Please help me!! I need to vent and encouragement...

[thelionqueen]

Hello all, as I write this I am just about to chew off my right arm I am so frustrated

That said here goes, I am a SAHM and work part-time (from home office) as a Mortgage Broker. My husband's best friend (of over 15 years) was purchasing a new home. Since DH and his BF are in the same business and refer jobs to eachother all the time, it seemed that naturally he would do the refi with me (or at least let me compete for it). Long story short, after many weeks of waiting patiently and helping with other financial endeavors, I was finally able to get the loan. side note....it was very hard to get him to commit even though we are one of the biggest and higest regarded mortgage companies in the area.

The home he has chosen is slightly out of his price range, but he doesn't care. His credit score is Fair/poor (mid 600's) debt ratio is very high and is self-employed. All major problems in the mortgage business.

After TONS of favors, "please help me's" and hours on the phone trying to get this tied up, we finally got it finished! There was a problem getting insurance, the house is old and needed stuff done for code, money down is coming from home equity line and the list goes on and on.... Bottom line, everyone in our office is completely shocked (including me frankly) that this has gone through at all. It seems as if he has pixie dust on his side

Flashback to this morning...DH's BF calls me agitated wanting to know how much $$ he needs to bring to closing, why no one's called him (BTW I call him every 2 days out of courtesy, whether I know something or not) and why we're "dragging our feet...we've had 6 weeks to work on this and it should be done". Needless to say, I am stunned! We just got the final numbers 10 minutes before he called me. I tried to tell him, sensitively, that there are things that go on "behind the scenes" that you know nothing about and we have been working feverishly to get this done by Friday (which is done now).

After listening to him loudly complain for over 5 minutes, without me getting a word in edge wise, he hangs up on me! I am so #%$@*# off I cannot even begin to tell you. So, politely I call him back and get his answering machine. I leave a very kind calm message stating "I know this is a stressful time, it is the most stressful time in everyone's lives and it is stressful for me as well. I have gotten you a great rate (which I did) and the deal is done. I know everyone gets a little aggravated and that's to be expected, I understand...blah, blah, blah.

Anyway, no call back. Keep in mind this is my DH's BF, I have watched his daughter for free whenever he needed a sitter, I threw her her 1st birthday party including cake (I teach cake decorating and my cakes take quite a while to do) AND dog sitted his nightmare mutt for 10 days for free! I did this long before I ever even knew he was going to refi with me, I did it because of his friendship with my husband and he's treating me like this??

Final thoughts...this is what I really want to do. I want to call him back and tell him everything I laid out here and more. Basically something like "Look, you're self employed, your debt/income ratio is 60% (very high), your credit sucks and you're darn lucky to get any loan let alone the great rate we got you." I know I won't but what can I do to make him understand HIS situation??

I go out of my way to make people who have "less than desirable" credit & income feel comfortable and not like a "dead beat" like lots of other brokers do. I think by doing this, my customers think I owe them something and they act like they are millionaires with A++++ credit. What am I doing wrong, because this is not the first client I've had like this. Maybe I should act like every other broker out there and make them feel "lucky" to get whatever they get.

Any help, advice, encouragement or otherwise would greatly improve my mood. Thanks for reading this Stephen King like post, I appreciate it!!

 

[kdibattista]

No advice.... just

 

[Mimi Q]

Sorry. I would chalk it up to him being "stressed out". He acted like a jerk ,and I am glad you were able to stay calm. Surely he will calm down and apologize later.

 

[marybet]

I think you need to let your clients know when they have credit problems. It may be that the BF has no idea how hard you had to work to get him a loan. Unless you are in the mortgage business how would you know all that stuff. I would think you could let people know about the problems without making them out to be deadbeats.

 

[kasar]

Wow. Does he know that he's such a high risk? Maybe he's embarrassed - I know that I would never let a close friend know the intimate details of my financial life! In any case, you're the better person. Just let it go and chalk it up to the stress. IMO, it's not worth losing a friend over.

I would not agree to help him in the future, though. And you know he'll be back, no one else will probably touch him with a ten foot pole.

 

[robinb]

First of all, congratulations on getting him such a great rate! I'm sure he will thank you when he cools down a bit. Don't take it personally that he didn't call you back right away.

I go out of my way to make people who have "less than desirable" credit & income feel comfortable and not like a "dead beat" like lots of other brokers do. I think by doing this, my customers think I owe them something and they act like they are millionaires with A++++ credit. What am I doing wrong, because this is not the first client I've had like this. Maybe I should act like every other broker out there and make them feel "lucky" to get whatever they get.

So, when you have a client with imperfect credit and work like a dog to get them a good rate, but you don't tell them that they have credit problems? There is no reason for you to hide that information from them. I think you can tell people about their credit problems and your difficulties in getting them a good loan and not make them feel bad. There is a difference between telling people the truth and implying that they are "deadbeats" or that they are "lucky". In addition, since those with poor credit take more of your time, you should let them know that too! No one will blow your horn if you don't do it! They don't know that they have been a drain on your time/energy and that you went out of your way to help them. You will get more referrals from clients who feel like you really want to bat for them than those who feel like you had to do nothing.

