Please I need advice!!!

[LuvsDragonflies]

Oh I disagree. If the girl was invited on a trip and then the rug is pulled out from under her at the last minute you don't think she will be hurt? If the trip is in the summer it isn't month's away. school starts in August. She may not talk in the month because she is at her Dad's and what if he doesn't allow her to use the computer? or she doesn't have a cell phone? that isn't her fault. Most school friends don't talk over the summer much, what with living different places, living with other parents, sports, visiting grandparents, etc.

I'm being dramatic because this is how all the crap that goes on between teen girls starts! The nastiness, the bullying, it goes on. Have you had any teen girls lately?

I have to agree with Hannathy here. I think perhaps the best thing would be to have the girls get together and let them talk about it? If they are going to possibly be together for a week or so, they better have their feet on the ground so to speak.

 

[Hannathy]

I wouldn't be as concerned with the other girl's feelings as much as my daughter's.
The other girl may be upset, but I'd rather have that girl upset then my own daughter.

Yeah the heck with that pesky Golden Rule, as long as my kids happy.

 

[ilovezach33]

How do you know the other girl would not be upset for long?

How do you know neither of them would have fun?

These are the assumptions that are made when your ONLY concern is YOUR childs, with absolutely NO concern for the other childs feelings.

Yes, as parents our kids are first, but, I don't think I exclude the feelings of others as easily as you seem to.

I said they wouldn't have fun if they were both fighting the whole time. IF.
However, that's not a risk I would be willing to take.

I'm not excluding her feelings. But this is a major trip that they might not get to take again for awhile. If the situation is different, my response would be different. But I don't want to take the risk that my daughter would be miserable on a major trip. If she's miserable - I'll be miserable too. And I would be the one paying for it!

 

[Kellydelly]

Oh I disagree. If the girl was invited on a trip and then the rug is pulled out from under her at the last minute you don't think she will be hurt? If the trip is in the summer it isn't month's away. school starts in August. She may not talk in the month because she is at her Dad's and what if he doesn't allow her to use the computer? or she doesn't have a cell phone? that isn't her fault. Most school friends don't talk over the summer much, what with living different places, living with other parents, sports, visiting grandparents, etc.

I'm being dramatic because this is how all the crap that goes on between teen girls starts! The nastiness, the bullying, it goes on. Have you had any teen girls lately?

I have preteen girl drama at my house, and it's bad enough, trust me. I don't agree this girl will be hearbroken, devastated, or any such thing. No trip, no big deal. The OP has the right to a peaceful, happy vacation with no worries about how the two girls are going to get along.

 

[Hannathy]

I said they wouldn't have fun if they were both fighting the whole time. IF.
However, that's not a risk I would be willing to take.

I'm not excluding her feelings. But this is a major trip that they might not get to take again for awhile. If the situation is different, my response would be different. But I don't want to take the risk that my daughter would be miserable on a major trip. If she's miserable - I'll be miserable too. And I would be the one paying for it!

No you said she wouldn't be hurt for long.

Has your child ever been excluded at the last minute? ever been invited then uninvited at the last minute? It hurts and they don't get over it easily or quickly and they remember it a looong time.

 

[ilovezach33]

I have preteen girl drama at my house, and it's bad enough, trust me. I don't agree this girl will be hearbroken, devastated, or any such thing. No trip, no big deal. The OP has the right to a peaceful, happy vacation with no worries about how the two girls are going to get along.

 

[ilovezach33]

No you said she wouldn't be hurt for long.

Has your child ever been excluded at the last minute? ever been invited then uninvited at the last minute? It hurts and they don't get over it easily or quickly and they remember it a looong time.

And, should they not get along, neither will have a good time.
If they didn't have a good time, that probably means the rest of the family won't, either.

My daughter would remember it a looong time if something so big that she was looking forward to for so long, was ruined.

 

[topolino]

My guess is the OP made up the slap incident to win favor among posters here on this thread. Otherwise, why wasn't it in the original post?

The OP should take the kid and teach her own daughter some responsibility about sticking to her word.

 

[Desnik]

If the OP's DD and her friend really haven't spoken and had a falling out, why would the friend even want to go on the trip with someone she isn't friends with and her family?

 

[wdwmom0f3]

I have to agree with Hannathy here. I think perhaps the best thing would be to have the girls get together and let them talk about it? If they are going to possibly be together for a week or so, they better have their feet on the ground so to speak.

This is what I was going to say too. Let the girls get together and see how it goes. If your dd still feels the same way cancel it. No way am I going on vacation with stress and drama.

 

[luvmy3]

Let me first say thank you for all the advice - from both sides. Second, I certainly didn't mean for this to become an "attack" type issue. The friend was invited before the slapping incident, and I decided to let my dd figure out how to handle it - obviously, that was not one of my better decisions because here I am. How was I to know that they would not speak to eachother for the entire summer? As I said before, I do not know the mom very well, and the only communication between us was the dates of the trip. And that conversation was in May - no communication between us again until the email I got this morning.

