Plz help.....teenaged son's girlfriend is pregnant UPDATE ON PG 13

[MizTink]

oh boy.....i got a call yesterday at work from my 15 year old son. he told me that his 17 yr old girlfriend is pregnant.

he had to call from school and tell me over the phone (while i was at work) before his school resource officer called to tell me.

i really don't know what's going to happen. she's already 5 months along and i just found out. i know they are terrified, and on top of being pregnant, we just found out that the state attorney might press felony charges against her because of their age differences.

me and my ex-husband are going over to talk to her parents today at 3:00. i don't think it's going to go too good......they are trying to keep the kids apart now. too late for that.
and from what i know of her step-dad, he is just a rude, mean, drunken a**hole.

what a mess.........

 

[Robinrs]

Felony charges? I thought that was only if you're over 18?

Whatever... relax. Stop thinking of it as a pregnancy and think of it as your grandchild. Work on what is best for this inevitable person who will be here in less than 5 months.

I know it's shocking, Lord knows I've been thru it with my sister EONS ago but her beautiful daughter is now 39 and the blessing of our lives.

It's done, now it's time to think of the baby.

 

[diskids2]

I don't know what to say except You have a hard road ahead...but keep the lines of communication open and you will get through it.

 

[NYDisGuy]

Felony charges? I thought that was only if you're over 18?

It differs between states. Some are 18, 17 and even 16. As long as the minor's parents give consent then they can't press charges.

 

[diskids2]

Felony charges? I thought that was only if you're over 18?

Whatever... relax. Stop thinking of it as a pregnancy and think of it as your grandchild. Work on what is best for this inevitable person who will be here in less than 5 months.

I know it's shocking, Lord knows I've been thru it with my sister EONS ago but her beautiful daughter is now 39 and the blessing of our lives.

It's done, now it's time to think of the baby.

In NY...the legal age for consent is 17. If one of the "two" is 17 or older and the other is not...it is considered a legal offense....I believe statuatory rape.

 

[diskids2]

It differs between states. Some are 18, 17 and even 16. As long as the minor's parents give consent then they can't press charges.

I didn't know that....I'm going to check it out.

 

[EthansMom]

You've probably already considered it, but I would make sure the baby has a DNA test as soon as he/she is born. And, if the baby is DS's and the GF doesn't choose to give him/her up for adoption, I would pay for an attorney to get child support and custody/visitation issues in writing.

Good Luck

 

[becpee]

What a scary situation for all of you.
I can't offer any advice, i'm sorry, just don't push your son away as he is going to need you more than anything right now, as much as you may be angry at him really is not the end of the world.
There is alot of worse things out there.
Try and work things out.

 

[CathrynRose]

Whatever... relax. Stop thinking of it as a pregnancy and think of it as your grandchild. Work on what is best for this inevitable person who will be here in less than 5 months.

I know it's shocking, Lord knows I've been thru it with my sister EONS ago but her beautiful daughter is now 39 and the blessing of our lives.

It's done, now it's time to think of the baby.

I have to agree. Best of luck to all of you.

 

[diskids2]

Regarding consent...this is what I found...

A 17 year old is legally capable of consenting to sexual contact and intercourse.

A 15 year old is NOT legally capable of consenting to sexual contact or intercourse. At 15 years of age, the New York "Lack of Consent" law applies. This means, the 17 year old is violating a state law by engaging in sexual acts with a minor under the age of 17.

§ 130.05 Sex offenses; lack of consent.
3. A person is deemed incapable of consent when he or she is:

(a) less than seventeen years old; or
(b) mentally disabled; or
(c) mentally incapacitated; or
(d) physically helpless; or

It does not matter that she or her parents have given consent verbally or otherwise. The law says she is incapable of giving such consent. In they eye of the law, the 17 year old is engaging in sexual acts with a minor, without consent.


Again to the OP, Keep talking to your son.....in the end everything will be ok.

