please tell me guys grow up sometime!!

[Blueeyes101817]

.

 

[jfulcer]

Originally posted by Blueeyes101817
so do they EVER grow up??? all i know is every guy here acts like a 2 year old. (were actually almost 20) ....and the ex boyfriend purposely tries to hurt me.....so am i ever gonna find a nice normal guy.....

sorry for the vent..just mad tonight!!

I don't want to grow up. That old Toys R Us ad defined...

But that's a big difference between 'growing up' and 'maturing'. IMHO those immature males of my species do more harm than good. Alas we were ALL that way one time...

 

[Blueeyes101817]

o i love the toys r us commercials!!..
so they dont have to grow up,,,just mature and stop acting 2...

 

[Pin Wizard]

Nope, they don't.

 

[Blueeyes101817]

pinwizard--how comforting but at least now,, i know! lol

 

[DukeStreetKing]

Why should we grow up? As soon as we do and we meet a nice girl, she wants to start babying us and taking care of us. It's like being a kid again. Our clothes get picked out for us because we have no fashion sense, our food gets cooked for us because we can't figure out the stove and our houses get cleaned for us because messes just don't seem to bother us. About the only thing we're good for is doing things that require us to make alot of noise, i.e., cutting the lawn, breaking, I mean, fixing things around the house and car maintenance.

So, you see, you really don't want us to grow up, you just want us to be well-trained so we don't embarrass you in public.

 

[browneyes]

The ex-boyfriend purposely tries to hurt you physically or emotionally? That's not a sign of immaturity, that's a sign of something worse.

 

[Blueeyes101817]

dukestreet--hahahhha..your post definitely made me laugh!!

browneyes--no , nothing like that..just being a jerk adn saying things to upset me..typical stuff

 

[daughter_of_amid_chaos]

Yes they do....kinda
My ex boyfriend was 3 years older than me but still incredibly immature even today at 21 BUT my boyfriend now is 25 and he is incredibly mature at least most of the time. He still has the tendency to slip and be a kid again but that is one thing that makes him fun.
Boys will always be boys at heart but they do mature.

 

[poohtown]

no they don't, but there are different types of 'boys'.

1. There are the 'cute ones' who still like to play. They play with their children like they're the same age, the like to be silly and have fun with you. They play but no how to share.

2. Then there are the 'big boys' who have their big boy toys. They generally are into expensive toys like cars and games. They like to play alot but have a hard time sharing.

3. Also the 'baby boys'. Like your boyfriend, they are snotty and babyish. They have no manners and usually only care if they are happy. Stay away from these. They have no usefull purpose in life.

look for #1 - you want someone who always has a little bit of boy in him but can also be a man.

 

[Blueeyes101817]

daughterofamidchaos

yay!! there is hope ..that is good to know haha

 

[EsmeraldaX]

If your ex bf is purposely trying to hurt you, I honestly think he has deeper problems going on than being immature.

Immature is a word that is thrown around a lot and IMHO, it's not always used correctly. For instance, I like watching Beavis & Butthead. I'm a 27 yo adult woman with a job, and other adult responsibilities. I don't take the humor in it seriously, but it is very much an immature program. I occasionally do things or say things that may be taken as immature and that's fine, because I make it quite clear that I'm kidding and use my judgment as to when and around whom to act this way. But when the time comes to be serious, I'm serious. Being immature once in a while is fine.

Does that make sense?

Someone who is immature all the time does not recognize the fact that they are, and they wouldn't care if they did. They do not recognize responsibility and real world issues such as respect for other people and a general idea of what is going on in the world. They try to define themselves into icons (i.e.. someone who tries to be a thug, or a Goth or a punk). They try to be an image and they act according to that image. They are deeply influenced by fictional characters (such as people in music videos, cartoons or movies). They have no tact. They do not know how to argue their point when they disagree and resort to name calling. They put other people down over things they assume.

Once a person gets beyond a certain age, if they are still acting this way, I find it best to avoid them at all costs. It's really hard for them to change, although it is possible.

My favorite example of an immature person is a girl I work with. She's about 25 and she works here in a professional , office atmosphere. Well, this girl wears "club gear" to work (often with her gut hanging out over her low rise pants and tops so tight they look like they are 6 sizes too small ). She is very loud , often walking through quiet areas of the office proclaiming anyone in her line of sight to be one of her "party people". She has her cubicle plastered with pictures from teen magazines of various hip hop and pop stars. I mean PLASTERED as in no bare wall, no work documents. Just pictures of 50 Cent. She uses hip hop slang on the phone with customers. She uses 4 letter words loudly and often around her bosses. She talks loudly and graphically about her sex life in front of her co workers. She once sent an email response to a bulletin about looking for nominees to win a public service award, stating that she should get it because "she is in a sorority alumni group and she has to do 18 hours of community service a week anyway". She sent this to the entire company!

