please ignore

[kkana]

subscribing to read later

 

[pat fan]

but let me take this opportunity to mention Hospice. It no longer is merely the organization associated with folks dying of cancer but also includes other diseases of a terminal nature. They're covering my mom who is in the later stages of stroke-related dementia and Hospice paying many of her bills
*******************************************************

Let me just say that while Hospice is wonderful, they are not for everyone.Yes, they provide you with many things...hospital bed,meds,nurses who stop in, but YOU are left with the day-to-day care. If you cannot handle caring for your loved one in all aspects(and I do mean ALL), this is not the way to go.

We used Hospice for my MIL this winter and it was pretty much left to myself,DH and SIL to care for her. Not a pleasant task, and the mental aspect is difficult, is still difficult.Just be prepared for this, and really, there is no way to be prepared for it.Just MHO.

 

[imsayin]

Let me just say that while Hospice is wonderful, they are not for everyone.Yes, they provide you with many things...hospital bed,meds,nurses who stop in, but YOU are left with the day-to-day care. If you cannot handle caring for your loved one in all aspects(and I do mean ALL), this is not the way to go.

I agree with this, as this was my father's hospice situation, but there are some places that have "in-house" hospice. My MIL was in a hospice center that provided all the day-to-day care. It was a wonderful place, given the circumstances. She had a private room that was more hotel-ish than hospital-ish. Not all areas have these facilities, but more are being built.

 

[Nik's Mom]

We have two little boys...diapers were once a large line item ($750/year). Time Warner is our cable/internet/phone company.

I know that I am over the top with my budget, but it really works for our single-income family (my wife works as a stay-at-home mom...no income).

We do the same thing! By the way, my youngest ds just turned 3 and I am just itching to cross that diaper expense off our list. If only my ds would cooperate .

Lot's of good mortgage information here. I wanted to also remind people of the importance of either life insurance or a funeral account (I know it's not easy to think about). After my Dad died, we were left with the responsibility of coming up with that money. Let me tell you, it wasn't cheap. To give you an idea, just the cost of the ground was $4800. Keep in mind, that is only for the ground, no special view and in a very average cemetary! Now, if you have a home, other expenses, then you better have life insurance or a funeral package, other wise you are leaving your family behind with a huge burden to cover expenses. I can tell you that we were totally heart broken when Dad died, and to have to worry about funeral money and medical bills just adds salt to the wounds! I will never forget how sad my Mom was, for losing a husband of 46 years, and for seeing the stress that the funeral and medical bills has caused our family.

So, while we all work on getting rid of debt, lets keep in mind that we need to prepare for life until the very end.
Thanks again for all of the great information passed on here.

Edited to add that I'm sorry to hear of others on this thread who have terminally ill family members. I feel for you

 

[CarolA]

Let me just say that while Hospice is wonderful, they are not for everyone.Yes, they provide you with many things...hospital bed,meds,nurses who stop in, but YOU are left with the day-to-day care. If you cannot handle caring for your loved one in all aspects(and I do mean ALL), this is not the way to go.

We used Hospice for my MIL this winter and it was pretty much left to myself,DH and SIL to care for her. Not a pleasant task, and the mental aspect is difficult, is still difficult.Just be prepared for this, and really, there is no way to be prepared for it.Just MHO.

This is not true at all Hospices. My Grandfather was in one simply because there was no way my grandmother could care for him and there was no family close. They did a wonderful job of meeting ALL of his needs. I am not sure how you would find out the differences, but if you ever need this service asking around would probably help. I seem to recall there are two types, the in-home and residential program. We used the residential program maybe that makes a difference?

 

[Nicolepa]

Originally Posted by Lisa loves Pooh
Millionaire next Door (as I suggested earlier) is really good and I think I'll read it again .
DJ

I love this book as well. I reread it every few years. It was the first financial book I ever read.

My Grandpa is a self made multi millionare. He grew up in Penn, in a poor coal mining family. He was career Air Force. He made all of his money by living frugally and investing. He lived in a small 3 bedroom house for many, many years, drove their cars till they died. They gave me my first car, a 15 yo Honda Accord and even at that the only reason my Grandma gave it up was because I was turning 16 and needed a car.

It wasn't until I was 15 they moved into a million dollar home, (that he paid cash for), but it was furnished with garage sale furniture that my Grandma figured out how to reupholster.

Anyway that kind of mentality is what gets you to being a millionare, not making lots of mony but SAVING lots of money. Most Millionares live in an average neighborhood, drive older cars and send their kids to public schools.

