Passive aggressive neighbor -- what to do?

[Narnian_Princess]

DH and I just went out to find a lovely note taped to our door by our downstairs neighbors. They are upset at our 'stomping around' and go on to list quite a few theories-- we are pogo stick champions, own a tricking pony, have sex all day, etc. Of course, in the average 2-3 hours a day that we are home and not asleep, what we really do is walk around normally in sock feet. We don't even work out up here.

I'm sure the 'grown up' thing to do is to knock on their door and confront them. But I'm terrible at confrontation and if they wanted face to face contact they would have knocked on our door. DH wants to 1) write a snarky note back (I think that's a terrible idea because then we're stooping to their level), 2) take the note to the front office (not sure what good that will do?), and 3) post the note on the internet (okay, maybe I can get behind that one). I've been wracking my brain trying to figure out how we could be quieter and I can't think of anything. I've lived on bottom floor apartments before and I thought walking noise from above was a fact of life. We actually try to be very quiet because we know what it's like to be in a ground floor apartment.

Any suggestions? I'm confused and a little miffed because we actually try to be very quiet in our daily lives. None of this:

 

[Ed J]

We had neighbors like that when we got our first place. We had a party that next night and gave them something to really complain about for the next week or so.

We stopped using the bed and used the living room floor for awhile . I saw them in the parking lot a few times later and they would not even make eye contact. .

 

[mhfrau]

I would knock on their door and invite them to come up for a pony ride... seriously! This is one of those times it is going to require putting on the big girl panties, unfortunately. Since they obviously don't like confrontation, you will be putting them in an uncomfortable position by politely going to talk to them, and I think most of the time, that will resolve the situation. Good luck!

 

[Janepod]

DH and I just went out to find a lovely note taped to our door by our downstairs neighbors. They are upset at our 'stomping around' and go on to list quite a few theories-- we are pogo stick champions, own a tricking pony, have sex all day, etc. Of course, in the average 2-3 hours a day that we are home and not asleep, what we really do is walk around normally in sock feet. We don't even work out up here.

I'm sure the 'grown up' thing to do is to knock on their door and confront them. But I'm terrible at confrontation and if they wanted face to face contact they would have knocked on our door. DH wants to 1) write a snarky note back (I think that's a terrible idea because then we're stooping to their level), 2) take the note to the front office (not sure what good that will do?), and 3) post the note on the internet (okay, maybe I can get behind that one). I've been wracking my brain trying to figure out how we could be quieter and I can't think of anything. I've lived on bottom floor apartments before and I thought walking noise from above was a fact of life. We actually try to be very quiet because we know what it's like to be in a ground floor apartment.

Any suggestions? I'm confused and a little miffed because we actually try to be very quiet in our daily lives. None of this:

4. Ignore it.

 

[SLP958]

I would take the note to the office and ignore them. Since they don't have to decency to speak to you like an adult I would not extend the courtesy to them.

If they don't like walking around noises they should not live in a downstairs apartment.

 

[Katlyn]

4. Ignore it.

 

[Tozzie]

4. Ignore it.

I totally agree, ignore it. The note was a childish thing to do, they will probably get angrier if you ignore it.

 

[hereyago]

The smart butt in me would play House Of Pain's Jump Around or Kriss Kross Jump Jump and start jumping.

But I honestly don't put up with passive agressive stuff, if you can't say it to my face or play games, I will either ignore until you can grow up and talk to me about it or depending on my mood, go there and knock-they probably too chicken to answer the door and ask them why they weren't grown enough to say these things in person, then watch them stumble over their words.

 

[kathie859]

Ignore it. They sound like fools. Don't go posting crud on the internet--that smacks of middle school.

OR

Knock on their door and ask them to please call you when you are making too much noise. That's the big girl thing to do. It's a gesture of good will to mutually problem solve and perhaps there's an area of your apartment where the noise is more pronounced--maybe a construction flaw.

 

[Albort]

I would take the note to the office and ignore them. Since they don't have to decency to speak to you like an adult I would not extend the courtesy to them.

If they don't like walking around noises they should not live in a downstairs apartment.

id do this too... Take the note to office and ignore them...

I had a pretty bad downstairs neighbor. They entered my apartment without permission too when ignore their door knock... They complained i was too loud at 7pm, i cranked up the volume on my TV to annoy them more....

 

[akcire]

wearing my grown up pants I will tell you to ignore them.