 

[Robinrs]

In NY...the legal age for consent is 17. If one of the "two" is 17 or older and the other is not...it is considered a legal offense....I believe statuatory rape.

Thanks, I didn't realize that.

Moot subject, though, it's what's going to happen to the child now. I agree with getting the paternity test, then making sure that the child is taken care of by BOTH families if she decides to keep the baby.

Hang in there, OP.

 

[TinklednPants]

Whatever... relax. Stop thinking of it as a pregnancy and think of it as your grandchild. Work on what is best for this inevitable person who will be here in less than 5 months.

I know it's shocking, Lord knows I've been thru it with my sister EONS ago but her beautiful daughter is now 39 and the blessing of our lives.

It's done, now it's time to think of the baby.

This is the best advice you are going to get. ALL parties should heed it.

 

[LuvOrlando]

Oh my, I am so very sorry. I think delicacy is very important here. For the time being assume the baby is your DS's. If you stir things up and the girl refuses to name him as father your DS, and you will not have any rights. So for the next 4 months it is probably best if you do a whole lot of tongue biting. Split the bills etc, but keep receipts to recover any expenses if it turns out the baby is not his... you will be able to get a paternity test easily if your DS is listed as the father- but might have a hard time if he is not listed.

As for today's meeting, try to keep in mind the girl's family is just looking to lash out. No-one wants to think their DD slept around, even if it is true. Just do your best to not burn any bridges before you know the truth. I would not keep the 2 kids apart either. If this is your DS's baby the only chance you'll ever get to know the baby is through the girl and right now she and her family is on the defensive.

I would make peace offerings until the dust clears and then once your DS has his own rights firmly in hand (after the baby is born and he is on the birth certificate) you can renegotiate on equal footing. As for the police, this might be a negotiating tool for you with the girls family. I would think it would be in every bodies best interest to wait until the baby is born before agreeing to any sort of criminal complaints and I would say so to the police. 4 months won't change any of the facts so why rush?

 

[mickeyboat]

 

[Robinrs]

Oh my, I am so very sorry. I think delicacy is very important here. For the time being assume the baby is your DS's. If you stir things up and the girl refuses to name him as father your DS, and you will not have any rights. So for the next 4 months it is probably best if you do a whole lot of tongue biting. Split the bills etc, but keep receipts to recover any expenses if it turns out the baby is not his... you will be able to get a paternity test easily if your DS is listed as the father- but might have a hard time if he is not listed.

As for today's meeting, try to keep in mind the girl's family is just looking to lash out. No-one wants to think their DD slept around, even if it is true. Just do your best to not burn any bridges before you know the truth. I would not keep the 2 kids apart either. If this is your DS's baby the only chance you'll ever get to know the baby is through the girl and right now she and her family is on the defensive.

I would make peace offerings until the dust clears and then once your DS has his own rights firmly in hand (after the baby is born and he is on the birth certificate) you can renegotiate on equal footing.

EXCELLENT points!

 

[java]

 

[MizTink]

It differs between states. Some are 18, 17 and even 16. As long as the minor's parents give consent then they can't press charges.

that's exactly what i said to the cop i saw yesterday. she said it's because he is UNDER 16 and she is OVER 16. she came to my work to have me write a statement that i knew of the relationship and that i don't want to press charges. my son also had to write a statement that he wasn't raped. the officer told me that ds laughed in her face when she asked him if he was raped! this is so wrong. they are CLASSMATES!
as if florida doesn't have enough low life perverts and criminals to deal with already. please.....give me a freakin break
the cop said she will give the state attorey's office our statements, but they will probably file charges anyways. just what the kids DON"T need to deal with right now.

 

[ZephyrHawk]

Test.

Sorry, I've been a 17 year old girl, and I don't trust them.

 

[hentob]

....we just found out that the state attorney might press felony charges against her because of their age differences.

Unless she raped your son, this is pathetic. Then that poor girl will be a registered sex offender

 

[JessicaR]

I can't offer any advice. I can offer many hugs and prayers for strength and guidance. I wish the best for everyone concerned.