Please help my pottytrain my stubborn almost 4 dd!

[WDWAtLast]

Went through the same thing with dd#2 - (now 5 and fully training - you will get there!!!) At 3 1/2 she was trained #1, not #2. I did as others suggested - she could choose to:

1) ask for a pullup to poop in - I would clean her up.

2) go on the potty - I would sit with her (read books, etc)

3) poop in her panties - she cleaned up the mess (had to touch the poop and put it in the potty and rinse out her panties in the potty) then she had to get a full bath.

This happened twice and she was trained!!!!! I never got upset - it was just matter of fact - she had the choices to make and had to live with the consequences. Good luck - it will happen!!!

 

[koima]

We have just gone through this and I feel for you! DS is nearly 4 and has been pee trained for well over a year, but would NOT poop on the potty. He wears underwear and goes to preschool with no accidents, but he waited for the nap diaper and pooped then.

It's not like he'd done it and reverted; he flat out refused to try. We tried everything - bribery, toys, candy, stickers, rewards, going to practice sitting on the potty, sitting on the potty in a diaper at expected poop times (he's a regular pooper), the whole thing. I was so fed up, but he was just being stubborn and had dug in his heels. He's a great sleeper, great eater, good kid all around, and this was his power issue.

And then we did a week of naked butt time. I told him he'd lost pants privileges and when he showed me he could use underwear without pooping on Thomas the Train, he could have them back. (He's a Thomas addict.) He had one accident and suddenly, as if by magic, started using the toilet. Also, he surprised me by not wanting the ring on the toilet or the little potty chair. He wants to use the regular toilet.

I feel like he just had to do it on his own time. And he likes wearing underpants, so I sped the timeline up by taking them away.

 

[WeLoveLilo05]

I am seriously at my wits end. My dd will be 4 May 29 and while completely #1 trained, will not do #2 in the potty. We went out of town a few weeks ago and she did everything in the potty for about 5 days, so I know she can, but now back home, we are back to in the panties every day! I have tried reward charts, candy, etc. I have also, against most parenting books tried punishment. Luke today, she wanted to go into a store. I would not let her and explained that since she had soiled herself in the car, she could not go into the store. (Don't worry, I did not go in either. ) I have also tried turning over the process of cleaning herself up to her, but that really does not work as she really cannot tell if she has cleaned herself well. She does not have accidents at school or usually in public, but 99% of the time at home. There is no fear or aversion, so I do not know what to do! I have potty trained her 2 big brothers, so what gives?? She is very smart and on target developmentally. Any suggestions would be appreciated!
Alicia

Just wanted to say I am in the same boat. DD is 4 and she pees on the potty no problem, but she won't poop. She also won't put on undies. I don't know what to do, I am frustrated because she is not allowed in preschool w/ pullups on. I also don't know what I will do in Disney either at this point as far as the pooping goes. I am afraid she won't go at all while there due to the excitement (although for some reason last year she had good bms while there, sorry for all the info).

 

[ajwomic]

Thanks for the support. I knew I couldn't be alone. It was funny because my first was completely trained at 2.5 and people were asking for my potty training advice. Now the shoe is on the other foot!

 

[BellyBaby]

my dd started having accidents after many months of being trained. At first I was ok with it, then I lost my patience. She was simply too busy playing to go. I started letting her know I wasn't happy when she wet herself, and began giving her heck when she had an accident.

At 3, she knows what her responsibilities are - eat at the table nicely, night time routines, put a toy away, etc. Getting to the potty on time is her responsibility. She got the message quickly, and got back on track in no time. Hope you find something that works.

 

[kwitcherkicken99]

My son is in the early stages, but is now starting to hide when he poops, so I know he knows what's going on... so here is what we tried when punishment didn't work... I tried bribing him with candy, money... nothing worked.

He loves temporary tattoos. SO, we told him that he couldn't have any more tattoos until he pooped on the potty like a big boy. He went 2 more weeks before he couldn't take it anymore. It's not 100% success rate, but he's getting a lot better.

Maybe you could turn something she really likes into her reward like a tea party, or a trip to the library, being a princess for an hour, etc. Worth a shot.

 

[ceiligh1]

What works for every child is different. Mine was very stubborn. Would go number one in the potty occasionally but only once in a long while. We would try a little, go back to pull ups ect. Finally, I decided christmas break we would go cold turkey. Naked boy around the house, lots of sugar drinks and it worked fine for a day or so and then he broke his leg . I didnt want to risk the cast so we went back to pull ups. After the cast came off I decided to try it differently. We went with the treasure chest idea and even had the pre school teacher remind him of it while he was at school. Each time he went in the potty he got a toy. It worked to a point, but he would still have accidents at school/home. Finally, we worked together to create a list of things he had to do everyday. We talked about it and I asked him what things he had to do everyday (with a little coaching): get dressed, brush teeth, set the table for dinner, go potty in the potty all day, take a nap and not get put in time out. I made pictures of these actions and we put a check mark next to each one if he completes it. If he does all of these then he gets a sticker for the day. He understood this and felt that he was in charge, he got to decide. He still has a treasure chest and is able to take things out of it, but only for big poopies and jsut when he remembers them. THis has helped us not jsut for the potty training as in about 2 months (he is now 3 years 9 months) we are done, but all it takes is a "do you want to lose your checkmark?" and the bad behavior stops. Like I said this is what worked for us.