 

[pat fan]

This is not true at all Hospices. My Grandfather was in one simply because there was no way my grandmother could care for him and there was no family close. They did a wonderful job of meeting ALL of his needs. I am not sure how you would find out the differences, but if you ever need this service asking around would probably help. I seem to recall there are two types, the in-home and residential program. We used the residential program maybe that makes a difference?
******************************************************

Wow, I envy those of you who have access to a residential program. Only in-home hospice is available where we are. I have never even heard of the other kind. Just to be clear, I am in no way knocking hospice. they were very good at answering our questions and everything, just that taking care of a dieing loved one takes a big toll on you. Hospice "in-home" is great, but no easy road.

 

[westjones]

I love this book as well. I reread it every few years. It was the first financial book I ever read.

My Grandpa is a self made multi millionare. He grew up in Penn, in a poor coal mining family. He was career Air Force. He made all of his money by living frugally and investing. He lived in a small 3 bedroom house for many, many years, drove their cars till they died. They gave me my first car, a 15 yo Honda Accord and even at that the only reason my Grandma gave it up was because I was turning 16 and needed a car.

It wasn't until I was 15 they moved into a million dollar home, (that he paid cash for), but it was furnished with garage sale furniture that my Grandma figured out how to reupholster.

Anyway that kind of mentality is what gets you to being a millionare, not making lots of mony but SAVING lots of money. Most Millionares live in an average neighborhood, drive older cars and send their kids to public schools.

Grandparents are great at teaching lessons, aren't they? My Grandfather had a saying that I still repeat over and over to this day. He always said:

"If you watch your pennies, the dollars will follow."

In other words, watching the small stuff can make a BIG difference. I know a family that is always complaining about money, yet they eat out at fast food places ALL the time. They don't think it really costs that much. They think they 'save' money by buying clothes on sale (when they don't really need the new clothes at the time--buying something you don't need isn't saving money).

My Grandfather never became wealthy because he was a very giving man, and probably gave away more than he should have, but he never borrowed money, didn't owe anyone when he died, and was able to leave some money in his will to his favorite charities as well as a little to his children.

He left me with a great wealth of wisdom and some wonderful memories.

DJ

 

[undertheradar]

I grew up in a small town in Central New Jersey. The "keeping up with the Jones' " mentality is "NEW MONEY." Spending everything and more to "look" successfull. "OLD MONEY" doesn't spend. These are the people who drive the older cars, eat at home instead of eating out, don't buy things on a whim. Too many people are shallow enough to think that they must "look" wealthy to be wealthy. Nothing could be further from the truth. We are now living in Southern California and cannot get over the spending habits that people have. We just purchased a home here and are amazed at the crazy real estate prices. We bought what is considered to be a "starter" or intro level home. A modest, 4 bedroom/2 bath 40 year old home for the "bargain" price of $635,000. We waited 2 1/2 years for the market to settle down some and were quickly getting priced out of the market. Both of our cars are 3 years old and are paid off. We don't eat out and we carefully plan purchases. Our community here is full of european autos, pleasure boats, motor homes and all of the excess "toys" that people perceive to represent wealth. The oddity of this is that a majority of these homes are owned by people living way beyond their base incomes. We are amazed at how many of these people are constantly refinancing and spending the equity in their homes, as if the prices will never level off. The simple theory that spending less money than you net is completely overlooked by most of today's households.

 

[floridagirrl2]

This is not true at all Hospices. My Grandfather was in one simply because there was no way my grandmother could care for him and there was no family close. They did a wonderful job of meeting ALL of his needs. I am not sure how you would find out the differences, but if you ever need this service asking around would probably help. I seem to recall there are two types, the in-home and residential program. We used the residential program maybe that makes a difference?
******************************************************

Wow, I envy those of you who have access to a residential program. Only in-home hospice is available where we are. I have never even heard of the other kind. Just to be clear, I am in no way knocking hospice. they were very good at answering our questions and everything, just that taking care of a dieing loved one takes a big toll on you. Hospice "in-home" is great, but no easy road.

Also, not all hospice programs are created equal.There are great hospice programs and not-so-great ones. There are for-profit hospices as well as not-for-profit. There are some hospices that provide less services than others.

Our local hospice recently (about the last 8 years) opened an inpatient facility that is both beautiful and very highly regarded. It's a wonderful service. Many families simply cannot provide 24 hour care to their loved ones at home.

