Apparently my name is now Delbert and 'they' want to buy my house in Colorado, per the text message (lol I live in FL). I also owe hundreds in tolls (I've don't drive toll roads) and finally 'they' (whoever 'they' are) are finalizing 'a case against me' and I need to be home to get the paperwork. What did I do?

But it sure is taking a long time for those papers

.