Picking an engagement ring....

[Pomlover2586]

Hi! My boyfriend and I have been together almost 5 years now and were talking about getting engaged. He's asked me if I want to help pick out the ring and i'm not sure what I want to do. I like the idea of choosing my ring and knowing i'll be happy with it, but at the same time I feel like by doing so i'll lose some of the senimental value of having him pick it out for me.....What do you all think? Have any of you picked out yor own ring and if so do you regret it now? I'm tempted to go and show him what I like and then let him pick the final one on his own.....Any suggestions or help would be greatly appreciated! Thanks!

 

[Chantelle]

I am all for going shopping with him and helping him pick it. When I went shopping with my fiance he was quite happy because the rings I picked out were ones he would have never even looked at. I ended up picking three styles I liked and he went back and made the final choice without me. If he had gone on his own, I am sure I would have ended up with something really nice, but not exactly what I wanted. We're the ones that have to wear it constantly so it is good to have some say in it.

Perhaps you could find some photos online to give him an idea what you like and then let him pick it out so it is still a surprise but you have input.

 

[PrincessBride07]

I did pick out my own ring. Knowing what kind of ring my df was looking at I am glad that I did, and do not regret the decision at all. The down side is that I didn't get the whole surprise proposal on one knee bit. (Actually I never got a proposal at all. ) I would do as you say, go with him and show him what you like. Let the final choice be his, and he can surprise you with it. In that way, you will both be happy.

 

[luna99]

I picked mine as well and I don't regret it.

we went shopping together a few times and I was going to show him just the basic style that I liked but I found one that I kept coming back to and on the third trip to visit it DF just asked me if I wanted to go ahead and get it since I kept coming back to that same ring.... I looked at him all excited like... "really?! right now? should we get it?" and he said "yeah! if you want to"

and that's pretty much how it happened. Actually when we went into the store to get it it was gone! (we had the model number written down) and asked about it.. it turned out it was just about to be sent back to have the diamond taken out and put in a different setting because no one seemed to want that style of ring

the saleswoman brought the ring back out and I tried it on and told DF yes, let's buy it! so we saved the ring from ring doom!! DF told me that since no one else wanted it that meant the ring was destined to be mine... I love that story

I still LOOOVE my ring and can't imagine having any other one. It's perfect.

anyway.. haha.. sorry I got off topic but you could maybe just show him styles of rings you like and hope he gets one that you love.. but me personally, I'm so glad I picked mine out myself!

 

[TinkerFairy]

PrincessBride07, I'm with you on the lack of proposal

We had tossed around the idea of getting engaged for a while, and at first I had asked his mom and sister to go along and help with his ring selection.

Near Christmas of 05, we were going out to have lunch and finish up our Christmas shopping and he said we should go pick out a ring for me

I actually only kept the original ring less than a year, and we went back and upgraded to a gorgeous bridal set. I didn't trade in the original because I hated it or anything, I actually felt pretty horrible about it, but I was having a heck of a time finding a wedding band to match it.

I don't regret picking out my own ring at all, and he was happy, and less stressed since he knew I'd love it.

 

[JandJ]

I think it depends on the person. My entire engagement was a surprise so I didn't know he was going to do it or that there was a ring or anything. I loved the surprise! DH knew what style of ring I wanted just from things I'd said and comments I'd made about other people's rings. He chose it by himself and did a tremendous job I was glad that he proposed with a ring and very glad that he got me one I love

My brother and his wife, they'd discussed getting engaged and they picked out the ring together but then my brother kept the ring and surprised her with the proposal. My co-worker did the same thing.

I think it's important that your future-DF at least know the style of ring you want. Whether that's showing him in a magazine or on-line or actually going to a store, that way he'll know what style you want on your finger the rest of your life! My BFF just got engaged and she told me and other friends what kind of ring she wanted but she didn't tell her DF apparently because it's not exactly what she wanted - it's beautiful! - but not entirely what she wanted.

 

[imnotaprincess]

My DF just popped the question a couple of weeks ago and it was a complete surprise. We had talked about marriage and he had asked what kind of ring I'd be interested in a few months earlier. I told him stone shape and metal color, but left the rest up to him.

It was great to be completely surprised with what he chose - and trust me, he did good! The ring came from his heart and he chose something that he liked...which I now LOVE!

 

[PirateBride08]

I was suppose to inherit my grandmother's ring...but that turned into a family disaster and now we aren't doing that.

We went to look at rings here and there just for ideas and he asked me if I could help him pick it out so we are doing it together. We live together and it's "our" money too. I told him that when he does get the ring he still has to propose! lol But I like the idea of picking it out because I am the one that is going to wear it and I want it to be something that I really like. I want a solitaire and he doesn't like them so I know he wouldn't have ever picked one.

 

[heatherlynn444]

he picked mine out, i wanted it to be from him ya know? i did tell him two specific things I did NOT want, but other than that, I'm easy. plus...his dad owns a chain of jewelry stores so I knew it would be good and I love that he picked it out and did it all by himself.

 

[Tinkerbelle14]

My DH and I had talked about getting engaged a lot, and we always had very similar opinions on engagement rings, but he was still worried he would pick out something that I wouldnt' like! So one day he asked me not to turn off the computer when I was finished it b/c he needed to use it. So I decided to personalize a ring on bluenile.com and then left that page up on the computer so that he would see it when he went on. He thought it was hilarious, but at least he knew for sure what I liked!

 

[mushu1313]

I had a girlfriend whose husband had a novel idea. He went through magazines, brochures, and the internet and came up with his top 25-30 choices. He presented them to her and had her pick her top 5. From those 5 he chose her ring. It worked perfectly. They both had a say in the choice. I tried to talk DF into doing this, but he opted for me to go shopping with him. The difference was he did not purchase it with me there. He had the jeweler write down all the pertinent information (including ring size), and then went back at a later date (actually a couple of months later) and surprised me with it when I was least expecting it.