That said other options include:

Inviting them to a "key party"
Inviting an Irish dance group over to practice in your apartment.
Finding some nice "prince of pan flute" music and leaving it on repeat while you are gone all day

Sucks to be grown up

 

[kirstenb1]

Okay, I'm going to believe they are not nutjobs. Maybe your apartments don't have enough insulation between floors. They should address their concerns to the landlord. This may not be a your fault vs their fault. They may be hearing a lot of noise. You may not be creating a lot. It could be a flaw in the building, and it's insulation or lack thereof.

 

[Jennasis]

You could ignore it...OR you could try to be a little quieter in your sock feet.

If it were me (and I did live in the upstairs apartment in my very first apartment) I would be mortified to receive such a note. I would go and knock on their door, very apologetic, and tell them we weren't aware we were bothering them and ask them to please call (or text) if we were being too loud and we'd do our best to be respectful.

 

[Gumbo4x4]

My roommate in college and I had a fight with the guy above us. Finally, we went up there fully prepared to beat the tar out of him. Somewhere in the midst of the screaming (and just before fists were to fly), the 3 of us all decided the girls on the 3rd floor were actually the biggest problem in the building. We never had trouble with him again

 

[loveshak22]

4. Ignore it.

This

 

[wiigirl]

4. Ignore it.

That would be my advice.

 

[Lynne M]

I'll make a different suggestion.

Talk to them, politely, apologize, and ask them what part of the apartment they're hearing the noise most loudly in. Then buy a rug and put it down in that spot. It's a simple fix, and it's amazing how much noise it can muffle. I know this because the people above me have rugs throughout their unit except in the dining room. I can hear every footstep in that room, I can hear the plates and utensils scraping around on their dining room table, I can hear their conversations.

Seriously. Get a rug. It'll get them off your back, they'l have peace and quiet, everyone's happy.

 

[Narnian_Princess]

Much as I would like to hold some impromptu dance parties or run a rivet gun on a trash can lid a la I Love Lucy, I think we will be taking the high(er) road here.

There is a very very large creaky spot right outside the kitchen door that I suspect has contributed to the complaint-- we could possibly jump over it but I think they'd like that even less. I think the problem must be structural because the sound dampening is actually pretty good. They have a 10-month-old and we've never heard a peep from them or from our next door neighbors up here, and they said nothing about hearing our TV or music.

I think we are going to ignore it for now (I blame not thinking of this in the first place on a need to Fix All Problems NOW) or ask them to talk to us when we're being loud. DH thinks that maybe inviting one of them up here to walk normally while the other stays downstairs and listens with me might bring us to a mutual understanding about what we are actually doing up here and what it really sounds like to them. I'm not sure they'd go for that one, though.

 

[loveshak22]

Much as I would like to hold some impromptu dance parties or run a rivet gun on a trash can lid a la I Love Lucy, I think we will be taking the high(er) road here.

There is a very very large creaky spot right outside the kitchen door that I suspect has contributed to the complaint-- we could possibly jump over it but I think they'd like that even less. I think the problem must be structural because the sound dampening is actually pretty good. They have a 10-month-old and we've never heard a peep from them or from our next door neighbors up here, and they said nothing about hearing our TV or music.

I think we are going to ignore it for now (I blame not thinking of this in the first place on a need to Fix All Problems NOW) or ask them to talk to us when we're being loud. DH thinks that maybe inviting one of them up here to walk normally while the other stays downstairs and listens with me might bring us to a mutual understanding about what we are actually doing up here and what it really sounds like to them. I'm not sure they'd go for that one, though.

You know I actually voted to ignore it but after reading some other posts I actually may have been persuaded to do the talking-to-them-directly kind of thing. What you suggest about having one person come upstairs while the other stays downstairs is a good idea if they'd go for it. Then when you show that you and your DH are adults by tying to come to a solution rather than smarta** letters taped to your door then maybe they'd feel a little stupid!

Let us know if you do talk to them directly and how it goes!!

 

[Narnian_Princess]

You could ignore it...OR you could try to be a little quieter in your sock feet.

If it were me (and I did live in the upstairs apartment in my very first apartment) I would be mortified to receive such a note. I would go and knock on their door, very apologetic, and tell them we weren't aware we were bothering them and ask them to please call (or text) if we were being too loud and we'd do our best to be respectful.

We are both quite embarrassed. We keep coming back to talk about it and wondering what we can do differently to be quieter. So far we have come up with not dropping boots on the floor (that's just a once a day occurrence, though) and trying to find a ninjitsu instructor to teach us sneakiness techniques. Methinks only one of those is practical.

Lynne, a rug is a great idea for our squeaky spot! I bet we could get a decent one at Target or someplace similar.