As for your DH's BF. I would tell him the truth. You had to really work at getting him a good rate because of X, Y and Z and that kind of personalized care takes a bit longer. {{hugs}}

 

[RUDisney]

Many people with poor credit feel entitled. That sounds like this guy. They don't care what hoops you have to jump throught to get it done, just that you'd better jump the right way for them.

You have to admit, though, there are the sweet ones, who know that they have had financial bad times and are so greatful for everything that you do for them. These are the ones that make it worthwhile to go that extra mile.

But, I must say that if my DH's BF treated me that way, he'd get a kick where the sun don't shine from me the next time I saw him, and maybe even some spit in his coffee the next time I poured.

 

[Marseeya]

I would assume that anyone going through an actual mortgage broker probably realizes how bad their credit is, otherwise why not go through a bank.

Anyway, to the OP: I'm betting you can just chalk it up to stress. I'm friends with a group of people and one of them (a male) was buying a house and he quit speaking to us for 3 weeks! He was a wreck and even up to the day of closing, he was so stressed out about it all.

 

[DawnCt1]

I don't think he is embarrassed at all. He knew his credit situation and it didn't bother him in the least when he thought that you could do something for him that perhaps no one else would or could do. Do you get a commission for this? I know when I used to sell real estate, friends and family members expected me to kick back a portion of the commission when I closed a deal. If that's the case, if he expects it, let him know that you had to work very hard on this and that you can't possibly afford to do that and don't do business with him again. I will never forget the time that I sold my in law's house in a tough market. I made very little because we (the broker I worked for) lowered the commission to accommodate them. It was just before Christmas and my MIL (in order to remind me) told me to take $25 for each of the boys out of the commission that "she was due back" and buy them Christmas presents. I told her that I would also be taking my business expenses and state and federal taxes out as well. I turned over a much smaller amount than she had been expecting. My only regret is that I parted with one dime!

 

[thelionqueen]

Addressing PP's comments

1. I did tell him his credit was OK, not great, but OK, which technically it is.
I am thinking now of being very honest (not brutally) but more up front.
Any suggestions on how to word this properly?

2. When I said I was a broker, I meant for the bank we work for. We are
funded directly from our primary bank, but can search for "alternative"
lenders if clients don't meet the financial requirements.

3. I don't offer any discount or kickback to any customers, family or not. I
figure it this way, if I hired him to paint my house, I know he will be fair
and he deserves to be paid for the work he has done. In my business,
yes I do get commission (which is my only pay, am not hourly) and make
darn sure I earn it. My thought is...I need it done, I might as well give
the money to someone I know and trust, I'm sure they'll be fair.

other comments..

I TOTALLY agree with the PP about people with bad credit feeling entitled. What is that all about?? The previous problems I've had have all come from people with hard to work deals. But, there are the ones who know their credit is bad and are grateful and helpful when it comes to financial dealings.

Anyway, thank you all for your words and encouragement, I feel 100% better, hope he does to. And you're right, maybe next year some time at a picnic or something, he might find himself thrown in our pool fully clothed

 

[DawnCt1]

Addressing PP's comments

1irements.

3. I don't offer any discount or kickback to any customers, family or not. I
figure it this way, if I hired him to paint my house, I know he will be fair
and he deserves to be paid for the work he has done. In my business,
yes I do get commission (which is my only pay, am not hourly) and make
darn sure I earn it. My thought is...I need it done, I might as well give
the money to someone I know and trust, I'm sure they'll be fair.

Good for you!!! I didn't "offer" it either but somehow it was expected. It was an impression that I should have corrected immediately.

 

[robinb]

Addressing PP's comments

1. I did tell him his credit was OK, not great, but OK, which technically it is.
I am thinking now of being very honest (not brutally) but more up front.
Any suggestions on how to word this properly?

Well, you told us and we understood:

The home he has chosen is slightly out of his price range, but he doesn't care. His credit score is Fair/poor (mid 600's) debt ratio is very high and is self-employed. All major problems in the mortgage business.
{snip}
There was a problem getting insurance, the house is old and needed stuff done for code, money down is coming from home equity line and the list goes on and on....

Did you tell him his credit was "OK" or "OK, not great, but OK"? Those two statements have different meanings. Perhaps instead of using OK, you should have used "Fair" as that sends a different message ... even though "fair" can be "OK". Also, by saying his credit was "OK" or even "OK, not great, but OK" you gave the impression that the mortagage would go through easily when in fact it would and did not.

I know that I would like to know ASAP if there are any issues. I don't think you need to sugar-coat it for people.

 

[Living with the Land]

We closed on this house 30 days exactly after first looking at it. It was a very smooth transaction. The bank would ask for something and we provided it, no surprises. However, DH was deathly ill through the whole process. He just came unglued from the stress??? Some people are just like that at times. DH works in a high stress field and is a volunteer fireman he is usually in control and all together. I guess buying a house brings out the worst in some people.

Holly

 

[thelionqueen]

Thanks for all the posts, you really helped me out during this very stressful day.

An update...he called me late tonight and apologized for being short with me. I knew he would, but just wish it would have been done sooner. Better late than never I guess. I told him I understand and everything is OK...Whew...another day another dollar

Thanks for the advice on future transactions. I believe I will be more up front and not "sugar coat" things. I guess my wording can be taken different ways than intended, and I've learned a great lesson from it.

Thanks to everyone who helped and posted, it was much appreciated!!