please close this thread

[Jeafl]

I totally agree. Great post. You said it much better than I.

Thanks. Every once in a while something halfway intelligent comes out of my mouth (fingers??)

 

[poohandwendy]

Thanks. Every once in a while something halfway intelligent comes out of my mouth (fingers??)

You always post great posts, IMO.

 

[smartestnumber5]

Personally, over half the girls I know personally who got into a living-together situation, and they discovered that they and the guy had different expectations. Usually the girl has the idea that they'll live together for a certain time, then get married. All too often, the guy has the idea that living together is a permanant situation. Almost always it's caused them trouble.

Isn't this just a simple miscommunication issue? Either they didn't talk about these things beforehand as they should have or someone wasn't being honest. Or perhaps the men originally did want to get married, but then found that living together was a fine thing and no longer saw the need for marriage. If so, I don't see how living together should be blamed. Why would these women want to be married to a man didn't want it as badly as they did?

I would also hope the study didn't try to guess why the marriages of those who lived together didn't work out, that isn't what they study was looking at. The study just did some number crunching and presenting the results.

But if all the study does is report the numbers, then it doesn't tell us anything useful. It only gives us a correlation. But in order to be justified in thinking "I better not cohabitate before marriage because it will make me more likely to get divorced" we would need to know that the reason the marriages of cohabitators broke up more often was because they had cohabitated.

On the other hand, if the reason the marriages of cohabitators broke up more often was because of other characteristics which cohabitators are more likely to have--for instance:

But the theory was that since they had the guts to live in sin, they would have the guts to get out of a bad marriage because teh sactity means less to them. While someone who waits until marriage may be doing so for moral reasons, and would stay in a bad marriage. That's the only theory I could find.

then it is completely irrational to think "I better not cohabitate because it will cause me to have a higher chance of divorce." If the theory is correct (and the first online paper I found which mentioned it indicated there is evidence for its truth), then the fact is if you were contemplating cohabitation then you probably already have a higher likelihood of divorce. It's not the cohabitation but your value system which might allow you to cohabitate which leads to your higher risk of divorce.

 

[Buckalew11]

For some reason I keep thinking about the movie, "About Last Night" from the 80s.

 

[Jeafl]

You always post great posts, IMO.

Thank you

I've always thought the same of you.

 

[sajetto]

Okay, I have no idea what has happened on this thread or any of what the OP has said b/c she has deleted it, but it seems like people never learn that if you title a thread

"please close this thread"


It draws a crowd.

 

[yearbook50]

My fiance and I live together. We basically have been living together since we started. He just works full time. I work full time also and I also attend college full time studying to be a Mechanical Engineer. The way we have got it to work well for us is he does the trash, I'll do the recycling. He direct deposits 34% of his check in my bank account each paycheck for his part of the apartment bills and to save for the wedding. I write all the bills out and send them in on time. He still takes care of his credit call bills and cell phone. I go grocery shopping every 10 days. If he wants something, he has to write it down in the grocery book. I cook one good meal a day usually. He has to clean the dishes. We make it work out well. We generally only fight about house stuff occasionally when he forgets its his turn to clean the bathroom.

A relationship is about give and take. You need to sit down and talk about how you are feeling and the problems you two have. If its meant to be, you can work it out. If it isn't, cut your losses and leave now.

 

[Miss Jasmine]

I's like to make one other book recommendation.

The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/18...=pd_bbs_1/002-3801651-4040812?ie=UTF8&s=books

This book helped me with my marriage and nearly every other relationship in my life. Being appreciated and feeling love is a two-way street.

 

[momrek06]

Just a note:
I have edited and attempted to close this thread because my DBF has asked me to, in case it was searched by anyone we know. I apologize if this has inconvenienced anyone, but I do respect his wishes.
I very much appreciated all of the responses. Large portions of my original posts have been quoted in many replies, so you can use your imagination if you are just now reading this.
As for me & DBF? We have a lot of issues that we need to work out that stem WAY beyond household chores and weekend trips. I mainly posted here to ask for advice on whether it was fair for my boyfriend to ask that we take our two-year anniversary trip at his dad's house (who we see at least once every month or two, far more often than my own family). I have agreed, somewhat reluctantly, to spend the trip at his dad's. I also cleaned our whole apartment today without a complaint. And spent several hours at his mom's.
From requesting advice here, I have learned a few things:
1) ALWAYS realize that you can never tell the WHOLE story in a thread, so expect others to make false accusations. It's part of the package.
2) Good advice is not always what you want to hear
3) Don't try to close a thread, even if you have all the information you need, because others may want you to keep it open

So, thank you everyone. Good reading.

OP: I just don't know!! You cleaned the whole apt w/o any complaints.

Well I won't say anything else as you want this Locked and Closed but I certainly wish you well.

 

[TLHB70]

I's like to make one other book recommendation.

The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/18...=pd_bbs_1/002-3801651-4040812?ie=UTF8&s=books

This book helped me with my marriage and nearly every other relationship in my life. Being appreciated and feeling love is a two-way street.

I have been following this thread without posting. I had considered recommending this book also, but didn't know if they would sit together and read it since BF is so busy. It will definitely help the OP even if she reads it alone. It would definitely be much better to somehow find time to read it together. I agree with Miss Jasmine, it is the perfect book for this situation. He is apparently expressing love in his "language." She is expressing it in her "language." This book will help each of them see how they show and receive expressions of love. It is a tremendous book for any marriage!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

***OP, PLEASE read this book!