I've suggested all of the above, numerous times. He said he needed time and space to think. Asked me for two weeks. I gave it to him. He comes and goes and he pleases. I try not to ask questions or freak out when he is around. Also, he took his wedding ring off almost immediately. That was a HUGE red flag to me. Why on earth would someone who is fairly new to a company, who is looking to move up, advertise that he is having problems at home? Unless, of course, his main goal is to advertise it.
I also want to mention that with DH's previous jobs, he mainly worked from home. He was in medical sales & marketing, so spent most of the time on the phone, with a moderate amount of travel. This job is also sales & marketing, but for a home health care company. His territory is local & much smaller than what he is use to dealing with, which previously at the least was the mid-Atlantic, and most recently, the entire east half of the US. Now he has two counties, and is in constant contact with women all day long. So here I am at home, not working, not getting dressed up and looking all cute every day, with a health problem, but still happy, with lots of hobbies, and trying to stay in the best shape I can, thinking everything is just peachy.
I was slightly concerned when DH took this job, as I know how women are around him. Heck, I met him at work when we both worked in the ER, and we were both married to other people. I was already leaving my ex, but DH was still married. He expressed an interest in me, I said I wasn't interested, had one cheating husband, didn't want another. He ended up leaving his wife, and we ended up married two years later. If this is karma, it really is a *****. He is so charming and sweet that women fall all over him. He gives women what they aren't getting at home.
Not even one year after we were married he did start having an affair with someone he worked with. This was in a different workplace, so I didn't know her. I was still in the ER/ICU where we met. I found out a year later when OW's (other woman) husband called to tell me. I almost had a nervous breakdown then. I couldn't believe this was happening to me again after first DH, who I stayed with for twenty, count them, 20!!! years!!!!, because we had three young children. I finally had enough and left when the kids were 12, 18 & 19. What is it with me? Why do I attract these kind of men? The difference between first DH and current DH, (which, by the way, neither deserve the term "dear" husband, so from this point further, DH means damn husband), first DH never professed to be what he was not. He rarely told me he loved me, barely ever remembered a birthday or anniversary, and was basically not there. He worked hard, handed me his paycheck, and proceeded to do whatever he wanted. This DH was the exact opposite. Made me feel cherished, loved, cared for, safe, & secure at all times, except for the dreaded affair.
His excuse then was that he was feeling low, wasn't happy with his job, was doubting himself as a father with this new ready made family, she made him feel important, blah, blah, blah. Of course, I rationalized it like I did with first DH when I found out he was cheating. I believed him when he said he was so sorry, he would never hurt me like that again, he loves me more than anything in the whole universe, blah, blah, blah. I have to give it to him. He had me convinced. He couldn't have done enough for me. We did everything together. We liked the same things, had the same interests. Now, poof, it's gone. I'm boring; mundane is what he called it. Life is passing him by. I'm old news.
BTW, I am older than him, much older, 15 years older. He seemed so mature at the time we met. I did tell him to go away, that he was too young, I wasn't interested. He convinced me over time that age didn't matter. No one realized we were that far apart in age. I look young for my age, he is prematurely gray. He seemed so mature. I guess age matters now.
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