This has given me alot to think about, and I hope I make the best decision for everyone involved. Thank you all again so much.

Its time to start communicating with the mom. You need to tell her about the incident and that you do not think its a good idea for the friend to accompany you on your trip. There is no way I'd take that girl on vacation with me if my dd didn't want her there. If the trip was so important to the girl then she shouldn't have slapped her "friend".
And this is not normal teenage drama, normal teenage drama doesn't include slapping people in the face.

 

[tnmt]

I would not take a girl who slapped my DD on vacation with me. She wouldn't even be allowed to come in my house after that. Either way, your DD will be miserable and so will the entire family. Just tell the mom there is a change of plans and no friends are allowed on this trip. Even if the slapping incident didn't take place, I still would not take her if they haven't even talked the whole summer no matter if she was with your dad or not. True friends find a way to communicate whether they are out of state or whatever, especially if they both have facebooks.

 

[Casperina]

I'm not a big fan of some people are saying that the friend should still be brought to teach her daughter a lesson. OP doesn't have to spend hundreds of dollars on someone she doesn't want there to "teach her daughter a lesson".
Also, not enjoying people saying that OP is now obligated.
OP and her daughter do not have to be miserable because it is "whats right".
Two thirteen year old girls have no right to control OPs finances to get what they want.

 

[Casperina]

I would not take a girl who slapped my DD on vacation with me. She wouldn't even be allowed to come in my house after that. Either way, your DD will be miserable and so will the entire family. Just tell the mom there is a change of plans and no friends are allowed on this trip. Even if the slapping incident didn't take place, I still would not take her if they haven't even talked the whole summer no matter if she was with your dad or not. True friends find a way to communicate whether they are out of state or whatever, especially if they both have facebooks.

I agree with this 100%! No one should have to cooperate with someone who hurt their baby girl just because on a date in the past there were plans.

 

[TinkerwithDis]

Quote:

No you said she wouldn't be hurt for long.

Has your child ever been excluded at the last minute? ever been invited then uninvited at the last minute? It hurts and they don't get over it easily or quickly and they remember it a looong time.

You really are way too dramatic with your responses, its beyond ridiculous. its like you'd put everyone elses feelings/needs over your own kids feelings/needs. I agree with ilovezach33. The OP is paying for this vacation. If DD doesnt want this girl on the trip you'd seriously make her bring the girl anyway? To boot the OP would pay for someone thats not even welcomed by the DD. Thats incredibly ridiculous and the worst advice ive heard on these boards. what would happen if the two fight like cats and dogs the whole time? what if the DD sulks the whole time?

RE the comment about parents of "only children" thinking a certain way (basically behaving quite selfishly), thats the second most absurd thing ive heard on these boards.

OP, its your vacation. its YOUR money. you do what YOU want.




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[TinkerwithDis]

I'm not a big fan of some people are saying that the friend should still be brought to teach her daughter a lesson. OP doesn't have to spend hundreds of dollars on someone she doesn't want there to "teach her daughter a lesson".
Also, not enjoying people saying that OP is now obligated.
OP and her daughter do not have to be miserable because it is "whats right".
Two thirteen year old girls have no right to control OPs finances to get what they want.

casperina said it all. VERY good post!!



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[Casperina]

casperina said it all. VERY good post!!



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♥♥ Thanks, lovely!
I think all the people saying to bring the friend with have lots of extra money or something

 

[phorsenuf]

I agree with this 100%! No one should have to cooperate with someone who hurt their baby girl just because on a date in the past there were plans.

Baby girl? She's freaking 13. I remember when I was 13. We were all sooooo dramatic in everything. If I dropped all my girlfriends, or they dropped me for something like that nobody would have friends.

Am I like the only one who remembers how kids were then? I remember getting the snot beat out at me in Jr. high. I still chuckle about it. It happened, we dusted off and later that day was probably off buying a popsicle from the ice cream man. I'm sorry, but those were the days. I'd hate to be growing up in today's society.

 

[TinkerwithDis]

Quote:

Originally Posted by TinkerwithDis

casperina said it all. VERY good post!!



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♥♥ Thanks, lovely!
I think all the people saying to bring the friend with have lots of extra money or something

That must be it! lol. I dont understand some ppl and the advice they give. I really dont get it.


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[Casperina]

Baby girl? She's freaking 13. I remember when I was 13. We were all sooooo dramatic in everything. If I dropped all my girlfriends, or they dropped me for something like that nobody would have friends.

Am I like the only one who remembers how kids were then? I remember getting the snot beat out at me in Jr. high. I still chuckle about it. It happened, we dusted off and later that day was probably off buying a popsicle from the ice cream man. I'm sorry, but those were the days. I'd hate to be growing up in today's society.

Well, to a mommy, 13 is still "baby" lots of the time. Sorry - emotional pregnant woman on the loose!
I remember that too! Lots of the other kids were engaging in adult activities and playing with illegal substances even that early on!