Please help me....

[DMickey28]

I can't be alone now. I think I have lost my fiance over a stupid game when I was away from home. I never cheated or anything, it was emails. I know I haven't been very visable on here, but I have no friends around me, I don't have but one anyway, and my family is all away and I am alone and scared. We were planning on getting married and I am so scared he is gone forever. Please someone reach out I need someone to talk to. I can't go on without him... please help me see.

 

[jamsmom]

TAKE A HUGE DEEP BREATH!!

I am going through some crap here, too. You may have to just give things a little time. You CAN go on without him. Well, so I have been told for myself You know what, WE CAN GO ON!

No matter what happens, we never can let our happiness be based on a relationship with someone. I know it sure the heck helps, but we have to learn to be happy with ourself.

Without knowing the details, I would hope that if you loved each other enough to plan to marry than there has GOT to be hope. But, if not, is this the type of person you want to be with from this day forward? (Did you "cheat" via e-mail?) If so, you have to evaluate the reasons you did. Was it because you were feeling inseceure deep down inside? Were you needing a little of the feeling that someone else does want you?

I am SO SORRY you are hurting. But, please know you CAN do this. No matter that it is. He may just need some time.

 

[Dream]

Hi DMickey! First of all.....you are NEVER alone!!! Ever.

Wanna talk about it?

 

[isyne4u]

You definitely need to talk it out. Either with your friends here or someone in your life. Men can make you crazy but they aren't our be all and end all. Let us know what we can do to help you.
tara

 

[DMickey28]

thankyou. i am wandering around crying, i don't know what to do. I sent two emails with a "friend" of mine to a guy full of lies to try and find out if this guy was coming to visit US or just ME. My fiance read them and took them for face value before I had a chance to come home from the business trip and explain everything that had happened. I said that I liked this guy in the emails and that I wanted to see him to know if it was more than just friendship feelings. It was all lies to get him to be comfrotable enought to tell me why he was coming. It was mean and childish and stupid. I played the other guys emotions to get an answer he wasn't giving my friend and I. It was all lies. I never liked the guy, ever. I don't have very many friends and when I met these two people we clicked. At first I looked at the guy and wondered if that meant there was more there but I never there wasn't and that my fiance was the guy for me. My fiance just came online, I sent him a email to his response that he was defienetly not moving in now....

I am so lost.. I know this probally doesn't make sense....

 

[snuggles]

I'm sorry you are alone dealing with this..but remember, with your Dis friends you are never really alone. Take some deep breaths and try and relax. I hope things work out for you guys. Hopefully he will see that it was all a misunderstanding. Hugs

 

[jamsmom]

Too bad we don't live closer. We could get together to cry and have a drink!

 

[Goofyposter]

Dmickey28

I'm sorry you're feeling pain But as others have said....you're never truely alone in this world.

I *think* I understand what you've said has happened.
First...a reality check.

1) Never forget how powerful our words can be. This is perhaps a very tough lesson for you...but leading someone on like that is never a 'fun' or good thing.....emotions and feelings are real....even if it may not appear to be so much so on "this screen".

2) By your profile...you are 25 years old.....even IF your SO cannot get by this event.....you have your whole life ahead of you...and as painful as this now is to you, there will be plenty of other opportunites ahead for you.

At first I looked at the guy and wondered if that meant there was more there but I never there wasn't and that my fiance was the guy for me.
My fiance just came online, I sent him a email to his response that he was defienetly not moving in now....

If this all has taken place recently, your SO planning to move in; and you in your own mind questioning the deepth of that relationship then I'd suggest that it may be a good thing you two aren't moving in together right now.

He is obviously hurt and needs time and space to appraise his own feelings....and perhaps you do to. If it is "meant to be" then he will forgive and with some time for rebuilding the trust and respect which has to be the foundation of any meaningful relationship, you to can then reconsider raising your relationship up to the next level.

Not knowing all the facts of what's gone on or for how long, it's hard to give someone really good advice.....but one thing you need to know about this place, is that we are sincere and we do care for people which especially includes you!

With that all having been said, I guess I'd suggest that in the immediate you try to communicate with your SO about your feelings on all this, perferrable in face or secondly by phone. He will need your reassurance that this was a 'fluke', that and consistency between you two may well refresh your relationship.

I sincerely wish you the best in this!

 

[Dream]

Hmmmm....sounds like you have learned some pretty important things here. When he is ready, these things need to be communicated to your fiance. Then one thing will lead you both to the next thing...
Goofyposter gave you some very sound advice.
One thing he said to you rings so very true and loudly.....the words we type on this screen can be very powerful. Always remember that on the other side of this screen are real people...with real feelings.

 

[Eiblis]

(((((((((( HUGS ))))))))))

Hope you work things out

 

[DMickey28]

Thank you Everyone. I don't know how I do this with my life. Honestly the hardest thing to do is be alone. I have never really been alone, I have always been with someone. I don't know what it is that I want and I have always been so scared that I would end up alone.

 

[Dream]

DMickey....when all of this pain becomes a little less raw....

Being "alone" is a great time to look inside yourself....find out about the person who lives there.....and what gives wings to her joy! Use this time to find what it is that you want.....life will be much richer and meaningful....and ya just might find that you can be very happy with "just you".

{{{{Hugs}}}}

 

[DMickey28]

Thank you Dream. It sickens me to think about my life without him. Everything was perfect with us, perfect. It hurts so much that I don't know what to do with myself. I can't lose him, I can't. He has to love me enough to trust me that this meant nothing and it was just a game. Stupid, childish yes but it was never meant to hurt. How do I get through the time to wait and see if he comes back? He said he was definetly not moving in, I can't take that....

