Please help my pottytrain my stubborn almost 4 dd!

[ajwomic]

I am seriously at my wits end. My dd will be 4 May 29 and while completely #1 trained, will not do #2 in the potty. We went out of town a few weeks ago and she did everything in the potty for about 5 days, so I know she can, but now back home, we are back to in the panties every day! I have tried reward charts, candy, etc. I have also, against most parenting books tried punishment. Luke today, she wanted to go into a store. I would not let her and explained that since she had soiled herself in the car, she could not go into the store. (Don't worry, I did not go in either. ) I have also tried turning over the process of cleaning herself up to her, but that really does not work as she really cannot tell if she has cleaned herself well. She does not have accidents at school or usually in public, but 99% of the time at home. There is no fear or aversion, so I do not know what to do! I have potty trained her 2 big brothers, so what gives?? She is very smart and on target developmentally. Any suggestions would be appreciated!
Alicia

 

[sk!mom]

I am seriously at my wits end. My dd will be 4 May 29 and while completely #1 trained, will not do #2 in the potty. We went out of town a few weeks ago and she did everything in the potty for about 5 days, so I know she can, but now back home, we are back to in the panties every day! I have tried reward charts, candy, etc. I have also, against most parenting books tried punishment. Luke today, she wanted to go into a store. I would not let her and explained that since she had soiled herself in the car, she could not go into the store. (Don't worry, I did not go in either. ) I have also tried turning over the process of cleaning herself up to her, but that really does not work as she really cannot tell if she has cleaned herself well. She does not have accidents at school or usually in public, but 99% of the time at home. There is no fear or aversion, so I do not know what to do! I have potty trained her 2 big brothers, so what gives?? She is very smart and on target developmentally. Any suggestions would be appreciated!
Alicia

I'd have put her back in diapers long ago and that is what I would do now. I would explain that panties are for big girls who go in the potty and until she does she can no longer wear them.

That is exactly how I trained my DD13. She started asking for panties just after turning 2. We had one false start and went back to diapers. I wasn't punitive about it- just matter of fact. About 3 months later, she was asking again and we switched to panties and never looked back.

Good luck!

 

[ajwomic]

I tried that but then she did #1 and #2 in the pull up. Not to say I won't try it again, but it seemed to make it worse.
Alicia

 

[whitneyNC]

I totally agree. I would go with diapers, not pullups at home/running errands. If she needs to wear pull ups to school (to be somewhat independent) that's fine. I would not let her wear panties anywhere or anytime until she stops soiling them. At home, I'd go with big 'ol #6 diapers, not training pants. She is nearly four and can obviously choose to use the toilet at this point. Let her decide when she is ready, then she can wear the underwear. I wouldn't punish her, I'd just let it be known that pooping in one's pants means wearing diapers. Pullups aren't even made for that! Good luck. She won't go to kindergarten in the diapers, I feel certain!

 

[lindsmom]

I wouldn't recommend returning to diapers, as I don't think she'll rise to the challenge - what you're describing sounds like laziness at home (esp. if she can do it outside of home). What I think you should look at is what your daughter is getting out of these "accidents" at home.

Most often it's extra attention (whether positive or negative). Does she call you as soon as she has the accident for "help" to get changed? I understand she can't completely get herself cleaned up, but you should have her remove shoes and pants, you help w/ underwear and cleaning up, then she puts all the clean stuff back on herself without you around. That would minimize extra mommy time she's getting. Then make sure you provide her with extra attention at appropriate times.

Some children are just too busy or involved to take time to get to the bathroom - they're having too much fun and don't want to lose out on play time. Do the same thing as above and point out all the time she's losing from play by wasting it on getting changed every time. Also if she's on a regular schedule, you may find she's having these accidents about 1/2 to an hour after a meal. If it's an hour after, have her sit on the potty at 45 minutes and let her know it's time to go so she can get back to the rest of her day.

You can also make sure you're not dropping everything to clean her up the second she goes. "I'm sorry, honey, Mommy is making dinner. I will help you in a few minutes. Please sit here in this chair until I'm ready to help you." Then don't talk to her - no additional attention - and then point out the additional time she's losing doing something more fun.

Once you can figure out what she gets out of the behavior (and I'm guessing it has something to do with YOU since she does okay at school etc) then you can begin to make up for that.

Good Luck!

 

[CJ's Mommy]

Wow, I think lindsmom had some really great advice for you! It may be the attention thing. I wouldn't have thought of that.

This probably won't help you, but when I trained my 2 1/2 year old DS, I just stayed home with him (easy for me because I'm a SAHM, I don't know what your circumstances are), and had him naked from the waist down. He had two #1 accidents on the floor (we have hardwood and ceramic tile) and that was it. He realized that as soon as he feels "that feeling" you have to get to the bathroom.