 

[kirasmom]

I feel for you, OP, I have been there. My advice is going to seem very counter-intuitive, but it really works: Pretend like you don't care.

My DD was 3 and constantly having accidents and I would get irritated, punish her, offer rewards if she did go on the potty, etc.... all the advice mentioned. I was so frustrated and was talking to a friend who said, "You know this sounds like a control issue. Toddlers can really only control their eating and bathroom, and it sounds like your little girl is trying to assert her control. So just let her."

So when she had accidents, I'd just totally non-chalantly say (it was so hard!), "Oh, that's okay, you're a big girl, you'll know when you need to go." That's it. Within 72 hours there were no more acccidents-- and she was 24-7 trained.

Wishing you luck!

 

[mybabesuz]

I feel sooo much better now.
I am in the same situation with my DD who turned 3 in March.
She is my fifth child. They all trained differently-- oldest was almost 3 1/2, 2nd and 3rd were just 2, and the 4th was just before his 3rd birthday.
I was also a daycare provider for 12 years and potty trained a dozen kids.
But this one just will not get it.

Every kid is different. I have tried almost every idea mentioned.
She likes wearing big girl minnie mouse pants but if I put her back in diapers she does care either.
She poops in whatever she is wearing and then won't let me change her.
I think maybe she feels bad about it.
I tried punishing her one day and that just made everyone feel terrible.
I could see I was really upsetting her...more than I wanted to.
I tried rewards. we found pink marshmallows. They worked great for peeing.
Some days she will be dry all day...some days she pees in her pants every time.
She does better in pull-up than undies. I don't want to put her in diapers because then she can't go potty herself.
I would love to just let her run naked but I have three teenage boys and I don't think that would be appropriate.
If I bug her to keep trying to go potty she won't go.
When I just leave her alone she will sneak into the bathroom and go.
I have decided to just chill a while.
I give her TONS of praise when she does go and pretty much don't say a word when she has an accident.
We just clean her up and say lets try next time.
And I just keep telling myself...They won't be little forever !

 

[ajwomic]

I just had to share. My son had a well child visit today and the peditrician told my dd that if she would do her stink in the potty for i month she would send her something in the mail. As soon as we got home, she did it!! Let's hope this motivation sticks!!!
Alicia

 

[Disney is Magic]

Well, I hope this can help some of you. I haven't actually had to do this, but I did read it somewhere along the line of preparing to potty train my DD.

If they poo in a diaper/pull-up, start by making them go into the bathroom to poo, even if they already went, go into the bathroom to change them. The next step would be to have them sit on the potty (either one, big or small) when the have to poo, but let them leave their diaper/pull-up on. After they are comfortable going in their daiaper but sitting on the potty, start cutting small holes in the diaper. Very small at first, and getting bigger each week until they feel comfortable enough to take the diaper off.

Like I said, I never had to use this, but thought the idea was ingenius. Thankfully, my DD potty trained rather easily. I would give her one money (a quarter) for pee pee in the potty, and FOUR (I made a really big deal about four) monies (also quarters) for poo poo in the potty. Then, once a week, I would let her take her piggy bank to Wal-Mart and let her pick out a toy. I counted her money before we left and made her stay within a few dollars of what she earned. If she chose a toy that way too expensive, I explained to her that maybe if she went a lot more poo and pee in the potty, maybe she could have that toy next week. Accidents were few and far between, and we only did the piggy bank for three weeks.

 

[tkitty]

These are some great ideas. My DD has been so frustrated (me too). My DGD (was 2 in Dec) is having the same troubles. I thought about 2yrs was always about the right age. I trained 2 kids, DS- before 2yrs- easy, DD just after 2 - not too bad- maybe within a week. Usually by the time they can say "poo-poo
they seemed to be fine. But this little imp is giving us a hard time! Her mom (my DD) is working/gone 10-12 hours 5 days a week, and right now, daddy is home with her. She is very inconsistent, sometimes she tells you, sometimes I think she gets busy and forgets. She also seems to have gotten afraid to poop on the potty lately, so, I really watch her, she'll have lots of false starts- she'll say she has to go, get on the potty, then want off really quick, without doing any thing. (Just this last 1/2hr did this) when I know she has to go, I tell her she gets her bath, as soon as she poops in the potty
and sometimes promise a cookie or fruit snack. It worked again. She still gets upset a bit when she starts to poop, bet I just reassure her,
When I have her, I leave her pants off, and remind her. This is fine. She would tell me she wants to go "Nap" when she had to poop, so she would get a pullup. So, I would tell her, no nap/pullup till she uses the potty. She doesn't do that with me now, now I know her routine.
We've tried most of the things I've read, but I did get some other good suggestions. OP- don't stress, it will happen, and your not the only one!

