Passive aggressive neighbor -- what to do?

[erincon23]

Why don't you do the sympathetic thing (which may show them how ridiculous they sound, OR show you that there really is a reason to complain) - knock on their door, ask if hubby or you can stand inside their apartment while the other goes to walk around like you normally do - and make sure it's really like you usually do - and see how loud you really sound to them? Have one of them go upstairs with you and see what you usually do, and see if there's some compromise that can be worked out. They may be complete nut jobs, but maybe it really does sound like horses walking around (bad floor joists, whatever).

 

[Handbag Lady]

From personal experience and having a total psycho neighbor in the past, I would take the note to the manager and ask them what they'd like you to do. Then, I'd follow their lead and ignore those downstairs as much as possible.

 

[taitai]

DH and I just went out to find a lovely note taped to our door by our downstairs neighbors. They are upset at our 'stomping around' and go on to list quite a few theories-- we are pogo stick champions, own a tricking pony, have sex all day, etc. Of course, in the average 2-3 hours a day that we are home and not asleep, what we really do is walk around normally in sock feet. We don't even work out up here.

I'm sure the 'grown up' thing to do is to knock on their door and confront them. But I'm terrible at confrontation and if they wanted face to face contact they would have knocked on our door. DH wants to 1) write a snarky note back (I think that's a terrible idea because then we're stooping to their level), 2) take the note to the front office (not sure what good that will do?), and 3) post the note on the internet (okay, maybe I can get behind that one). I've been wracking my brain trying to figure out how we could be quieter and I can't think of anything. I've lived on bottom floor apartments before and I thought walking noise from above was a fact of life. We actually try to be very quiet because we know what it's like to be in a ground floor apartment.

Any suggestions? I'm confused and a little miffed because we actually try to be very quiet in our daily lives. None of this:

It actually doesn't sound passive aggressive to me at all. Probably they stopped by to discuss the noise issue, you were not there and so they left what they thought was a funny note. I would NOT "confront" them as you say. Instead, I would calmly call them or stop by and ask about the noise issue. When does it happen? Find out if there is anything you can do to minimize the sounds.

It seems to me that being a good neighbor and trying to understand the problem and brainstorm remedies would be the best solution.

 

[NikkiLovesWDW!]

Oh my gosh, I could have written this post! We lived above the most awful neighbors for ten years and although they never spoke to us face to face, we received many a note and even a few phone calls. I always sent them to the landlord along with our responses (which were basically "go f yourself") and finally the landlord called them to tell them they can't do that. They acted like they owned the place. And trust me, we really did try to be as quiet as can be but you WILL hear noise when you live on the first floor - that's life in an apartment.

The best is they had the nerve to suggest we not go in the room above their bedroom after 10pm.

 

[MissManda]

How well do you know your neighbors? How long have you lived above them? It may be that they are just difficult people to get along with. If your posts are honest, then it sounds like you are trying to be a courteous neighbor. Anyone living in an apartment has to expect and assume that there will be some sort of noise between apartments at times. It's just a fact of living in close quarters.

My first apartment, I ended up moving in beside the worst neighbors ever. It was a family with a mother, a totally out of control angry teenager, and an older adult son with a drinking problem. They yelled, screamed, beat on the walls at all hours of the day or night. I should have turned the into the office on multiple occasions (probably even the police based on how violent the boys seemed at time) but I was young and naive and trying not to get involved. One night it got bad and my boyfriend banged in their wall to try and make them quiet down. Well, guess what happened, the next day I got a written letter from the office stating that my neighbors had filed a noise complaint against us. I couldn't believe it. Worse yet, when I tried to explain the situation to the office, they still took the neighbors side. The tension was horrible. These were both ground floor apartments and we both had little garden areas separated by a fence. The one thing these neighbors cared about were their beautiful Rose bushes they had planted along the fence. Well, in a totally passive aggressive move, we purchased a bag of morning glory seeds and just tossed them along the fence line. Let's just say it didn't take long and those suckers grew like crazy and pretty much took over their entire garden. For some reason that gave me a great sense of satisfaction.

 

[Narnian_Princess]

So we took the note to office yesterday. The manager wasn't in, but the girl we showed it to said, "hey, I've seen this on the Internet!" So we looked it up and every word was ripped straight from a 2012 Internet meme. I started thinking, what? You go to all this trouble (it was written in approximately five different marker colors and had stars drawn all over) and you can't even do something little like switch the lines around or paraphrase? The girl also said she's never received a complaint about us and that we should make sure it's not a prank before we respond.

DH is off work today so he's going to take it back to the actual manager and then work on responding to the neighbors. I got him to back off the snark, but he thinks it would be best to write an apologetic note rather than go face to face just yet. I understand the reasoning-- I know when I text people I don't want them to call me back and or text me when I called them; I want them to respond in the same medium that I contacted them in. So I think that's okay for now. We are also going to get rugs for the high traffic and squeaky areas and will tell them so.

BTW, DH has lived here for about 7 months and AFAIK the ladies downstairs moved in about 4 months ago, a few weeks before I did. We'll be moving in about 6 months because DH is being transferred (military), so worst case scenario, the rugs don't help and they shoot us death glares for six months. God forbid a family with kids or pets moves in after us...

 

[DawnM]

This is what I was thinking. I hate apartment living and hope to never have to go back to it or any kind of multi unit dwelling. I haven't lived in an apt. for over 20 years and I still cringe when I think about ever needing to do it again.

Dawn

Okay, I'm going to believe they are not nutjobs. Maybe your apartments don't have enough insulation between floors. They should address their concerns to the landlord. This may not be a your fault vs their fault. They may be hearing a lot of noise. You may not be creating a lot. It could be a flaw in the building, and it's insulation or lack thereof.

 

[Narnian_Princess]

This is what I was thinking. I hate apartment living and hope to never have to go back to it or any kind of multi unit dwelling. I haven't lived in an apt. for over 20 years and I still cringe when I think about ever needing to do it again. Dawn

Yep, this is definitely making me see the appeal of houses! I like the no maintenance/no landscaping part of apartment living but I'm starting to get tired of dealing with other tenants, landlords, people stealing parking spots, etc. Buying a house is nowhere near practical for us when we'll just have to move again every 4 years, but we're going to look into renting one wherever we end up next.

 

[kittengal13]

The smart butt in me would play House Of Pain's Jump Around or Kriss Kross Jump Jump and start jumping. But I honestly don't put up with passive agressive stuff, if you can't say it to my face or play games, I will either ignore until you can grow up and talk to me about it or depending on my mood, go there and knock-they probably too chicken to answer the door and ask them why they weren't grown enough to say these things in person, then watch them stumble over their words.

Your first sentence made me laugh so much!!!