Do you think that would work with your DD? You don't think she'd go #2 on the floor do you???

I don't know what to tell you, but I just wanted to say that it WILL get better, and to keep your chin up. I know you must be going crazy cleaning all those poopy panties every day!

 

[SpectroMouse]

I had a family member that had a hard time getting her 5th child potty trained, and whenever there were #2 accidents he had to be rinsed off in the tub. Unfortunately for him, cooler water was better at cleaning up accidents After a few cool rinses, pooping in undies did not seem like a good idea. Good Luck.

 

[mjkacmom]

3 of mine pee trained before they poop trained, and one of them took a year to poop train! Mine never had an accident - they'd just ask for a diaper or pullup when they had to go (my oldest would actually take off her underpants, put on a pullup, and then ask to be changed). I'm sure you've googled this by now, and know not to force it, as this will lead to withholding and permanent bowel damage. Trust me, she will eventually use the potty, but don't make this a battle - there are SO many kids out there who have this issue.

 

[scootch]

This is a very common problem..... but please don't try to push to hard. When kids don't want to do #2, they start holding it in.... over time this can lead to encopresis. My first dd was on the verge of encopresis(started having these smears all the time) We ended up at the ped, on laxatives and finally realized whereever she would poop, that was fine. So till she was 5, that was in a pullup... she would just put it on to poop.

 

[EthansMom]

For both of my kids, I switched them out of pull-ups and put them in traditional training pants (thick underwear and plastic pants). Pull-ups don't let a child feel wet.... they wick away the moisture. Training pants, OTO, aren't comfortable. It was amazing how quick my kids pottytrained once going in their pants became uncomfortable.

I bought the training pants at Walmart.

 

[ktlm]

So till she was 5, that was in a pullup... she would just put it on to poop.

You're scaring me because my 3 year old is in the same boat. She wears panties and always goes No 1 in the potty and has since well before she was 3, but if she needs to go No. 2 she demands a pull-up. If we don't give it to her, she won't go, holds it in, and gets horribly constipated. We have had to resort to suppositories on occasion which is horrible. I really think she is scared to poop on the potty Our doctor told us not to push, that it will just make it worse and could really cause some problems. The doctor said eventually she will just start pooping on the potty too. I really don't want to have to wait until she is 5. How did you deal with school or pre-school? I think my DD would probably hold it in until she got home.

 

[mjkacmom]

You're scaring me because my 3 year old is in the same boat. She wears panties and always goes No 1 in the potty and has since well before she was 3, but if she needs to go No. 2 she demands a pull-up. If we don't give it to her, she won't go, holds it in, and gets horribly constipated. We have had to resort to suppositories on occasion which is horrible. I really think she is scared to poop on the potty Our doctor told us not to push, that it will just make it worse and could really cause some problems. The doctor said eventually she will just start pooping on the potty too. I really don't want to have to wait until she is 5. How did you deal with school or pre-school? I think my DD would probably hold it in until she got home.

Two of my kids went to a year of preschool with this issue, and it wasn't a problem. As you know, these kids can REALLY hold it!

 

[ajwomic]

op here- I wish she would ask for a pullup, LOL! The training pants wont work because she is currently doing it in panties and it does not faze her. I hope we will get through this soon!

 

[Disney1976]

op here- I wish she would ask for a pullup, LOL! The training pants wont work because she is currently doing it in panties and it does not faze her. I hope we will get through this soon!

Do you think maybe she doesn't know she can ask for a pullup? What if you were to put a bunch of them in the bathroom for her, and explain that when she needs to poop, she can either use the potty or change into a pullup, you don't care either way, and if she uses the pullup, she should call you to change her?

 

[Mallow]

I wish I could give you some really good advice but sadly I have none. But I can empathize with you completely. My DD was exactly the same way. I did everything you did & then some. I, like some PP's have said, "please ask for a pull-up to poop", but this never worked. The only thing that sort of worked was a sticker chart with a bribe. I had a basket full of toys (dollar store) & kept them in sight but out of reach & told her she could pick one if she pooped in the potty. It didn't work every single time but this had the best results. It still took longer to train than I would have liked and she had to be weaned from toys after every poop. But I was so thrilled that she was finally pooping in the potty that I really didn't mind having to refill the basket a few times. The only thing I can say is hang in there. Something eventually will click & you will laugh (well maybe not) at this too.

Now if some one could tell me how to stop the once every 1-2 mo of bed wetting, that'd be great.

