"Playdate" Should they have provided lunch?

[Zandy595]

I'm starting to wonder if maybe the mom just let them help themselves in the kitchen. In which case I know DS would not have felt comfortable doing so. He's shy and very polite and I can see him not feeling right about getting himself food at someone else's house. Maybe that's why he didn't eat.

 

[MM27]

I've always thought that once they are out of preschool, it's not called a playdate anymore. Just having friends over.

That is exactly what I was thinking.

Is this really a big deal? You're not going to call the kids mother and complain are you? 13 year old boys don't "do lunch" they raid the fridge

 

[KirstenB]

Our oldest is only 11, so take that for what it's worth. If a kid is at my house from 12-4, I'll feed them lunch, cause I have to remind my own child to eat. Our older dd constantly forgets to eat. Unfortunately, she doesn't get this from me!!

 

[hegsag]

I would have assumed that he would have eaten lunch at his friends house - especially if the boys eat lunch at 1:30 at school. Did your son or any other boy tell the host that they were hungry? My kids are still young so I don't know how things are with older kids.

 

[turkeymama]

I'm starting to wonder if maybe the mom just let them help themselves in the kitchen. In which case I know DS would not have felt comfortable doing so. He's shy and very polite and I can see him not feeling right about getting himself food at someone else's house. Maybe that's why he didn't eat.

This was me when I was that age. I'm betting that is what happened. My nephew is the same age and when he has friends over, he is expected to tend to their needs for the most part. My sister doesn't cook a lot for him anyway so she wouldn't go out of her way to offer an actual meal for the boys unless they started complaining about being hungry.

 

[sunlver]

Ive learned never to assume anything. I would of made sure my child ate before leaving(expecially if no lunch was mentioned for playdate). By some chance that lunch was given there, my son would simply say no thank you, or eat again
My son is 15 and when he has friends here, I dont make lunch...I take my son aside and remind him it is lunch time and to ask his friend if he would like to eat..if boys are hungry my son knows how to make peanut butter and jelly

 

[locolala]

At 13, they are old enough to either fend for themselves or ask the parent that is there where they can get something to eat. Most of the time when I was that age, we'd either make sandwiches, a frozen pizza, mac and cheese.. something along those lines.

 

[MizTink]

i wouldn't "serve" lunch. but they could certainly eat if they were hungry!!! 13 year old boys are big enough to handle that on their own!!
and please don't call the other mom......that would HUMILIATE your son!!!
does he know he was on a "play date"????? LOL

 

[MushyMushy]

I raised 3 boys and by the time they were 13, I would not have "made" lunch for them. I would have expected my son to bring them into the kitchen to do their own raiding if they were hungry.

I'm surprised a group of boys 13 years old didn't just spontaneously eat everything in the kitchen and possibly the neighbor's kitchen as well. DD is 10 and if she or her friends were hungry they'd go to the kitchen and make a sandwich or hot pocket or something. Even at 10 my involvement would need to be very minimal.

Yes, what they said! It wouldn't even occur to me to make 13 year olds a lunch because they'd do it themselves. My son was making his own food a good bit earlier than that.

 

[Imzadi]

I guess I was mistaken. I've always considered noon to be lunch time.

Me too. All the years I used to do temp work, we'd break for lunch at noon. When I used to waitress, the crowd would pour in from 12-2.

The only reason I heard lunch at school was served at 10:45 was because there were so many kids, they had to do lunch in 2-3 shifts. One group had lunch at noon while the other groups had their lunches before or after.

 

[golfgal]

All the boys have lunch at 1:30 at school.

What time do they start school that they don't eat until 1:30? Our kids would be STARVING by then.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

Life lesson for DS--ask before he goes. He's at the age where he can figure that out for himself or grab a bite to eat before he leaves just in case.

 

[Freyja]

I don´t serve my teens any kind of meal, except dinner. I expect them to fend for themselves if they´re hungry
My own kids would never go 4 hours at that time of day without having a snack and they always ask their friends if they would like something.

 

[java]

Well personally around here no matter what time of day my 15 year old son's friends come over they are eating!
I have stuff on hand just for them- they are always hungry doesn't matter if it's "lunchtime" or Dinnertime- anytime is food time.

They eat Nachos, Pizza bagels, bugers- whatever is available.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I didn't really want to call it a playdate because the boys are all around 13yo, but I couldn't think of a better word. So, DS was invited to his friend's house today from 12pm to 4pm, along with 2 other boys. He wasn't told that they would have lunch there, but I thought for sure they would since most people don't eat lunch before noon. DS got home at 4pm and was starving. I asked if his friend's mom gave them anything to eat and he said no. I'm surprised she let 4 teenage boys go 4 hours without giving them any food.

So my question is: if your DS invited friends over at that time of day would you have served lunch?

No. You eat before you go. It think it is rude to expect someone to feed your kid for a "playdate". JMHO Oh and plus I never "assume". It never works out well. Unless someone said they will be serving lunch, you assume they are not or ask.

And anyway, who serves "lunch" when kids get together to hang out? Nobody. They usually eat junk food.

 

[Acklander]

Another one who just lets the teen boys raid the fridge/snack cabinet. I never assumed someone else was going to feed them a "meal" unless it was specifically stated (i.e. a call saying "I'm at Joe's and am going to stay for dinner").
But it may be hard for me to make a judgement call on this one, because by that age I don't recall there ever being a set time when my teen would go over to someone else's house (like you stated from 12-4). Usually there would just be a call in asking to come over and hang out with the friend, and I'd tell him to call when he needed a ride home.

 

[clarabelle]

No. You eat before you go. It think it is rude to expect someone to feed your kid for a "playdate". JMHO Oh and plus I never "assume". It never works out well. Unless someone said they will be serving lunch, you assume they are not or ask.

And anyway, who serves "lunch" when kids get together to hang out? Nobody. They usually eat junk food.

I think it is rude to have people at your house for four hours and not feed them

Really? It is rude to think that people should offer you food? Rude to just think it? How is that rude? She didn't say her son demanded food. She didn't say he took food.

I would definitely offer them food.

 

[MIGrandma]

I either would have served lunch shortly after they got there, or provided snacks or pizza or sandwiches, something, around 2:00 or so. It's hard for teenage boys to go 4 whole hours without food.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I think it is rude to have people at your house for four hours and not feed them

Really? It is rude to think that people should offer you food? Rude to just think it? How is that rude? She didn't say her son demanded food. She didn't say he took food.

I would definitely offer them food.

OK, it is not the norm how is that? Usually when you send your 13yo off to hang out at a friends you feed them before they go. You don't expect lunch. Snacks, yes but lunch? I have girls and not boys so that may make a difference here.

ETA..I guess the "rude part" is assuming lunch is being served, when there was no mention of it.

 

[clarabelle]

I probably would have fed them first.

I don't think the OP was planning on calling the other Mom out or anything =I think she was just surprised.

Maybe it is my southern upbringing. But I always thought you offer guests food -especially if they are there for more than an hour or two.

My DDs do not have loads of people over like some kids -so maybe I am not used to that "they will eat when they get hungry -I don't have to offer it" school of thought.