To me - THAT is an immature person. I know men like this, and women like this. I'd say it's 50/50 but there may actually be more women. Most people, male and female are not truly immature once they graduate from college and get out into the real world.

Immature people also tend to think of nothing but their own needs in a relationship with other people It's a fine line between immature and insane here. I know a girl who is so obsessive over her fiancé that it's kind of scary. He wanted to have a bachelor party and she went ballistic because she wasn't having a bachelorette party. She lays on the guilt trips and makes him feel awful. Rather than trying to seriously discuss where their problems lie, they usually resort to name calling and tears.

You mentioned this is your ex. Some people simply can not handle breakups. They just can't. Whether this is immaturity or something else is a point to debate. I've known some guys who were very upset after break ups with their gf's and kept calling them constantly. (vice versa as well). Feeling sad / hurt/alone after a breakup is normal. Continuing to obsess over an ex is not. Some people can remain on good terms after they split up. Some can't. Neither way is really right or wrong or better (unless there are children involved; in which case, parents should really try to stay on good terms). If there are no children involved, I find it best to keep your distance unless both parties really want to try again. Get over each other and move on. I actually try to find out how guys I date treat their exes. It's a pretty good indicator of how mature they are in a relationship. My long term, live in boyfriend is generally respectful of exes, even the ones who screwed him over royally. He doesn't talk to them or see them ever, but if he ever bumped into one of them at the mall or something, I think he'd be civil. He doesn't badmouth them or anything like that. I'm pretty much the same way with my exes. I had an ex once who called me a lot and told me stuff about him and the girl he left me for. I don't think he was doing it to hurt me though (because to be honest I couldn't stand him and kind of felt bad for her ) but I think he was just clueless that it's generally bad form to talk about your intimate life with your gf with your ex gf. That is immature.

I have one ex though, who went beyond being immature. He actually called and it started off as just annoying and became scary. I eventually had to get a restraining order, and he eventually did something pretty awful to his new GF and ended up in jail. Yikes.

Purposely hurting people is different and borderlines on sociopathic. I have known people who purposely hurt others, and the ones who know they are doing so are a little unsettling because it's like they get off on the power they feel by controlling someone else's emotions. If he's hurting you, ignore him as best you can. If he's hurting you REALLY bad to the point that you think it may be considered abuse, do not be afraid to ask for help. Without knowing the specifics of what he is doing, I would have to assume he's just being a jerk and not being abusive.

All I can really add is that I hope things get better. I hope he's just hurt and being childish and will eventually move on with his life and leave you alone. In the meantime, I think you should really try and find something to keep your mind off him and try to move on. I know it's hard but showing him that his actions are bothering you will only make him feel like he still has some say in how you feel. Don't let him! And if after thinking more about it, you feel that he is becoming potentially dangerous, PLEASE get help.



Sheri

 

[Blueeyes101817]

well its good to know theres nice guys out there...
i think he is just immature and i do keep my distance....sorry if it sounds like im being whiny...this was late last night and i was annoyed thanks everyone

 

[EsmeraldaX]

Originally posted by Blueeyes101817
well its good to know theres nice guys out there...
i think he is just immature and i do keep my distance....sorry if it sounds like im being whiny...this was late last night and i was annoyed thanks everyone

You aren't being whiny. Everyone needs to vent sometimes.

 

[Blueeyes101817]

thanks esmeralda...i appreciate it!...i feel alot better after venting!! haha

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Originally posted by Blueeyes101817
so do they EVER grow up??? all i know is every guy here acts like a 2 year old. (were actually almost 20) .

Wait till they are at least 25! That is when they start "maturing".

 

[Disney Doll]

Most do eventually, although as another poster said, you want one that has some boyish qualities so you guys can still be silly and have fun together. However, age 20-21 is still young, and they still tend to be immature at that age. As fara s your ex-BF saying things to or about you...ignore it. His ego is bruised because you guys aren't together anymore and he's trying oprove what a "big man" he is. In general, once he meets soemone new, he'll lay off you. If he doesn't, then he has a deeper problem, so I would urge you to be careful. The best things to do is ignore him. If he has no audience, then his "show" will close.

 

[Blueeyes101817]

you guys are the best

 

[Jenn Lynn]

When I was your age (almost 7 years ago ) I dated older guys. I always found that guys my age were not ready for the kind of relationship I wanted.

Now I am married to DH who is 7 years older than me.

 

[Bob Slydell]

Originally posted by The Mystery Machine
Wait till they are at least 25! That is when they start "maturing".