 

[jackets9]

I experienced this with my oldest son. Would go #1 fine, but refused to go #2 in the potty. We did everything and he fought us tooth and nail. It got so bad that he developed encopresis, which means he has a problem sensing when he needed to go, which made matters much worse. We ended up having to give him constant enemas to clear him out to allow the intestines to heal and get the sensation back.

My advice - dont push. It will happen. It did with my son. It seems like overnight he got it and we have been fine since. I know its hard, but she will get it.

 

[isk8]

I just want to let you know we're in the same boat! My son will be 4 in June, and he is peepee trained, but not poop trained. We too have tried everything...stickers, a treasure chest, etc. He just isn't ready to poop in the potty for some reason. We've also tried to get him to ask for a Pull-up to poop in, but he won't. And if we catch him stopping to poop in his pants, we'll take him to the potty, and he won't poop.

Luckily (I guess), he is not night trained so he sleeps in a diaper with a Pull-up over it. He is a morning pooper, so he goes in his diaper upon waking. Then he's in underpants the rest of the day.

We try every couple of weeks to make the switch to pooping in the potty. If it's not successful, we go back to pooping in the diaper. I figure he's going to poop in the potty eventually.

Good luck. Know you aren't alone!

 

[PatricenPete]

My daughter will be 3 in July and she is fully potty trained. She was doing great with peepee for about a month, but no matter what I did, I couldn't get her to make poo on the potty. Finally, my saving grace, an episode of Jon and Kate plus 8!!!! It was the episode where Kate was potty training the little girls. My DD looked at me and said I want to go poopoo on the potty just like that girl and that was the end of it. She's been pooping on the potty ever since.

With my son, he LOVED Buzz Lightyear, so my husband photoshopped a bunch of pictures of Buzz on the potty - sounds really hokey, but it worked!!! We taped the pictures in the bathroom, the playroom, and his bedroom and VOILA! he started going on the potty. He was fully trained 3 months before his 3rd birthday as well.

If all else fails, remember this no one goes to college in diapers! A wise person on the DIS said that to me when I was struggling with my son. It made me laugh and once I relaxed, my son relaxed and it made training that much easier!

GOOD LUCK!

 

[gabriellyn]

My daughter will be 3 in July and she is fully potty trained. She was doing great with peepee for about a month, but no matter what I did, I couldn't get her to make poo on the potty. Finally, my saving grace, an episode of Jon and Kate plus 8!!!! It was the episode where Kate was potty training the little girls. My DD looked at me and said I want to go poopoo on the potty just like that girl and that was the end of it. She's been pooping on the potty ever since.

With my son, he LOVED Buzz Lightyear, so my husband photoshopped a bunch of pictures of Buzz on the potty - sounds really hokey, but it worked!!! We taped the pictures in the bathroom, the playroom, and his bedroom and VOILA! he started going on the potty. He was fully trained 3 months before his 3rd birthday as well.

If all else fails, remember this no one goes to college in diapers! A wise person on the DIS said that to me when I was struggling with my son. It made me laugh and once I relaxed, my son relaxed and it made training that much easier!

GOOD LUCK!

Do you think I could get a pic of Lightning McQueen on a potty??? Using Buzz was a stroke of genius!

Good luck OP - I had issues w/my older DS too - but he eventually got it... Just took a bit longer.

 

[newtowdw1]

I know that I should keep my mouth shut, but I won't.

In my opinion, she is playing power games with you. She is manipulating you. You need to manipulate the situation so you win, not her. What does she want? Freedom at Disney? Well, fine. Diapers all the way. Every time she refuses to comply with accepted bathroom behavior (poops herself) take her to the Babycenter and clean her up. Treat her like a baby. Stop all the fun to clean her up. Babies don't go to school. Babies stay home and take two naps a day. Babies don't play with Polly Pockets. They get rattles and stuffed animals. Find her trigger and exploit it. Tell her how life will change and give her a chance to respond. Then put your consequence in place.

Both of my kids tried this. DD was easy. She had a fluffy white bunny costume for Halloween, two weeks away. We told her if there were anymore 'accidents' the bunny costume would not be worn. Bunnies are VERY clean animals.

Connor was more difficult. Two times of cleaning his own underwear in the toilet, then using Shout on them, then cleaning up the bathroom from the mess, took care of it. He also missed several outings because I wouldn't take the chance of him pooping himself in public.

We explained all of this in calm, non-threatening tones. Very matter of fact, and not during a poopy crisis time. And we KNEW they could use the toilet, since they'd proved it, then reverted.

However, my kids were trained earlier, before they had time to become so stubborn. They were trained before 2, when, in my opinion, they don't have much of their personality wrapped up in defying you. They just do what they're told pretty much. Time to eat, time to pee/poop, time to play, time to sleep.