People are more important than Animals

[va32h]

(Donning my flameproof suit).

In the last month, we have been visiting lots of friends and relatives, since dh recently returned from his deployment and of course they all missed him, etc. and so forth.

Ds (5) is very afraid of large dogs - dogs that are larger than him anyway- and I admit that I am not too comfortable with them either. We also have an 18 month old, who is far too curious about large unfamiliar dogs

We have been invited guests in three homes - of either close friends or relatives - in which the homeowners have large dogs that stay inside. On all three occasions, the owners were reluctant or unwilling to put their dogs away during our visit.

At my MIL's house, where we stayed overnight, my son was instructed to eat his breakfast outside on the porch, because the dogs ate in the kitchen. Dh was in the shower when that happened - and believe me, he got an earful when he got out. Of course when he told his mother "hey, don't kick my son outside!" she cried and said she was so sorry, but it was so stressful to keep the dogs away from ds all the time, and didn't we want our son to get over his phobia. And of course dh can't bear to see his mother cry so he apologizes to her. But that is really another story altogether.

Anyway, at dh's aunt's house, the aunt made her husband put the dogs outside, but he spent the whole visit staring out the window, making comments like "I sure hope they are okay. They sound so sad." There was no inclement weather, and the dogs had shelter. And quite frankly, these dogs were not people friendly. My 9 yo and some of her older cousins went outside to play with the dogs (with the owners permission) and the dogs got very over-excited and aggressive and ended up tearing dd's clothes and scaring the heck out of her.

Finally, at a third house, the owners flat out refused to put their German Shepherd in another room, and I spent two hours carrying ds in my arms, while dh carried the baby. This was a very friendly dog - but so friendly that he would lean up against people, and knock them over. The kids would have been flattened.

I realize that people love their animals, but animals are not more important than people. Especially your family members!

 

[Virgo10]

No flames from me and I love animals. Their behavior was wrong. Maybe you need to find some new friends.

 

[Christine]

I agree, but I also know that it's difficult to do. I have two dogs. One of them, a beagle, is fairly aggressive. My best friend's DD (8) has a very strong dog phobia. I mean, it's downright irrational. But there are times that she has to come to my home and I am sensitive to her fears. But my dogs are indoor dogs and have their roam of the house. They are not used to be shut off from people. Do I feel sad for my dogs--heck no, but they are MAJOR PITAs when I have to keep them away from this little girl. If I put them out for too long, then they start barking and I'm worrying about the neighbor's being subjected to the barking. So then I shut them up in the basement. Well, they can hear up upstairs and they are whining and sniveling and driving us nuts. Then, I have to be very careful that one of my kids doesn't accidentally let the dogs up when they go downstairs to use the computer or get a game. Major pain. I just wish that the girl would *try* to spend some time with the dogs. They calm down in about 20 minutes and they are quite loving.

But, I get your point. If it is that much trouble for them, they shouldn't invite you over anymore.

 

[remyandhollandsmommy]

No flames here! We have a german shepherd and while he is very friendly I always put him away when we have children over. You never know when a child might accidently step on a tail or something and I want NO chances of Xander biting someone! Besides he is over 100pds and can flatten ME nevermind a child. Remy is afraid of little dogs (so am I to an extent) because of a pack of evil Boston terriers (I am not saying all the breed is evil just this particular pack of them). If we are going to someones house that has small dogs I request they either put them away while we visit or we just won't go. I know some people look on their pets as part of their family and I am one of them, but I would never think of making a child (or an adult for that matter) less important than an animal. Sorry you have to deal with that.

 

[meandtheguys2]

Just wanted to say "hey" before you were roasted! Pets are pets. I love my cats, but we put them elsewhere when people come to visit! Esp. if we invited them. I would have walked out of the third house! And the whiny guy was pitiful!

Now, if you were staying at MIL's that makes it more difficult. You often can't lock out or up a pet for days. There has to be some give and take. Maybe a hotel would work better next time?

 

[momof2inPA]

Hopefully, the next time you visit with those people, they can come to your house. I have a problem with a Grandma who drops her granddaughter off at pre-school. She likes to bring in her little dog on a leash with a sweater on; it's a cute dog. I have told her repeatedly that my son is extremely allergic to dog licks, and I would appreciate it if she would keep the dog at a distance, but she doesn't listen. It's always a little dance to get my son through the hallway without the dog having access to him.

After I muttered to myself one day that the grandma was nuts, my pre-school son relayed this message to the granddaughter, and the situation has improved.

 

[pearlieq]

It's hard to juggle because pets are valued companions and viewed by many as members of the family. I'm not sure if I could say that members of my extended family or friends are more important than my cats--I'd say they're about equal.

I would feel horrible if I had to confine my cats to the basement for extended periods of time because a visitor couldn't tolerate them. I do it, for short times on occasion, but I don't like it. If your kids don't like the animals, why not have them come visit you, or stay in a hotel when you visit?

I can see how it would be frustrating if they knew about your concerns/your DS's issues and invited you anyway without being willing to make accomodations. And I certainly can't see asking a guest to eat out on the porch! Maybe it would be better for all to pass on visits until your family is more comfortable with the dogs.

 

[stinkerbelle]

First I'd like to say that when I invite people over to my house...they are guests...my dog lives there.

That being said - we make ever effort to "lock our dog away" when we have guests over...as we know our dog is quite hyper...ok - very hyper, around new people.

However, it wasn't pleasant eating easter dinner with our family with the dog whining and howeling upstairs locked in our bedroom.

my flame suit is on as well.

 

[momof2inPA]

Hopefully, the next time you visit with those people, they can come to your house.

I thought about this, and that won't happen either will it? If those people think their pets are more important than your family, they won't leave them to come visit you. It's ironic that an animal that gives you companionship can isolate you from your friends/family sometimes.