 

[Moonpie]

I got to pick out my own ring. My husband and I talked about the kinds of rings that I would like, and every time we went somewhere for the weekend we would end up shopping around for different styles. He proposed with a very pretty casual ring, with the idea that I would wear that one until I found one I really liked... and the very next day I picked out the ring I wanted. It worked out great!
I have two friends who ended up being a little unhappy with the rings that their husband's picked out for them. I think mostly they were unhappy that their fiances did not consider asking them if they wanted to have any input on picking a ring. One of them even went as far as getting a jeweler to make changes to her ring.

 

[PirateKitty]

DF insisted that I show him what I liked, and ultimately said it was my choice. For me, it didn't take anything away from the fact that he was asking me to marry him. And I almost didn't end up with the one I wanted anyway. I chose the ring online, he went to purchase it a few days later and they were sold out. About a month later, I just happened to be at the jeweler getting a ring sized, and told the sales clerks about the ring. One lady ran over to a case and said "is this the one?" She pulled out the very ring I had chosen. And to make it even better, it was the last one and it was listed at a clearance price. I called DF and told him about it. The manager held the ring and he purchased it the next day.

 

[Pomlover2586]

Thank you all for your wonderful advice and input! Soon to be DF and I are going to go "browsing" on Sunday and see what strikes my fancy. I think i'm going to pick out a few and let him decide between them, unless of course I find the one I'm very excited!

 

[Acksweetie]

Thank you all for your wonderful advice and input! Soon to be DF and I are going to go "browsing" on Sunday and see what strikes my fancy. I think i'm going to pick out a few and let him decide between them, unless of course I find the one I'm very excited!

My DF and I went "browsing" for rings as well. He wanted to make sure he picked out the cut of the diamond and style of ring I really liked. We went to several places and I liked some but he could tell I wasn't that impressed. We then went to another store and I found one that I really liked but kept looking at all the rings. At the end I went back to look at that same ring again and he could see in my eyes that I Loved the Ring. That is the one I ended up with and I Love it so much!!!

My DF told me that if he was going to spend that much money on something I would wear forever, then he wanted it to be something I really wanted. He thanked me for helping him pick out the one I wanted.

 

[lurkyloo]

Well, I thought I was being all proactive by starting to looks at rings after BF and I began talking about wedding logistics a few weeks ago. I'm not a huge jewelry person, and BF doesn't have a lot to spend, so I felt I should find something unique and cheap. When I found a ring I liked, I decided to just tell him about it, instead of hinting through his female friend, because I don't want anyone to know what we're up to just yet.

When I brought it up, he got all giggly and uncomfortable and acted like he hadn't seriously considered us getting engaged - and this is after we discussed where we'd have our wedding, who we'd invite, and what time of year would be best.

He also is worried that it won't be a surprise if I tell him what kind of ring I want, even though he generally avoids trying to surprise me with anything because he's always worried he'll pick the wrong thing....

Has anyone had this sort of thing happen to them? I need a pep talk...

 

[purplegirl247]

lurkyloo, I wouldn't worry, especially if you guys have seriously discussed the wedding itself. Guys get kind of weird about the ring, the proposal, the engagement, you name it. DH and I started discussing getting married over a year before we actually did. I started planning the wedding (which he knew about) but he didn't actually ask me until a little under six months before the wedding date.

Apparently, he wanted to ask in a really fantastic, over the top way, but his plans kept falling through. He works at Universal and he wanted to have some of his co-workers present it to me, but it kept being too hot for us to go there. Then he wanted to do something special at Disney, but he and I couldn't get the same days off! After several false starts, he just asked me in front of our Christmas tree, which was a surprise and nice as well.

As for the ring question the op asked, I would definitely definitely want to be there with the fiance to pick it out. I had actually told DH that my dream was for him to propose with a silly prop ring (like from a Cracker Jack box or a cheapie Mickey ring or something) and we could shop for the actual ring later. I had something very specific in mind and had high hopes of us designing it together, to go with the wedding ring. DH decided not to listen to that paticular request, and I ended up with a Mickey-shaped amethyst ring which was thoughtful and fabulous BUT doesn't go with any wedding band in the history of wedding bands.

Long story short, I ended up putting my engagement ring on my right hand and getting a completely different wedding band. I love it all, but it's just not quite what I had in mind, you know? (I would NEVER tell him that, of course! Would break his poor little heart! )

Good luck with the ring shopping, op!

 

[lurkyloo]

Thanks, PurpleGirl!

 

[Missy Mouse]

Hi! My boyfriend and I have been together almost 5 years now and were talking about getting engaged. He's asked me if I want to help pick out the ring and i'm not sure what I want to do. I like the idea of choosing my ring and knowing i'll be happy with it, but at the same time I feel like by doing so i'll lose some of the senimental value of having him pick it out for me.....What do you all think? Have any of you picked out yor own ring and if so do you regret it now? I'm tempted to go and show him what I like and then let him pick the final one on his own.....Any suggestions or help would be greatly appreciated! Thanks!

I would look at rings and tell him the style you want. For example, I know I don't want a 3-stone style ring. I want a solitaire type but it can have littler diamonds - don't care what kind of cut. I think it's fine to tell him the kind of ring, but I personally wouldn't want to see the exact ring so that there's still some element of surprise.

 

[Lizzybear]

I'd be happy either way (surprise or planned engagement) but i'd quite like to have a little input as I don't wear rings anyway so i'm not sure my bf even knows what kind I like!