 

[Michelle]

DMickey, when I was 25 I went through a very painful break-up with my fiancee TWO WEEKS before our wedding. It literally made me sick to my stomach and it also was what eventually propelled me into therapy and understanding the choices I made with men. Three years later I met my husband and we'll be married 13 years in August.

I know it seems IMPOSSIBLE to believe now, in the midst of all your pain, that you will get through this, but you WILL. As Dream said, being ALONE is when you grow. Once you are happy with yourself and know that you CAN survive alone is when you are ready to be part of a relationship.

I know it's HARD, and I hope you are able to talk to your fiancee and work through all the emotions of the situation. HUGS to you, hang in there, and we're here for you.

 

[nativetxn]

<b>DMickey28</b> Take a few deep breaths and try to calm yourself. Situations like this take a little time to get cleared up. You're feeling fear and your fiance is feeling pain. Give him a little time to think about this and I'll bet he realizes that you truly care about him and do not care about this other man.

Sometimes our life lessons are very painful and I know that this situation is very painful for you right now.

I'm not sure why you decided to play this email game. Do you? You need to think about this part very seriously. You need to come to grips with what you did and why you did it before you can take any steps toward restoring the trust your fiance once had in you.

Imagine how you would feel if your situations were reversed. What would <i>you</i> do if the email had been from your fiance to another woman? What would it take for your fiance to convince you to trust him again? Do you think that you would ever be able to trust him again? After you think through all of the issues involved with this situation, I'll bet you will see what you need to do.

It's going to take a little time, though. I won't kid you about that part. It is going to take time and effort on your part. This is a painful wound for both of you, right now and it is going to take a while to heal.

<b>I have never really been alone</b>

I want you to think about one more thing while you are doing this soul searching. Do you think that not wanting to be alone is the reason you should marry? I think you need to spend some time with yourself and get to know yourself a little better before you decide that being alone is a bad thing. You might find that you like your company a lot

{{{HUGS}}} sweetie. I know you are in pain and I'm sorry. Remember that your CB friends are always here if you need to talk. You are never alone, here.

Katholyn

 

[DMickey28]

I know I need to reassure him that I love him and never doubted that love. I don't know how to do that, he needs time away and he needs to think. I'll send him an email everyday telling him how much I love him and miss him... what do I do to make sure that he knows I am not giving up on him and us? What physical actions do I take? I don't know

 

[Adrianna]

Marriage is tough, believe me I know. You are going to face problems, big ones, as a married couple - everyone does. The thing is, if your love is strong and you trust in each other, you can overcome anything together. That's what keeps a couple together FOREVER. I think just about every married couple comes to a point where they really wonder if they're doing the right thing, but you love each other and you stick together and you work things out, which just brings you closer together. If you're meant to be with him, you will work it out. What if it were you that saw his emails? I'm sure you'd have a similar reaction, and after he cools down and you two have a chance to talk, heart to heart, I'm sure things will be fine. I really hope so, it sounds like you love him a lot.

I had a couple bad experiences with "on line" infatuations, so I know from experience. Feel free to PM me anytime, I'd be happy to talk with you.

I truly hope you work things out and are happy again, best of luck!!

 

[DMickey28]

If I am not writing on here or talking to my mom I feel so lost so forgive me for all the responses. I am sick to my stomach when I think about going to work tomorrow. All of this happened when I was away in AZ for training for this new job. It hasn't been going on or anything. IT was a two day game, something that kept my friend and I occupied while we were so far fromhome. It was wrong and hurtful all around. I don't know why we did it other than for me, to find out if this other guy did in fact like me because I didn't want that. I look at pictures from the trip and it makes me sick. It makes me ill to think about working on a job that I was training for that caused me to be so far away and put my whole life in jeporday. "Derek" is everything to me. I can't imagine my days without him. How do I convince him of that? And start to build up the trust that has been dimished because he never thought I could be decitful like that to someone. He trusts me that nothing happened and he loves me but how do I get him to see that he's the only thing that matters to me.

I know I sound needy but I seriously have one friend here and she is actually going to come by. I am alone with my family away from the area. I can't be alone and see pictures of how happy we were on our cruise and in our life, it hurts. Will it be ok? Will he come home? I can't bear the thought of him not moving in and us moving forward with our life?

 

[Adrianna]

If he's as angry and hurt right now as you say, there's no "quick fix" to make it all go away. I'm sure after he cools down you two can talk and you can tell him all these things, and I'm sure you can show him that you can and will earn his trust back, if he lets you. I'm sure things will be fine, just believe in your love and that you can work it out.

When my ex and were first going out, (back in 87), about 6 months into our relationship we were getting fairly serious, and all of a sudden he started getting distant, and then one day, when I'm about out of my mind, says he wants to "cool it off a while," which meant that his ex- g/f wanted to try again. I knew he was "the one" and was just floored, devastated. I couldn't eat, sleep, even think, only cry and lay in bed..... It was awful, I could barely breathe even. But, after a week or so and I calmed down, I realized that if it was meant to be, it will work out, somehow. I just started to trust and believe in that, b/c if we were meant to be together, he'll be back. And, lo and behold, about a week later we got back together. He I guess just got spooked and wanted to be sure he was going in the right direction.

I'm sure "Derek" will realize how much you love him, just don't push him too hard right now. Let him cool off and think, and I'm sure he'll be back to talk. I'm sure he wouldn't throw everything away without trying to work this out. So just try to be calm and believe that things will work out.

 

[DMickey28]

I would react the same way and I would take time. He would have been angry with me for reading his email in the first place, though he denies that he would be mad at that! I would not pull away from our plans however, I would take a few days and with him emailing me and telling me how much he loves me I would love him back I think.

I can't tell if I am reading into his email that he wrote me this morning.... I need help.