 

[Castlebound]

Did you MIL forget that she was a grandma?! I can't believe that she made you DS eat on the porch! Sorry I would have got my DH out of the shower and started packing! My DS was bite on the face by a dog and he keeps his distance from all dogs. The only dog that he will pet is my aunt's dog that is so laid back you would think the dog is in a coma.

Sorry but if these people didn't want to put their dogs up then they really didn't want to visit with your family. They had the right to say no, but you had the right to leave.

 

[beattyfamily]

Sorry but my dogs are part of the package and my family and most people know this when coming to visit us.

I do my best to keep them away from someone who has an issue with dogs (a child whose afraid - a newcomer who didn't know we had dogs) but sometimes I just can't lock them outside due to the weather; rain or snow. If I can, though I do, but I don't like it. I usually let them back in once they've calmed down.

Flame away.

edited to add that I'm allergic to cats but all my family has cats. I do not expect them to make their cats disappear because I came to visit. It's their home.

 

[airhead]

...but they are also crate trained and have no problem going to their crates when I tell them to. Animals,no matter how well trained they are,will ALWAYS be animals. Your friends/family members are really taking a chance by letting their dogs around children that are frightened by them and may react by running or screeching. A dog that is prey driven(and not properly trained) WILL run after a running kid. No doubt.
Its not about who's more important,kids or dogs. Its really about safety.
One more thing. By putting your kid outside away from the "pack",you've told the dogs they are above the kid in the pecking order.

 

[sleepyone]

My dh says your MIL is a "Friggin' Idiot".

Did you MIL forget that she was a grandma?! I can't believe that she made you DS eat on the porch! Sorry I would have got my DH out of the shower and started packing!

I agree, I would have left with the kids and gone to a hotel or something.

 

[JerseyJanice]

People like your relatives give pet owners a bad name. Moreover, this kind of behavior is stupid and irresponsible IMO.

We have a big, overly-friendly dog whom we put away whenever someone who's uncomfortable with dogs comes over. I wouldn't "force" him on anybody because I don't want to put him in a situation where he might tempted to harm someone accidentally.

Dogs can sense when people are afraid of them. As nice as my dog is, he's only an animal. If someone acts inappropriately with him and he does something not nice, we might wind up being forced to put him down.

It's for the safety of both humans and dogs to keep apart company who aren't good around dogs.

 

[Crankyshank]

When I have guests over, which is rare, I make every effort to keep my hyper dogs outside. Unfortunately that can't always happen and sometimes it's a lot easier to have them run and jump and lick for a few minutes while they get over their excitement than it is to have them locked upstairs howling and barking.

If you don't want to deal with my dogs, then you honestly don't have to come over. .

 

[pearlieq]

I thought about this, and that won't happen either will it? If those people think their pets are more important than your family, they won't leave them to come visit you. It's ironic that an animal that gives you companionship can isolate you from your friends/family sometimes.

I agree that for some people this is the case--dogs need to be walked, etc. But I don't know anyone who won't leave their animals for a few hours at least.

I'm perfectly content to leave the cats overnight, or for longer trips with a cat sitter. They're safe in their comfortable, familiar surroundings. Just because I respect my cats' position as members of the family and take my stewardship of them very seriously doesn't mean I'm a recluse and a slave to the animals.

Honestly, if there were someone who consistently couldn't tolerate my cats, I would probably stop inviting them to my house, but I would be more than happy to go to theirs.

 

[cinmell]

(Donning my flameproof suit).
I realize that people love their animals, but animals are not more important than people. Especially your family members!

I could not agree with you more. I can't believe your mother in law made your son eat outside b/c of the dogs.

 

[CheshireVal]

I don't move my cats around or lock them up when I have guests who are allergic (or who just don't like them.) I'm sorry, but I'm not about to go rearranging the whole litter box situation just so someone can come over and visit. I figure if they want to spend time with me and the cats are a bother, they can invite me to *their* place.

 

[NMAmy]

va32h--I really feel for your son, believe me. I used to have a phobia of dogs when I was a child--I was on a walk with my grandmother when I was about 3 and a dog tried to attack me. I just wanted to share the way my father helped me overcome it because it was becoming debilitating (I was afraid to go to the bus stop because the neighbors had a dog.) When I was about 8, my dad bought a collie puppy for Christmas. Since he grew up in our home from a tiny puppy, I was able to get over my fear and he became quite large. I've had large dogs ever since and I'm so grateful that my dad gave me this gift. I realize that it may not be possible for you to get a dog at this time but it did help to rid me of my phobia. DD has grown up with large dogs (including her dad's K9's) and has no fear whatsoever of any dog. I remember her telling our large German Shepherd to "Go lie down, Charlie." when she was about 2 and the dog towered over her. Our dogs all listened to the little bugger, too. (She's just naturally a bossy kid.)

With all that said, I have always put my dogs outside or in another room if I had a guest that had allergies or was afraid of dogs. I want my guests to be comfortable in my home.

 

[va32h]

The visit with MIL was only an overnighter - so we left fairly quickly after the "breakfast on the porch" incident. Believe me - MIL knows I am furious about that and it will be long time (if ever) before I forgive/forget that one.

The party with the German shepherd - I have to admit ownership on those people. They were my friends first. Before they had the dogs even! I would have liked to have left the party, but it was actually a party in dh's honor, so it would have been awkward to leave.

For the record - at that house, there were several guests who were not happy with the German shepherd's presence. The dog is only about a year old, still very excitable. They also had a cocker spaniel, who wasn't at all intimidating, but did piddle on the floor everytime a new person came into the room.

We have a dog ourselves - a dachshund. We always put her outside or in a bedroom when we have a party or if someone indicates they are not comfortable with her. And she is 15 years old and barely moves.