Parents - Would you feel at all responsible if your children got heavily into debt?

[starann]

Growing up money was an endless supply. My parents wanted something, they went out and got it, we wanted something...4 wheelers, new game systems, toys we got it. This was the way my father showed loved. He was never at my Christmas concerts or dance recitals, he never spent anytime with us unless it was something for him. To us, love was not time and caring, it was possessions.

I was NEVER taught how to manage money...heck, at age 16 he got me a credit card (he owned a his own company). Granted I never really used with without permission (back to school shopping when I was old enough to drive so no one had to take me, running to the store to get him something he wanted/needed). But to me, growing up, if you wanted something you got it.

At age 18 I moved out (I lived with a friend, then later my grandparents), put myself thru college (even though he had the money, I had to take out student loans to pay for school.....for that I am grateful as my college meant so much more to me and I REALLY tried my hardest) and at age 21 I purchaced my own home.

Once I was a 'grown up' in my house I started spending the way I was shown all thru my childhood....I spent whatever, whenever. My bills got paid, but I ran up those credit cards...and ran them up.....and ran them up. It wasn't until I met my husband who had NO credit cards did I stop. I have since learned to live with out CC...and once I am done paying off the CC I had from being single I won't have to worry about risking CC debt.

Do I blame my parents....a little. Had they shown us how they were really paying for stuff (my dad is in SOOOOOO much debt) or how to manage money things might have been different for me, but I made the mess and I will clean it up!

As a parent myself...I will show my children how to manage money, that if you want to 'play hard, you have to work hard.' They will have no excuse for being in debt!!

 

[hipchickie]

If parents do not even try to teach their children about money management, then yes, I think there is some "responsibility" - by no means do I imply they are financially responsible, but teaching your children about money is one of your jobs

I think my own money education was lacking, and I am honestly trying to do better by my kids. They have set chores, allowance which they have to divide into savings/spend/charity.

They may still screw up, but at that point I will have done what I can

 

[MrsPete]

I saw on the Today show once that something like 75% of high schoolers DIDN'T KNOW they had to pay back the money they spent on credit cards.

I find that hard to believe. I'd like to hear how the question was worded (they never tell you things like that when they're trying to make a point).

 

[bushdianee]

My parents raised 8 kids and while we never did with out we also didn't have name brands or the newest fads. Big ticket items were given for Christmas or birthdays. My parents taught more by example. Dad worked 2-3 jobs at a time because he wanted Mom to stay home. Want to go to college, find your own way to pay for it. We could live at home but had to pay board- 1/4 of take home pay. Want your license, you have to be able to completely afford your own car, no help with insurance etc. Want spending money, get a job. Even as younger kids we had to earn money to buy our own gifts for the others.Now all 8 of us are successful, hard working adults with some but not excessive debt. Nieces and nephews are a different story. One brother handed his kids everything and never made them work during school. Out of his 4 kids only 1 is responsible with money. Another brother divorced after 3 kids and married and gained 3 more. His bio kids lived with his ex who worked the system and others to pay her bills so they didn't have a good example. One married a spouse who has to control finances, and one has debt collectors calling all of the time and changes jobs at fast food places frequently. The rest are younger so who knows how they will turn out.

 

[ancestry]

There is one thing I want to add....being in debt does not always mean that the person has issues spending on luxurious things or that they have uncontrollable consumer tendencies. We have been in debt at different times during our marriage due to things like a broken furnace which required the taking of a loan to replace; or car loans (we live in an area that doesn't have public transportation and the closest grocery store is over 10 miles away); unexpected dental work that cost close to $2,500 despite having dental insurance; or a fridge breaking down which is a necessity to replace with a house full of kids; or student loans for our educations; or a mortgage, etc.

A lot of the debt that we have incurred and dug ourselves in and out of throughout our marriage has had nothing to do with consumer/retail purchases of items that were want items rather than need items.

 

[MSSANDRA]

I blame all the credit card companies trying to give my high school senior with no job a credit card.

We have made good choice and some bad choice and DS has seen these and hopefully learned from something. We talk to him and he has a good value system so we will see!!

 

[sk!mom]

If my son (who is only 2 1/2) found himself in debt as a grown-up because of stupid things, then, as a parent, I think I would wonder where I went wrong.

As a parent of an adult son and a teenaged DD, I advise you to prepare yourself for lots of self blame. I've beat myself up over a few decisions that I've watched my son make but bottom line, he's an adult and we did the best we could. He's a responsible, employed adult but some of his decisions along the way have made me shake my head.

It's interesting that it's usually the parents of young children who say that parents are to blame for whatever mistake teens or young adults make. While those who have completed the raising of children, realize that they are born with a free will and don't always respond to our excellent training and parenting.

Good Luck...may your son make only wise decisions.

 

[shortbun]

Here's the thing. With each generation there are some major changes about how things work. My parents were amazing at handling money, amazing. Me and my siblings would get maybe a B. One of us has a lot through inheritance but is afraid to risk any to make more, one of us is completely and utterly materialistic thus speding money on 'things' and one of us puts their head in the sand because they don't want to deal with high finance -lazy about keeping up with lingo and how the market/banking machine is working. My parents kept up, invested so well and parlayed themselves into a tidy sum, paid cash and lived below their means.

 

[Handbag Lady]

I think I might be older than some here, I don't know.

My parents taught me nothing about money and credit card debt. My dad always thought there should be more money in the bank; my mom swore there was no money after the bills were paid. They never discussed it further unless it wasn't in front of us. My parents are divorced now and to this day, my dad has no idea where his money went or how much the mortgage was or insurance or any of it.

That, my friends, is pretty much my financial education.

When I was in college, I got two credit cards. I was told I didn't have to pay them until after I graduated, but I was given a free backback. I honestly did NOT know about revolving debt, interest rates, had no idea credit card companies could change interest rates, I had no idea what an interest rate was, frankly. I was headed for trouble.

 

[Leajess99]

I don't blame my mom for my prior credit problems even though I always want my kids to have more than I ever did. The thing is that I now realize that that I was stupid in the past. I am working hard to teach my kids about savings and not just blowing money even though they see their friends' parents doing it. The thing is that the more they see the friends' parents whining about how rich we are and how poor they are, they are realizing more and more that that is a load of crap. I live on a fixed income and budget my money so the kids do get their trips and so we can afford to do things. I cut out other financial stresses or non necessities so we can save.

I think trying to blame parents is just another way to give these financially irresponsible people an excuse for their actions.

 

[rangermom]

Nope! DH and I both have siblings that blame our parents for their money problems. We are all well in our 30's. I think it is tome to grow and they need to swallow their grown up pill. There is a point when we need to acept responsibility for what we did. DH and I have been married for 13 years and our finacial status is our doing and no one elses.