Please send Pixie Dust!

[goofygirl]

No advice, just support here. Too bad one bad apple has to spoil things!

 

[danacara]

Though I strongly disagree with your assessment of the past situation, I do hope things work out OK for your kids.

 

[helenabear]

I am so sorry to hear that you have to go through this Colleen. I hope that this guy's actions do not affect your family negatively {{{hugs}}}

 

[Bouncy]

So sorry to hear this.PD on its way

 

[Serena]

I'm sending pixie dust and {{{hugs}}}.


But don't worry too much. I'm related to quite a few criminals and I know it has nothing to do with me. You can't choose your relatives however much you may want to.

 

[Kermit]

Your family is in my prayers. I hope your children don't have any problems at school, and I hope that this young man will get his life straight.

 

[missymouse3367]

I'm sorry {{hugs}} and P.D. coming your way

 

[DopeyRN]

I am sorry..esp for your children. Pd on the way....

 

[Liz]

I'm sorry you are having to go through this. I say do what you have to to protect your kids. Good luck.

 

[WillyJ]

I can sure understand how this is upsetting to you, but I really feel the need to say something. . .


It seems to me that the young man was not raised right by his mother, and although he certainly needs to bear the responibility of his actions, he is still your husbands son and I would hope he takes this opportunity to at least attempt to have some more influence on the boy's life, and that you would encourage it. .

Also, while I do understand your concern for you kids being confronted at school, I wonder if your teaching them a good lesson by telling them to deny being related. . is that what you'll do to them if they should happen to make a mistake in life?? Not saying your wrong, just that I think I would handle it in a different and more honest way. .

I'm sorry you and your family are having to deal with this, but I'm more sorry for the boy and for the girl involved. . .

 

[Colleen A.]

I do understand how what I told my kids could be taken. My only goal is to protect them. I know how cruel kids can be. Heck, my son was literally beat up on the bus because he mumbled under his breath to a boy who took his seat!! I am afraid of physical reprocussions for my son and of exclusion for my daughter (this will be her first year in middle school). If he would of been a part of their lives this whole time, then once doing something wrong, was kicked out of the family, that would be an awful thing to do. He has not seen my kids since 1996! My youngest, who was 2 at that time, doesn't even remember him. HE made the decision years ago that he wanted NOTHING to do my our kids. I remember the older 2 crying because they missed him. I have said since then that while they are young, I wouldn't let them have contact. When they are older and are mature enough to make this decision and handle either the acceptance or rejection they would receive, they can contact him whenever they'd like. For now, this is not their decision. I know this might make some of you angry or think it is not fair. All I am trying to do is to protect the kids.
My DH is so upset by what his son has done. Like I said, he had no real input in his childhood. Heck, the one time he took him to get a hair cut he got holy *&^% from his ex! ("you have no right to do that!") He has tried to encourage him to "grow up" over the years. After he decided not to be a part of "our" family, DH would drive an hour to see him just to take him to lunch so they could talk. If any teen is given the choice of listening to a parent who set rules and restrictions or one who gives you free reign, you tell me which one they'd listen to!
Just wanted to try and let you see where I'm coming from.....

Colleen

 

[WillyJ]

Coleen,

I certainly understand where you're coming from; it just seems to me that this might be an opportunity for your husband to step in and start having some more influence on the young man's life- it certainly sounds like he could use it.. . of course if he just continues to reject it, then there isn't anything you can do. . .

And I do understand you wanting to protect your kids. . . but the thought crossed my mind; what happens if they deny being related and the truth comes out anyway? Wouldn't they be in a worse position then if they'd say, "he's our step-brother but we haven't had any contact with him for years.. " Of course that has to be your decision, but it's just that in my experience being dishonest tends to cause more problems in the long run then it solves in the short. . .

However you choose to go about things, I am sorry you and your family are being put through this. . {{{hugs}}}

 

[Pooh93]

Again, I just want to add a {{hug}} as this is a very difficult situation. I hope it works out for all involved. This may be an opportunity for DH to get to know his son. It won't be easy. But he can say he tried and know in his heart that he did everything he could to help at this point. As far as what to have the kids tell, I don't know what I would do in this situation.

 

[cotye]

So sorry to hear about this. PD for you and your family.

 

[PamOKW]

PD to all of you.

I was having the same thoughts as WillyJ. If your children deny knowing or being related to the boy and someone else in school knows the truth, they may just compound their problems with the lie. The kids may not even mention it to your kids but some parents could bring the subject up.

I was also going to suggest using "he's our step-brother but we haven't had any contact with him for years.." or something similar as an alternative to a lie. The truth is your kids don't know this boy.