 

[Nicolepa]

A lot of people don't ever calculate the "little" things and see how much they are spending. Our neighbor is self employeed and business was slow. He was worried about cash flow. So we said to get rid of cable, cell phones, house keeper and gymnastics/soccer for the kids. He said oh not those are just the little things. Our response was well those little things are costing you $300+ a month.

People look at us like we are crazy when we tell them we don't have cable. They seriously don't understand how we can live without it! The minimum package here is $50+. We canceled our cell phones. We are lucky that we can get some thru dh's work for $.35 a minute, no monthly fee. If we couldn't though, we'd have ONE of the emergency plan phones. I do feel that since I have the kids with me always I need to have a phone for emergencies. We use both our phones for about 10 minutes a month total. $3.5 a month is a lot cheaper than the $80 we were paying!

 

[KIRSTIN'S MOMMY]

Just want to subscribe to keep reading the advice. While my dh and I aren't in this much debt by far, we do have some that we would like to get rid of (one cc and a car payment). We got caught up in the "free dining plan" as well (my birthday is in Sept.) and booked a trip, but canceled. It broke my heart to cancel, but now that I've read this thread I know it was the right thing to do until we get some more cash coming in. My dh is going to school next month in NC (co. is paying) so that he can earn more money. Thanks everyone who responded, this is great advice, and I, for one, am taking it!

 

[etwinchester]

Is Quicken easier to use than Microsoft Money? I've been wanting to set something up on my computer so that I can keep vigilant watch on what we're spending, track exactly what it takes to run this household in a month and be able to see charts and the like. I spent all afternoon trying to figure that program out but for me it was NOT user friendly. The reason I was trying to make Money work for me is because it came on my computer and I wouldn't have to buy anything. I've tried looking at the tutorials and searching the help contents. I'd say unless someone was able to walk me through set up and give me a crash course on maintaining I'll not be able to use it.

I'm not sure how much easier it is. I've used MS Money in 1999 but then at my job, they used Quicken. I then used Quicken at home just so I became more familiar with it. When my computer crashed, I lost everything since I didn't have the Quicken disk to replace on my computer (decided to stop working, thus didn't have access to the disk anymore). I know that Quicken is also compatable with Turbo Tax and other programs which is great.

Last week I just went out and purchased the Premier version since I have a business. I have one file that contains our checking, savings, 2nd job checking and my Mary Kay checking. The other file contains my Auto Repair Business since it is an enterprise and I wanted to keep that in a seperate file.

I found it totally easy to use. When it starts, it walks you through setting up your accounts. You can go by your last statement or start with the beginning of the year statement. I started with June until or IF I find the time to go back to the beginning of the year. It will enter your beginning balance as what you enter from the statement.

You can also hide or delete catagories that you don't use. In my business file, I deleted the catagories that I would never used and made up new ones to pertain to my business. The help section really came in handy here for me to learn this!

If you purchase it and need help, feel free to PM me. I feel like an expert now since I used it before. It was like riding a bike. You can also hit the "HELP" button and it does cover about anything you may have a question on.

Hope this helps. I DEFINATELY recommend it and happy savings...

 

[westjones]

Just want to subscribe to keep reading the advice. While my dh and I aren't in this much debt by far, we do have some that we would like to get rid of (one cc and a car payment). We got caught up in the "free dining plan" as well (my birthday is in Sept.) and booked a trip, but canceled. It broke my heart to cancel, but now that I've read this thread I know it was the right thing to do until we get some more cash coming in. My dh is going to school next month in NC (co. is paying) so that he can earn more money. Thanks everyone who responded, this is great advice, and I, for one, am taking it!

Good for you! I am sure that was really hard. I have this terrible 'addiction' to the Disney Cruise and we love it SO much, but now that we have to follow the school schedule the prices are just out of our range. We are going for a 4 night on spring break next year, but I hope I am strong and don't talk DH into letting us book another one. The prices are just way too much for us. This one coming up will be the last time my twins are in the Kids Lab, so going to the Teen Club doesn't have the same appeal to me for taking them and I hope that will help.

Anyway, I am proud of you and hope I can be just as strong when the 2007 dates for the DCL come out. It is going to be tough!
DJ

 

[fkj2]

This is not true at all Hospices. My Grandfather was in one simply because there was no way my grandmother could care for him and there was no family close. They did a wonderful job of meeting ALL of his needs. I am not sure how you would find out the differences, but if you ever need this service asking around would probably help. I seem to recall there are two types, the in-home and residential program. We used the residential program maybe that makes a difference?
******************************************************

Wow, I envy those of you who have access to a residential program. Only in-home hospice is available where we are. I have never even heard of the other kind. Just to be clear, I am in no way knocking hospice. they were very good at answering our questions and everything, just that taking care of a dieing loved one takes a big toll on you. Hospice "in-home" is great, but no easy road.

