Girls have always been mean. I was terriblely bullied and picked on through middle and high school. I had a strong sense of self, thankfully, but it was awful. being fat, poor and shy was a terrible combination. It wasnt until college that I found my own. as the mom of 2 girls, we started before birth building confidence, and pointing out social injustices. My girls are well adjusted, and they stand up for each other, and others. My 11 year old is way wiser than I was. She has a great attitude about others, kind, compassionate and giving. And if someone doesnt like her, tough cookies - her response is "mom, they dont know what they are missing out on" I love it. She knows who she is, and that Jesus loves her and she can rise above. I wish I had had that confidence when I was her age. She was telling me about befriending a girl at school b/c she looked lonely, and told me that people "have no idea what other kids go through" and should "think before they are mean". I hope it holds through JHS and HS!
We had our first "frenemy" last year, I saw it coming. This girl was all nice when she wanted something then would turn on a dime and be mean, snarky and just down right nasty. I didnt say anything, but after the 2nd time the girl turned on her, it was time to invite for a sleep over for my DD's birthday - and she said mom, I dont want to invite so and so. She's not the kind of friend I need. I'm still nice to her, but she has treated me and another good friend pretty badly, I'm not ok with that. She weathered that first BFF type break up pretty good I
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How sad. I know I had a rough time in JH and High school too.
I have quite a few friends with girls that have told me the same problems with their girls. I've even had grown women hate on me in the work place or plot to get another fired.
I think in someways girls could learn from boys how to let things go. Boys don't seem to gang up on each other like girls. Maybe it's team sports, I don't know. I do think that teens having access to texting and FB, has just added fuel to the fire. Now they have venues to vent their issues and talk about others.
I don't know the answer. I just feel bad for your daughter.

Thank God she has you to help her navigate through all this.