck between a dad who doesn't want to say no and disappoint his little girl and a young woman who thinks her daddy has an unending supply of money and I'm just being selfish to get myself a new pair of shoes. I had hoped this would stop when she turned 18 but she's almost 19 and there's no end in sight. She can resent me all she wants but I have to keep a roof over our heads, food in our tummies and keep myself in meds. There's not much left after that and she needs to put on her big girl panties and deal.
Jas--Dh is one of those "if I ignore it it'll go away kind of people. So when major things come up they get dropped in my lap or they don't get dealt with at all. Add to that the fact that I grew up in a step family in which my dad had equal status with my mom. There was no leaving things to my mother and my bio father. He raised us as his own and expected to be treated with respect. We were not "her children" and "his children" we were "their children". I know this doesn't work for all families but it worked for ours. In light of that, it doesn't seem out of place to me to be involved in any issue regarding DSD. Especially when it involves the finances of my household. Dh's ignoring the elephant in the room attitude extends to money as well. That's why I control every dime that goes out of this place. He makes it, I manage it. He doesn't spend more than $10 at a time without asking. He hasn't got the vaguest idea what the checking balance is or how much we owe to whom and whether they've been paid this month. And he likes it that way. Anytime DSD calls to ask about getting money he hands the phone to me because he doesn't even know if we have it. So, she knows good and well that she'll wind up talking to me and she resents it. Before we were married, Dh would promise her the moon and then starve or skip a car payment to give it to her. Then I came along and suddenly I'm having to say no because I know the real state of our finances and I'm not willing to cash out the 401k to give her a spring break trip to Mexico. I'm stuck between a dad who doesn't want to say no and disappoint his little girl and a young woman who thinks her daddy has an unending supply of money and I'm just being selfish to get myself a new pair of shoes. I had hoped this would stop when she turned 18 but she's almost 19 and there's no end in sight. She can resent me all she wants but I have to keep a roof over our heads, food in our tummies and keep myself in meds. There's not much left after that and she needs to put on her big girl panties and deal.
I'm sorry. It sounds more like a DH problem than a DSD problem. 
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I think we've finally solved that mystery--luv is our server! 