I never said caring for someone at home was easy, and I have the advantage of having a nursing background. While I hate the situation my mom has been in (bed-ridden for the last three years) I cannot bring myself to place her in a nursing facility. That's just my personal conviction and I understand that those of you who don't have the advantage of a medical background would have greater difficulty caring for a dying loved one at home. But I know where'd I'd like to be if it were me and I also know how bad some (OK, most) of the nursing facilities are in my area. The best ones are bad. In fact, one here is treating 11 residents for salmonella infections, most likely carried through the bad (or non-existent) hand-washing technique of an employee.

I'd just about sacrifice my life for her (and in a way I have), she's been such a good mom. But that's my decision, my responsibility. So since God continues to work it out, and He's the one I answer to, that faith is good enough for me. But, it surely isn't for everyone.

 

[CarolA]

I never said caring for someone at home was easy, and I have the advantage of having a nursing background. While I hate the situation my mom has been in (bed-ridden for the last three years) I cannot bring myself to place her in a nursing facility. That's just my personal conviction and I understand that those of you who don't have the advantage of a medical background would have greater difficulty caring for a dying loved one at home. But I know where'd I'd like to be if it were me and I also know how bad some (OK, most) of the nursing facilities are in my area. The best ones are bad. In fact, one here is treating 11 residents for salmonella infections, most likely carried through the bad (or non-existent) hand-washing technique of an employee.

I'd just about sacrifice my life for her (and in a way I have), she's been such a good mom. But that's my decision, my responsibility. So since God continues to work it out, and He's the one I answer to, that faith is good enough for me. But, it surely isn't for everyone.

Sorry to hijack this, but I am MORE then a little insulted here! You are basically stating that since my family was NOT able to keep my Grandfather at home that we didn't do the right thing!!!! HOW DARE YOU????? You have no idea what the situation was with my Grandmother's health or the rest of my family for that matter. You just assume that "your way is the right way"


I am very pleased that you are happy with your decision, but you don't know our situation and for you to STATE this is just wrong and about as rude as it can be! It would be wrong of me to assume that the care you give your family member is inadequate but you were ready and willing to assume that about MY family! I AM SO INSULTED THAT I COULD SCREAM! (Not to mention that hundreds of Senior citizens are abused and neglected by FAMILY member every day... whom you assume would be perferred caregivers)

The decison that was made was the best for EVERYONE and you as a "medical professional" should have learned long ago that one size does NOT fit all!

 

[KIRSTIN'S MOMMY]

Good for you! I am sure that was really hard. I have this terrible 'addiction' to the Disney Cruise and we love it SO much, but now that we have to follow the school schedule the prices are just out of our range. We are going for a 4 night on spring break next year, but I hope I am strong and don't talk DH into letting us book another one. The prices are just way too much for us. This one coming up will be the last time my twins are in the Kids Lab, so going to the Teen Club doesn't have the same appeal to me for taking them and I hope that will help.

Anyway, I am proud of you and hope I can be just as strong when the 2007 dates for the DCL come out. It is going to be tough!
DJ

Thanks for the words of encouragement! We do have a WDW trip planned for Dec. anyway for dd's birthday, and wouldn't cancel that one because my dh's dad (whom we haven't seen in almost 5 yrs. because he's in Nebraska) is flying down to WDW to meet us! He's never been, and I can't wait to show him the World at Christmas time. Canceling the Sept. trip will allow us to have a better time in Dec., but it was still hard! It just seems like the old "everybody else is doing it" thing you used to hear in high school, lol. I got so caught up in the thought of "free dining" that I didn't think that we were already saving for another trip! Sad I know, but true. Have a great time on your spring break cruise. Our dd is starting kidnergarten in August, so this year is probably our last chance to take her out of school for a trip. Then we'll be stuck with the masses too during school breaks.