 

[zoemurr]

I had a family member that had a hard time getting her 5th child potty trained, and whenever there were #2 accidents he had to be rinsed off in the tub. Unfortunately for him, cooler water was better at cleaning up accidents After a few cool rinses, pooping in undies did not seem like a good idea. Good Luck.

This is what I was going to suggest... Don't talk to her much at all. Tell her to go get in the tub and clean her off. Hand her new clothes and tell her to get dressed. It will be uncomfy, and time consuming. Most importantly.. give her very little attention pos or neg, just get the job done. Make her do as much as she is capable of.

 

[dimimi]

I tried that but then she did #1 and #2 in the pull up. Not to say I won't try it again, but it seemed to make it worse.
Alicia

I would spend a few days in the house and take off her clothes. Being without clothes for a couple days will work. We did it with my sons and it worked easily. It sounds odd, but others told me about it and it worked.
You have to make time to stay home for a few days...but it will work. Good luck...I'm glad I don't have to do this again!

 

[PebblesMK]

I never potty trained my daughter, as she decided to do it on her own at 1 1/2...however, she refused to use a potty chair. She would have to go but would hold it until I put her on a regular toilet. I finally got one of those little seat covers so she didn't fall in. Haha. Apparently she found the little potty to be insanely "scary". That's just my experience and maybe you could try that (if you haven't already)

 

[TKL SHOP]

I wish I could give you some really good advice but sadly I have none. But I can empathize with you completely. My DD was exactly the same way. I did everything you did & then some. I, like some PP's have said, "please ask for a pull-up to poop", but this never worked. The only thing that sort of worked was a sticker chart with a bribe. I had a basket full of toys (dollar store) & kept them in sight but out of reach & told her she could pick one if she pooped in the potty. It didn't work every single time but this had the best results. It still took longer to train than I would have liked and she had to be weaned from toys after every poop. But I was so thrilled that she was finally pooping in the potty that I really didn't mind having to refill the basket a few times. The only thing I can say is hang in there. Something eventually will click & you will laugh (well maybe not) at this too.

Now if some one could tell me how to stop the once every 1-2 mo of bed wetting, that'd be great.

I kind of used your method and it worked well for us. I did the sticker chart and let dd pick out her own stickers. every 5th sticker resulted in a toy from the crate. So this way she had a goal to get to 6 stickers to get a toys. It worked well for us and never an issue. We still have the occasional bed wetting, I try to limit the fluid intake and cut her off from all drinks after 7:30pm, bedtime is 8:30 so she must potty before bed. It has almost eliminated bed wetting for us.

 

[Mallow]

I kind of used your method and it worked well for us. I did the sticker chart and let dd pick out her own stickers. every 5th sticker resulted in a toy from the crate. So this way she had a goal to get to 6 stickers to get a toys. It worked well for us and never an issue. We still have the occasional bed wetting, I try to limit the fluid intake and cut her off from all drinks after 7:30pm, bedtime is 8:30 so she must potty before bed. It has almost eliminated bed wetting for us.

After almost 2 1/2 mo. of no accidents my DD had a major one 2 nights ago. I thought we might be over the hump as 2 mo is the longest she has gone without any bed wetting. She, the sheets, the blankets, the pillows, & even the mattress was soaked. My Dr. assures me this will pass & not to worry, so I don't make a big deal out of it. But last night my DD woke up crying thinking she had an accident (she didn't) & wanted to use the potty & cried the whole time. I kept trying to reassure her to not worry about it, mommy's not, but she still was upset. Eventually she drifted of to sleep again. I go to work early so I didn't see her in the am but DH tells me she didn't seem to remember crying last night. Oh well, I keep telling myself we'll get through this too.

To the OP how is you DD doing?

 

[ajwomic]

op here... well the doctor sending something in the mail resulted on 1 poop in the potty. I also ordered a bunch of My little ponies. She has earned one but they rest of the poops have sadly been in her panties. Still trying. Many of you have offered great suggestions. I am gonna try them all and I know eventually she will get it, but in the meantime, I am tired of it if you know what I mean!
Thanks,
Alicia

 

[djp0630]

Have you heard of the video Potty Power? I recommend getting it, it helped with my daughter. Also, I got her a Dora sticker chart (I know you said stickers didn't help), but that really helped finalize it for DD. That and putting in underwear and having a few accidents. Then she was done.

 

[juliaarnold]

I wanted to add in my 2 cents. My DD is 4 & 1/2 and she WOULD NOT go poop on the potty for love nor money. She was found one day in the garden PUSHING it back up!!! disgusting!!! Her issuse was the she was scared that it would hurt so she would tense up if you even said the potty word. Peeing was fine not a problem. To help her poop we placed the Pullup in a cabinet where she could reach, gave her some benefiber and she would just go and get a pullup when she needed to go. It stopped all the holding problems. Then we went out of town for a few days, and i placed the pullups in a cabinet but did not tell her were they where. She went on the potty in the hotel fgor the first time ever it was a tiney tiny poop but when we got home I moved the pullups and told her we did not have any. I used some bribery with treats and she has been pottying happily ever since. Good luck and hopefully you can get her to use the pullups for pooping at least!!