 

[floridagirrl2]

Sorry to hijack this, but I am MORE then a little insulted here! You are basically stating that since my family was NOT able to keep my Grandfather at home that we didn't do the right thing!!!! HOW DARE YOU????? You have no idea what the situation was with my Grandmother's health or the rest of my family for that matter. You just assume that "your way is the right way"


I am very pleased that you are happy with your decision, but you don't know our situation and for you to STATE this is just wrong and about as rude as it can be! It would be wrong of me to assume that the care you give your family member is inadequate but you were ready and willing to assume that about MY family! I AM SO INSULTED THAT I COULD SCREAM! (Not to mention that hundreds of Senior citizens are abused and neglected by FAMILY member every day... whom you assume would be perferred caregivers)

The decison that was made was the best for EVERYONE and you as a "medical professional" should have learned long ago that one size does NOT fit all!

Thank you CarolA!! I could not have said it better! In my 20 years working in health care I have seen many people (children and seniors) abused and/or neglected by the families who were "caring" for them--too often the "care" was for their Social Security or disability check!

I helped take care of my father who had Alzheimers for many years, but he spent the last 4 months of his life in a nursing home . I am very proud of the great job I did in caring for him and insulted that somebody would imply that home care is always the best care and then implies that her opinions are of biblical origin--oh, please!

 

[Nik's Mom]

My Mom cared for my Father at home, along with the help of my Dad's sister and her husband during Dad's last days. Dad wanted to die at home, surrounded by family. He was very specific about that. In fact, I think he just let himself go because he could see that we were all struggling to care for him. But we were never abusive or neglectful. My Dad was cared for with a great deal of love and respect. I don't think we should pass judgement over who is right or wrong. Each of us made the decision on hospice or not based on the needs of our loved ones. I have a friend who finally had to put his Dad in a hospice during the last weeks of his life, after suffering from cancer for 2 years. It was the hardest decision they had to make, but they just couldn't care for him at home any more. And I respect that.
Let's not point the finger at one another here. This was beginning to turn into such a positive thread.
I believe that everyone writing in here about hospice deeply cared for their loved one, just like those of us who cared for our loved ones at home. We each made the decision that was right for our family.
to all of you who have had to face this. It is the most difficult thing in the world to watch a loved one slowly slip away.
Floridagirl2, you showed a great deal of courage to care for a sick loved one for so long! What a loving daughter you are! My Dad went down hill with lung cancer in a short time (one month). I can't imagine watching a loved one slip away over a span of years. You made the right decison for your Dad. I'm sure after years, the burden must have been unbearable.

 

[fkj2]

Sorry to hijack this, but I am MORE then a little insulted here! You are basically stating that since my family was NOT able to keep my Grandfather at home that we didn't do the right thing!!!! HOW DARE YOU????? You have no idea what the situation was with my Grandmother's health or the rest of my family for that matter. You just assume that "your way is the right way"


I am very pleased that you are happy with your decision, but you don't know our situation and for you to STATE this is just wrong and about as rude as it can be! It would be wrong of me to assume that the care you give your family member is inadequate but you were ready and willing to assume that about MY family! I AM SO INSULTED THAT I COULD SCREAM! (Not to mention that hundreds of Senior citizens are abused and neglected by FAMILY member every day... whom you assume would be perferred caregivers)

The decison that was made was the best for EVERYONE and you as a "medical professional" should have learned long ago that one size does NOT fit all!

Don't misinterpret me. I did not say that you did the wrong thing. I only said what was right for me.

You don't need to be so insulted. And I do have some idea of how difficult an elder caring for another elder is; my mom (and I) had the responsibility to care for my dad in his state of stroke-related dementia. Frankly, I think the strain was the beginning of bringing her to the point where she is today. He became dangerous to himself and her. And after the burden became too great, he existed for three years in a nursing home where we virtually guarded him. And, as long as we're discussing what I think, you may as well know I assisted an elderly uncle before his death and am helping financially support an elderly cousin. So, I've got some familiarity with elder care issues. I'll omit the graphic details about some of the elders who were admitted to hospitals for closure of bed sores so large I could shove my hand in them.

So yes, for me caring for my mom at home is the right thing.

Family who stand by loved ones, in whatever capacity, who do the best they can--that's all that can be asked. Those who pretty much turn their backs (and I've got a sibling living right next door who does about as next to nothing as anyone can) are the ones I have issues with.

Many elderly in our society are nearly thrown away. And you're right when you say many are abused by family members. Physically, financially, emotionally. Many are neglected in facilities. I just think that whether cared for in the home or in a facility, we owe it to parents and grandparents to advocate and protect them: from abusive caregivers and sometimes from themselves. Even they don't often recognize the danger they place themselves in.

And as far as being a member of the "medical profession," I know quite well what can go on. I've seen spouses so drained they didn't look like they could go another day. Had parents tell me, "they don't want to bother their children."

There just isn't an easy answer.